Finding the “Me” in Mommy

Posted by Rivkah Estrin, CBE and API online contributor. Rivkah is a certified childbirth educator, DONA-trained postpartum doula and journalist who puts her passion about Attachment Parenting to use as a writer, mother and educator for expectant and new parents.

As soon as new life is ushered into the world, an old life comes to an end. The birth of a baby is in some ways a death of the woman you were before becoming a mother. As Rajneesh said, “The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.”

All I have ever wanted in life was to be a mother. I naturally attachment parented my first baby because I didn’t know how else to keep her happy. All the traditional tools fell by the wayside as she told me in her 2-day-old way that all she needed was to sleep on my chest and all would be OK. She did everything in my arms, in the sling, at my breast, as did child number 2, child number 3 and child number 4. It’s been a long but amazing nine years.

Now my youngest has turned three and is sleeping in her own space, thinking about potty training and only nursing to go to sleep. And I wonder—where am I? In the past nine years, how have I given to myself? I know I’m not alone in this feeling, but it feels so lonely.

My husband continued on his trajectory. He is an incredible AP dad, but outside the house he’s still growing his business, meeting with clients, going on business trips and eating out with colleagues. I haven’t been to a moms’ night out without a kid because my little ones nurse to sleep for a very long time. And I can’t leave them in order to go play with my friends without feeling incredibly guilty.

Should I just get over it, go out and not worry about the affect it has on my kids? That doesn’t sit well with me.

Is the fault my husband’s for having a life outside the family? No, not at all. He’s out supporting us and allowing me to be home with our kids, to homeschool them, and he spends every spare minute with his family, he makes sure we use the best Charter Homeschooling program.

Is the fault my decision to homeschool? Many parents have six hours free to do as they please, such as work, go to the gym, organize the house, shop unaccompanied and myriad other things. But the time I have with my kids is so special and so limited. The experiences we get to share together can’t be matched on Sundays and holidays. Our everyday family life is something we’ve cultivated and worked hard to achieve, and as exhausting as it can be, it is infinitely fulfilling. So, no, I won’t blame the homeschooling.

Maybe there isn’t anything to blame. Maybe it’s just a very new existence for which there is no preparation or workshop. There is a term known as Mommy Burnout, and I think I may be headed there. Not in a scary, dangerous way. But it’s becoming clear to me that as the nature of my parenting is shifting as my kids are getting older, so too the nature of how I care for myself needs to change.

It used to be that a nap refreshed me to my core. My burnout was sleep-related, and a nap did just the trick. But my burnout issue now is lack of time—time for myself, time to take a class, time to smell the flowers. In the words of Rabbi Hillel, “If I am not for myself, who will be for me?”

Foot bridge

API’s 8th Principle of Parenting is about striving for balance in personal and family life, which means “ensuring that everyone’s needs — not just the child’s — are recognized, validated and met to the greatest extent possible.” How does a mom find a way to recharge when the demands have shifted? How does one achieve more time? How does a mom give a little bit back to herself after so many years of joyfully overlooking her own needs? Here are a few ways I came up with that work for me.

Get into a book. More than just reading, finding a book that can transport me to another place and time can be a true mental vacation. I always say my favorite part of reading is being in the middle of a book. Looking forward to the next plot twist keeps me going even on the roughest of days.

Call a friend. My friends have always been my lifeline. And yet I find that months can go by without so much as a phone call! That’s just tragic. One thing I would love to implement is a once-weekly quiet time where I can step outside and call someone. Reminiscing about old times, talking about our current lives and just hearing a familiar voice can be relaxing and refreshing.

Add music. I like to bring the laptop in to the kitchen while cooking dinner or washing dishes. I can put on my favorite tunes, and it turns into a quick and easy escape from the endless to-do lists inside my head. The kids, usually off playing, will even come in sometimes and listen quietly with me. It’s a relaxing way to transition from the activities of the day toward bedtime.

Play a game with a partner or friend. What better way to chill out than to get completely consumed with a game? Recently my husband and I grabbed a deck of cards and played for two hours. We didn’t talk about the kids. It was awesome.

Pour a glass of wine (or cup of tea) and watch something. Two Netflix envelopes arrive at our house every week. One is for the kids and one is for us. Sometimes we get caught up in a great show and wait impatiently for the next DVD. Sometimes we catch up on all the movies we don’t get to the theater to see. Setting aside the time to watch something together is an effort, but it carries a worthwhile payout in distraction from the day-to-day.

