As my husband and I prepare for the arrival of our second child (a boy!) this summer, I find myself thinking about how different it will be compared to when our daughter was born.
With my daughter, we came across Attachment Parenting (AP) as we started exploring different ideas around giving birth and caring for newborns. Many of the AP practices were things we already planned on doing — such as natural birth and extended breastfeeding — and others evolved naturally once we became parents, including cosleeping, babywearing and gentle discipline. This time around, we plan on doing things similarly albeit with much more confidence in our decisions after seeing how well it worked last time.
However, I can’t help but wonder how it will work with more than one.
I think it’s extremely important for the initial bonding that we are physically attached to the baby. This part, I’m not worried about. I practically lived in my wrap with my daughter and don’t expect this time to be any different. I am also a stay-at-home mom, which gives me the freedom to feed on demand and hold off on any set schedule.
The part that I worry about is staying attached with my daughter. I think it’s equally important that our daughter not feel slighted by this new little addition. I want her to continue to feel attached to both mommy and daddy. She will have had almost 2 ½ years of undivided attention and will now be sharing the spotlight, so to speak. We have been prepping her for his arrival for a while now and she seems genuinely excited about being a big sister. She can rattle off a list of things she will be in charge of as the big sister – getting diapers and wipes, singing to him, helping with bath.
What I don’t think she is prepared for is sharing my time. She has always been a pretty independent kid but I wonder if that will change when she is not the only one anymore. How will she react to me breastfeeding the baby all the time? If I’m wearing the baby, will she want to be carried?
I know these concerns are not limited to AP parents, I imagine every parent has similar thoughts before welcoming another child into the family. My hope is that AP gives my husband and I the guidance needed to foster a connected and close family, no matter how large it grows.
We are concluding this series with two more of the most common challenges of transitioning from infancy to toddlerhood as your baby grows. Here is what parents had to say…
What do you find most challenging about transitioning from using AP in infancy to using AP in toddlerhood?
Challenge: Understanding Needs vs. Wants
Figuring out the difference between wants and needs. Babies are so easy as they are one in the same. Toddlers … not so much.
The shift from solely addressing needs to creating a strong foundation for addressing desires and emotional responses
Distinguishing needs from wants
Tip: Be confident. You know your child better than anyone. You have been caring for her since before she was born, responding to her cues, learning her behaviors and understanding what she needs and when. Have confidence in being able to distinguish the difference between needs and wants for your child. As an attuned parent, you know best what your toddler needs (vs. what is merely a “want”) and can respond appropriately. Things like …
nutrition
connection
autonomy
safety
empathy
adequate sleep
belonging
respect
healthy limits
security
understanding
acceptance
… are the things your toddler truly needs, and there is a wide range of what is appropriate among children. Needs and wants are definitely not the same for every child. You are the expert on your child—so trust yourself in the limits you set for him. Though your toddler may act like he needs a toy or a sweet treat or just one more bedtime story, trust your inner assurance that you are meeting his most essential needs—the ones necessary for optimal growth and maturation.
Click here to download a teleseminar with Dr. William Sears on API Live! about “Needs vs. Wants: How to Fulfill a Child’s Needs Yet Discern His Wants in a Way That Preserves Healthy Attachment.”
Challenge: Learning New Parenting Tools
I feel like I’ve lost my toolkit for how we have handled difficult times (frustration, exhaustion, fear).
“The breast” is no longer THE solution.
Finding solutions to new behavior
Tip:Stay connected. Whether it’s online or in person, there are a variety of ways to add to your parenting toolbox. Online communities offer a chance to ask questions and get ideas and resources in return, while local communities are great for connecting to AP moms and dads in person. Both give parents a different kind of support, and both are helpful for gaining new perspectives on handling challenging toddler behavior. In addition to connecting with AP parents who have “been there, done that,” staying connected to the latest news and updates in parenting is a must. There are so many blogs and online resources that are dedicated to sharing articles, posts and links on AP tips, tools and the latest research in parent education. Find some favorites to add to your newsfeed and RSS reader. To start, you can add these great API resources:
Whether it’s online (communities, blogs, Facebook pages, webinars, teleseminars) or in-person (communities, classes, support groups or local AP friends with older children), you can’t beat parents helping parents to expand your toolbox! Keep talking, keep reading, keep learning more about your child’s development.
