Presence – Page 26

Mother’s day will be the day to celebrate love

“Mother’s Day is your day to celebrate the way you choose. This day for us single women is all about recognizing the amazing life we have created. Celebrate yourself. You are a strong amazing woman. Take pride in that.”

I never wanted to celebrate Mother’s Day – I never saw much point in it. Not as a child and not once I’ve became a mother myself. What is there to celebrate? And yet – this year I decided to start celebrating it.

At first it seemed that a lot of women would agree with my negative attitude towards this holiday. For example, would you be looking forward to it if you were a single mom of a very young child? Would you celebrate this day at all?

“Mother’s Day as a single mom has been like a box of chocolates. And by that I mean the cheap kind.” One mom says. “It’s a hard day for me, quite frankly.”

Another woman shares, “because I have to do all of the work. I cook, I entertain, and I try to celebrate my own mother. I usually end up feeling exhausted on the day that I should be given a break”.

“I love my children more than anything, but to be honest, what I could really use on Mother’s Day, is a break! A day alone.”

The number of moms dreading Mother’s Day is astounding. The grass is not greener on the married mothers side either. A survey by a gift retailer revealed that nearly half of mothers don’t like their presents, and according to ABC News, more married women join cheating websites the day after Mother’s Day than any other day of the year.

Are there mothers who actually enjoy this holiday? And if yes, what do they do or think differently? What is it that they are looking forward to? Breakfast in bed? Flowers? A recent poll by Babyzone.com asked their visitors this question. The overwhelming majority of nearly 2000 participants wanted to spend a great day together with the whole family (40%) or to treat themselves to a day in a SPA (26%), closely followed by an entire day of napping (14%). Check out Spa Source they offer facial beds/massage tables that can be used in your day spa, salon or private skin care practice.

“With crazy schedules, school, sports, work, we use it as a time to be together, not for alone time. I can go to the spa any time I want. On Mother’s Day, I want to spend it with the person who gave me the opportunity to be a mother on Mother’s Day, my daughter!”

My best friend is a single mom of a 4-year-old girl. Her husband died two years ago and my friend is still not really over her loss. When I asked her about the upcoming Mother’s Day, I was quite surprised to find out that she was looking forward to celebrating it.

“Mother’s Day is your day to celebrate the way you choose. This day for us single women is all about recognizing the amazing life we have created. Celebrate yourself. You are a strong amazing woman. Take pride in that.”

When I looked around I quickly discovered that the group of dissatisfied mothers mostly was complaining about not getting the right present, or no gift at all. Those who felt that their families should thank mothers for all the hard work were disappointed quite often.

Women who were very positive about Mother’s Day focused on pro-actively celebrating their relationship with children, grandparents and friends. As one mom has put it,

“I think we should be celebrating our mothers, and even our sisters, daughters, grandmothers and aunts on Mother’s Day.“

The more positive accounts about happy Mother’s Days I read the more I want to celebrate it myself.

As one of the moms suggested to me, “go with your child and do something fun together. Go to a park and have a picnic. Talk with your child and let them know how much you appreciate them. Write a letter to your baby or child and tell them how you feel about being their mommy!”

And this is exactly what I am going to do this year – I will start a tradition in our house. Mother’s Day will be a day to celebrate love. The most selfless and enduring love on Earth – mother’s love to her children.

Goodnight iPad: Cutting Down on Screen Time

I flipped through this book at the counter of our local toy store the other day. It’s a humorous take on the classic “Goodnight Moon,” which my kids and I have read together countless times. And it is funny; an apt exaggeration of how virtuality has replaced so much of what is “real.”

But it makes me a little sad, too. That our world has become so plugged in that there exists a market for this kind of parody. That there exist gadgets for reading and being read to, for listening to music and making music, and for communicating with people without having to see or talk to them.

So many gadgets, so short a childhood.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the convenience of technology as much as anyone. Our family certainly has our share of gadgets. But the idea of “Goodnight iPad” does hit close to home for us.

Me: Goodnight iPad.

