Holidays – Page 6 – APtly Said

AP Picture Books Make Great Holiday Presents

Wondering what to give your young children this holiday season that’ll be both fun and meaningful? Every kid loves a colorful picture book with a fun narration they can relate to, but so many children’s books depict non-AP scenes and situations – like a baby happily falling asleep in a crib or a four-year-old receiving a punitive timeout at preschool – that leave us parents scratching our heads and trying to explain why our families are different.

Many of you have written in to Attachment Parenting International’s The Attached Family magazine seeking recommendations of a few fabulous children’s books for AP families. Well, we’ve selected some of our favorites this year:

- The Warmest Place of All by Licia Rando, illustrated by Anne Jewett – there are a lot of warm places when Sophie comes in from playing outside in the snow, but none gives lasting warmth like a snuggle with her parents in their big bed. API members can check out an interview with Licia on The Attached Family online. Use the username/password sent to you via e-mail recently, or in the table of contents of the Summer 2009 issue of The Attached Family magazine, to access the website.

- Play with Me by Michael Elsohn Ross, illustrated by Julie Downing – All kinds of mommies and daddies play with their babies, from cats and dogs to even humans!

- Asi Me Siento Yo by Janan Cain, translated by Yanitzia Canetti – the Spanish version of The Way I Feel, you don’t even need to know Spanish to read this book! Illustrations and colors match every emotion so well that even small children can begin to learn how to label what they’re feeling.

A Gift for Baby/Un Regalo para Bebe by Jan Hunt, illustrated by Sunny Rosanbalm – the bilingual English-Spanish version, this book offers the same support as the original to an expanded audience of conscious parents. In the same vein as Licia’s new-release, Jan’s book follows along as Baby tries to guess what special gift is the big box – and it’s just what he wanted: Mommy!

We would be remiss, though, if we didn’t mention something about all the wonderful books over at Platypus Media – a publishing company started by AP mom Dia Michels, who isn’t shy about distributing books depicting babies breastfeeding and being worn in slings, and children cosleeping. For a limited time, you can Get Your Coupon Codes and all children’s titles are on sale for only $5 a piece (use the coupon code AB5); or $3 a piece for orders of 100 or more copies (use coupon code AB3). Some of their books you might find fun to read to your child are:

If My Mom Were a Platypus – available in English and Hebrew, this book explores how 14 different animals eat, sleep, and learn.
Come Home Soon, Baby Brother! – a must-read coloring book for siblings of a baby in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.
Look What I See! Where Can I Be? In the Neighborhood – see the daily routines of one AP family.
I Was Born to be a Brother and I Was Born to be a Sister – with narration and sing-along songs, both CDs are good for siblings anticipating the birth of a new baby in the family.

Of course, there are more AP books available in the publishing world. What books has your family found that are both representative of AP and that your kids love?

Guiding Children to Associate the Holiday Season with Giving

Leave it to Wikipedia to present a great page on the origin of Santa including early Christian and pagan origins and his evolution in America, along with old and new thomas-nast-and-clement-clark-moores-1881-depiction-of-santa rituals, criticism, etc. According to History.com, “It is said that [St. Nicholas] gave away all of his inherited wealth and traveled the countryside helping the poor and sick.”

Somehow, in recent history at least, it seems like children have come to associate Christmas solely with receiving a ton of presents. They may also love the magic of holiday lights and music and perhaps even gain an appreciation for spiritual traditions related to their family’s religious faith. But so often in our culture, it seems like the focus remains on Santa Claus and gifts.

Honestly, I’m still undecided how the heck to explain Santa because I don’t like the idea of lying to my children about anything. But I also don’t want to be the hum-bug Scrooge Mama of our neighborhood either. My sense is that there’s a solid split of opinions within the AP community about whether to embrace the fantasy or not. I am leaning toward fully celebrating the spirit of Santa Claus with my daughters, explaining his history and encouraging the fun of pretending to have him visit the house on Christmas eve. When we see a man in a Santa costume around town, we’ll have another opportunity to gleefully observe someone else “playing Santa.”

While I work out the big Santa introduction, the one thing I am very clear on is wanting my girls to experience Christmas as a very special time of year with family and friends in which we give to others that have needs greater than ours.

