Kids speak out: My favorite thing about my dad is…

Editor’s note: Attachment Parenting International (API) continues with APtly Said’s celebration of fathers through the theme of “Fathers are special.” Dads, we recognize and honor your involvement and presence in your children’s lives. Together, hand-in-hand we are mightier, nurturing children for a compassionate world.

Fathers are different than mothers — and that’s a good thing!

Generally speaking, fathers play a different role as the caregiver in the family: They are more playful and risk-oriented, whereas mothers are more nurturing and are more concerned with the safety and security of their child. The difference in parenting styles stems from different life experiences as well as distinct traits. Children greatly benefit from their father’s participating in their care — more prominent in recent decades — as they get to experience a more balanced view of the world and various ways to interact in the world.  A lot of medical practitioners have committed medical malpractices in one way or the other on patients for treatments. For instance, a medical doctor might recommend an unnecessary surgery to a patient for injury sustained, but instead of the operation to heal the injury, you were able to discover through many medical checkups done with another doctor that the surgery did worsened it. The patient that this has happened to will file a lawsuit because he/she understands the medical malpractice guide well. But this is quite unfortunate these days that many individuals that have similar or related medical malpractice have happened to not know their rights. Some set of individuals are affected by cases like this, and they did not do anything because they don’t know it is something they can fight against. We cannot continue to let people suffer in the hands of medical practitioners that fail to do the right things in treating a patient. Our team has shown concern by trying to treat the issue so everyone can act when necessary to correct the wrongdoings in our society in these modern days. We have included the necessary things to be done and when to carry out the lawsuit if you have been subjected to medical malpractice by medical personnel before. We all can define medical malpractice to mean the deviation of medical doctors from the recognized “standard of care” during the process of giving treatments to patients. What we mean by “standard of care” is when a reasonable prudent medical practitioner performs the right and perfect treatment on a patient. On the norm, medical malpractice when a doctor performs negligently to giving treatment to the patient in need of it.Understanding the elements of a successful malpractice claim is key in an attempt to win your lawsuit. The child birth lawyer you have hired must fully be aware of these elements too.

 

But truly, each dad is as unique as his personality, and who would be more qualified to express how special they are, than their own children? To that end, we invited a diverse group of children to share with us their inspiring thoughts of what makes their dad special in their lives.

My favorite thing about my dad is… 

Noemi, 9: “…that he plays with me.”

Liliana, 8: “…he is funny, loving, caring, and cool. He plays with me when I have no one to play with. Also, he got me ready for stuff like when grandpa died. When I need help, he will help me, like with math. Also, he supports our family.”

Oliver, 10: “…that he is nice.”

Emily, 9: “…that he loves me.”

Adam, 9: “…that he pushes me harder when I feel I will give up and now I can do things I never thought I would be able to do.”

Connor, 7: “…that he is silly and makes up funny navy jokes.”

Nathaniel, 11: “…his drawing skills.”

Ella, 8: “…when he turns me upside down and tickles me.”

Mia, 6: “…the way he makes us laugh and he tells funny jokes.”

Rachel, 11: “…that he loves me and he doesn’t grow a big beard.”

Ethan, 13: “…that he never gives up on things that he starts. He always makes sure to finish work in time to be with us. He never lets us down. Another part of him that I favor is the respect and kindness that he shows to everyone.”

Nathan, 5: “…that he fixes things.”

Ethan, 9: “…that he helps me with everything.”

Gabriel, 20: “…his artistic and compassionate view of reality.”

John, 10: “…he is fun.”

Julian, 18: “…his knowledge of painting and music and his willingness to share it with me.”

Alexia, 11: “…he loves music and so do I. He supported my in home guitar lessons since I was 5.”

Thomas, 9: “…that he is very nice and forgiving, in that he gives us second chances.”

Shelly, 12: “…that he buys me all those expensive art supplies that I need.”

Daniel, 10: “…he always makes time to play with me and he supports our family. Also, he provides everything for my mom, sister and me. He also loves soccer as much as I do.”