My son: Nooooooooooooooooo!

Not quite, but pretty close. The difference is I’m not smiling when I pry the iPad out of my 5-year-old’s hands.

Recently, we’ve been keeping closer tabs on our screen time, both grownups’ and kids’. It has become way too easy to allow some type of screen to keep us entertained on a whim. Between iPhone, iPod, iPad, laptop, and the good-old-fashioned TV, our kids are always only a finger touch away from easy entertainment. When they’re bored, it is only too easy for them to turn on a device instead of playing with toys.

And it’s too easy for me to want to. When days are filled with stress (either theirs or mine) because of school, work, household tasks, or the emotional upheaval of a 5-year-old’s growth spurt, it’s tempting to turn on a device that will allow them to relax, keep them busy, and stop the bickering. Gadgets are always an easy solution to stress.

But when we start to become dependent on them, something needs to change. When I say, “No iPad today,” and they don’t know what else to do with themselves, something needs to change. It means they’ve become to accustomed to a screen as their go-to to-do, and that needs to change.

I used to read the AAP’s recommendations for appropriate amount of screen time for young kids and think, “Oh, thank goodness that isn’t us.” We never used to have issues with keeping screen time to a minimum, but lately the accumulated hours have crept up on us.

So, goodnight iPad. Goodnight TV. Goodnight iPhone-in-restaurants. Goodnight video games of any kind.

Hello conversation. Hello toys and games and books. Hello puzzles and mazes. Hello blocks, Legos. Hello wrestling matches, swords flights, and dress up. Hello sketch books, hello colored pencils. Hello creativity and imagination.

Also hello whining and complaining…at first. In my state of exasperation with our screen situation, I eliminated every trace of them from our day. It may have been a little extreme, but cold turkey seemed necessary. Oh yes, there was withdrawal. The symptoms included angry faces, sad voices, confusion, boredom, chronic whining, and constant shouts from Mom to, “Go do something!”

And then eventually…contentment. Cooperation. Ingenuity.

It’s been a few weeks now, since we said “goodnight” to the screens, and the kids haven’t been asking for them. They get up in the morning and go to the pantry for cereal instead of the iPad for games. When they’re bored, they don’t immediately think of watching a show. They go to the bookshelf or the game cabinet. Our arts and crafts supplies are dwindling, the playroom is a happy mess, and my son always has a toy in his hands.

Will screens eventually creep back into our day? I’m sure. But I’m contented to have come to a point where they don’t seem necessary for engagement. Without the devices, we are engaging more with each other…imagine that! I know that technology affords us the convenience of connecting us to the world, but I see healthier connections made without it. Skip the digital connections please, I’ll take the interpersonal ones any day.

Motherhood: Is It Holding Mothers Back?

“The Conflict: How Modern Motherhood Undermines the Status of Women,” is the latest release of self-effacing mom lit, by prominent French intellectual Elisabeth Badinter. From her recent piece in the Huffington Post:

Today’s ideal of motherhood requires that we give birth in pain, without benefit of an epidural, since this robs us of our first act as a mother. We are enjoined to nurse for six months, a year, or longer, day and night, whenever our child wishes, regardless of the mother’s situation. We are advised to practice co-sleeping, at the risk of sending numerous fathers to the sofa. The good mother who wants the best for her child is urged to forswear processed baby food, which is eyed as a health hazard, and to avoid daycare as injurious to her child’s healthy development. With all of its demands, the naturalist ideal of the 21st century means that it takes a woman as much time and energy to raise two children as our grandmothers spent raising four.

We’ve heard these types of arguments before from Erica Jong and countless mothers before her. Frankly, I’m tired of it. Prescriptive parenting, whether pro- or anti-naturalism, is at the heart of the issue. As Badinter herself agrees, when we look to gurus, whose opinions change with the mood of the times, we lose our way. Believing that there is a right way to parent, especially when that way contradicts with your own instincts, is the real prison modern mamas are facing.