We are continuing this series with two more of the most common challenges of transitioning from infancy to toddlerhood as your baby grows. Here is what parents had to say …
What do you find most challenging about transitioning from using AP in infancy to using AP in toddlerhood?
Challenge: Understanding Aggression
My toddler feels the need to act out physically despite the fact that this isn’t being modeled by anyone in his life.
Toddlers kick, punch and bite and yet don’t know their own strength.
It’s hard to be kind and patient and empathetic while your kid is kicking your [butt]!
Tip: Focus on the feelings behind the behavior.
Aggression in toddlers is very normal and is a phase most children go through as they develop necessary connections for communication in their brains. As they enter the age of autonomy around age 1-2, children become capable of feeling strong emotions but are still lacking in self-regulation and language skills. In short, the neural connections between the midbrain (where emotions originate) and the prefrontal cortex (where logic and reasoning originate) are simply not there. Help them develop by doing three things:
Accept the emotions behind the behavior (the kicking is not OK, but the anger is).
Give your child the words to identify his feelings (“You are mad. It’s OK to be mad.”)
Create a safe space for an immature toddler to have his feelings while making sure no one gets hurt.
Challenge: Not Taking Emotions Personally
Dealing with those big, turbulent emotions without getting caught up in them. Keeping my cool and modeling patience and being a soothing presence takes a LOT of work on my own triggers and stress.
I found it hard to accept her negative emotions without feeling upset myself … I was so used to always having a happy baby that I guess I wasn’t prepared for her big feelings.
Separating my toddler’s emotions from my own
Tip: Pause To avoid the emotional exhaustion that follows in the wake of a toddler meltdown, pause to remember three things:
They’re my child’s feelings, not mine. She is not wrong for feeling this way, and I do not need to try to fix her feelings for her.
I am not the cause of my child’s feelings. I will take care of my child by meeting her needs on a regular basis–this means setting limits, ensuring safety, and nourishing her physically and emotionally. She is capable of handling her feelings.
It’s not personal. My child’s feelings are not a personal slight against me. I am not a bad mom if my child is upset.
That said, there are ways to maintain a connected relationship while keeping yourself from becoming caught up a toddler’s in-the-moment feelings. Here’s how:
Pause (Yes, again. Pausing before you react is always awesome). Take a breath. Give your child time and space with her own feelings and you with your own feelings. This may mean you leave the room for a short time-out of your own.
Check in. Stay with her and periodically ask how she is doing. This is not the time to talk about the situation; just let her know you understand how she feels. “I know you’re mad, and that’s OK. Let me know when you’re ready for a hug.” Trust in her ability to handle her feelings.
Follow-up. Always come back together and do something fun. You can touch base on the previous situation or not. But do something with your child that she enjoys and that will foster some connective energy between the two of you. Make cookies, play games, go for a walk, dig in the garden, ride bikes, read, go to the park, blow bubbles … pretty much anything you do together will communicate to your child that you love and accept her despite her anger at you, and that you’re not holding her feelings against her.
Don’t miss Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 of this series, and watch for the final installment, Part 5, coming soon!
We are continuing this series with two more of the most common challenges of transitioning from infancy to toddlerhood as your baby grows. Here is what parents had to say …
What do you find most challenging about transitioning from using AP in infancy to using AP in toddlerhood?
Challenge: Not Listening
“NO! NO! NO!”
Not listening
Defiance
Frustration with the idea that if you establish a strong connection, they will want to please you and behavior won’t be an issue
Tip: Set realistic expectations for obedience.