Exercise! I can’t say it enough. It feels so good, gets all those endorphins coursing through the body and, oh yeah, it’s good for me, too. Every now and again I pop on some ABBA or Donna Summer and dance around the house. The kids love it and don’t even realize this is part of my master survival plan. On days when my husband is home and I can sneak out, I take a brisk walk around the neighborhood and enjoy 30 minutes of kid-free time with my iPod and my thoughts. Inevitably I return sweaty, energized and refreshed.

Find the spiritual. Our family observes the Sabbath. That means that from Friday night until Saturday night we turn off our cell phones, computers and TV and focus on family, friends and good food. Our walk to synagogue reminds us how much we enjoy being outside. Feeling the breeze, seeing the amazing reptiles we have here in southern Florida, and holding hands with our kids is so grounding. Even in the summer months, when the weather is brutally hot and often rainy, it is wonderful to be at one with the elements. After all, it is only a 15-minute walk. I make it a habit to invite friends for meals, and we sit and talk in a way we never have time for during our normal, hectic weekdays. For my family, reconnecting with nature and our community without distraction is absolutely essential to our spiritual well-being, and that translates directly to our family dynamic.

It may seem that I think of my husband as a babysitter, though I don’t view him that way at all. But I also know that if unprovoked, he won’t grab my walking shoes for me and shove me out the door with my iPod. I have to do it myself. Even though he’s the dad, I am and will always be the mother. As tiring, exhausting and overwhelming as it can sometimes be, that role is mine. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

AP Month 2013 Celebrates “Parenting Creatively: The Art of Parenting”

APmonth_2013_designWelcome to AP Month 2013!  This year, we celebrate the theme of “Parenting Creatively: The Art of Parenting.” We’ll explore what that means by looking at some of the aspects of creativity that fall squarely in the context of nurturing our children as well as ourselves. Join us as we discover and share about the conditions that we can cultivate, experiment with, choose from and enjoy each day that promote creativity in, among and between members of the whole family. We invite you to participate in all of our AP Month activities designed to help orient us in small ways to attend to living and parenting with more creativity.

For an idea of the territory we’ll cover this AP Month, imagine the following scene:

Your darling, amazing child twinkling from head to toe, bubbling and tickled pink at his accomplishment. Beaming in delight, he proudly and delightedly presents you with the most astounding masterpiece ever. It’s breathtaking. It could be mistaken for a Picasso.

You take in a riot of blazing, bold, delicious color and never-before-seen details — more remarkable details than any peer. And, sweetly, you see that it’s a family portrait. There you all are, each of you, lovingly smiling and holding hands. Everyone is so happy.

Of course this masterpiece is rendered as all masterpieces should be: in archival-quality, permanent colors and exquisite installation for optimal viewing pleasure. A pure marvel. (Scroll down for the punch line you know is coming…)

Right on the new wallpaper.

Your sweet one, most satisfied with this obvious masterpiece, is especially proud because he, ever so carefully and thoughtfully, abided by your frequent rule to only color “on the paper.” Note how skillfully the artist avoided marking on the wall that doesn’t have paper.

If it’s a good day, perhaps you’ll find yourself fully in the grip of Cognitive Dissonance — that utterly mixed state that floods us with questions: Do we share their pure joy, at least for a moment? Plunge instantly into anguish over the ruined wallpaper? Discipline the artist? All? None? In what order and magnitude? Of course, we’re all probably familiar with responses we’ve had that aren’t confused at all. Or very joyful.

Dramatic scenes like this unfold at a rapid clip in homes of young creatives everywhere — and every young one is, by definition, a creative in their own special way. As parents of these creatives (aka children), we’re repeatedly tasked to provide creative responses to great and amazing displays of creativity.

Contrary to popular belief, creativity isn’t inborn or reserved for da Vinci, Nobel Prize winners, etsy shop owners or the advertising industry. It’s undeniable that some individuals have a great deal more aptitude than most of us, but creativity is an everyday phenomenon related to flexibility, persistence, focus, idea germination, thinking in different ways, physical activity and motion, sleep, moods, stress, time pressure. These are all skills that we can learn and develop in supportive atmospheres. When we value and support these skills in ourselves and in our children, newer levels of creativity bloom. Traditionally creative pursuits are but a few of the most visible and expressive forms.

