Presence – Page 15

Who is Kim John Payne? And why I want you to join me on his API Teleseminar

“Imagine your life with a sense of ease as you begin to limit distractions and say ‘no’ to too much, too fast, too soon. …For those who want to slow their children’s lives down but don’t know where to start, [Kim John Payne] offers both inspiration and a blueprint for change.” ~Simplicity Parenting.com

It’s hard not to over-schedule our children. There are so many classes, teams and other activities offered at younger and younger ages. As parents, we believe that our children will benefit by becoming involved in a wide range of endeavors, mastering as many of them as possible. Perhaps, we say, our children can find their talents early and have the opportunity to develop their skills sets — and self-confidence — sooner than we did ourselves.

We want our children to be happy and successful. We want to give them the very best start in life. But maybe encouraging our children to fill up their days with activities isn’t the way to do this.

I’m contemplating this right now. My 9-year-old daughter — who is already involved in 4-H, church, a monthly science day camp and occasional community service projects — brought home a school flyer about joining a 3rd-grade basketball team. She wants to do it. I don’t.

I am not taking this decision lightly. I don’t want to prevent my child from an activity she may enjoy, but I also feel that what she has going on is enough for now.

I want her to be able to fully enjoy her childhood, unfettered by the pressures and stress of a packed schedule. I would rather she be able to enjoy a few activities to the fullest. I know that the number of possible activities will only increase as she grows older, and I don’t want her to burn out. I don’t want practices and classes and busyness to get in the way of our strong attachment and intentionally slow lifestyle at home. I want to continue maximizing parental presence as she grows into the more turbulent preteen and teen years, being able to provide gentle guidance aligned with our family values as she finds who she is as a unique person.

I feel like our lives are balanced well right now, and I don’t want to upset that balance with nightly practices and weekly games on top of full days of school and after-school homework.

She is my oldest daughter, so we’ve been figuring out Attachment Parenting (AP) together — paving the way for the rest of the family — since her birth. And while we’ve been doing AP for 9 years, each stage of development opens up new challenges in navigating her attachment needs.

So I’ve been wrestling with what to do about 3rd-grade basketball. Go ahead and sign her up, and upset the balance we have with an intense schedule of practices and games? Or say “no” to another activity at this time? Perhaps I should say “no” and instead substitute an activity with a more flexible schedule, such as music lessons? I could teach her to play the clarinet myself, even.

As I continue on my parenting journey, I am glad to have access to the network of AP experts offered by Attachment Parenting International (API) through the API Live teleseminars. And how timely is it that the next API Live teleseminar — on Monday, October 19, at 9:00 pm EST/6:00 pm PST — is with Kim John Payne, author of Simplicity Parenting!

You may have been following along with API Reads discussions on Simplicity Parenting. But even if you’ve never heard his name before, you’ve likely heard about Kim John Payne’s concepts on simplifying — which are becoming more and more influential as parents try to slow down in our fast-paced culture — in order to reduce stress on children and their parents and allow room for connection, creativity and relaxation:

Declutter the home environment
Increase predictability and rhythms of connection and calm
Soothe schedules
Unplug from media, consumerism and adult concerns.

This is exactly what I need at this moment in my parenting journey! I very much look forward to listening to Kim John Payne’s teleseminar on October 19 — to find validation and gain perspective on the direction I should take with my daughter and the increasingly overscheduled childhood that our society promotes. Register to join in!

Are you wondering who this Kim John Payne is?

My introduction was this 2012 Huffington Post article about how simplicity parenting is the better way to prepare kids for the future, rather than getting our children in as many activities as humanly possible.