True, toddlers won’t necessarily jump to your every command, but what looks like “not listening” may be a toddler asserting his very new, very powerful sense of autonomy. Young children begin to realize that they have power to make their own choices and take charge of their own actions. What helps with this behavior (and ultimately your relationship) is to do everything you can to encourage this autonomy. The key is to direct children’s newfound power in useful ways.
Model cooperation and listening skills
Offer limited choices
Ask for their help
Show appreciation for their contributions
Encourage their efforts
Celebrate their successes
Listen to their feelings and all attempts at communication
Physically step in to help or redirect when necessary
Establish a child’s sense of significance and belonging
All of these things will help with “not listening” by strengthening your relationship. But while relationship matters, it is not a foolproof cure for undesirable behavior. After all, you’re parenting a very young child with a very immature brain. No matter how strong your relationship may be, until that prefrontal cortex develops, self-control, behavior and “listening” skills will be an issue. But they will develop in time! So hang in there and in the meantime, stay attuned to your toddler and aim for relationship over obedience. In the long run, this truly is the most important part of discipline … even if it doesn’t seem like it in the moment.
Challenge: Tantrums
Discipline and tantrums are very hard.
Allowing her to cry tears of futility instead of trying to stop them …
Dealing with the intense frustration of pre-verbal toddlers
Tantrums!
Tip: Teach your child the language for the feelings he is having by empathizing with him.
You may be taking the most helpful steps towards the prevention of tantrums—ensuring your toddler gets regular, healthful foods, adequate sleep, and plenty of cooperation and help with his frustrations—but despite even the most diligent prevention measures, tantrums will happen. Toddlers are simply too immature to handle all of life’s frustrations calmly.
Remember that while it is unpleasant, a tantrum is normal and very appropriate for a toddler, so do your best to stay calm. A child’s brain has mirror neurons that pick up on the emotional state of his environment. In other words, calm begets calm. You may be able to stay composed during a tantrum and provide the calmness your child needs, but it’s also OK to step away from the fit or a few minutes to collect yourself and refocus if you need to.
A tantrum doesn’t need a punishment but simply some time to pass. Stay nearby to ensure a child’s physical safety as well as to touch base as needed. When a tantrum ensues, let your toddler know it’s OK for him to be mad. Have patience with his lack of communication skills, stay nearby and allow him the space he needs to cry. Check in periodically with inquires of, “Would you like a hug?” or other reassuring comments. It might take a while for the explosive feelings to work their way out of his system, but when he is ready, take time to reconnect. Offer empathy and words of acceptance.
You were really angry! That was really sad for you. It doesn’t feel good to be so upset. It’s OK to feel mad like that. We all get mad sometimes. I love you!
Remember, you don’t have to change the limit you set (i.e., give the child what he wanted) if you have evaluated your course of action to be appropriate. You are only acknowledging his feelings and being emotionally available to support him through them as his brain chemistry restores. Your empathy teaches emotional intelligence as your toddler outgrows a tumultuous age.
Don’t miss Part 1 and Part 2 of this series … Watch for Part 4 coming soon!
We are continuing this series with two more of the most common challenges of transitioning from infancy to toddlerhood as your baby grows. Here is what parents had to say …
What do you find most challenging about transitioning from using AP in infancy to using AP in toddlerhood?
Challenge: Criticism and lack of support
Outside influences concern me, as well as feeling the pressure in public when maintaining boundaries.
Other people’s comments!
Simply having to deal with others’ reactions to various principles of AP. People are much more vocal with their opinions when you use gentle, positive discipline as opposed to physical punishment with a toddler. It becomes less acceptable to be responsive and sensitive to a child’s needs.
Realizing that for the most part, we don’t live in an AP-friendly society. Support and encouragement can be hard to find if you are doing everything quite differently compared to the majority of people in a community.
Not having a partner who embraces positive discipline.
