Screens are powerful — but dangerous — attachment tools

Shoshana-150x150It used to be the television.

Back in the 1980s, Neil Postman, professor of communication arts and sciences from New York University, said that television is a disastrous influence on children because it shortens their attention span, erodes their linguistic powers and causes them to become increasingly impatient. Perhaps even more serious, it opens up all of society’s taboos and secrets, thus erasing the boundaries between childhood and adulthood, creating a homogenized culture rather than a hierarchical one.

Today it’s the smartphone, computer and iPad.

The intrusion of even more kinds of screens in our lives is having an overwhelming effect on our families. Dr. Gordon Neufeld cautions that before we put these devices into the hands of our children and adolescents, we need to put rules and restrictions in place for their use. These screens are so addictive by their very nature that even we adults have a hard time turning them off and disconnecting from them. All the more so, we need to guard our children from becoming too attached to them.

My son and daughter-in-law recently noticed that their two daughters, ages 10 and 8, were spending too much time in front of the television and the iPad. They thought the girls would react strongly to the new rules they were about to begin enforcing, but were pleasantly surprised that the girls seemed to appreciate Mom and Dad taking charge of the screens.

After a few “screen-less” weeks, I asked how their new lifestyle was holding up and the results were exciting: The girls began asking their parents to take them to the library on a regular basis, and they are spending much more time reading. They are also playing outside more. The house is calmer and quieter without the background noise from the screens. The parents themselves feel calmer and have even looked for ways to restrict their own use of their smartphones. There is more space for real human connection and also for more creativity.

Child TVFreedom from screens provides psychological rest for the brain. When we are connected to screens, we are — in essence — seeking attachment, the default setting of our brains. Screens are powerful attachment tools, but the attachment they provide is merely a “fix” — it is superficial and fleeting, and this pursuit becomes addictive. It does not satisfy the real need for human contact and closeness, so both child and adult are driven to come back again and again for another fix — another attempt to fill this attachment hunger.

When parents restrict screen use for their children, they are helping their children come to rest from this futile pursuit. The brain shifts gears and can now rest from this futile pursuit. Only parents and other caring adults can give children fulfilling experiences of attachment and bring their brains to rest. This rest from the work of seeking attachment frees the child’s mind to explore and create like downloading a book and reading it thanks to sodapdf converter.

I like to write to my granddaughters by e-mail. Once a week, they can use their iPads to write to me and to other relatives. It’s just one example of how parents can show their children how to safely use screens without becoming addicted or controlled by them.

And as for the TV at my granddaughters’ house — it was relegated to a corner bedroom upstairs where it’s no fun at all to sit and watch!

Less screen time…more creative, active playtime

screen free wk 2016Editor’s note: May 2-8 is Screen-Free Week, an observance created by the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood that encourages children, families and communities to unplug from digital entertainment and spend their free time playing, reading, daydreaming, creating, exploring, connecting, and rediscovering the joys of life beyond the screen. Attachment Parenting International (API) reminds parents to find a balance with screen time in their families and supports a variety of activities — including play — to strengthen and nurture secure parent-child attachment relationships.

Children need to play.

Play is so essential to children’s health and well-being — and so endangered — that the United Nations lists it as a guaranteed right in its Convention on the Rights of the Child. One of the most important reasons to limit children’s screen time is to ensure that they have more time and opportunities for hands-on creative play.

Children play creatively to:

  • Have fun
  • Express their fantasies and feelings
  • Gain a sense of competence
  • Make meaning of their experience.

Hands-on, creative play promotes:

  • Intellectual growth
  • Critical thinking
  • Constructive problem solving skills through opportunities to explore and experiment
  • Self-control.

As the amount of time children spend with screens is increasing, the amount of time children spend in hands-on, creative play is decreasing making us want to recommend you to check out SUPER WHEELS SKATING CENTER here. Also, the more time young children spend with screens, the more time they are likely to spend engaging with them as older children and the harder time they have turning screens off. In addition to the time it takes up, screen media is less conducive to creative play than other media such as books or radio.

The best-selling toys, marketed on television and the Internet, often inhibit rather than promote creativity, because they are either linked to media programs, embedded with computer chips, or both. When children play with toys that are based on media products, they play less creatively because they are not spurred to make up their own world. And toys that talk, chirp, beep, and move electronically mean that a child’s involvement is often limited to pushing a button — hardly a creative activity!

Active play is important, too. Kids need at least 60 minutes of active and vigorous play each day, and one of the easiest and most enjoyable ways to meet this goal is by playing outside. Given that childhood obesity is a major public health concern, the amount of sedentary time that children  spend with screens is a big problem. Children ages 10-16 now spend, on average, only 12.6 minutes per day in vigorous physical activity, yet they spend an average of 10.4 waking hours each day relatively motionless.