The recession has impacted so many families, including ours. We are eliminating many of our holiday traditions this year simply because we can’t pay for it. But I choose not to focus my energy on lamenting that and instead want to focus on doing what we can to help others who face greater hardships, and embrace the original spirit of St. Nicholas who gave somuch to the poor and sick.

I put together a list of holiday giving opportunities in Austin where I live which may inspire you to discover similar organizations in your town. There are many, many opportunities to sponsor a child or a family for the Holidays. We did so last year and were able to deliver presents to the family ourselves, which I think is particularly valuable for children to fully experience the act of giving.

My short discovery list of giving opportunities includes:

Capital Area Food Bank
Safe Place – sponsor families and/or children with holiday gifts.
Coats for Kids – providing new or gently used coats to low-income children.
Children’s Shelter
Life Works
Court Appointed Special Advocates for Children (CASA)
Blue & Brown Santa – toy drives
Salvation Army
Christmas Bureau of Austin – This is my personal favorite simply because this organization gave us the opportunity to reach out to people directly to provide an uncooked holiday meal and toys/clothes for the children.

There are currently over 1800 families requesting holiday sponsorship through the Christmas Bureau in Austin!

This is Monica’s first post on API Speaks. She also writes about attachment parenting on her web site, Attachment Mama.

A Foundation of Trust

There are all new considerations and choices to make when you have a child during the Christmas season. Like what kind of gifts to buy, should they be educational? Homemade? Eco friendly? Wood? Plastic? Should they make noise? How much should you spend? Should you give gifts at all? What kind of holiday foundation do you want to lay for your child? And not only holiday but what kind of foundation do you want to lay for gift giving? For being financially responsible? For being a giving person all year round?

And how about honesty? How about things like trust? This is what I ask myself around the holiday season, especially now that I have a child of my own because now, unlike when I was a child and my parents made these choice, these choices are my own and they will form the next years of my child’s life.

I choose honesty and trust because of the Santa Claus issue. Now I know that this is a very personal choice but I will give a swing at it from my perspective.

Every year thousands of children are told the story of Santa Claus though it isn’t told as a story, it is told as truth. There really was a “saint” Nicolas and he really did give children toys but as we all know he did not cover the globe, he surely did not have a pack of reindeer and there were/are no elves working in a shop of eternal Christmas at the North Pole. And yet thousands, millions of children are told this story each year, they are reminded that this is why they must be “good” so that they can receive presents.

Young children are so impressionable and with this “story” we (as Americans) indoctrinate very early. I was blessed as a child to not have this story told to me, I received presents from my loving parents whether I was “good” or not, we didn’t have lots of money but I always received a few nice gifts, I never thought because I didn’t receive as many as some other children that I was not as “good,” I actually pitied children who believed in Santa Claus, I pitied them because their parents were lying to them and I knew it and they did not.

Why I ask myself when I have and am working so hard to build a relationship of trust, a foundation of truth in my child’s life would I, “just for fun” and not to “deprive” my child of a cultural norm, lie to my child, why would I after requesting that he obey me because he trusts me, because I provide consistent and loving care for him day in and day out while being consistently truthful and trustworthy would I destroy that with one little “white” lie?

I have heard parents tell stories of when they had to tell their children the truth, or worse yet when children were sneeringly informed by another child that there is no such thing as Santa Claus. How horrific. Children are then supposed to move on because they are now in on the adult secret that has been kept from them for years, they are now a part of the holiday lie, they are not even allowed to mourn the “death” of a man that they have cherished for years because then they would uncool or less grown up. And somewhere in a child’s heart a seed of doubt is sown. Why did my parents lie to me? Don’t they trust me? Do I trust them? Why should I trust them? What else do they lie to me about? And these doubts become buried in a child’s heart and mind never to be expressed for fear of not being “good” not measuring up to their new grown up status.

I am looking forward to this holiday season. I am looking forward to making cookies, candy and a gingerbread house with my son. I am looking forward to buying and wrapping him presents, of stuffing his stocking. I was thrilled to see his look of delight as we lit up our Christmas tree, it made me smile to hear him say “pretty.” And as I snuggle him as he falls to sleep tonight, his trusting arms wrapped around my neck I know that I could never betray his trust just over a little bit of fun that we won’t miss anyway.