Enacting positive discipline and feeling the distinct difference in parenting choices with peers.
Outside opinions
It’s hard to explain to people that you ARE teaching your toddler right from wrong; that it just might not look like it because you aren’t using traditional discipline and punishment.
Spousal and family support
Tip: Find a network of support. Being able to connect to a group of like-minded parents is invaluable. Whether it’s online, in person or some combination of both, make sure you have someone you can turn to when you need a boost of encouragement. API offers a variety of way to connect with attachment-minded moms and dads, so you can always find a source for support. Many API leaders have started groups in their hometowns precisely because they are the ones looking for support! Local AP chapter meetings, telephone leader support, online forums, social media groups … API has places you can turn for help, advice or just to vent. Support is crucial in parenting; if you’re not getting it, seek it out!
Challenge: Perceived entitlement
I find it hard to discipline gently and not let my kids walk all over me.
I feel like my kids have a sense of entitlement, but it could just be that they have a heightened sense of confidence. But sometimes I have a “parent fail” when they seem out of control.
The attitude! Little babies just have needs. Toddlers want it all right this second, 24/7.
Teaching my toddler to wait when she has never waited for anything since birth.
Tip: Set limits with a balance of kindness and firmness. It’s OK to say no. Toddlers will be upset about that—and that’s OK, too. Don’t confuse poor brain communication with entitlement. With their developing senses of autonomy and initiative, toddlers are hard-wired to explore their environment, discover boundaries and act with purpose. They just lack sufficient neural pathways to help regulate feeling and doing. So when we set a limit, tell them to wait or respond with a “No,” the emotions of their midbrain take over, and they communicate and act in the most effective way they know how—whining, yelling, crying and a general lack of patience or understanding.
Responding with sensitivity by setting limits with kindness and firmness will help children develop the neural coordination in their brain that will (eventually) allow them to respond with patience and understanding while still experiencing those necessary boundaries you set for their for health and safety. However, this takes years! Toddlerhood is only the beginning of neural development. You may see the beginnings of a child’s development of patience, understanding or self-control in one moment and in the next moment “entitled” behavior. This is normal. Children have years to go before their development reaches full maturity, and that growth is non-linear. There will be times of progression as well as regression.
The key is to consistently respond with kindness and firmness throughout their development, so children are able to form those neural pathways between feeling and doing.
Kindness: acknowledge and accept the child’s emotions.
Firmness: hold your limit.
I love you and the answer is no. You really want to ___. It’s so fun! And it’s not safe. You’re angry I won’t let you ___. It’s OK to be mad about that. I’m sorry you have to wait; I know it’s hard!
Developing understanding, self-regulation and self-control will happen; it just takes time for the neural connections to develop and for the child to move forward from parental regulation. But every time you respond with kindness and firmness you are helping this process.
Don’t miss Part 1 of this series, and watch for Part 3 coming soon!