Andreas, 13: “…how forgiving and loving he is. He is just an overall unbelievably amazing father.”

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Inspired to read more about fatherhood?

Father’s and AP

I am a present father

Dads, talk about being a father

Fathers, enjoy the now

Reflections of AP fatherhood

Being a daddy

Transformation of being a father

How has being a dad changed me?

An adoptive father’s epiphany

Daddy and me

Kids speak out: I admire my dad because…

Editor’s note: The essence of Attachment Parenting is about forming and nurturing strong connections between parents and their children. This Father’s Day,  Attachment Parenting International (API) is celebrating fathers with the theme, “Dads are special.” Dads, we recognize and appreciate the importance of your involvement in your children’s lives — when our children flourish, our society thrives.   

Today, more than ever, fathers are taking an active role in all aspects of raising and nurturing their children. Children, families, and society benefit from fathers’ care-giving and parenting contributions.

The importance of early positive father involvement is highlighted in the article, “10 facts about father engagement,” by The Fatherhood Project. According to research, father involvement has lifelong impact on children such as:

  • Spending time together leads to greater academic success;
  • Lending emotional support leads to more positive social behavior;
  • Giving everyday assistance leads to fewer conduct problems; and
  • Using non-coercive discipline leads to lower levels of depression.

But well beyond research, children themselves feel and know the positive impact their daddy’s involvement makes in their lives. As such, we invited a diverse group of children to share with us their inspiring thoughts about what they admire most about their dad.

I admire my dad because… 

Oliver, 10: “…he is lovable.”

Connor, 7: “…he is very smart with electronics and fiber optics.”

Rachel, 11:  “…that he hard-working at things, like building the brick sidewalk.”

Adam, 9: “…he is an amazing contractor and he builds everything for me. One day I hope to be just like him.”

Ella, 8: “…he is a really good fisher.”

Daniel, 10: “…he is funny, fair, and kind to my family, and he is a very hard worker so we get the things we need.”

Emily, 9: “…he can build chicken houses.”

Alexia, 11: “…he is always caring and respectful.”

Sofia, 6: “…he works hard and loves us so much.”

Noemi, 9: “…he is good at soccer.”

Nathaniel, 11: “…he is creative and has passed that onto me.”

Ethan, 13: “…he never lets us down. He always has enough energy to cheer us up and make us food when we’re hungry. I think that my dad really has confidence in his children including me. He’s a really lovable guy, always cracking jokes and playing around. I understand that there could be some hard times in life, but we must live to the fullest. That’s what he teaches me.”

Julian, 18: “…he has a very subtle, yet profound, appreciation for art.”

Shelly, 12: “…even though it may not be easy for him, he still works and takes care of his family every day.”

Andreas, 13: “…he is so hard working and determined, it inspires me through my daily life.”

Ethan, 9: “…he teaches me how to do stuff, and he always helps me.”

Liliana, 8: “…he is always kind to us, and he makes money for all of us. He shows us the right things to do, and he makes sure we’re safe and we’re happy.”

Thomas, 9: “…he teaches me many things that helped me greatly through my life.”

John, 10: “…he takes great care of me!”

Nathan, 5: “…he learns stuff.”

Gabriel, 20: “…he has a very good set of morals.”

—————

Inspired to read more about fatherhood?

Being a daddy

Transformation of being a father

How has being a dad changed me?

I am a present father

Dads, talk about being a father

Fathers, enjoy the now

Reflections of AP fatherhood

An adoptive father’s epiphany

Father’s and AP

Daddy and me

 

Still Face: A lesson in responsiveness and relationship repair for ALL caregivers

How important is it that we give our infants and children intentional presence?

The third of API’s Eight Principles of Parentingrespond with sensitivity — is one of two common threads that run through all 8 principles. The other is to provide consistent and loving care.

Research that began with the late psychologist John Bowlby’s Attachment Theory back in the 1950s has shown the critical need for consistently loving, sensitive responsiveness to develop a secure parent-child attachment — that component that forms the foundation of how our babies and toddlers go on to relate to others…in all relationships…through the rest of their lives.