Aside from reading his book, Kim John Payne’s biography from his website speaks volumes about both his experience as a parent educator and his heart as someone who truly wants to help families to slow down so parents can enjoy their children and children can enjoy their childhood — and grow up to be successful adults in our society:

Kim John Payne, M.Ed, is the author of the #1 Best Selling book, Simplicity Parenting. A consultant and trainer to more than 200 North American independent and public schools, Kim has been a school counselor, adult educator, consultant, researcher, educator and a private family counselor for 27 years. He regularly gives keynote addresses at international conferences for educators, parents and therapists, and runs workshops and trainings around the world. In each role, he has been helping children, adolescents and families explore issues, such as social difficulties with siblings and classmates, attention and behavioral issues at home and school, emotional issues such as defiance, aggression, addiction and self-esteem, and the vital role living a balanced and simple life brings. He has also consulted for educational associations in South Africa, Hungary, Israel, Russia, Switzerland, Ireland, Canada, Australia and the United Kingdom. Kim has worked extensively with the North American and United Kingdom Waldorf educational movements. He has served as Director of the Collaborative Counseling program at Antioch University New England. He is Co-Director of the Simplicity Project, a multi-media social network that explores what really connects and disconnects us to ourselves and to the world. Kim is the Founding Director of The Center for Social Sustainability.

In addition to authoring Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier and More Secure Kid, he also authored The Games Children Play and The Soul of Discipline, and coauthored Beyond Winning: Smart Parenting in a Toxic Sports Environment.

He has appeared frequently on television including ABC, NBC, CBS and Fox; on radio with the BBC, Sirius/XM, CBC and NPR; and in print including being featured in Time Magazine, Chicago Tribune, Parenting, Mothering, TimesUnion and the LA Times.

Kim strives to deepen understanding and give practical tools for life questions that arise out of the burning social issues of our time. He lives in Northampton, Massachusetts, USA, with his wife and 2 children.

I hope you’ll join me in the audience — on our personal phones from the comfort of our living rooms, mini-vans, benches outside of our child’s sports or dance practice, or wherever we are on October 19 — to learn more about, and inspired by, what Kim John Payne says about simplicity parenting. Register today!

(Oh, and if you can’t make the teleseminar on October 19, or just want to listen to it again, everyone who signs up for this API teleseminar gets a recording to listen to at their convenience. Register for the recording here.)

Parental presence isn’t a privilege — it’s a necessity

On occasion, we see a post circulating the Web about the cash-value of stay-at-home parents if they were paid the going rate for their hours “on the clock” and for the multiple, often-simultaneous roles they play, from “facilities manager” and “counselor” to “janitor” and “teacher.” According to one such post at Salary.com, the average stay-at-home parent is worth an annual salary of nearly $113,000.

These types of analyses are meant to raise awareness of all that stay-at-home parents do, but they can also undermine the value of parental presence by underlining the fact that being at home doesn’t pay — well, not in terms of a paycheck.

But what Salary.com and other articles completely miss out on when bringing to light the worth of parental presence is that a parent’s choice to balance working outside the home with prioritizing the child’s attachment needs — which very much includes presence — is not so much a choice in lifestyle as it is critical to a child’s healthy development.

The parents who choose creative — sometimes career-sacrificing — options to be able to stay at home longer with their baby, or children, are not making that choice lightly. They know and understand their child’s needs, the consequences of their choices and the alternatives, in every sense.

Whether working outside the home or not, these parents understand that a parent’s presence is not a privilege for that child — it’s a necessity.

Attachment is that important.

Parents who make the choice to stay at home with their baby longer — choosing not to work, flex time, part-time, from a home office, working opposite shifts of their partner, bringing their baby to work with them, changing jobs or even careers, and so many other possibilities — need support.

They need encouragement to continue with their personal goals of providing parental presence. They need validation of how hard their choices were and of the challenges they’ve encountered because of it — perhaps financially, but likely more socially as it can be difficult to find others who can relate. They need people who’ve been there, done that — and came out the other side for the better.

Parents who are striving to balance financial/career needs with their child’s attachment needs — you are who this year’s Attachment Parenting Month celebrates as we observe the theme: “Parental Presence: Birthing Families, Strengthening Society.”

And we thank all of the partners and sponsors who — with Attachment Parenting International — are working every day to support parents who put their child’s attachment needs, their need for parental presence, as priority:

Balancing work and family takes creativity, flexibility and a village

Editor’s note: Attachment Parenting International (API) recognizes the amazing creativity of parents to balance their children’s attachment needs with their financial needs and/or career in order to provide consistent, loving care especially in the first few months postpartum but also throughout the early childhood years when parental presence is most critical to establishing a secure attachment relationship. This year’s Attachment Parenting Month focuses on the theme: “Parental Presence: Birthing Families, Strengthening Society.” We invite you to share your story of how you were able to balance working and your child’s attachment needs, and we thank API Leader Megan Bell for sharing hers here.