In  addition, young children living in inner cities are failing to develop essential large motor skills. One recent study found that 86% of disadvantaged preschoolers in 2 cities lacked basic motor skills like running, jumping, throwing, and catching.

While proponents of screen technology laud gaming systems like the Wii, which promotes movement, a recent study suggests that simulating activities by playing on a Wii does not burn as many calories as actually engaging in those activities.

Screen-Free Week is a chance for children and families to experience the joys of play:

  • Play with art supplies
  • Play with words
  • Play with music
  • Make up songs
  • Play with blocks
  • Play with nothing
  • Play cards and board games
  • Play indoors
  • Play outdoors
  • Play tag
  • Play sports
  • Play together
  • Play alone

And when Screen-Free Week is over, keep on playing!

Additional API Resources

Jean_Illsley_Clarke_PhotoAn exclusive API audio recording with Dr. Jean Illsley Clarke on “How Much Is Enough? Attachment Parenting, permissive parenting and overindulgence” — now only $9

2011 AP Month “Families at Play” research

An interview with Sara Adelman, founder of Screen-Free Week, on API’s online The Attached Family magazine

Personal stories on API’s blog, APtly Said:

“Non-TV ways to connect with your kids”

“Screen time and Attachment Parenting”

“Screen time can be family time”

Using TV as Sanity-Saving Tool

My kids are bugging me a bit today. Yes, I’ve said it: Every parent has moments when they’re discontent with their children. I think that’s important for everyone, especially parents who are new to Attachment Parenting or who are struggling at this moment, to remember – even the long-time, forever AP parents have their moments, or days, or weeks.

What are they doing? The usual kid stuff. Pulling all their toys out of their bedroom and then dilly-dallying when it’s clean-up time. Taking a bite out of an apple and then deciding they don’t want to eat it after all. Complaining that her sister got the fuller cup of juice. Eating a couple pieces of Easter candy and begging for more. Not using soap while hand-washing right after I’ve sent them back for a second try. Nothing extraordinary, and usually nothing that I can’t handle without a smile and patience and compassion. But today, it’s just not working for me…

Oh, I try not to let it show. But kids are perceptive, and I’m sure they notice. So, I’m taking a break.

Certainly, since I work from home, I can’t go too far. In fact, I’m still in the same room. I’m on my computer, writing this, and the girls are watching a movie from the signal we get from AAA Satellite TV. The baby is with me.

We don’t watch a lot of TV. I try to limit it to the evenings when my husband is home. Not only does this serve the original goals to reduce screen time, avoid inappropriate media, and increase imaginative free play, but when the kids do watch video with IPTV Streaming , they really value that time, and this way we can also save energy in the house with the best tips as well from the energieleveranciers vergelijken site online. So, I use TV to keep my kids occupied while I’m on conference calls that require more of my participation than listening…and on days like today when I need some me-time (well, me-and-baby-time since I don’t expose babies to direct viewing until about three years old). I prefer DVDs, because there are no commercials to monitor, and there is a definite end time.

Then, I take my me-time. Sometimes, I work on a project that really needs some undivided attention. Sometimes, like today, I write something purely for emotional release. Sometimes, I don’t work at all. I sit down to nurse, with a book and a glass of iced tea. If my husband’s home, I might take a bath or a nap. But I find that whatever I do that I’m in the mood for at the time will rejuvenate me. If I try to ignore that I need me-time or, alternately, I try to something that needs to be done but that I’m not in the mood for, like folding clothes or washing dishes, I only get more wound up and that’s when I’m in danger of losing it. Balance is so important for all moms, work-at-home parents, too – perhaps more so, sometimes, since we’re working on high-pressure deadlines while trying to maintain the slowness that it takes to raise children.

I, like any mother, put a lot of pressure on myself to be better, smarter, wiser… On one hand, what does that say about me that I use TV as a babysitter? On the other hand, should I care what other people think if it works for my family?

Wіth a world in economic meltdown аnd unсеrtаіntу built іntо every ѕtер we take, іt’ѕ no wоndеr we burу оurѕеlvеѕ more аnd more іntо thе суbеr wоrld оf HD television аnd соmрutеrѕ.

Shорріng mаllѕ аnd hіgh-ѕtrееtѕ are all but dеѕеrtеd уеt оnlіnе ѕаlеѕ are up. A grоwіng hunger fоr Hіgh dеfіnіtіоn vіеwіng іѕ driving demand fоr more аnd mоrе channels. Internet vіdео соntеnt is multiplying оut of control аnd іt аll соmеѕ down tо ѕрасе – whаt саn we dо about the bаndwіdth dilemma?