“That initial responsiveness, that interaction between the father and baby, are keys to the baby’s success as a child and an adult.” ~ Richard Cohen, PhD, director of Project ABC at the Children’s Institute

So, yeah, it’s important.

Picture Alternatives has partnered with the Children Institute in Los Angeles, California, USA, in replicating the famous Still Face Experiment developed in 1975 by Ed Tronick, PhD, of the University of Massachusetts’s Infant-Parent Mental Health program in Boston, Massachusetts, USA.

This new video is the first-ever application of the experiment on fathers and their babies — clearly showing that infants need sensitive responsiveness from all caregivers:

 

Just as important as consistently responding with sensitivity is relationship repair as needed:

“The infant can overcome it. After all, when you stop the still face, the baby starts to play again. …When you don’t give the child any chance to get back to the good, there’s no reparation and they’re stuck in that really ugly situation.” ~ Ed Tronick, PhD, featured in this 2009 Zero to Three film:

 

No parent is perfect, and there will be situations that arise that take our attention away from our children. Life happens, and sometimes we may be less responsive than we wished, but it’s OK. Babies and children can recover quickly when their caregiver works to repair the relationship when needed.

In short: How you respond to your child’s expressed needs when you make a mistake makes a big difference in what they’re learning about with the give and take, and repair, of relationships.

Being a Daddy

Editor’s note: Attachment Parenting International (API) hopes you have enjoyed APtly Said’s celebration of fathers this week. This final post wraps up this series on “Fathers’ Inspiring Reflections,” June 19-21. We value and honor you, Dads, for all your love, dedication, and involvement in your children’s lives — you inspire us!

TejaI always wanted to be a Daddy…I just never knew how much it would change me.

Naturally, most parents think their child is beautiful, and even with a little mushed face and purple foot, I felt the same. I was especially proud of the fact that while my son laid under a heating lamp in the hospital, he looked more developed than the other babies.

I called the first year of parenthood the most rewarding “punishment” I ever went through. Not that I would have changed it for the world, but I believe most parents would understand what I mean.

Strangely enough, nature has a way of making us endure some form of amnesia. After two years and 10 months, I found myself being a glutton for “punishment” again. Sure, why not? I hardly remembered the endless sleepless nights from my previous go-around. Then again, my memories since first becoming a parent are a patchwork of fragments, mostly focused on the glee of being a parent.

I don’t know exactly when it happened, but suddenly I learned a new fear I will never lose till I am gone — in that moment, I knew I would always wish for the best and fear the worst for this individual indefinitely.

Dad HayIt seems like in a flash, my world that I had grown up in was no longer predominantly focused on me. My focus was now this baby.

My mind raced with questions…

I was overjoyed to be a Daddy. I cried at the sight of him. But I wondered How do you immediately love someone or something that you have no history with?  and Should I feel guilty that here was this new creature that I loved, yet didn’t really communicate with beyond its needs? I wondered who he would be.

At the same time, I found myself watching every breath while he slept and I would peer into the crib if it seemed too silent. I was beyond gentle as if this new entity was in fact an ancient artifact as fragile as parchment.

Could I be a good Daddy?

Two months after his birth, I was making some sounds and he looked at me and smiled. In that moment of connection, my heart melted. But this did not stop my internal thoughts, nor my imagination thinking of hypotheticals. I wanted to be an affectionate Daddy, but was there such thing as too much affection? Should Mommy be more affectionate than Daddy? I decided to throw caution to the wind, as I felt that my child should grow up knowing he was deeply loved through action and not just words of affection.

There are parents who try to essentially have their children be what they did not become or be just like them. I believe that is confining. More and more, I find the true gift we can give our children growing up as a parent is to allow them to discover their own path and support their positive choices.

I’ve learned that I am not perfect and that I will make mistakes, but I am patient. I’m willing to learn as I go, as much as I hope my teaching sinks in. I know teaching isn’t just preaching, but that setting an example and following through with my word carries more impact. The greatest gifts I can give my 2 boys are love, guidance, affection, and my attentive time. The gift has been given both ways as I’ve gained a greater happiness with myself.