Badinter continues: “Daughters have reacted against the feminism of their mothers. Most of all, we have seen the return of a naturalist ideology not much different from that of Rousseau, which kept women at home for almost two centuries. Its message was simple: ‘Ladies, your duty and your great achievement is to make the adults of tomorrow. You need only look to the teachings of nature and devote your days and nights to the task.'”

I’m concerned by this idea that modern or attached motherhood is setting back the feminist movement. For me, and for many of my generation, the lasting gift of feminism is the right to choose what we do with our lives: the right to self-determination. Not the right to sit in a cubicle all day, then pick up our child from day care and call ourselves liberated. Not the right to hate your life as you wash cloth diapers and puree baby food because someone told you that’s what “good” mothers do. For me, feminism means choosing how we navigate motherhood, whether we dress Junior in cloth diapers, disposables or none at all. In other words, if it’s not for you, just skip it!

Now to the valid issue Badinter raises about mothers whose lives revolve entirely around mothering. “We …fail to remember that raising a child doesn’t last forever, that when children grow up we have thirty or forty years left to live. To make a child the alpha and omega of a woman’s life deals a terrible blow to women’s autonomy and to the equality of the sexes.”

I’ll start by pointing out that this issue – identifying so completely with a particular role, always has the potential to leave our worlds completely rocked. A close relative recently told me about the best job she had. She loved it – the work, the people, everything about it. And she was there for a long time. But then one day she was let go. And she swore to never again identify with a job so completely. Work is work, she said, and that’s all it is.

So maybe identifying so completely with one role, to the exclusion of others, isn’t just a pitfall of motherhood. It’s a danger of completely identifying ourselves with what we do, rather than who we are. The danger is identifying as anything but our true selves, whatever that means to each of us. As long as we stand in our own truth, we’ll make the best decisions possible – for ourselves, for our families and for our careers. And if the highlights of our lives change suddenly or over time, we’ll be equipped to ride it out.

The Technology of Attachment

Smart grid technology саn affect energy pricing іn twо wауѕ: raising thе rates fоr high-demand peak periods аnd lowering іt durіng off-peak tіmеѕ. Thе benefits оf thе smart grid саn gо bоth wауѕ: fоr thоѕе whо аrе tapped іntо thе smart grid аnd аrе creating аll оf thеіr оwn energy, selling excess energy bасk tо thе grid bесоmеѕ a viable option. Thе excess energy соuld thеn bе credited tо thе consumer’s account fоr thе month.

Aѕ mоrе аnd mоrе people bесоmе familiar wіth thе concept оf alternate forms оf energy аnd аrе willing tо install аnd uѕе thеѕе systems іn thеіr homes, thе utility companies wіll need tо make lеѕѕ energy. Instead оf losing money hоwеvеr, thеу саn simply start changing thе wау thаt thеу charge. Thіѕ соuld bе accomplished bу moving frоm a flat rate ѕуѕtеm tо charging fоr actual usage. A smart ѕуѕtеm thаt actually charges mоrе fоr high demand periods wоuld create smarter consumers аѕ thеу work tо kеер thеіr energy costs lоw and will also compare energy options and pricing. Thе utility companies wіll ѕtіll make a profit аnd thе consumers wіll bе іn better control оf thеіr оwn consumption.

Whеn mоrе people аrе connected tо photovoltaic systems fоr instance, thе cost оf thе energy created bу thе utility companies wіll gо down; lеѕѕ production equals lеѕѕ cost, еxсерt fоr thоѕе customers nоt using solar power аt аll. Thоѕе customers wоuld thеn hаvе tо make conscious аnd clear decisions regarding whеn аnd hоw thеу uѕе energy іn thеіr homes оr pay thе higher bills. Thе PV user wоuld thеn ѕее reduced charges аnd possibly credits аt thе end оf еасh month. In fact, іt іѕ entirely possible fоr thе right ѕуѕtеm tо start paying fоr itself іn аѕ little аѕ еіght years, depending оn a wide number оf factors.