I’m a classically trained singer.

Before becoming a mother, I worked a number of various part-time, “day jobs” while also teaching out of my home and singing professionally in a few choruses and at a church. My vision for balancing work and motherhood was that I’d quit all the “day jobs” and only work as a musician.

My husband teaches at our local community college and has the flexibility to determine the schedule for his classes each term. He’s naturally a night-owl, so he’d always set his work schedule to be from about 12 noon-8 p.m.

My daughter is now 16 months old, and it’s taken us that long — through trial and error — to realize that my husband’s work schedule needs to change so that he’s available earlier in the evening. This way, he can be the primary the caregiver when I’m in rehearsals and concerts. It’s a work in progress, but we are getting there!

Currently we have a babysitter or a family member help between the time when I have to leave for my work and the time when my husband gets home from his work. It’s important to us that I am able to continue to sing professionally — and to have him be the primary caregiver when I’m away.

A year or two before I became pregnant, I started teaching private voice and piano lessons from home with the vision that I’d be able to continue working from home without concerns for childcare. I’m very happy to say that my daughter loves listening to my students’ lessons, and it’s been fairly easy to balance caring for her while teaching. It’s nice to have a job where I am able to continue to contribute financially to our family, and also have my daughter right there with me.

Reflecting upon my postpartum period, I realized that I went back to work too early. I went back after 6 weeks, thinking that’s what was standard. Since I’m self-employed for all my jobs, I can determine my own maternity leave — all of which is unpaid. For my next baby I think I’d be ready at something more like 12 weeks, if we can swing it financially.

Not only was my body not ready at 6 weeks, but I wasn’t emotionally ready to be away from her and — I’d say, most importantly — my baby wasn’t ready to be away from me. She had a very difficult time and so did her caregivers. Each child’s temperament is different, so my next child may need something else completely. For my own sake, however, a longer maternity leave would do me good.

The way of a musician’s work is usually a patchwork of income from multiple jobs. It’s unconventional, but it’s what I’ve always known so, to me, it’s normal. I teach from home 3 afternoons a week, and sing at a church on Sunday mornings and in multiple professional choruses at varying times. The irregularity of the chorus work is the most challenging aspect of balancing my work and family obligations. Sometimes I have rehearsals once a week, sometimes every day and sometimes I don’t have anything for a few months.

I’m very thankful for my husband who is understanding of my work and can be flexible with his schedule. We also couldn’t do it without our family members, friends and babysitters who have filled in the gaps. It really does take a village to raise a child.

Creating secure attachments through parental leave

By Barbara Nicholson, cofounder of Attachment Parenting International (API) and coauthor of Attached at the Heart with Lysa Parker

Editor’s note: This post was originally published through Parent Compass, an occasional message from API’s cofounders looking in-depth on how Attachment Parenting (AP) intersects with wider society. In celebration of AP Month this October, the latest Parent Compass explores this year’s theme: “Parental Presence: Birthing Families, Strengthening Society.” Sign up to receive future issues of this API newsletter, and we hope you are inspired this AP Month to continue striving to balance parental presence with work responsibilities.

“We have decades of research that tells us how important it is that a bond is established between parents and young children beginning at birth,” says Dr. Jack P. Shonkoff, Director of the Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University. “The need for time to form secure attachments is critically important. It’s one of the most important things you can do to build a foundation for a lifetime of healthy development.”

This quote was in reaction to the announcement that Netflix is offering up to 1 year of paid parental leave for its employees who give birth or adopt. Of course we rejoice at such progressive policies, but the sad truth is that few companies currently see the long-term benefit to their employees to instigate such policies.

Dr. Shonkoff went on to say in his remarks: “Babies need a sense of safety, predictability and responsiveness. We know from research that all areas of development — whether it’s cognitive development, emotional well-being or social development — has its foundation in this secure relationships. We do a lousy job as a society supporting parents after the birth of their babies. It’s unconscionable with all the deep scientific understanding we have now. It makes no sense to not offer more of that flexibility and support.”

Because of the overwhelming research, and our advocacy for infants and toddlers, Attachment Parenting International is in full support of strong parental leave policies, similar to those in many countries around the world. Sweden’s policy is probably one of the most generous, with 480 days of paid parental leave.