Whatever our rules about “muraling” at home, our responses, our children and our relationships can usually benefit when we’re in touch with our own creativity. This kind of creativity resides in us all, can be nurtured, facilitates our everyday experiences and impacts our sense of well-being. If it also inspires us to write concertos, what an amazing added bonus.

Our Deepest Attachments

Written by Shoshana Hayman, director of Life Center, the Center for Attachment Parenting in Israel, www.lifecenter.org.il

We are often not aware of our deepest attachments until they are no longer with us. But sometimes we get the chance to have a glimpse of the profound nature of our attachment to those who matter most to us, and us to them.

Recently my older sister was told by her doctor that she needed immediate open heart surgery, and arrangements were made quickly for her hospitalization. In her usual optimistic and humorous spirit, my sister put on her lipstick, and with her dimpled smile waved to the family members who accompanied her down the hospital corridor, wishing them a long, happy life, while her youngest daughter filmed her with her digital camera.

I saw this part of my sister’s hospitalization only afterwards on the camera, for I was busy getting lost trying to find my way to the hospital. I could feel my frustration growing stronger as I hopelessly circled the same traffic circle trying to find the right exit. I was living the metaphor that explains where our frustration goes once it enters our system, and I knew that mine would finally find its way out in tears. I finally pulled my car over to the side of the road so I could collect myself and have a good cry.

870148_23991903

Of course it wasn’t the getting lost that made me cry, but it was the trigger I needed to cry over the fear of losing my sister. She is the sister who took care of me. When I was little, she made faces with the food on my plate so I’d eat it; she gave me rides on the handlebars of her bicycle; she helped me with my homework; she taught me the answers to trivia questions, and we made tape recordings of our Q-and-A sessions together; she made up the best stories and created little dolls for me out of scraps of material to illustrate the stories. She was my shield, my protector. She kept me out of harm’s way.

Because she cared for me and gave me an open invitation to exist in her presence, I kept my tears and soft heart. My mind was flooded with the memories of our lives together, and I wanted to have her forever. The thought of anything else was too much to bear.

I sat through the surgery and prayed, and finally, seven hours later, I was told I could go to the recovery room. Her eyes were closed, and she was attached to tubes and wires, surrounded by the modern miracle of medical machinery for which perhaps for the first time I felt truly grateful. Her lipstick was still on, and I found a way to hold her hand without disturbing the equipment that was helping her body stabilize.

Thank G-d, she began to recover quickly and was out of pain. And now I have been given another gift–the hours we can spend together as she rests and recovers. But the hands on the clock relentlessly move ahead. I want to stay longer, and I have to leave.

We cling to each other with our hearts when I move to go. We are so aware of our being so deeply rooted in each other and that we 1206728_21045799can’t stop time from the inevitable futility of the physical world. We have but to cherish each day we have with each other; express our love and caring; find a way to forgive both the small annoyances and the big hurts; give our time and our hearts generously; remember what is truly important. It is then that we remain at peace with our relationships for eternity.

Angels on the Devil’s Backbone

I took a break from my worry and hiked the Devil’s Backbone in Loveland, Colorado. I saw a beautiful family; they were about 400 yards ahead of me, if you uncurled a track and rolled it out. This family screamed AP, although the only noises I heard were tree swallows singing, the quiet meadow hum, and the sizzle of cicadas.

The Devil's Backbone in Loveland, Colorado
The Devil’s Backbone

 

The mother was wearing her newborn in a pink print sling, her hiking boots anchoring her strong mama legs; the father was holding his three-year-old son’s hand. They were beautiful.

Family hiking on trail
Family hiking on trail

 

I was visiting my mom in May of 2011. She was in the hospital, facing death.

We had had a scary close call. It came late Thursday evening at 10 p.m. from the nursing home. “Megan, this is John from Berthoud Living Center. Your mom has a high fever and is non-responsive. It doesn’t look good. You should get out here as soon as you can.”

I was on a plane Saturday.

My son had just turned one and we were actively breastfeeding. I say we because breastfeeding is a symbiotic relationship. He was not only nursing, I was nursing him.

I had no choice but to pump, pray, and get on the plane.

I was desperately sad in so many hollows of my heart — cracks and fissures leaked for my mom, for myself, for my son. I had to leave my son to go to my mother.

I hated leaving abruptly. I was heartbroken that our symbiotic relationship would end. I felt as if my breast milk had tears.