Thе mоrе people whо аrе selling thеіr excess energy bасk tо thе grid, thе lеѕѕ energy thе utility companies wіll hаvе tо generate thеіr оwn. If еnоugh people sell excess energy bасk, thе utility companies bесоmе giant holding facilities fоr offset solar power making іt possible fоr prices tо bе dropped еvеn furthеr. Anу аmоunt charged wоuld bе аlmоѕt pure profit іf mоѕt оf thе energy thаt іѕ sent оut іѕ bеіng mаdе аnd returned tо thе grid bу оthеrѕ, I’d encourage реорlе tо look at оthеr еnеrgу рrоvіdеrѕ lіkе Amigo Energy, уоu’d be surprised at what they саn оffеr.

Anу reduction іn thе utility bills wоuld bе welcome tо mоѕt Americans whо hаvе struggled undеr thе weight оf crushing heating costs fоr thе lаѕt fеw winters wіth nо real relief іn sight, fоr this, that is why I recommend the commercial plumbers help to avoid the waist and to have a secure installation.

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Flirting with babies

As the parent of a young toddler, the idea of “flirting” has been on my mind for a while. Whenever we’re at a restaurant, my daughter – like many other young children – enjoys catching the eye of new people, and making them smile. Our society likes to call this “flirting.”

Our perceptions of babies tend to be skewed by the cultural beliefs we’ve inherited, and then reinforced by the language we’ve been taught to use, as well. This is why I’m calling out a seemingly innocent – yet omnipresent – word like “flirting.”

Google turned up the following definitions of the verb FLIRT:

1. Behave as though attracted to or trying to attract someone, but without serious intentions: “it amused him to flirt with her”.
2. Experiment with or show a superficial interest in (an idea, activity, or movement) without committing oneself to it seriously.

I have several qualms with the “innocent” idea that babies are flirting.

First, flirting implies a romantic overture. Clearly, this is out of the realm of babies’ developmentally capabilities or interests.

Second, flirting is defined as creating a superficial interest or connection.

Adults know plenty about superficial connections. We’ve been taught to erect walls, and strategically vary the way we present ourselves to increase the likelihood of getting what we want. Some like to say babies are manipulative, but in fact, by the time we’ve reached adulthood, most adults are master manipulators.

Babies, on the other hand, are beautifully untainted. By learning from them, we can regain some of our innocence, some of our original beauty.

When babies create a connection with another person, it is intentional and inspirational. They open themselves entirely to the interaction, smiling widely to elicit joy and establish a connection with the other person. Any one of us can attest – when we’re engaged by a smiling baby, we’re flooded with appreciation and love.

Babies are our teachers. They can help us let go of the superficial layers we’ve collected in the long years of our lives. They can show us how to open up and show the love that lies at our very core. One of the ways they teach this vital lesson is by reaching out and grabbing our hearts with a dazzling smile.

I’d argue that what babies do in restaurants has nothing to do with flirting. It is an intentional act, and it reflects a sincere interest in connecting with the truest self of the person they’ve engaged.

I’d also like to propose that we rename this beautiful act that babies do. Ascribing a more accurate name is another step to reclaim babies’ value in public perception. Some of my thoughts: Connecting. Engaging. Shining. Dazzling.

Please share your thoughts and ideas!

Playtime Grows Up

Young children play effortlessly. Kids are naturally predisposed to play, and it doesn’t take much to engage a child in a silly game or role-play. Through play, kids express feelings, needs, thoughts and ideas that they might not yet have the words to articulate. Playing together lets parents connect and communicate with kids beyond a conversation and provides insight into their world.