I’ve swept up the Art Room. This room is my writing room and has also become my son’s chaos room. He paints here, plays here, and learns here. It is a womb of flashcards, water color trays, brushes, paper, stuffed animals, clothes, crayons, play kitchen items, toy trains, race cars, and other toddler toys. There has been plenty of times when I had to use power washing dublin to clean my carpets full of paint and dirt from the backyard. Carpets shouldn’t stay damp for too long. Carpets and rugs are lovely, comfy and comfy . Used and maintained correctly, they’re ready to last several years, and become an origin of wonderful pride and happiness. But when not taken care of, unattractive damage could cause numerous problems. The key to any carpet treatment — vacuum-cleaning — must be consistent and complete. Some research has shown an honest vacuum-cleaning can eliminate up to 80% of soil inside a textured plush carpeting. supported use and placement, carpets must be cleaned by professionals carpet cleaning Ann Arbor annually , and spot cleaned as required within the meantime. Drymaster Carpet Cleaning has been operating in the Newcastle since 1990 and has the experience, equipment and procedures to service your premises.There are many varied methods of steam cleaning your carpets. The most common form of steam cleaning is a 1 stage process, where a cleaner will bring to your home a portable machine, similar to the machine that you can rent from the local supermarket or hardware store. This steam cleaning machine is filled with water and detergent and your carpet is cleaned without any pre spray or agitation. This method cleans your carpet without a rinse process and unfortunately leaves detergent residue in your carpet which will promote rapid re soiling. This steam cleaning method is over 20 years old and is not the preferred method by most carpet cleaners today, but unfortunately is still being used by a lot of budget type cleaning companies. Carpet cleaning experts in Newcastle also offers our customers the carpet Dry Cleaning method. Carpets are indeed one of the most important things that we can find in our homes. These can make or break the look the whole room. This is why most people always make it a point to have carpets in their homes so that their homes will look as elegant and as nice as they should be. This is true only under one condition. carpet cleaning usually look their best especially when they are still clean and new. A newly bought or installed carpet would always pull the look of the simplest room there is. Most carpet owners do make it a point to maintain the cleanliness of their carpets. We all know how carpets attract dirt so much. Even if we try to take care and keep our carpets clean, there will always be a stain that will begin to pop out of it. Once a carpet looks very dirty, this can now destroy the look of the whole room. This can now leave the room very untidy and not well cleaned. This is the primary reason why you should always maintain the cleanliness of your carpets all the time. Whether you do this on your own or you hire carpet removal service to do so, you need to make sure that your carpets look as new as they should. One equipment that has really made carpet cleaning such an easier but effective cleaning job is a vacuum cleaner. These are tools or equipment which are used to suck out dirt which are trapped within the fibers of the carpet. This is very effective when you want to remove the solid particles, allergens and the dust which have stayed in the carpet. Although cleaning the carpet thoroughly, removing the stains do need extensive cleaning procedures in order to remove them in the best way possible.
Ten minutes before I swept, it looked like a bomb of paper based material exploded. Add crayons, spoons, plastic play food, children’s books, stickers, paper, paint, M & M’s, and one toddler. Chaos.
My son painting in the Art Room. You can see the toddler debris on the floor.
The pile I’m looking at could be swept into a dustpan quickly. And then it would be gone.
But I have to sort out the debris. What is recyclable — at least the paper and plastic.
I’m tempted though to do one clean sweep then I could attempt to floor mop the wood floors. This is my favorite room in the house. It has twelve foot ceilings and pine wood floors with amazing detail that I got thanks to the work of the professional from Epoxy Flooring Bellevue. It has a south facing window which centers the room — one large window nine feet high by three feet. Visit website for more details about DIAMOND COATING EPOXY FLOORING OTTAWA.
A rare treat this past Saturday — a snowstorm with big chunky snowflakes. You can see the window to my art room in this photo.
This room is never organized completely, only at best, neatened up. My husband has recently installed a shelf system in the closet to organize my on-going writing and art projects. Confession: I am a pack rat and have kept every paper based memory and scrap of paper. I have all my art projects from elementary school (thanks to my mom). I have the first note a boy gave me in sixth grade asking me out. Check yes, no, maybe.
I have kept every letter and card I received as an enthusiastic pen pal writer in the 80’s, including letters from my pen pal from Japan and Costa Rica.
Check out that postmark — 1987, complete with a bubble gum scratch & sniff stickerPen pal letter from Japan
***
My feet stick to the wood floor. Invisible toddler tape perhaps. As Ben calls it, sticky gooey. Everyone is asleep as I pull it together to do the impossible — clean this room. My goal is to see the floor. I start with baby steps picking up loose paper. I recycle what I can. I take a deep breath and recycle the toddler art I don’t want to keep. Should I keep them all? For Pete’s sake — I have over ninety-nine. Throw them out. He will paint more. Trust.