Holiday Expectations Denied

Almost first thing on Thanksgiving my expectations for the day were dashed. Our friends who were supposed to come over for Thanksgiving dinner had to cancel because of illness. I was glad they didn’t want to share their germs and totally understood. It didn’t hurt my day so much as change what I thought it would look like. The whole holiday weekend (and maybe my whole life) has gone that way. So I’m thinking about expectations.

My last therapist said that both expectation and worry are stories we’re telling ourselves. Our story is unlikely to play out as we imagine. Her point was that we should just stop making up stories and live in the present moment. I like the idea, but the reality is that often we need to plan ahead, which requires thinking about how things may go and what we’ll need to do or get, where we’ll need to be.

So what happens when we plan ahead and events don’t go as anticipated? Well, on Thanksgiving, instead of cooking our food earlier in the day to ready for our guests, our morning was so long and leisurely it lasted until about four in the afternoon. Mike and Cavanaugh built train tracks from the train table through the living room, around the couch, and back to the train table. I would never have had the patience or attention span for this. Cavanaugh was in utter heaven and Mike got to spend hours of focused time with his son. It was definitely a day to be thankful for.

Part of why the day was good is that I’ve been trying hard to let go of what I think things should look like. Who am I really? Only one of three people in this family. Why should it be my plan, my expectations fulfilled?

It happened again over the weekend when we were getting ready to decorate the Christmas tree. Rather than finding decorations in the garage, Cavanaugh discovered a attery-operated holiday train set we just inherited from a friend. He was so taken with it that he cared about nothing else. I found myself getting frustrated, even mad. I had a whole picture of how the afternoon was supposed to go. We were going to listen to cool Christmas music, hang lights, tell Cavanaugh stories about where the decorations came from. He didn’t care at all.

Luckily, I was able to stop myself from the bad mood I felt coming. I’ve started noticing recently that I feel my body heat up when I’m getting angry. I literally need to cool down. So, I walked outside to repot a plant and left Mike inside to help with the holiday train. When I entered the house, Cavanaugh walked into my arms. The tracks kept popping apart and the train wouldn’t ride the rails. He just looked so disappointed.

I gave him a hug and said we’d go figure it out. We walked into the sunroom and tried one more track maneuver. Rather than throw it out the window, I suggested in my playful parenting voice that we just put the tracks back in the box and let the train run on the floor. We could pretend the whole room was tracks. Mike followed my lead and pretty soon my husband and I listened to Sufjan Stevens Songs for Christmas album as we got ready to decorate the tree. I didn’t even try to make up a story about how it was going to go. I just experienced it as it happened.

I hope to be able to do the same throughout this month, through the cookie decorating parites we’ve been invited to, the tree lighting and caroling, and whatever other holiday events we’ve got on the calendar–but may or may not go to depending on what’s happening in the moment.

How was your Thanksgiving? Did it go as expected. What kinds of plans and hopes do you have for the rest of your holiday season?

Sonya Fehér is a co-leader of the S. Austin chapter of Attachment Parenting International. You can find her at mamaTRUE: parenting as practice.

Attachment Parenting Makes the Holidays Easier

I am now into my fifth holiday season as an attached parent. Over the years my family has changed and grown, but one thing has remained true. Attachment parenting practices, like breastfeeding, babywearing and positive discipline, have made the holidays easier. They have smoothed the rough patches, helped me get things done, and provided everyone with a touchstone in the midst of the craziness that can happen at this time of year.

One of my big challenges over the holidays is my long to-do list. I am baking, crafting, shopping, wrapping gifts and on and on and on. A good baby carrier (or, you know, 14 good baby carriers, as the case may be) really helps me get through that list. When my toddler is on my back he’s happy and I have two free hands. It is much easier to mix up a batch of cookies when I know that my child is safely strapped to me, and not climbing on to the dining room table yet again.