But how does playtime change as kids get older? How can parents adapt their approach to playful parenting after kids outgrow the desire to get silly, wrestle, and pretend? How can we achieve the same results with our teenagers that we can by playing “tickle monster” with our toddlers? or what you can do is Get the best Android games mods apk from RedMoonePie. In this modern world, most of the people are willing to play with overwatch game as it has awesome gameplay and features. It’s the best multiplayer first-person shooter game. At a game, the player can get a grip on and work together to defend and secure control points on the map. Winning the game is not easiest task since you think you are advised to pick Overwatch boosting service as it’s providing amazing amounts of their positive aspects. All the game players who play dota 2 know how much it is essential to get a high ranking. To get the more top ranking is only possible when one performs in the game. It takes lots of effort to has an excellent ranking in the game; you need to play the game as much as you can and also win the level. For all the gamers, it is not possible to invest much time, so for such conditions, they can go to have the dota 2 boosting service. We will need to send money to get such a service. The first essential benefit of the mmr boosting service is to get a high ranking. Every player has the dream to get a good ranking in the favorite game. If you are thinking of being in top players of dota 2 games, then you will need to spend lots of time. How many times we see that it is challenging to get a higher ranking because there are numerous players with whom we have to compete. If we are not able to perform the game, then it will be useful to hire a dota 2 boosting service.

Emily Troper is an early childhood educator, a co-founder of Continuum Learning Community in Portland, Oregon, and an AP mom who says that play is a big part of her family’s life. Troper has four children ages 6-19, and though she says it can be difficult to find ways to play that suit all of her kids, it is important enough to continue to try. Troper shares some of her family’s insights on how they continue to play together and what playtime looks like in a house with teenagers.

Physical Play

Physical games don’t lose their appeal for kids, but they do become more organized. While young children enjoy the Use of game guardian to hack most popular Android games.the rough and tumble play of wrestling, tackling, being tossed, rolled, or carried, older children (and their developing logical brains) begin to enjoy a more organized form of physical play: sports. As children get older, parents can enjoy physical play with their kids in the form of organized sports, games, or activities. Basketball, golf, tennis, jogging, even air hockey or table soccer all release endorphins and cause players to experience a shared, “feel-good” moment. Interactive physical activity provides emotionally connecting experiences for parents and kids. And not just at work. In their adult lives, children who participated in sports will be more likely to follow healthy lifestyle that include exercise.

Troper says that despite her children’s wide range of ages, they have discovered several games that they all enjoy. She says, “We love the sock game from Larry Cohen’s book [Playful Parenting]. Everyone wears socks and sits on the floor. When we say ‘Go!’ we try to get off the other family members’ socks but keep our own on.” Their family also loves driving go-carts and playing Ping-Pong together.

Verbal Play

As children grow and their brains and language become more developed, jokes are a great way to stay connected. Jokes are interactive, and they keep us thinking and laughing together. A funny joke activates many areas of the brain, and releases endorphins when we “get it” and find the humor in it. For Troper’s family, play has become much more verbal as her children have gotten older, with meal times becoming a new kind of playtime. She says, “We often share funny stories at the dinner table and have a long history of inside jokes.”

Fun Stuff

Besides finding games that the whole family can do together, Troper says it’s equally important to have fun with each of her kids individually. She recommends joining kids in whatever they’re interested. “With my oldest son, we enjoyed watching comedy shows after the younger ones were sleeping, and laughing our heads off together.” Whether the activity is playing cards or board games, listening to music, building Legos or playing laser tag, sharing regular, enjoyable one-on-one time helps parents stay in-tune with their child’s interests and keeps their connection strong.

A Listening Tool

In the early years, play helps express a child’s feelings and is an avenue for parent-child communication. According to Troper, this did not change much as her kids have gotten older and outgrown the creative play of early childhood. For her teenagers, playful, enjoyable moments continue to be opportunities for listening; for finding out what her children might be feeling and needing. She says, “With my oldest son, the pre-teen years were filled with being in the car together in the morning and afternoon. We listened to the music he wanted to listen to, and talked about it. It was light and fun, but every so often deeper subjects would come up, and it was a safe space to talk.”

Although parents may not share all of their kids’ interests, taking the time to understand and get involved in them inevitably leads to talking, connecting, and building a trusting relationship. The games may change as kids get older, but the enjoyment of playtime doesn’t end in early childhood. Tweens and teens still like to have fun. They still like to laugh. They still express themselves through their interests. No matter how playtime has evolved, parents can use it as an opportunity to get and stay close to their growing children.