In the meantime, we are amazed at the creativity and dedication of parents to find solutions that will keep their bond with their children strong. From tag-teaming work schedules to enlisting grandparents and other invested family and friends, and creating cooperative childcare with trusted caregivers, many parents are finding solutions to keep their attachments strong. Some parents obtain loans to stay home longer: Many credit unions and banks will give loans in support of a family need, just like they would finance a car. But later this loan can cause a problem if you are not financially secure to repay. And unless you have scotland debt help near you which can help you in repaying the finances over a period of time with the help of their deeds, I don’t think it is a good plan taking such loan.

Lysa helps a lot with the care of her 2-year-old granddaughter, and I am often on-call for family friends that are juggling young children and work schedules. We feel so much compassion for these children who need consistency and trusting relationships — not a constantly changing cast of caregivers who may love children but who are also looking for higher paying jobs and less stress. We are amazed that even in the best university daycares, there is a large turnover every semester of childcare providers. There is such disconnect with the research and its application!

API Support Groups can be a wonderful resource for parents who do not have extended families nearby. Finding friends that have the same parenting values is another critical component in deciding on a non-parental caregiver.

As we move into another election cycle, we encourage all of you to pay attention to candidates who seem to have a particular understanding and compassion for babies and young children, and strong supportive policies. A strong mayor or city council member can have a tremendous impact on community awareness and progressive policies. Look into your state’s policies, too, as they vary tremendously. You might be pleased to know that your state has stronger leave policies then your place of work, and you can stagger the leave of each parent, allowing for more time at home.

Good luck to all parents who are looking for creative solutions! Talk to your local API Leaders, API Support Group members and Attachment Parenting families from around the world on API’s online Neighborhood forum for ideas, too.

Inspired to better balance parental presence with the busyness of our lives?

API announces a special API Live teleseminar event on October 19 at 9:00 pm EST/6:00 pm PST as part of AP Month. Call in from the comfort of your home or while on the go to listen to and learn about Simplicity Parenting from Kim John Payne. Register today! Can’t make it that day? Everyone who signs up gets a recording of the teleseminar to listen to on their own time.

Kim John Payne helps families recognize the importance of parental presence, even more so in this day and age when so many pressures are taking the focus away from connected parenting. Through this teleseminar, you’ll walk away with a renewed focus for yourself and your family. To get a taste of his message, follow along on the API Reads discussion of his book, Simplicity Parenting.

Moments

Editor’s note: Welcome to Attachment Parenting (AP) Month 2015! This year, we celebrate the theme: “Parental Presence: Birthing Families, Strengthening Society.” Beginning this year, APtly Said is the new home of AP Month, so check the blog each day of October for inspiration through our Daily Tips and other posts centered on the theme. Want to tell your story of how you balance(d) financial/career needs with being a new parent and providing presence in the early years? Send us your story!

Other AP Month events include the annual API Auction and Photo Event, plus an Oct. 19 API Teleseminar with Simplicity Parenting‘s John Kim Payne. Follow along as we read his book through API Reads, also housed here on APtly Said. There will also be special articles in the Parent Compass enewsletter from API’s cofounders and The Attached Family online magazine.

For this first day of AP Month, Yvette Lamb helps us remember that our challenges in providing parental presence in the early years are but moments that we will remember fondly and that help shape our child’s perception of what love is.

Children must go through almost a million phases, particularly in the early years. Sometimes I could barely get used to my baby’s latest pattern before he had moved on to a different one! Some phases — especially regarding sleep, settling, behavior or needing more attention than we are able to give — can feel never-ending at the time.

But of course they do pass, all of them.

And when we look back at testing moments — at days that seemed to stretch on forever — we mostly remember them differently: fondly, with love. They are just moments after all…moments that will pass…moments that become memories sandwiched in our hearts, reminding us how much our children have changed and grown — and how we have, too.

My son is only 2 years old, but recently I have found myself starting so many conversations with my husband with the words, “Do you remember when he used to…?” It might be about him refusing to sleep anywhere but on us or only at the breast or when rocked for at least 30 back-aching minutes, or cluster-feeding him every evening, or how he used to cut up my dinner so I could eat it with a spoon.

