Dads, with Thiago Queiroz

API knows many gems of local parenting support leaders. This Father’s Day, I’m excited to introduce you to Thiago Queiroz–a father who has been absolutely on fire for supporting parents in his native Brazil since his oldest of 4 children were born 8 years ago.

Many parents have been able to “meet” Thiago through his part in the American documentary, Dads. Directed by Bryce Dallas Howard, daughter of Hollywood film director, Dads illustrates what she refers to as contemporary fatherhood, asking celebrities and everyday men what being father means to them. Premiered at the 2019 Toronto International Film Festival where it was named second runner-up for the People’s Choice Award for Documentaries, Dads released in 2020 on Apple TV+.

Thiago is passionate about supporting parents, but especially fathers. We congratulate him on his work in normalizing nurturing among fathers through his portrait on Dads. Let’s get to know Thiago a bit more:

Q: To begin, please share about your family:

A: I’m married to Anne, and we now have 3 kids: Dante (8 years old), Gael (6 years old), Maya (2 years old), and my wife is also pregnant again. The baby is called, Cora and she’s expected to be born by the end of the year.

I’ve been an API Leader for around 8 years here in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.

Q: What brought you to API?

A: When my first son was born, I was feeling a bit lost, trying to understand how I could raise my child. My own parenting references were not of the attached kind, and the only thing I felt was that I wanted to do it differently with my child.

Related: Fatherly pushes for universal paid paternity leave, provides resource for U.S. dads

Also, for being a father in Brazil, I didn’t have any references of fathers who were actually involved in raising their kids, because our society only expects moms to really take care of their kids, while the dads are seen as unable to take care of a baby. That didn’t make any sense for me at that time (and still doesn’t), so I started researching different views on child rearing.

Gladly, I found API and getting to know [API’s 8 Principles of Parenting] was one of the best things that happened to me, because I started to understand how we can build strong emotional bonds with our children and more important: I understood how I, as a father, could do so many things with my baby toward a strong secure attachment.

Afterwards, I started helping API, so I translated its Principles into Portuguese and became a leader.

Q: So, how did you learn about the Dads film and come to be part of its cast?

A: Back in 2017, I received an email from the production team, which was interested in getting to know different dads around the world, for a new documentary on fatherhood they were going to work on. I honestly didn’t know much about the project itself, but since one of my missions is to advocate for responsible and attached fatherhood, I offered myself to help in any way I could.

I never heard from them again until mid-2018, when they sent me another email saying they really wanted to film my story and were going to fly a crew down to Brazil to film me and my family.

From that point on, everything was just too fast: They arrived one week later, because they were in a hurry to finish the documentary. There was only one story left to film, which was my story, because one of the stories they filmed (also from a Brazilian dad) didn’t actually work out and had to be removed from the film. So, yes, everything was just too fast!

Q: What was it like for your family to be included in Dads?

A: We’ve never participated in anything like that, so everything was new to us. The crew spent a whole weekend here with us, filming us and interviewing me and my wife. Even though we had a lot of people here, they were so professional we barely noticed them filming our daily routines.

So it was normal life for us, waking up Saturday, getting kids breakfast, taking care of our children, playing with them until I could put them in bed, so most of the time the crew was quietly shooting our normal activities.

I also host a fatherhood podcast with a couple friends (it’s called Tricô de Pais), so the crew filmed a recording session of my podcast, which was really nice, too.

On Sunday, they filmed a bit more of our routines and started the interviews with me and my wife, which was very funny because here only me and my wife speak English, not the kids, so they were really amazed in having all the different people with us, speaking a weird language.

It was an amazing experience!

I still didn’t know much about the project, because I only wanted to help promote an attached fatherhood. So only Sunday night, the producers showed me a bit about the documentary and only then I realized it was a huge thing – a film directed by Bryce Howard and with Will Smith on the casting. We were totally blown away with that and really happy to see how far the message of a more loving fatherhood could be spread.

Q: What are your thoughts about Dads as a film?

A: I think the film is extremely important in today’s society. We need to have more examples and role models for diverse and loving fatherhoods (yes, in plural!). Fatherhood is not a simple thing and being able to show the world how different men can care and love their children is not only important but urgent.

Q: What responses have you received from others who’ve viewed Dads?