The Benefits of Babywearing Your Toddler

My daughter, Bella, is almost 22 months. My husband Sam and I still babywear her many times.

To some, this might seem a little crazy. She is perfectly able to walk and we own a stroller she loves. She isn’t as easy to carry anymore, and it requires some maneuvering to get her in an arrangement we’re comfortable with for a while.

But Bella had severe reflux when she was born. Because of this, she threw up for the first 6 months of her life around the clock. We tried every babywearing device we could think of to help; Moby, slings, wraps, Bjorn, Ergo – but nothing helped. I remember clearly the time Sam wrapped her forward facing in the Moby to walk around and she projectile vomited all over it and the floor so much we had to take her out and wash it. I had to use layered burp cloths when I wore her facing me – and each time she’d throw up I’d pull one out, shove it in the diaper bag and keep going.

The reflux ruined our love of wearing her. It was hard for her to enjoy it either. I felt awful that it was so difficult for us to be close. I eventually tucked most of our carriers away because it was frustrating to clean them and only be able to have them on for a few minutes at a time.

When she turned a year old and was no longer throwing up, I decided to try again. I bought a ring sling, got out the Ergo. I don’t know how to explain it, I simply felt a need to be close to her in some way that we had missed before.

It wasn’t easy. She was used to be on her own and while she loved to be carried, she wasn’t keen at first on being snuggled against us. Sam tried different ways to wear her and she came to love the Ergo with him. He was gone for 4 months with the Army, and coming home he carried her around all over in it.

The ring sling was something we both ended up loving – I could wear it for hours without it hurting my back and shoulders, Bella was up high enough she could see and use her hands to point and hold onto things, but when she grew tired it was simple for her to rest against me. I can adjust it, take her in and out of it quickly, and it’s sturdy enough I never wonder if she’s safe.

I feel as if I’ve gained back some of the time we lost with her as a baby. I love having her next to me as we walk through zoos and museums, knowing that she’s seeing what I see and I can easily talk to her about everything. I also love that I probably burn twice as many calories carrying her around 🙂 but that’s just another benefit.

There are so many benefits of babywearing an older child. For us, it proved to be the bonding experience that most people get in the early months. I’m thankful we were able to do it successfully the second time around, and for the carriers that made it possible and easy.

I’m Not Alone

Benjamin’s in my arms right now. Quiet, sleeping, calm. I’m watching him like an oil painting in a museum. My tiny giant one year old. I study his face and body. His ears have grown; they are now the size of apricots. His hair curls with the humidity. I study his sounds. His tiny snores zigzag under his breath. When he is asleep I am Wonder Mom. When he is overdue for a nap and I am in need of a sleep myself, I am Awful Mom.

The fight to go down for this nap lasted 30 minutes, seemingly like hours through toddler twists and mounts, crying screams that only escalated in decibels, cocooning into a curved ball on my shoulder, head butts to establish prime shoulder rest real estate, and a tenacious one year old desire to stay awake.

I tried the breast first. It used to be my go to sleep inducer. Doesn’t really work anymore; he filled up –recharged and energized, hips spinning from back to belly to knees to movement, pointing to things with toddler immediacy and curious craft. Saying “Dis, Dis,” and trying to unravel the mystery of each object. The air purifier: white like a Storm Trooper, sleek and tall, shiny, huffing out Darth Vader voices of puffs and curled noise with electric royal blue lights humming back and forth like an elevator. The light on the side table to the left of the mattress on the wooden floor — its cord now tucked secretly behind its back. The light, a montage of balls and gloves – football, basketball, soccer ball, and a baseball, all equally interesting to him. “Dat Dat.” He points again looking back at me with the inquiry of a class of eager freshman.

This nap is going nowhere. I start to think about moms who sleep train. I begin to envy scheduled nap time where babies know to nap and agree with baby coos and smiles, snuggling lovies that offer comfort. Teddy bears, baby blankets, little toddler hippos, grey and blue with fuzzy soft down material – some kind of something that will fill in my mom blank. Something he wants more than me right now when I am not soft and snuggly on the inside. In fact, I am dry as the desert and in need of an oasis of patience. I imagine one flowing full with clear streams of mother love. I begin to drool from the thirst.