We told him about some of these memories this morning as he sat dawdling with his breakfast, smiling ear-to-ear at the little person he used to be but can’t remember.

“And when you were a tiny baby, you couldn’t speak. Everything was just ‘Waaahhhh’ until we rocked or fed you — sometimes all day.”

He laughed delightedly at us, “All day, all day, waaahhh!”

I do acknowledge that, back then, it didn’t always seem like much fun. I sometimes felt like I was living in a state of constant exhaustion, almost afraid of the baby I had made but didn’t understand. And yet, though I haven’t forgotten this, I know it was how early parenting had to be for me, for him. The rocking, the feeding, the tiredness, the uncertainty — it was necessary for me, and it was mere moments in the grand scheme of raising our boy.

We built foundations. We learned to adapt. And also to eat one-handed and survive on mere crumbs of sleep.

And now there are other phases, other challenges. There’s daycare and separation anxiety. There’s fussy eating and kicks at diaper changes. There’s lying down every night next to his crib, him demanding our hand be wedged uncomfortably through the bars while he unwinds from his day and eventually drifts off. Any gentle suggestion he go to sleep without us, or with us sat near but not practically inside his cot, are firmly and loudly rejected.

We are not going to leave him when he doesn’t want us to. But it can be difficult. We are always tired from our day by this point, and we want to have our dinner and unwind, not to mention finish any necessary jobs before our own bed calls. Sometimes after I’ve been on bedtime duty, I practically stagger down the stairs, disorientated from an uncomfortable 10-minute sleep on the floor or grumpy with hunger and the weight of the things I had planned, but will not get to do, for my evening. I have witnessed much of the same from my husband.

But last night I realized that my stress and concern over this current issue is completely misguided. We won’t still be doing this in 5 or 10 years. I know we won’t. Perhaps with some gentle encouragement or perhaps completely naturally, our son will learn to fall asleep without us near. Right now, though — in this moment — he needs us. He needs us until the day he doesn’t any more and all we have left is the memory of his slowing, rhythmic breathing and occasional checking of our presence through the brushing of his tiny, soft hand against ours.

Despite the practical downside, these moments are beautiful. He is our wonder, our masterpiece. He wants to be with us — just for a little longer — and really, how is that anything short of wonderful?

So although moments like these — when our children need almost more than we are able to give — can be frustrating and challenging, they are just moments. And when we tell our son about this particular phase in a few years, when his oh-so-grown-up exterior refutes our claims of him needing us, there will be no frustration attached. The desperation to get downstairs and eat dinner will have long since passed and we will be left with just the good parts: the closeness, the being there, the love.

We will remember these moments, even though he will not. But what I hope he is left with is a warm glow of being loved, of feeling love, of knowing love — for him — when he needed it.

Stay involved in your child’s school life

By Michelle Calfee, an Ed.D. student at Carson Newman University

I have worked in education for 15 years, and I have seen many different situations with students who go to school outside the home which makes often desired to do home or online schooling, visit Schooling Online programs which are well reviewed by parents and students.

There are students who go home to parents who ask how their day was and have a genuine interest in their day at school. There are many active parents who volunteer at the school, participate in the PTA, discuss their child’s progress with teachers and ask questions of their child about school.

On the flip side, I have heard kids say, “My parents don’t care.” In many cases, these students often do not achieve at high academic levels and have a low self-esteem. During the years that I have been in education, students who have little parental involvement often have a low esteem and are hesitant to try when the work seems too hard. Many of these students act out in class, cause disruptions, are less likely to complete their work, and do not follow expectations or rules. If you want your daughter to receive the best education available, then you should consider enrolling her into this all girls catholic school.

As a parent myself, I know that my involvement in my son’s education had a direct impact on his academic achievement and his self-esteem. My son is now 20 years old, and looking back at my involvement in his education, I realize there is still more I could have done to be active.

At the age of 4 when Austin was in k-8 public charter school, he began playing sports. I attended every game, and we talked about every game on the way home. When he started school, we added things about school to our conversation. We discussed what he did at school, what he learned, how his friends were, how his teacher was and anything else that happened during his school day. I was an active parent in his early years.