A: The responses were amazing. I keep receiving messages from dads all over the world on my Instagram page (@paizinhovirgulaoficial), saying they learned a lot and also cried a lot watching my story on the film. It’s so important to have this feedback, because those similar experiences are exactly what connect us.

Related: Dads, talk about being a father

So having a mainstream documentary on fatherhood is a huge thing, especially when this documentary takes the subject very seriously, not portraying fathers as buffoons or mothers’ helpers.

Q: What is it like to challenge the status quo of fatherhood in Brazil?

A: It’s very challenging, because people around me, especially men, don’t understand why I should be taking care of my kids so closely and lovingly if “there’s already a mother doing this.”

Related: Tips for new fathers in bonding with their newborns

We live in a society which has a strong “macho” culture, so it’s difficult to find peers who understand the importance of creating strong and safe bonds between fathers and children.

Q: So, what tips can you offer men to rise to this challenge of choosing to be nurturing fathers?

A: My tip is, look out for other men like you. We might not be many yet, but we really need to get together and start talking about toxic masculinity, for instance, and how it affects the way we parent our children.

Related: Dynamics of disappearing dads with Meryn Callander

Being a nurturing dad is the best gift you can give to your child, but also to yourself, your wife, and society. Let’s find our peers and overcome these challenges, inviting other men to reflect on this, too.

Q: Thank you so much, Thiago, for your time and insights! Is there anything else you’d like to share?

A: Please watch Dads, and if this film touched your heart and makes sense to you, I suggest watching The Mask You Live In [directed by Jennifer Siebel Newsom], which is another documentary on manhood. It’s impossible to become truly a nurturing dad without rediscovering yourself as a man.

Fatherly pushes for universal paid paternity leave, provides resource for U.S. dads

For being such a progressive country, the United States can be downright dismal when it comes to many family policy trends.

The vast majority of developed nations in the world guarantee paid parental leave after the birth of a baby–in the least, two months in Ireland; at the most, more an one and one-half years in Estonia.

Related: Parental leave isn’t a privilege, it’s a necessity

In the U.S., former President Donald Trump made headway in 2019 by signing a law that guarantees federal employees up to three months of paid parental leave for the birth, adoption, or fostering of a child. But it only applies to federal employees.

The U.S. Family and Medical Leave Act guarantees up to three months of parental leave within a year if the leave hasn’t already been used for personal medical reasons, and that leave is unpaid. Nine U.S. states have enacted paid parental leave law. Otherwise, it is up to employers to provide paid leave.

Related: Parental leave benefits employers, too

As of 2020, 55% of employers provided any sort of paid parental leave, 45% of which offered paid paternity leave. This represented a jump of 15% in just one year and 30% in three years (just 25% of employers provided paid parental leave in 2015 and 40% of employers  in 2019).

This is encouraging but not enough. This has long been among API’s top areas of advocacy, and we have many allies.

Mike Rothman, cofounder of Fatherly, testified to the U.S. House of Representatives’ Ways and Means Committee on May 27 in support of paid leave.

Fatherly is a unique digital platform, specializing in independent and non-partisan journalism with a mission to empower men to live fulfilling lives as nurturing fathers.

“At its core, Fatherly understands that in an economy in which both parents are working, empowering men as caregivers is crucial. By giving them the tools and community, we aim to help remove cultural stigmas around caregiving work.” ~ Read Our Written Testimony to the House Ways & Means Committe on Paid Leave, Fatherly

Fatherly is filling a void left wide open between the unmistakable amount of research underscoring the vital importance of involved, nurturing fathers…and a mainstream U.S. culture that sorely lacks in supporting the fathers that are children need.

Related: Parental presence a compromised human right

Universal paid paternity leave is part of that missing support, and Fatherly has organized an impressive resource, “The Fatherly Guide to Parental and Paternity Leave,” to help parents navigate the state of parental and paternity leave in the U.S.

You’ll learn how paternity leave builds confident fathers, how to talk to your unsupportive boss, strategies for the challenges you may encounter during paternity leave, how to prepare for your return to work after leave, and more.

Most importantly, you’ll be engaged in important advocacy for yourself, your family, and fathers everywhere by challenging the status quo and requesting parental leave as a father, and then by sharing this link with other fathers and fathers-to-be in your life.

That’s how meaningful change happens. Policy shifts when the voices in support of positive change grow loud enough. This Father’s Day, let your voice be heard.