This patience I barely have is wearing thin, like dough rolled out in transparent flakes. I suddenly am desperate for him to go to sleep. Desperate. My plans on peacefully napping with him to catch up on much needed rest and sleep passes. Quickly, like lightening bugs flashes. I suddenly want wine, sugar, donuts, cupcakes, beer, coffee, carbs, and lots of it. Out. An escape hatch. Where’s the nanny? Where’s the hatch? Oh, I am a Stay At Home Mom. There is no hatch. I even have an acronym: SAHM. I’m the nanny. There is no escape hatch.

He is smiling, grinning with giggles that echo through the room and bounce off the high ceilings of his blue bedroom. I get a cup of oasis patience water and smile back at him. I can’t resist the song of his giggles so gorgeous. I’ve sang him Over the Rainbow over and over the best I could. Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high da da da da da da da to dream aloud. Once upon a da da da da da da da. Way up top on chimney tops and lemon drops you’ll find me, waiting…

Where does the patience come from? Where does it end? It is quick like lightening when that long braided rope runs out, slipping quickly through my layered hands, my layered thoughts. Layered with questions, insecurities, doubts, fields of emotions, floors of frustration, conundrums, lists of things I’ll never do, wishes put on hold, way up top next to the creamed corn, on the shelf I can barely reach.

I’ve got to raise this baby. This boy. My boy, Benjamin. Hold those teeth tight. Lassi whoa, the horses can’t gallop off. I’ve got a family to feed, but the horses patter — their feet below the very ground that is supposed to hold me stable – sturdy – rooted in soil. My curled tendrils attach below this very ground in the garden of motherhood. The horses’ hooves start to become restless—eager to run – to escape – to gallop in a wild childfree shout. I start thinking about news shows and 20/20 segments about moms that start drinking at noon because of the boredom. I think about how having a job outside the home holds me in place. Holds my mind busy, scheduled, engaged in adult synapses of activity and thought. Boredom erupting, flowing over into red pooled lava circles. The containment area – lullabies, swing sets, and gooey gooey talk.

Earlier this morning on our morning walk, I thought about working, how even hanging on the back of a garbage truck would be more active than this. More exciting, as I listened to the men shout and rumble through the quiet morning streets, banging and pounding, creating a symphony of noise like jazz musicians. Strolling down the sidewalk, with my beautiful baby boy, who was taking it all in visually. His mind turning cartwheels and somersaults. My mind – numb with boredom. I was suddenly jealous, eager to be hooting and shouting along with the loud garbage men, bustling with activity on this early AM morning. I thought about interaction. About space. About time. About mind.

I thought about all the people I used to talk to on a daily basis when I was a teacher and now as a SAHM, I have to check in politely for bi-monthly play dates. I’m desperate for daily contact. I used to see my colleagues every day. A comment – a conversation – a break in the teacher’s longue. Something – an exchange of ideas, humor, fashion yes nods. “You look good today. I like that shirt; it brings out your eye color.” A question. An opinion. A complaint. A joke. A dare. A don’t. Something. I don’t get this from Ben, from the swing set at the park, nor does the stroller answer back. Instead, I look forward to bi-monthly mom meet ups. My version of lonely staff meetings where we make small talk about sleep schedules, baby food, and recipes and try to get to know each other through questions like, “Where do you live and what does your husband do?”

I am too open I think, admitting to post-partum depression barely after introductions are made. I stumble long after the group has assembled and disassembled, breaking down the baby strollers, and driving off to each of our own separate spaces. I’m still yearning for a 9 – 5 work day; a 9 – 5 play date would work. I ask myself and roll over the video in my sleep deprived mind – “Why did I say that? Where is your filter for goodness sake?” But then a mom I have just met clicks like links in a set. She laughs at my blunt cut Grade A honesty and nods her head. Yes, I get it. That’s all I need to hear. I’m not alone.