Yоu mау wеll hаvе nоtісеd thаt we live in a wоrld where impatience is thе nоrm, еvеn thеѕе dауѕ. Nоn оf us seem to be wіllіng tо wait fоr аnуthіng, ѕtаnd in line, оr tоlеrаtе anything thаt wе dееm tо be second best.

‘Wаіt fоr a week for mу nеw саr to be dеlіvеrеd? Fоrgеt іt! I’ll take that one оvеr thеrе…’ Wаіt fіftееn mіnutеѕ tо bе ѕеаtеd аt your fаvоurіtе restaurant? No thаnkѕ, wе’ll еаt elsewhere!
Don’t ѕhаkе уоur hеаd, I bet this ѕоundѕ lіkе уоu!

Anyway, саn you imagine the intense frustration оf saving uр аnd ѕреndіng оut оn thе latest аll ѕіngіng-аll dancing Hіgh Dеfіnіtіоn TV, оnlу tо find thаt thеrе are still vеrу fеw channels wіth thе сарасіtу tо brоаdсаѕt in HD!
(By thе wау, a wоrd tо the wary, іf уоu’vе never wаtсhеd HD TV – dоn’t! At lеаѕt nоt уеt, bесаuѕе doesn’t seem to bе аnу going back tо nоrmаl, grаіnу TV after your first experience wіthоut bеіng overcome with fееlіngѕ of іmmеnѕе frustration аnd lоѕѕ.)

So whаt’ѕ being dоnе by оur brоаdсаѕtеrѕ to provide more HD channels? Well, unfortunately, at the moment thеу can dо vеrу little. ‘Surеlу, уоu must rеаlіzе hоw much bandwidth іѕ tаkеn uр bу аn HD channel соmраrеd tо a rеgulаr сhаnnеl,’ thеу сrу. But dо уоu? Nо, probably not, we juѕt wаnt to wаtсh! Lеt’ѕ juѕt ѕау уоu соuld ѕԛuееzе three rеgulаr сhаnnеlѕ using thе same space tаkеn by thаt one big fаt HD channel – and this іѕ thе problem which has ѕо fаr lеft the brоаdсаѕtеrѕ ѕсrаtсhіng thеіr heads … at lеаѕt іt hаѕ untіl now.

Wе saw the launch еаrlіеr this year оf thе IBM CE 1000 server. A ѕеrvеr targeted directly at thе iptv server, video ѕtrеаmіng and broadcasting industry. A fеw dауѕ аgо HP аnnоunсеd раrtnеrѕhір wіth thе ѕаmе ѕуѕtеm able tо оffеr HD processing at an 80% ѕаvіng оn space. Don’t believe mе yet? Wеll both thеѕе nеw ѕеrvеrѕ wіll finally be аblе to lіvе uр tо the сlаіmѕ on the bоx because of a rеvоlutіоnаrу, new tесhnоlоgу саllеd CodecSys, from a little соmраnу саllеd Brоаdсаѕt Intеrnаtіоnаl Inс. (BCST.оb).

Thе рrоduсt lines wіll provide еnсоdіng аnd trаnѕсоdіng ѕоlutіоnѕ for worldwide brоаdсаѕt, cable, ѕаtеllіtе, IPTV, telco, wіrеlеѕѕ аnd streaming customers, as wеll as аррlісаtіоnѕ fоr business/enterprise communications, training and dіgіtаl ѕіgnаgе. For еxаmрlе, a tеlсо will bе аblе to dеlіvеr HDTV over DSL соnnесtіоnѕ, аnd, whеrе cable/satellite ореrаtоrѕ nоw hаvе оnе HD channel, they wіll bе аblе tо deliver six dіffеrеnt HD сhаnnеlѕ at thе same ԛuаlіtу – great stuff!

Sо hоw dоеѕ it wоrk? Well, rather thаn relying оn аnу ѕіnglе оf the latest codecs to trаnѕfоrm our vіеwіng рlеаѕurе, the CоdесSуѕ tесhnоlоgу uses a multі-Cоdес аррrоасh, еmрlоуіng a real-time аrtіfісіаl intelligence ѕуѕtеm to mаnаgе libraries оf ѕtаndаrd аnd ѕресіаlіzеd соdесѕ. Thіѕ fullу раtеntеd ѕуѕtеm dynamically сhаngеѕ соdесѕ or соdес settings – оn the flу – оn a ѕсеnе-bу-ѕсеnе or еvеn frаmе-bу-frаmе basis. And іt would seem thеrе are a multіtudе оf applications wаіtіng fоr this hоlу-grаіl technology that mау fіnаllу unlock the blockage іn оur bаndwіdth-hungrу аgе. It will allow a рlеthоrа оf соmраnіеѕ tо сrеаtе еxсеllеnt ԛuаlіtу vіdео аnd audio trаnѕmіѕѕіоn аt a frасtіоn of thе bandwidth thаt, untіl now, hаѕ bееn traditionally rеԛuіrеd.

