Helping children through divorce

Shoshana-150x150When a marriage breaks up, the effects on the children are the biggest cause of worry and source of guilt for parents. Children will now no longer be able to be with both parents every day. Sometimes they will not even be in the same city, is always recommended to search from help like Amicable who helps you to divorce online and communicate, and also you should know about Tiffany Fina Law. In such situation, you should try best lawyer to fight in court, browse this site for more information. If you are a parent who is facing a custody dispute in Kennewick, contact the experienced attorneys at Ashby law as soon as possible. Similarly, If you have been injured in car crash or any other accident, The personal injury lawyer can help you. For more information about injury, preferred this useful reference. You can ran a recent post to know more about the Los Angeles Domestic Violence law attorney.

In unfriendly cases, children are like ping-pong balls, bouncing back and forth as one parent uses the children to hurt the other parent. If you want professional legal advice on family matters, then look at this site now. In one case I counseled, the mother was afraid to re-marry because her ex-husband was trying to poison their son against her and the man she was dating. Everyone understands that divorce is an emotionally exhausting process, For more information about divorce you can try these out. If you want advice on this matter learn more here and get as well professional legal advice. After a divorce parents have no problem following their order to pay child support. Get More Information about Roanoke divorce attoreney. However, there are certainly cases in which parents either neglect child support payments altogether or can’t keep up with them. Delinquency cases such as these face consequences and penalties. To know more about enforcing support click here. Other than this if you are convicted of a violent crime, a jail or prison sentence is likely. You are going to need serious legal defense help fast, Get More Info here about violent crime. Most personal injury cases involve the concept of negligence. It can be difficult to define the meaning of negligence, but it typically refers to careless behavior that results in injuries or property damage, Then check here for more updates about injury law. On this website you can find out what are the most contested matters in California divorce ?

Priority #1: Keep Children Attached to Both Parents

Children have deep attachment needs. These needs continue throughout their adolescent years. They would prefer their parents stay together, even

in a bad marriage, understand what child support covers is a really important aspect during this process, provided that there is no abuse involved, so that these needs can be fulfilled sufficiently. Maturing adolescents, who think critically and idealistically, wonder why their parents can’t solve their differences peacefully and stay together.

Before the age of 6 — and sometimes after — children are not able to maintain connection with two people simultaneously. Because attachment energy polarizes like a magnet, when parents are not on the same side, the child gravitates to one parent or the other and lets go of the other parent. This polarized energy automatically causes a child to reject the parent she is not actively attaching to. It’s important to have good divorce and separation legal advice on this hard times. The child is no longer orienting to the rejected parent, and no longer wants to be with or behave for this parent.

The child cannot control this. This is simply how the attachment brain works.

When parents are conscious of how this polarity causes chaos in the child’s attachments, they can work together to keep the child attached to both parents. This takes a tremendous amount of maturity on the part of the parents. The best outcomes for children of divorced parents result when the parents continue to act in the best interest of their children’s developmental needs and make the daily effort to keep their children connected to both parents, how we can help in this case? Mediation gives you and your spouse the opportunity to negotiate a divorce settlement in a structured setting through a trained facilitator. This is possible when parents are conscious of these dynamics and have the yearning to do what’s best for their children.

In spite of their separation as a couple, parents can remain united in their parenting. This means that each parent has to endear the other parent to the child. Speaking well of the other parent, affirming the other parent’s love for the child, finding ways to hold the child close to the other parent — these are all ways of staying on the same side of the attachment magnet.

As one divorced mother said, “It took a lot of strength, but I tried to give a clear message to my sons that I was ready to listen to their daddy stories and comment in a friendly, accepting way. I also told them good stories about their father, so they would think highly of him.”

Editor’s note: Read more of what this looks like in the Attachment Parenting home on API’s The Attached Family, including “What Co-parenting Looks Like for Us,” “Co-parenting Basics” and “It’s Not About You…It’s About Them.

Priority #2: Make Room for Children’s Strong Emotions

Divorce creates inner and outer turmoil for both parents, making it difficult to concentrate on the needs of children and the turmoil they are experiencing. Parents need to make room for their children to express their frustration, sadness, disappointment, missing, helplessness, fear, worry, guilt and alarm, we recommend to make the process easier with the help from the divorce lawyer melbourne firm. These are vulnerable feelings that need to come out if the child is to recover from this loss and continue to develop in a healthy way.

At least one parent needs to be the place where the child can bring his feelings, thoughts, worries and tears.

While parents don’t like to see their children unhappy, it is much better to allow these feelings to come out than to pretend that everything is fine. It’s no surprise when children in this situation act aggressively and antagonistically. Beneath the surface lies a deep frustration and a need to mourn this great loss. Children need safe outlets for this aggression — together with a parent — such as hitting pillows, jumping on the trampoline, pounding clay or another safe way to discharge this energy. With a private investigator Columbia SC you can avoid getting divorce and find out if your partner is cheating.

When children can express their vulnerable feelings to a parent and see over time that they can have independent relationships with both parents, they can recover and grow through this experience.

A mother’s cry for justice

By Gratiela Sidor, a dual national from Romania living in the United Kingdom for 15 years

gratiela sidorThere is a worrying new trend in the English courts to separate infants from their primary carers overnight, despite compelling evidence that this can be psychologically harmful to them.

More worryingly, nursing mothers are forced to allow overnight contact for babies as young as 8 months old, despite all the health warnings and medical professionals advising against it, including La Leche League (LLL) International.