We scurried around to pack my things and deal with last minute travel arrangements.

I took my shattered heart and stitched it together with my son’s laughter and my husband’s voice. My husband drove me to the airport in Raleigh. We had a forty-five minute drive. I had planned an attached good-bye — if there is such a thing. I planned what I thought was going to be our last breastfeeding session for early morning before we left. I was going to hold him closely in my arms, caress his loose curls, stare into his azure eyes, and fossilize this bond.

That didn’t happen.

What did happen was I jumped in the back seat of the car on the way to the airport and stuck my boob in his face, draining each engorged breast while he was strapped into his car seat as my husband drove ten miles above the speed limit.

This was it. I was heartbroken again. I had planned it differently.

The thing is, it doesn’t work the way we plan.

Damn it all to the Devil’s Backbone.

“Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.” – John Lennon

***

I eventually caught up with the family on the trail at the Devil’s Backbone.

Newborn in a sling
Newborn in a sling

 

We stopped at the overlook and took in the beauty that is Northern Colorado. I had needed to get some time in just for myself. I needed to strive for balance, although it seemed in vain. I chatted with the family. They had never heard of Attachment Parenting, even though they were so very attached. The mama wore her baby, they both valued touch and responsiveness, and the mama was breastfeeding both children. We chatted some more and walked together to the lookout of the valley.

 

valley lookout

I am not saying there is a checklist or a way to qualify as an AP parent. I believe if you are trying to build and foster a connection with your children, then you are an AP parent. Many families that practice what is labeled AP have never heard of it. Sometimes a rose is a rose is a rose.

Life doesn’t happen in checklists, plans, or labels; it happens outside of those arenas — when the running track we race around is uncurled metaphorically and we just walk – we just be.

family walking back
Family walking back

 

I am thinking about this beautiful area now in Colorado — in the midst of its own natural disaster, in the midst of its own heartbreak.

Worry. Heartache. Joy. Such a cycle I live by as a mama, as a wife, as an aunt, as a sister. I am still a daughter, always will be, but my mama is in heaven now with my father. I wanted to call my mom desperately the other day, almost dialing the number I can not bear to delete on my cell phone.

My mom made it through that big scare in 2011. She was hospitalized just in the nick of time.

When we finally got her admitted to the hospital, she was hallucinating and said to me, “There are some folks from heaven here who want me to go with them.”

I said, “Tell them to take a number; I just got to town.”

She was dehydrated and had sepsis from a very bad urinary tract infection. She passed away on Christmas Eve the next year from sepsis.

My son and I continued to breastfeed for a year and half more after I returned.

We just can’t plan for it all. Life happens. As Charlotte Perkins Gilman, who wrote “The Yellow Wallpaper” and had postpartum psychosis, said, “Life is a verb, not a noun.”

So I pray, smile, live, worry, pray, smile, live, and worry. I hope, wish, dream, be. I am going to harvest my worry and harvest my hope. What else can I do?

Colorado Beauty

There are ways to help Colorado. You can Google “Colorado Flooding: Ways to Help.” There are several links to various organizations, including The Red Cross. There is also Facebook group called Colorado Flood Relief.

 

 

Red Rose of St. Therese

No Parent is Perfect, and Neither is Your Partner

This post was written by Stephanie Petters, coordinator of the API Reads program

GettingTheLoveYouWantAn interesting discussion is unfolding at API Reads where we’re discussing Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix, PhD:

“As I began reading Chapter 2 on childhood wounds, I appreciated how the chapter started on page 15 with, ‘And no parents, no matter how devoted, are able to respond perfectly to all of these changing needs.’

This truth is a relief and reminder that all we simply can do is our best and tomorrow make our best better. Thankfully the family unit is perfectly matched for us to grow to our highest good (even when it doesn’t feel like it sometimes).

When I kept reading each section in the chapter, I found myself highlighting and making notes in the margin with what was coming up for me. There was a part of me that wanted to cry.”

API Reads is Attachment Parenting International’s online book club on Goodreads, but it’s more than club for people who love to read books—it’s a place to share concerns and ideas to strengthen the connection to our children and families as well as share your own personal experience.