My son’s art gallery in the Art Room
I pick up the books my son loves to dump from the toddler height bookshelf. The rest is a blur. A complicated system in my head of mathematical and analytic order takes over. I put things where I think they may belong. Piles. Lots of piles. They are off the floor for now.
What remains is still covering the floor: a pool of colored collage.
A blue plastic spoon with three vertical grooves lays angled across a scribbled toddler art paper. A crumbled napkin dyed with faded water color paints rests on top. A fluorescent pink index card with pen and ink scribbles hangs to the far right of the pile. The outfielder of the pile — catching loose grounders — about an inch away is a brown dog bone sticker the length of a penny.
A receipt for a failed fertility treatment from August 8, 2008 sits on top of the crayon stew. $244 reminding me of our desperation to be with child. Forever ago.
How did Ben find this bill? I know — he opened the file cabinet. The poor thing is shoulder height to Ben — completely accessible to his exploratory curiosity. (Yes, file cabinets have feelings; they like order — toddlers must make them nervous).
A black teaspoon lays across another fluorescent pink index card. A cardboard white cake mix box next to an empty ink cartridge. Crayons: thick canary yellow, yellow green, navy blue — all visible. Too much. I’m overwhelmed. I’m just going to sort out the paper, crusted in sticky toddler chaos boogers — subtract from the pile.
A black sock bundled. A page from Ben’s favorite book, Wacky Wednesday torn out. I can’t throw this away; it’s the eleven wild wacky things park scene. Ben loves to point them out. The page with the purple limo with the old lady in purple, pushing the yellow buggy on top of the limo.
A wild eyed yellow giraffe sticks his head out of a pothole.
Wacky Wednesday book
The pile is lessened: progress.
A copper penny: head’s up, 2002.
A crayon crumb collage, fit for 80’s wax paper iron art projects, on the back of a glossy 8 x 10. I scoop it up and use it as a dustpan, moved enough by the bright colors to take a photo. Too lazy to find my camera, I toss the debris in the garbage.
Flipping the photo over, I see my fourth grade class from 2008. I was so hungry to be a mom in that photo: infertile. I put the photo on top of the printer paper atop my scanner.
The pile still there on the floor.
Next, fetch the plastic Ziploc bag for the crayons: thick purple broken tip still sharp; navy blue — the triangle grip; a plastic crinkle cut French fry (I hate these tiny outliers too tiny for toy bins). I’ve been throwing them away one by one, even though they fit neatly into the red McDonald’s fry holder, which I hate and soon it will get the cut. I’ll recycle it though.
The plastic corn ear goes into the keep pile. Place white play cake mix with it. My son thinks he is Chef Ramsey. All play kitchen items are keepers.
My therapist’s card (currently going to grief therapy) — I need to call her and make an appointment. This goes on top of my desk.
Blue M & M — throw it away. Maybe eat it.
A scribbled passage for a book I am working on — into the closet.
Yellow green, verde Amarillo, verte-jaune goes into the bag. An orange colored pencil soon behind it.
Turquoise thick Sharpie — no cap, dry as the desert.
Recycle?
Red crayon, red colored pencil. Cheap Rose Art red crayon, orange stub, green stub, thick blue, thin black, thick brown, thick blue — the other half. Royal blue plastic spoon — pile with black teaspoon.
More crayons: purple, navy blue, thick orange, thick red — sticky vegetable potato chip crumbs rolled around it like a Yule log.
Joan Miro eraser
Joan Miro 97 eraser from the Denver Art Museum — bought single, bought solo — a lifetime ago.
A persuasive journal prompt, a rogue teaching resource unearthed and liberated by my son from it’s tidy box.
Art Blast washable water colors packaging — not a good idea unsupervised. At least I can recycle the packaging: cardboard.
My son, Ben painting his masterpieces
Another persuasive writing prompt card.
I think a piece of dried poop was on the white index card.
A pastel purple index card.
I smell poop. Affirmative on the poop crumb.