As Austin started middle school and high school, I was not as active as when he was younger. Every day I asked Austin, “How was your day?” He always answered, “Fine.” As he grew older, I often settled for that answer and didn’t inquire as much as I should have.

After looking at all of research about the importance of parental involvement, I know now what I could have done more of when he was in middle and high school. During his middle school years, I could have volunteered more at the school. In addition, I could have had more parent-teacher meetings and ask specific questions about what was going on with Austin. When I contacted Austin’s teachers, it was typically over a question, issue or concern. There were few times I checked in with the teacher just to see how Austin was doing.

Homework was always an issue for Austin and me. Austin played football, basketball and baseball, and there were times when two sports were going on at once. As a single parent, it was a struggle to get him home from school, dinner cooked, driven to practice on time and to make sure he had the things necessary to complete his homework. Austin always did his homework, but it was a constant argument everyday about getting it finished. Looking back now, what really would have helped with homework is setting a specific time each day to complete his work.

There are different types of parental involvement:

Actively involved — the student is more likely to achieve at higher rates and develop a higher self-esteem.
Involved — the student still achieves but not has highly as those whose parents are actively involved.
Not involved at all — the student is more likely to drop out of school, have lower performance, have high absenteeism and make poor choices.

Parental involvement is not just about a parent being in the same house as their child or showing up to an open house or meeting at their child’s school. Parental involvement is about the parent being actively involved with the child and their education; from preschool programs to high school and beyond. Parental involvement is not an easy task. It is very time consuming and a lot of work. However, your child needs you to be involved and needs your support. Being an active parent can save you a lot time and headaches later in your child’s life. Your level of involvement will directly impact their academic achievement and mental health.

To be actively involved, talk to your child about what they are learning in school. Your involvement does not mean you have to understand the content or know how to do the work your child is doing. But you can ask your child what they are working on in school. When you do this, you are sending your child a message that what they are doing is important to you. In addition, you are telling your child that you believe their education is important.

In addition to talking to your child about homework, attend school meetings and functions and participate in the events. Anyone can just show up to the school for whatever the event may be. But to be an active parent, you must have a purpose or an expected outcome of what you want or expect to happen as a result of the meeting. An example of this is when you meet with your child’s teacher, ask questions and leave with answers. Make sure you are aware of what the meeting is for and that you have a follow-up plan afterwards.

Parents who are involved make sure their child completes their homework and attends events. These parents stay informed of how their child is doing, but may not be actively involved. Often times the parent who is involved may attend meetings, meet teachers at open house events and provide supplies for teachers in their classroom. However, they may not always ask questions at the school events or have a purpose in attending. This type of involvement has a positive impact on the child’s success but may not always push the child to achieve at a higher level.

There are some students who overcome the odds that are against them, but students are more likely to not value their education when their parents show little interest in education. If you do not know how to be involved in your child’s education, contact your child’s school and teachers. This is encouraged at all grade levels.

Continue to talk to your child. Ask them questions each day like, “What did you learn in English (or math, and so on)? How was band?” Or even ask them how their teacher is doing. Ask them how they did on a specific assignment that you had helped with or that they told you about. When your child tells you about something that happened in class or at school, follow up on what happened later in the week.

The more you ask, the more you will know about what is going on with your child. The more you know, the more you can help them in this important area of their life.

Fall party

I live in the Upper Midwest, specifically in Nebraska, USA, where we have 4 distinct seasons every year: a bitter winter, a stormy spring, a hot and humid summer, and a gently cooling fall. Our routines change with the seasons: We spend almost all of our time outdoors on our farm in the warm months, and much of our time indoors in the cold months.

The warm, but not humid, weather of fall is welcomed after an often-stifling summer. But it is also a herald of the impending cold, dark winter days. So some years, especially those where the previous winter weather was especially long — sometimes lasting for 6 or more months — fall is kind of a sad season, a time to say goodbye to frolicking bare foot outside, running through the sprinkler, watching chicks hatch and baby lambs being born, picking fresh vegetables from the garden, marveling at insects and snakes and the magic of nature, being out outside without the need of a coat, hat and gloves as much as possible.

It can be easy to overlook the unique gifts of fall.