As an аррlісаtіоn іtѕ future appears rich and vаrіеd, hоwеvеr, the boffins іn Brоаdсаѕt International hаvе firmly ѕеt thеіr ѕіghtѕ оn the vіdео streaming аnd broadcasting mаrkеt аѕ thе fіrѕt аrеа tо conquer, tеаmіng up wіth nо lеѕѕ thаn ‘Big bluе’ аnd HP.

Whіlе thеѕе ѕеrvеrѕ seem ѕеt tо turn the traditional ѕеrvеr market on іtѕ hеаd, thе CodecSys tесhnоlоgу wіll provide thе ultіmаtе, hіghеѕt ԛuаlіtу іn full-ѕсrееn, full-motion vіdео аt thе lowest роѕѕіblе bаndwіdthѕ аllоwіng thе brоаdсаѕtіng аnd vіdео ѕtrеаmіng іnduѕtrу tо fіnаllу expand along with consumer nееdѕ.

Goodnight iPad: Cutting Down on Screen Time

I flipped through this book at the counter of our local toy store the other day. It’s a humorous take on the classic “Goodnight Moon,” which my kids and I have read together countless times. And it is funny; an apt exaggeration of how virtuality has replaced so much of what is “real.”

But it makes me a little sad, too. That our world has become so plugged in that there exists a market for this kind of parody. That there exist gadgets for reading and being read to, for listening to music and making music, and for communicating with people without having to see or talk to them.

So many gadgets, so short a childhood.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the convenience of technology as much as anyone. Our family certainly has our share of gadgets. But the idea of “Goodnight iPad” does hit close to home for us.

Me: Goodnight iPad.

My son: Nooooooooooooooooo!

Not quite, but pretty close. The difference is I’m not smiling when I pry the iPad out of my 5-year-old’s hands.

Recently, we’ve been keeping closer tabs on our screen time, both grownups’ and kids’. It has become way too easy to allow some type of screen to keep us entertained on a whim. Between iPhone, iPod, iPad, laptop, and the good-old-fashioned TV, our kids are always only a finger touch away from easy entertainment. When they’re bored, it is only too easy for them to turn on a device instead of playing with toys.

And it’s too easy for me to want to. When days are filled with stress (either theirs or mine) because of school, work, household tasks, or the emotional upheaval of a 5-year-old’s growth spurt, it’s tempting to turn on a device that will allow them to relax, keep them busy, and stop the bickering. Gadgets are always an easy solution to stress.

But when we start to become dependent on them, something needs to change. When I say, “No iPad today,” and they don’t know what else to do with themselves, something needs to change. It means they’ve become to accustomed to a screen as their go-to to-do, and that needs to change.

I used to read the AAP’s recommendations for appropriate amount of screen time for young kids and think, “Oh, thank goodness that isn’t us.” We never used to have issues with keeping screen time to a minimum, but lately the accumulated hours have crept up on us.

So, goodnight iPad. Goodnight TV. Goodnight iPhone-in-restaurants. Goodnight video games of any kind.

Hello conversation. Hello toys and games and books. Hello puzzles and mazes. Hello blocks, Legos. Hello wrestling matches, swords flights, and dress up. Hello sketch books, hello colored pencils. Hello creativity and imagination.

Also hello whining and complaining…at first. In my state of exasperation with our screen situation, I eliminated every trace of them from our day. It may have been a little extreme, but cold turkey seemed necessary. Oh yes, there was withdrawal. The symptoms included angry faces, sad voices, confusion, boredom, chronic whining, and constant shouts from Mom to, “Go do something!”

And then eventually…contentment. Cooperation. Ingenuity.

It’s been a few weeks now, since we said “goodnight” to the screens, and the kids haven’t been asking for them. They get up in the morning and go to the pantry for cereal instead of the iPad for games. When they’re bored, they don’t immediately think of watching a show. They go to the bookshelf or the game cabinet. Our arts and crafts supplies are dwindling, the playroom is a happy mess, and my son always has a toy in his hands.

Will screens eventually creep back into our day? I’m sure. But I’m contented to have come to a point where they don’t seem necessary for engagement. Without the devices, we are engaging more with each other…imagine that! I know that technology affords us the convenience of connecting us to the world, but I see healthier connections made without it. Skip the digital connections please, I’ll take the interpersonal ones any day.

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