Wow, I keep everything (not the poop); I should have just swept all this stuff up.
A brown twig.
My friend’s self-published poetry book makes the cut, only because it is inscribed and has “Congrats on the baby” on the inside cover — a reminder of graduate school and my miracle pregnancy.
I’m tired and sleepy. The rest of the pile is going into the dustpan, which actually is just non-recyclable garbage.
I walk by the window, curtains open and turn off the light sneaking a peek at the beauty of this room — the chaos of this room and marvel at the chaos tidied up (for now).
Stained glass fleur de lis my husband made sitting in Art Room window
What are the things you hold onto and what are the things you throw away? How do you keep your child’s playroom tidy?
I just finished an eye-opening book about tapping into your inner guide, the source of wisdom and intuition. In order to better hear its voice, which is always speaking to us, we can practice overriding the voice of the ego, which is based in fear.
What types of things does the ego lead us to do? It has internalized past hurts and projects them onto current relationships in our lives, forcing us to relive our painful pasts time and again – in situations that have absolutely nothing to do with the original hurts. And for parents, it’s the source of the anger and frustration that leads us to lash out at our children.
When I look at the difference between punitive parenting and conscious parenting, I see the difference between parents who are acting from their egos and those who are listening to their inner guides. Punitive parenting comes from the belief that humans are flawed and children must be made to hurt in order to prevent them from hurting others. Sadly, being hurt is just more arsenal for the ego to bring forward and justify attacking others in the future. Conscious, or natural parenting, comes from a place of faith in humanity, a belief that children are innocent and look to us to model love and respect, and set fair limits.
All of us have experienced varying degrees of hurt in our lives – that’s part of the human experience. The big question for us is how do we process that hurt before passing it along to others. It’s easy to act from the ego – it’s the dominant voice in our minds, and it takes active, repetitive effort to take back our thought space. But for those parents who have endeavored to work on themselves in order to pass on even more love to the next generation, the journey is well worth the effort.
Conscious parenting is gaining ground, and some of the most helpful resources out there recognize that the most important work we can do as parents is to work on ourselves.
As a mother who loved her baby wearing and co sleeping days with her daughter, it’s been tough at times to see my little girl grow up and still want to have the same closeness with her. In a different way.
I was fortunate enough to be able to stay at home with Bella, and in doing so the past 3 years have been there for every milestone she had. As she grew closer to the years of playdates and preschool, I found myself wondering how our attachment parenting with her would play out? Before I was a mom, I could never understand the thought of wanting to be home with your children all day. I taught school and was convinced that my children would go to school so that I was able to have a break and get things done.
I’ve realized I no longer have these feelings. Apparently having your own children does make a difference in things you were so adamant about – like no TV. lol
The past year has been a hard one for us. We lost our twin boys in May at 20 weeks into my (very rough) pregnancy. It affected my daughter a great deal, and after the shock and grief lessened for me, I began to try to find a way to bond with her again. Something I hadn’t been able to do much with being so sick, tired, and then sad for months on end.
We have Bella in play therapy, which helps us learn how to respond to her feelings when she’s just learning about them. I make that morning special, we head to Starbucks, then after stop for lunch before we go home. This is a weekly routine and I’m finding myself loving her companionship.
Instead of preschool, or public school later, my husband and I agreed to homeschool Bella. I couldn’t see myself dropping her off while I’m at home all day alone – even working I still have a lot of down time. I used to teach and I missed doing that, and it fits well with our military life in moving so often.
We no longer co-sleep (which she didn’t like much anyway) but she climbs into bed with us each morning. We spend a lot of time together as a family; weekend trips and time at home. We have no family near us so the majority of our time is spent finding our own routine and traditions, something we both enjoy.
So now I see how our parenting style carries into these next years. Of course everyone does things differently and parenting works around life and beliefs, but for us this seems to work well right now. How very special it is that the closeness I loved so much has turned into a wonderful part of her as a little person now.
