Life-long Attachment Parenting

There will be another day and another chance to get it right.

When I was a little girl, I hated my father as much as I could. He was the most unloving, torturing, awful person in the whole wide world, and so was my self-talk 30 years ago.

At the same time, I adored my mother. She was the center of my universe. She was warm, caring, loving but strict; a strong woman who profoundly formed my idea of a perfect woman I wanted to be.

As time passed and my rebellious teen years came down on us – my relationship with both parents changed dramatically.

Now, in my very late thirties, I have to admit that my father became my very good friend and my relationship to my mum turned somewhat sour.

A few years ago I’ve asked my dad how being a parent felt for him when I was very young. He confessed that he felt lost; he didn’t know what to do with a young child. Between the lines I could hear that he was bored and frustrated. There was nothing he could have shared with a “baby-me” that was of interested to him.

My mum, on the other hand, enjoyed her role as a perfect mother. I was her world and she was mine.

As children grow, their needs of emotional and physical intensity of their relationship to parents evolve. None of my parents have changed their parenting style or attitude over the time. But I, as a child and as an adult, have changed. My needs are now met by my somewhat distant and overly-intellectual father much better than by my overbearing mother.

There is a lesson for me to learn here: even if you didn’t start on the right foot you still will get a chance to get it right and to enjoy a deep, loving relationship with your children.

Nowadays, somewhat wiser and more in control of my emotions, I work to re-build my loving relationship with my mum. I know there is a chance. There is always a chance to build it up again. The beauty of close relationships is that we can start over and over again. The beauty is in the endless possibilities to get it right if we so wish.

Attachment is not something that happens to newborns and toddlers – attachment is something that we all take care of throughout our lives. We are attached to our children; our children are attached to each other and to their parents, grandparents and nannies, preschool teachers and best friends.

If one of these many relationships stops working there will be a multitude of others to pick up and heal the broken pieces. Long after we are gone our children will have siblings, friends and spouses to feel connected to.

And so, every time I plague myself with my next “guilty mama” thought I remind myself that there will be another day and another chance to get it right. I remind myself that my children need many relationships that work and that as long as they have someone they love and trust they will be fine, just fine!

Trusting Birth

A few days ago I was putting together a letter for the 2010 Trust Birth Conference and it started me on a train of thought that culminated today as I was sitting having the second pedicure of my life at the local beauty school. Let me take you for a little ride.

Most of us know that your bond with your child starts at a very early age, pre-birth actually. They hear you and are able to sense1101712371_b76082939f many of your emotions. They can even detect some of your actions. A baby can sense when they are wanted and loved and when they are not.

From the very first moment I wanted my baby and everything to do with baby making to be healthy and holistic. Several people suggested I drink before my wedding night to make things “easier.” My thought was “Why? I want this to be the night that my husband and I become one, where we attach, where we form our life-long bond, why would I want to be anesthetized for something as amazing as this?”
Continue reading “Trusting Birth”

Growing Attached Through the Years – AP Month 2009

In October 2008, API celebrated the first annual Attachment Parenting Month (AP Month). We are already gearing up for AP Month 2009 and this year’s theme is “Growing Attached Through the Years.”

How does your family grow? With bicycle bells and hairstyling gels and jam-packed days all in a row? Tell us and join us in celebrating our second annual Attachment Parenting Month!

This year we recognize, appreciate and celebrate the long-term and multiple gifts of growth parents experience with children each day over a lifetime.

It’s easy to participate in AP Month! The whole family is encouraged to enter one or more of our featured contests to demonstrate our theme of growth. Entries are accepted now through September 30 and we’ll post our top picks for public voting during October.

About AP Month 2009 – Growing Attached Through the Years

Attachment Parenting International (API), along with the Sears family and other prominent AP supporters, will celebrate the second annual Attachment Parenting (AP) Month in October.

This year’s theme “Growing Attached Through the Years” reminds us that building healthy, secure attachments between parents and children is a dynamic process that continues through childhood and does not end in infancy.

Join the celebration! AP Month Central shows you how!

AP Month Goals

1. Unifying the AP community in celebration.
2. Supporting all parents by building their confidence and raising awareness.
3. Promoting positive, strength-based, healthy parenting as advocated by API and other AP Month sponsors.