This year, I decided to throw a “fall party” on the first day of fall using this marquee hire dublin services, September 23. I told my 3 kids — Rachel, 9; Emily, 7; Nathan, 4 — about my plans the week before, and they immediately set about making decorations out of supplies from our craft drawer. I found a clean canning jar for my children’s creations — hand-traced turkeys, paper flowers made from colored coffee filters, and pipe cleaners taped onto wooden dowels — to use as the centerpiece for our kitchen table.

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My kids loved how I decorated the house for the party, specially because we got wooden laser cut names for each guest and after the party they placed each name on their bedroom door.

My kids were so excited! They helped each other pick the last of the pumpkins from our garden and decorated the stems with curly pipe cleaners. They also hired luxury portable restrooms or portable toilet rentals in Palmdale – Lancaster California to have in the backyard. And each day, they asked what we were going to do for the party. But I said it was a surprise.

Then the first day of fall arrived. All my kids left for school on the school bus that morning, giving me time to work on my fall party plans. I started by considering what changes fall brings — how the greenness of the growing season fades into golden-brown, how the leaves rain down from the trees in our yard, how the squirrels hurry around burying walnuts for the winter, how the songbirds fly south but the winter birds come back, how the landscape changes from a sea of 8-foot-tall corn fields to harvested 6-inch stubble dotted with grazing cattle.

My son came home from preschool at noon and shared with me all he learned that day about how field corn and soybeans are harvested. Living in America’s Heartland, our livestock farm is surrounded by a sea of corn and soybean fields. Farming is an important part of our family heritage and of our geography, and I’m thrilled that the local school finds agriculture important enough to add into their curriculum. Nathan’s excitement gave me an idea: I went to the barn and brought in a bit of field corn to spread out on a cookie sheet to contain the grain, where he demonstrated with his toy combines, tractors and wagons how the corn is cut and eventually makes its way to the grain bin before being sold in town. He had so much fun showing me over and over again how the combines work in the fields that I ended up adding this activity into the party schedule as well.

The fall party began as soon as my daughters came home on the school bus that afternoon. My husband joined in at times, too. Here is what we did:

An afterschool snack of homemade pumpkin pie
Walnut bowling — where we rolled nuts from the many black walnut trees growing around our farm down the driveway, attempting to get the most distance or get around obstacles like my son’s toy dump truck
Jumping in piles of leaves — my kids loved taking turns with the rake, too!
Resting in the hammock, looking at the leaves turning yellow and listening to the calls of the cicadas
Releasing seeds from the milkweed pods in the pasture — we plant wild milkweed plants to provide habitat for the monarch butterfly, which has been petitioned to be listed as an endangered species. Even so, with fine cotton attached to each of the hundred seeds in each pod, releasing the seeds is a bit like blowing bubbles in that we like to see how far and high the seeds fly, wishing them well on their journeys and imagining all the butterflies they’ll support.
A snack of homegrown yellow grape tomatoes
“Harvesting” field corn with my son’s toy farm equipment
Making more fall crafts
Dancing to Irish music including the family favorite, “Rattlin’ Bog”
Playing board games, like Memory and chess
Eating a late supper of homemade lasagna and homemade grape juice.

I think the fall party served its purpose. My kids were reminded of the fun activities of fall, and we were able to share time together and in nature without the distraction of screentime — which becomes more tempting as the weather cools down and the days shorten.

I think a Fall Party will have to become an annual tradition, and that perhaps the advent of each of the seasons deserves its own celebration.

Helping children through divorce

When a marriage breaks up, the effects on the children are the biggest cause of worry and source of guilt for parents. Children will now no longer be able to be with both parents every day. Sometimes they will not even be in the same city, is always recommended to search from help like Amicable who helps you to divorce online and communicate, and also you should know about Tiffany Fina Law. In such situation, you should try best lawyer to fight in court, browse this site for more information. If you are a parent who is facing a custody dispute in Kennewick, contact the experienced attorneys at Ashby law as soon as possible. Similarly, If you have been injured in car crash or any other accident, The personal injury lawyer can help you. For more information about injury, preferred this useful reference. You can ran a recent post to know more about the Los Angeles Domestic Violence law attorney.