My 10-month-old and I try out our new wrap in 2005
Continue reading “Attachment Parenting Makes the Holidays Easier”

Creating Holiday Traditions

Last year, all I felt like doing for Thanksgiving was resting and giving thanks. This year, I am antsy and ready to do stuff, holiday stuff. Our son just turned three and has been so much more aware of special occasions –his dad’s birthday, Halloween, his birthday– that this is the year we can start explaining what Thanksgiving and Christmas are, start helping him to know there are traditions we’ll participate in every year.Family traditions feel to me very much a part of creating a secure base, something we can expect to happen, that we can count on doing with the people we love. Continue reading “Creating Holiday Traditions”

Gift-Giving from the Heart and Hands, Not the Wallet

This week on The Attached Family online, Attachment Parenting International members can read the debut of the “Professional Parenting” series, a column written by Judy Arnall, Canadian mother of five and author of the widely acclaimed Discipline without Distress – you should see my well-worn copy of the book that gives parents real tried-and-true discipline techniques without resorting to spanking, yelling, or the infamous timeout.

This first column of Judy’s, “Gift-Giving from the Heart and Hands, Not the Wallet,” is so timely as the biggest shopping day of the year arrives the Friday following the American Thanksgiving Day…and another season of holiday gift-giving will soon commence as soon as we’ve all finished our turkey and pumpkin pie. Thing is, well, this recession we’re in…I can tell the economy is better than it was a year ago when announcements of job layoffs and company bankruptcies clogged the television news hours, but you know, it’s not to the point where many of us are willing to spend freely on non-essential living expenses. My family included, certainly.

In her column, Judy gives a long, long list of wonderful ideas for gifts that toddlers, preschoolers, older children, teens, and even parents can make themselves – with more heart than opening up the wallet. Let me tell you of some of my favorites:

For toddlers…plant seeds indoors in clay pots, decorate the clay pots, and the flowers will bloom by spring. What a great idea!
For preschoolers…make a batch of cookie dough and give it with a set of cookie cutters, oven mitts, and a pan. Genius!
For older children and teens…now this list is basically endless but includes a variety of arts and crafts that, with a child’s natural creativity, could turn out just as good as anything you’d find in a store.

Read the whole list: Gift-Giving from the Heart and Hands, Not the Wallet. Access to The Attached Family online – the online extension of API’s quarterly print magazine – is a benefit of membership to API. Find login information on the Table of Contents page of the Summer 2009 “Feeding Our Children” issue of the magazine, or if you’ve joined recently, contact memberships [AT] attachmentparenting [DOT] org for more information. Not yet a member? Take advantage of our current membership special.

What else is being talked about this week’s The Attached Family online articles?

Marian Tompson, co-founder of La Leche League International, discusses breastfeeding and HIV/AIDS in an interview about the AnotherLook nonprofit organization.
Riet van Rooij, author and mother of two in the Netherlands, opens up about her book, Pregnant with Heart and Soul, now translated into English and German.

“Holiday” Wean: I Almost Fell Into That Trap

It’s something that every nursing mother experiences at least once. It’s mostly known as “The Holiday Wean”, but really it can happen during any major transition or stressful period.

Like moving.

Because my husband and I were in a hurry to get our new house painted and us moved in, my girls, ages 2 and 4, spent a lot of time over other people’s houses while we packed, painted, and unpacked. In fact, the night before the move, my 2 yeard old and I spent our very first night apart: she slept over her Grandmother’s while my husband and I stayed up until midnight to finish the painting. I figured she would be okay with it.

The next afternoon, after the move, when my MIL brought her home, I thought she would want to nurse immediately. Imagine my surprise when she wanted nothing to do with me. She was angry.

It took about four hours before she would finally come over and give me a hug and kiss. And it wasn’t until the next day that she decided she would nurse again (to the relief of my sore and engorged breasts).

You would think that I would’ve been more aware of what was happening. I did mention to my husband once or twice that she wasn’t nursing as often during the packing phase, but didn’t really think much of it. I got too wrapped up in other things in life, and forgot the important lesson that my daughter teaches me every day: sit down and rest, slow down, take care of yourself.

Thankfully, my daughter is now back to her regular nursing schedule. She and her sister love their new room and the house. We are all grinning ear to ear over here.

Have you ever experienced the Holiday Wean? How do you remind yourself to take time to make sure your nursling is getting his or her “na nas” during stressful and busy times?