For example, in the first chapter of Getting the Love You Want, the author explores mate selection. These are two of the responses to the question, “Which type of relationship were you? An intense, ‘at-first-glance’ or one that took more time?” Here are a few of the responses:

“We met in college. I wouldn’t even say it started as a friendship as much as fate that just kept at us. We kept running into each other at student government meetings, the cafeteria, and then friends intervened to keep bringing us together, and eventually—although really, probably only a few weeks—we were ‘dating,’ spending more and more time together. After that, we had three years of school to date and get to know each other. We were engaged two years after we met, and we married right after graduation, three years and a few months after our first meeting. I’d say we were kind of in the middle of his types: It wasn’t ‘love at first sight,’ but it wasn’t tepid and prolonged either. We are going on 10 years and three kids, and it’s been amazing.” – P.

“We had a level-headed friendship. This chapter made it so clear why my husband and I are a perfect fit! I’m the isolator, and he is the fuser.” – S.

What else have we been discussing? We’re just getting started, but we’ve also touched on how mate selection is also about restoring the feeling of our wholeness, the essence of love and more.

Here is another recent post from a reader who was inspired to share an excerpt from the book with the API Reads community:

On page xxviii:If Helen and I were to take all the insights we’ve gained about love relationships in the past thirty years and reduce them to their essence, we would summarize them in the following five sentences:

  1. Accept the reality that your partner is not you.
  2. Be an advocate for your partner’s separate reality and potential.
  3. Make your relationship a sacred space by removing all the negativity.
  4. Always honor your partner’s boundaries.
  5. Practice the Imago Dialogue until it becomes second nature and you can interact spontaneously once again.

Eventually, you will not have to ‘work’ on your relationship anymore. The changes will become stable. You will have rewired your brain so that your new way of relating is far more comfortable to you than your old way. You will begin living in a different reality—the reality of sustained connection.’

I’m writing these five sentences on a large sticky note and placing it on my mirror. I’d like to start the day everyday with the intention to move to greater sustained connection. Anyone else want to join me?”

Everyone is welcome to join the discussion—or simply to follow the conversation—at API Reads on GoodReads! We’ll be discussing Getting the Love You Want this September and October.

Our next book for discussion is Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child: The Heart of Parenting by John Gottman, PhD, starting November 1.

 

Have No Fear

“Have no fear of perfection, you’ll never reach it.” – Salvador Dali

Children do not have this fear. I think it spills over to being a parent, too. I have learned by trial and error to not be afraid. I am not a perfect parent, nor will I ever be.

When my son paints, he does it so organically and naturally. I usually let him have his way with the water colors, crayons, and water mixing cups. It gets messy — real messy.

He knows what colors he wants to use and how to curve the crayon to meet his own needs. He bends and turns, creating his own masterpieces. I will admit, I often am not supervising him directly when he is painting.  He has a table in the art room/office. When I am writing, he is creating.  We are in the same room.  I set up his materials in the respect of leaving brushes out, often uncleaned. He figures it out. He’ll ask me when he needs some help or fresh water. Most of the time, he says, “I’ll do it all myself.” He is three.

I am often amazed at his creations. I like to think he is a natural, but all children are natural artists.

“Every child is an artist, the problem is staying an artist when you grow up.” – Pablo Picasso

I am trying to think of ways art and creativity can translate into parenting.  I believe Attachment Parenting has been a natural process for my family. We had the tools, and the art was created. We have used the Eight Principles in our life and have selected the “colors” which are our favorites.  You do not have to practice all eight Principles to get certified as an AP parent.  There is no certification. Some parents only use a couple principles, some use all eight of them.

My husband and I are practicing gentle discipline. At times, it is frustrating. At times, I wonder how fear would be more effective. But we guide and teach and teach and guide. Sometimes we are left with bite marks and exhausted sighs, but we know we are creating our own masterpiece. Our son is a blank canvas and the colors we choose will have an effect on him. We choose each color from the parent palette carefully.

So, I leave you with an art show of some of my son’s artwork.

Painting 1

Principle 1: Prepare for Pregnancy, Birth, and Parenting

 

Become emotionally and physically prepared for pregnancy and birth. Research available options for healthcare providers and birthing environments, and become informed about routine newborn care. Continuously educate yourself about developmental stages of childhood, setting realistic expectations and remaining flexible.

Painting 2

Principle 2: Feed with Love and Respect

 

Breastfeeding is the optimal way to satisfy an infant’s nutritional and emotional needs. “Bottle Nursing” adapts breastfeeding behaviors to bottle-feeding to help initiate a secure attachment. Follow the feeding cues for both infants and children, encouraging them to eat when they are hungry and stop when they are full. Offer healthy food choices and model healthy eating behavior.