In unfriendly cases, children are like ping-pong balls, bouncing back and forth as one parent uses the children to hurt the other parent. If you want professional legal advice on family matters, then look at this site now. In one case I counseled, the mother was afraid to re-marry because her ex-husband was trying to poison their son against her and the man she was dating. Everyone understands that divorce is an emotionally exhausting process, For more information about divorce you can try these out. If you want advice on this matter learn more here and get as well professional legal advice. After a divorce parents have no problem following their order to pay child support. Get More Information about Roanoke divorce attoreney. However, there are certainly cases in which parents either neglect child support payments altogether or can’t keep up with them. Delinquency cases such as these face consequences and penalties. To know more about enforcing support click here. Other than this if you are convicted of a violent crime, a jail or prison sentence is likely. You are going to need serious legal defense help fast, Get More Info here about violent crime. Most personal injury cases involve the concept of negligence. It can be difficult to define the meaning of negligence, but it typically refers to careless behavior that results in injuries or property damage, Then check here for more updates about injury law. On this website you can find out what are the most contested matters in California divorce ?

Priority #1: Keep Children Attached to Both Parents

Children have deep attachment needs. These needs continue throughout their adolescent years. They would prefer their parents stay together, even

in a bad marriage, understand what child support covers is a really important aspect during this process, provided that there is no abuse involved, so that these needs can be fulfilled sufficiently. Maturing adolescents, who think critically and idealistically, wonder why their parents can’t solve their differences peacefully and stay together.

Before the age of 6 — and sometimes after — children are not able to maintain connection with two people simultaneously. Because attachment energy polarizes like a magnet, when parents are not on the same side, the child gravitates to one parent or the other and lets go of the other parent. This polarized energy automatically causes a child to reject the parent she is not actively attaching to. It’s important to have good divorce and separation legal advice on this hard times. The child is no longer orienting to the rejected parent, and no longer wants to be with or behave for this parent.

The child cannot control this. This is simply how the attachment brain works.

When parents are conscious of how this polarity causes chaos in the child’s attachments, they can work together to keep the child attached to both parents. This takes a tremendous amount of maturity on the part of the parents. The best outcomes for children of divorced parents result when the parents continue to act in the best interest of their children’s developmental needs and make the daily effort to keep their children connected to both parents, how we can help in this case? Mediation gives you and your spouse the opportunity to negotiate a divorce settlement in a structured setting through a trained facilitator. This is possible when parents are conscious of these dynamics and have the yearning to do what’s best for their children.

In spite of their separation as a couple, parents can remain united in their parenting. This means that each parent has to endear the other parent to the child. Speaking well of the other parent, affirming the other parent’s love for the child, finding ways to hold the child close to the other parent — these are all ways of staying on the same side of the attachment magnet.

As one divorced mother said, “It took a lot of strength, but I tried to give a clear message to my sons that I was ready to listen to their daddy stories and comment in a friendly, accepting way. I also told them good stories about their father, so they would think highly of him.”

Editor’s note: Read more of what this looks like in the Attachment Parenting home on API’s The Attached Family, including “What Co-parenting Looks Like for Us,” “Co-parenting Basics” and “It’s Not About You…It’s About Them.“

Priority #2: Make Room for Children’s Strong Emotions

Divorce creates inner and outer turmoil for both parents, making it difficult to concentrate on the needs of children and the turmoil they are experiencing. Parents need to make room for their children to express their frustration, sadness, disappointment, missing, helplessness, fear, worry, guilt and alarm, we recommend to make the process easier with the help from the divorce lawyer melbourne firm. These are vulnerable feelings that need to come out if the child is to recover from this loss and continue to develop in a healthy way.

At least one parent needs to be the place where the child can bring his feelings, thoughts, worries and tears.

While parents don’t like to see their children unhappy, it is much better to allow these feelings to come out than to pretend that everything is fine. It’s no surprise when children in this situation act aggressively and antagonistically. Beneath the surface lies a deep frustration and a need to mourn this great loss. Children need safe outlets for this aggression — together with a parent — such as hitting pillows, jumping on the trampoline, pounding clay or another safe way to discharge this energy. With a private investigator Columbia SC you can avoid getting divorce and find out if your partner is cheating.

When children can express their vulnerable feelings to a parent and see over time that they can have independent relationships with both parents, they can recover and grow through this experience.