Despite all the trials or tribulations we endure, being a parent can be so fulfilling. The first step is accepting ourselves and loving ourselves as the imperfect individuals we are — share that with your children. In this way, we will not seek the material things in life to find happiness, as we already have it in our hearts.

Being a parent has made me so happy and whole. I have become more forgiving, more accepting, more insightful, and above all, more loving. In all of the things I’ve done and accomplished, my family is my greatest creation and treasure — it is the one I am most proud of.

Transformation of being a father

Editor’s note: Attachment Parenting International (API) continues with APtly Said’s celebration of fathers through the theme of “Fathers’ Inspiring Reflections,” June 19-21. We value and honor you, Dads, for all your love, dedication, and involvement in your children’s lives — you inspire us!

Father Daughter HandSometimes I start thinking about the man I used to be before having kids, and I always get so amazed at how much I have changed during this short period of time.

Considering that I am 33 years old, being a father for 3 years means that I have much more non-father time of life experience. However, I can tell with certainty that these last 3 years have been the most transformative years of my life.

When my first son arrived to this world, I didn’t know much about fatherhood — just like most other fresh fathers. Fatherhood invited me to become aware of my own sensitivity — and I said yes to it. I jumped into this giant pool of uncertainties called fatherhood, and while I was swimming there, I got in touch with my own sensitivity.

I was observing my child’s needs and feelings, and I started responding to them — which allowed me to build a loving bond with my son. In the meantime, I was learning so much about myself and my own feelings. I stopped hiding them and started exploring them, listening to myself and getting to explore and know a whole new person.

It didn’t stop there!

I realized this transformation was also affecting my relationships with other people, mainly because I was finally seeing their feelings as well. I have grown to understand what empathy is and that completely changed how I relate to my partner, friends, family, and everybody around me.

A couple years later, my second son was born — just to remind me that love isn’t something you split, but something that gets multiplied. It’s a reminder that one of the things I love the most about being a father is how such small and young beings can teach you the most valuable lessons about life.

So, if you ask me what being a father means to me, I would say it’s jumping into a life experience that will transform you for the better — into a more sensible human being.

Thiago Queiroz, father of 2 boys and an API Leader for API Rio in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, offers his support for parents with his YouTube videos about Attachment Parenting, including positive discipline, Nonviolent Communication, and fatherhood.

In this video, Thiago discusses temper tantrums and how parents help their children deal with strong emotions.

 

Photo Credit: FreeImages.com/Adrian,Canada

I am a present father

thiago queiroz 1Attachment Parenting (AP) helps me every day to be a present father.

I am the father of 2 little boys: Dante, almost 3, and Gael, a 6-month-old baby. Right after my first son was born, I discovered Attachment Parenting. It made so much sense to me that it inspired me to not only become an API Leader and create an API Support Group here in Brazil — API Rio — but also to write and speak about Attachment Parenting.

Personally, the greatest thing about Attachment Parenting is that it helped me to find my way in my own parenthood. AP helped to show me how I could be the father I wanted to be. AP guided me to where I could find my place as an active and conscious father — an attached father.

I obviously can’t give birth or breastfeed, but I can foster the secure attachment I want to build with my sons through a whole lot of other actions. I can listen to my child’s cry and take his needs seriously, especially because a baby cries not only because he is hungry but also scared, too cold, too hot, tired, hurting or anything else. I can also carry my son in slings and sleep next to him at night.

Everything I learn about Attachment Parenting helps me understand my role as an involved father, not a mere helper. Being a father is way beyond just performing tasks and helping out. It is all about caregiving.

As kids grow, discipline starts taking a major place in our daily lives. I could do like other men and delegate the responsibility to the mothers and other caregivers, but Attachment Parenting shows me how I could take responsibility through positive discipline instead. I participate in understanding how the behavior of my kids reflect their needs and feelings. I get to genuinely help my older son get through frustration and temper tantrums. I get to be an empathic human being.

This is why I am so grateful to Attachment Parenting: It helps me to assume my real role and responsibilities as a father.