Painting 3

Principle 3: Respond with Sensitivity

 

Build the foundation of trust and empathy beginning in infancy. Tune in to what your child is communicating to you, then respond consistently and appropriately. Babies cannot be expected to self-soothe; they need calm, loving, empathetic parents to help them learn to regulate their emotions. Respond sensitively to a child who is hurting or expressing strong emotion, and share in their joy.

Painting 4

Principle 4: Use Nurturing Touch

 

Touch meets a baby’s needs for physical contact, affection, security, stimulation, and movement. Skin-to-skin contact is especially effective, such as during breastfeeding, bathing, or massage. Carrying or babywearing also meets this need while on the go. Hugs, snuggling, back rubs, massage, and physical play help meet this need in older children.

Painting 5

Principle 5: Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically and Emotionally

 

Babies and children have needs at night just as they do during the day — from hunger, loneliness, and fear, to feeling too hot or too cold. They rely on parents to soothe them and help them regulate their intense emotions. Sleep training techniques can have detrimental physiological and psychological effects. Safe co-sleeping has benefits to both babies and parents.

Painting 6

Principle 6: Provide Consistent and Loving Care

 

Babies and young children have an intense need for the physical presence of a consistent, loving, responsive caregiver: ideally a parent. If it becomes necessary, choose an alternate caregiver who has formed a bond with the child and who cares for him in a way that strengthens the attachment relationship. Keep schedules flexible, and minimize stress and fear during short separations.

SONY DSC

Principle 7: Practice Positive Discipline

 

Positive discipline helps a child develop a conscience guided by his own internal discipline and compassion for others. Discipline that is empathetic, loving, and respectful strengthens the connection between parent and child. Rather than reacting to behavior, discover the needs leading to the behavior. Communicate and craft solutions together while keeping everyone’s dignity intact.

I drew this when I was a kid. My mom saved all my art.  Principle 8: Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life

I drew this when I was a kid. My mom saved all my art.
Principle 8: Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life

 

It is easier to be emotionally responsive when you feel in balance. Create a support network, set realistic goals, put people before things, and don’t be afraid to say “no.” Recognize individual needs within the family and meet them to the greatest extent possible without compromising your physical and emotional health. Be creative, have fun with parenting, and take time to care for yourself.

“Creativity is more than just being different. Anybody can plan weird; that’s easy. What’s hard is to be as simple as Bach. Making the simple, awesomely simple, that’s creativity.” – Charles Mingus

* Descriptions of each Principle under each painting are from www.attachmentparenting.org.

 

Meditating in the Shower & Balancing Technology Use…

This post is written by Stephanie Petters, coordinator of the API Reads program:

Nurturing the Soul image (2)Come on over to API Reads, on GoodReads, where we’re discussing the last few chapters of Nurturing the Soul of Your Family by Renée Peterson Trudeau.

API Reads is more than club for people who love to read books. It’s a place to share concerns and ideas to strengthen the connection to our children and families. For example, one reader posted the question, “Has the book inspired you to make any changes?” This is one of the responses:

“I’m also trying to take better care of myself. I have my first session with a personal trainer today! I’d like to start meditating, but with a baby who hates naps it’s hard to find time when I know I’ll be able to sit quietly, so I’ve been trying to make my showers meditative. We’ve also started having daily outdoor play time, and I’ve been trying to make sure we have some relaxed family time on the weekend.”

What else have we been discussing? How much technology can affect your family life, whether it is your friend or foe, and how can you help find a balance with it. Also how nature can play a role in balance.

“Yes, like you and Lex, it is harder for my husband to unplug. He loves video games and drawing, which he does on a tablet. During this, he usually has a movie or TV show in the background. There is nothing inherently wrong with these things; it’s how he enjoys himself. And he does take breaks to play with our one year old. We also have dinner together — tech free — and are making an effort to do the same with breakfast. At the same time, when we go on vacation and don’t have our machines, I do feel so much more connected.

I’m not sure how to deal with this imbalance in media use. I don’t find it ideal, but at the same time, my husband is at home, kind and attentive when he needs to be. It doesn’t seem worth a struggle. Thoughts?”

Share your ideas and join the discussion!

Our next book for discussion is for couples, Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix. It starts in September.