The courts do not take into consideration if a breastfed baby will feed from a bottle before making these determinations. Babies who are used to nursing through the night are being forced to spend up to 24 hours away from the breast, regardless of whether they will take a bottle, which exclusively breastfed infants often refuse.

The English family system is failing our infants.

Despite Children and Family Court Advisory Support Service (Cafcass) guidelines stating that overnight contact is not appropriate for children under age 2, its officers often ignore this and support instead the separation of infants from their main carer; thus ignoring its own guidelines, studies and World Health Organization (WHO) and National Health Service (NHS) guidelines.

The courts are so worried about so-called parental rights that they are ignoring the welfare and rights of the child in question.

Let’s not forget that parents don’t actually have “rights”: They have responsibilities to their children. Too many parents are blinded by their disagreements with the parent who is main carer and can’t see the harm their actions cause their children. This is further compounded by the courts allowing such access.

Of course overnight contact is completely appropriate for older children, but not for babies. If a mother was in a mother-and-baby unit in prison, she would not be separated from her infant overnight, regardless of the feeding method. Why do main carers defending unreasonable access demands not get the same treatment?

It is not surprising that England is on the bottom of the list of countries in Europe when it comes to breastfeeding, when court-ordered custody agreements force nursing mothers to give up breastfeeding before its time. It should be the infant and the mother’s choice when to stop breastfeeding, not the court’s decision.

Can you imagine the uproar if the court ordered a formula-feeding mother to breastfeed?

An infant who is thriving on the breast should not have that breastfeeding journey interfered with. It is perfectly possible for the father to have lots of reasonable, positive contact without interfering with breastfeeding–contact that can increase as the infant grows older and becomes less reliant on the breast until they are old enough for overnights.

So why are the courts not respecting this? Health care professionals are supporting the non-separation of mother and infant before age 2 for overnight contact with the non-resident parent, but the English courts are totally ignoring this advice and order overnight contact.

The lack of guidelines for the courts also creates inequality for families in that a decision made by one judge could be completely different from the decision made by another judge, so the outcome becomes a lottery for the child!

The English family law system is heading into the wrong direction. We need to act now for the sake of our children.

Interview Series: Dave Taylor

We are continuing our interview series with API Contributing Bloggers with Dave Taylor of APparenting.com.  Read on to hear more about his life as a single dad of 3, and his thoughts on parenting preteens and teenagers!

Tell us about your family.

I’m based in Boulder, Colorado and am a single Dad to three terrific kids: a 14yo daughter, 10yo son and 7yo daughter. They’re all very artistic and talented athletes too: the older girl is a star of her school volleyball team and my son is one of the leading players on his YMCA basketball team. In fact, his team made it to the championship just a few weeks ago, but, alas, ended up in second place.

What led you to Attachment Parenting?

I was definitely not raised in an attachment parenting household. In fact, my childhood is better characterized as an English “stiff-upper-lip” philosophy where I was left to my own devices from an early age and my parents were involved, but less and less as time went on.

When we had our first child, I was prepared to continue that same parenting philosophy when their Mom suggested that a more affectionate, more hands-on approach to child rearing would garner benefits for both them and us. Honestly, co-sleeping, slings instead of strollers and the like just felt natural and it’s a heck of a lot of fun to have that close a connection, that much proximity, to a wide-eyed new life. It’s all felt very natural and empowering.

How do you deal with friends/family/strangers who don’t understand or who disagree with AP practices?

I am blessed to be surrounded by family and friends who accept my parenting choices and are supportive of the children. We get an occasional confused comment about our sleeping arrangements (it’s not unheard of for my 10yo or even 14yo to grab a sleeping bag and bunk on the floor of my room on a stormy night). Even better, the school they’re in has many parents of a similar philosophical bent, so the child pushed into being independent at a very early age is the oddity, not the one who is still held, loved and nurtured by their parent.

I don’t really feel like I’m an evangelist for AP, but I will admit that there are times when I watch someone pushing a shrieking infant in a stroller and bite my tongue rather than say “y’know, if you just held them, they’d stop crying…”.  Why?  Because I don’t want people to judge my parenting choices so I extend the same respect to them. I can’t know why they choose to parent the way they do, so it’s better – in my opinion – not to get involved.

What does 2011 hold for your family? What goals do you have for your kids/ family in the coming year?

Goals? Our goal is always to attain as much peace and harmony in our lives as possible. It’s tough for them with two households, we try our best to minimize it, but it’s not as smooth as being in one house with two parents who get along well and enjoy each other’s company. But somehow we make it work, with a pinch of humor and a dash of silliness. At least, most of the time. 🙂

How has attachment parenting evolved as your kids get older? I don’t hear enough about parenting teenagers and preteens and would love your insight into the new challenges and opportunities that come with older kids.

I have to say that like many parenting approaches, I think AP is more suited for younger children, toddlers and babies, for children in the developmental phases where they seek to stay attached, not detach and explore their world. On the other hand, we all appreciate someone who can listen to us, respect us as individuals and give us a hug when things aren’t going well, so the core concepts underlying AP are still quite relevant for parenting adolescents. For me, it’s about listening, respect, and being straightforward with them. When we get into a tussle, I explain my perspective and do my best to then be quite and listen to theirs. We discuss solutions, come up with compromises that meet both our needs (as best we can) and go on our way together. It’s not always easy, but parenting isn’t easy. But it’s worth it. I will add this too: I think it’s critically important for parents to be their *parent*, not a child’s friend. That always influences my interaction with my children, but that also helps them know that they still have that great safety net as they learn to explore…

Thanks for your insights Dave! Please check out Dave’s Attachment Parenting Blog for more on his great kids and his journey as a single Dad.

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