API’s Breastfeeding Library

World Breastfeeding Week 2013Thank you for joining us at APtly Said for this year’s World Breastfeeding Week. We hope you’ve found support and enlightenment. As we bring the week’s celebration to a close, we leave you with a collection of API’s breastfeeding resources from our online publications. Additionally, the latest breastfeeding news can be found through API Links, our monthly enewsletter, and parent-to-parent support is given to breastfeeding mothers through API’s online discussion forums.

Feed with Love and Respect, the second of API’s Eight Principles of Parenting, on AttachmentParenting.org

A New Look at the Safety of Breastfeeding during Pregnancy from AttachmentParenting.org

Another Look at Breastfeeding with HIV/AIDS: An Interview with Marian Thompson, cofounder of LLLI from The Attached Family

Breastfed Babies and the Growth Chart from APtly Said

Breastfeeding After “Almost” Weaning from The Attached Family

Breastfeeding After Sexual Abuse from The Attached Family

Breastfeeding and Attachment Parenting are Intricately Linked from APtly Said

Breastfeeding and Breast Cancer Awareness Month from APtly Said

Breastfeeding and Cosleeping in a Critical Culture from The Attached Family

Breastfeeding and Working, an Illustration from The Attached Family

Breastfeeding for Two: Tandem Nursing from The Attached Family

Breastfeeding Helps to Offset Early Disadvantages from APtly Said

Breastfeeding into Toddlerhood from The Attached Family

Breastfeeding is Not Just for Babies: The Benefits of Breastfeeding a Toddler from APtly Said

Breastfeeding Memories from APtly Said

Breastfeeding On-Demand is OK from The Attached Family

Breastfeeding the Right-Brained Way from The Attached Family

Breastfeeding Twins?! from APtly Said

Breastfeeding While Pregnant from The Attached Family

Breastfeeding While Pregnant: Trying at Times But Ultimately Worthwhile from APtly Said

Celebrate World Breastfeeding Week from APtly Said

Celebrating the Model of Attachment from APtly Said

Challenging Society’s Views of Infant Feeding: Behind the Scenes of “The Milky Way” Movie from APtly Said

Dads Can Help Breastfeed, Too from APtly Said

Discovering On-Demand Breastfeeding from The Attached Family

Effects of Breast Implants on Lactation from The Attached Family

Extended Breastfeeding from APtly Said

Fighting the Battle Against Oversupply from APtly Said

Food Allergies in a Breastfed Baby from The Attached Family

From Fear to Breastfeeding from from The Attached Family

Interactions and Relationships in Breastfeeding Families: An Interview with Dr. Keren Epstein-Gilboa from The Attached Family

Is Pumping a Breastfeeding Requirement? from from APtly Said

Living with 25-Plus Food Intolerances from The Attached Family

Nature’s Case for Breastfeeding from APtly Said

Newsflash: Breastfeeding Mother Not Harassed for Breastfeeding in Public from APtly Said

Normalizing Extended Breastfeeding from APtly Said

Number One on the Breastfeeding Team is Daddy from The Attached Family

On Breastfeeding While Pregnant from APtly Said

On Support and Breastfeeding from APtly Said

Parents Crave Uncommon Support for Common Concerns, Like Breastfeeding from APtly Said

Parents’ First Decision: Feeding Your Baby from APtly Said

Pumping for Stay-at-Home Moms from The Attached Family

Rest and Sleep the AP Way from APtly Said

Supporting Breastfeeding in Still Life: A Look at the “Breastfeeding is Normal” Project from APtly Said

Supporting Nursing Moms from APtly Said

The Basics of Breastfeeding Advocacy from The Attached Family

The Breastfeeding Father from The Attached Family

The Chemistry of Attachment from AttachmentParenting.org

The Composition of Breastmilk, part 1 & part 2 from APtly Said

The End of Extended Breastfeeding from APtly Said

The Link Between Breastfeeding and Mental Health from The Attached Family

Trust Your Baby to Show You When to Breastfeed from The Attached Family

When Breastfeeding Difficulties are Overwhelming: Getting Past Them from APtly Said

When You Are Feeling Overwhelmed By Breastfeeding from APtly Said

Why Bedsharing and Breastfeeding Go Together, and What Could Happen If You Ignore Biology from APtly Said

Why Breastfeed? It’s More Than Milk from APtly Said

Why Do You Breastfeed? from APtly Said