General Interest – Page 70

Make a “Play” List with Your Kids

My son is seven and a half, attending public school, and just getting everything done in a day is a challenge. He is exhausted from being around kids all day and I have client emails to send and dishes that need washing. From the alarm in the morning until bedtime, we are negotiating transitions, trying to get things done, and we don’t always have the same wants or needs at the same time. It’s easy to lose connection with each other in the midst of that.

So, I was very interested to hear Brené Brown talking about play in The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting: Raising Children with Courage, Compassion, and Connection. She referenced Stuart Brown, a play researcher, and gave his simple definition of play.

Time spent without purpose
You lose sense of self and don’t feel inhibited or self-conscious
You lose track of time

Play is a great place to connect with our kids (and ourselves), when it’s really play for both of us like when we use our roller skates with our parents back in time. It helps foster the attachment that we build with them as babies, and that can get strained when we’re spending so much time apart or needing to get things done when we’re together.

But there’s a catch. The activity has to feel like play for all the parties if the goal is to play together. Play for my son may include endless LEGO battles, but that feels like work to me. It meets none of the criteria of play.

1) The purpose is to hang out with my child.
2) I feel self-conscious because I don’t really know how or why to have battles.
3) I’m very aware of how much time I’ve spent doing it.

What do you do when play for one of you is miserable, or not fun, for another? Figure out what you both like to play. Brené Brown sat down with her family and they made a list of what fit the definition of play was for each of them. Check out this list of 50 Fun Indoor Games for Kids from Twin Cities Kids Club! Many activities, like Candyland, did not overlap. But the ones that did went into her Venn Diagram (yes, she made fun of herself for making a Venn Diagram of play, and yes, I totally loved the idea). The overlaps in their diagram helped Brown’s family determine what they’d spend time doing on the weekends, what kinds of vacations they took, or what they’d do together for fun.

I loved the idea so much that we made up our own play lists and checked for overlap at our house. Both my son and I love to make up songs and rhymes, lie in the hammock and read a book together, jump at Jumpoline under the disco lights, play some board games (but not others), and many more. We also made a list for things that can feel like play for awhile, but that one or the other of us gets tired of sooner, and we put those activities on our limited play list. We can do them together, with a time limit, so the other person isn’t having to work to stay interested.

The list has been really helpful. We’re playing UNO more often, have remembered how much we like to play in the water, and the list is a go-to resource when we’re needing extra connection because we’ve been busy or one of us is having a hard day. The conversations we have during or after play are more connective too.

For more ideas about how to integrate play into your parenting, I highly recommend Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen. And for the research behind play, Stuart Brown’s book Play: How it Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul is a fascinating read.

Lessons from Parents of a Sleepless Baby – Part 2

Continued from Part 1

As we relearned loving sleep routines with our son, we did strike upon a few techniques that worked well for us as a family.

We are Roman Catholic, and praying a quiet rosary with our son before bedtime has two benefits: It relaxes him, and it relaxes us. He delights in our voices, in the soothing and soft repetition of sounds he remembers from the night before. The meditative sound and pacing of the prayer likewise soothes us, which reassures our son further.

Those who are not Roman Catholic or who do not want to pray a rosary might try memorizing a longer poem they love and repeating it several times in a row, in a slow, gentle voice. Knowing how long the prayers or the poems are, too, helps provide a realistic sense of time for parents. I recommend avoiding clock-watching while soothing a baby to sleep.

Reviewing the great parts of the day, quietly, is also a wonderful way to relax both parents and children. You can snuggle up, one-on-one or as a group, and review fun activities that everyone enjoyed, especially good behavior from a little one, and how proud you are of them and how much you love them. For example, Thomas is now 19 months old and has been working to leave breakables alone. One day, he made wonderful progress: When he had opened the bookcase and had pulled out an especially fragile little thing, he immediately put it back on the shelf and closed the door, when asked. That night, I paid special attention to how well he had done, which reminded him not only of what behavior we desire of him but also the praise he had received earlier in the day when the event happened. He loves it when I snuggle up with him, and whisper, “I love being your mommy, sweet baby.”

Everyone else says this, too, but it cannot be said enough; otherwise, you will forget when you are exhausted and desperate. Keep to the same routines and the same order. Do not try one set of ideas for a few days and then switch to another set because the first attempt is not “working.” If what you are doing is otherwise sound, keep to it for a few weeks.

Watch your caffeine intake if you are nursing, especially during teething. My son had not been sensitive to my morning cup of coffee until his teething became more pronounced. If you must eliminate caffeine,do so gradually. I cut down from two cups to one, then down from six ounces to four, before eliminating it altogether for a time. Rest assured, you will probably enjoy your coffee again in the near future.

Pay attention to sleep milestones. As children grow older, they shorten some nap periods a little before dropping them altogether. During that period, their night sleep can become more problematic. Be patient and work to help him or her through this time. Do not force nap periods on a child who no longer needs them. You will both cry.

Say to yourself, “Sleep? Stay awake? It doesn’t matter either way. Nothing is at stake here.” Truly, the world will not come to an end if your child wakes up more often than you would prefer, or has trouble falling asleep to begin with. This is, of course, nearly impossible to imagine when you are sleep-deprived and desperate for some alone time or couple time.

And, finally, please do not stress if your child does not sleep as long or as well as your neighbor’s or cousin’s or colleague’s child. If you have eliminated all obstacles to a good night’s sleep—constant access to television and computer screens, too much family stress, too much activity before bedtime, too much brightness or darkness, too much or too little noise, medical issues, feeding issues —then you are doing your job. Your child will develop better sleep routines in time. He or she is less likely to do so if you become stressed about sleep. He or she is more likely to do so if you regularly delight in the little details of being a parent.

API Reads, March 2014: Giving the Love that Heals

Let’s start out March talking about Giving the Love That Heals by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D. Just a few of the topics we’ll be discussing in March will be :

The Unconscious Parent
The Child as Teacher
The Conscious Parent
Growing Yourself Up

Through this read you will learn how to heal your own wounds as you nurture your own child. As you will see you can have a very fulfilling relationship with your child no matter his or her age.

Our discussions happen on GoodReads. We’ll be discussing Giving the Love That Heals this March and April. The next book up for discussion in May and June will be Attached at the Heart, 2nd Edition by Lysa Parker and Barbara Nicholson.

Yep, I Do the Cooking, the Washing, the Childcare and I am a Man.

API is pleased to recognize this blog post for its contribution to AP and to share it with you, our readers. API does not review other content on the author’s blog or website and takes no responsibility for how that information may or may not align with API’s ethos or API’s Eight Principles of Attachment Parenting. We thank you for remaining supportive and encouraging when interacting with the author and with other readers, whether or not the ideas presented work for your family.

Yep, I Do the Cooking, the Washing, the Childcare and I am a Man.

by Torsten Klaus

I’m a stay-at-home dad. I’m one out of 1.4 million in the UK. Quite impressive number you could say now. And it does get even better: the number of fathers, who are the main carer in their home, is increasing. Compared to a decade ago, there are now 10 times as many stay-at-home dads in the UK. Again, great numbers.

Still, I wish there were some of those 1.4 million around where I live.

When I became a full time dad to my young sons, I felt very lucky. For me it has been one of the best decisions of my life. Even if this sounds cheesy, it’s true. I was looking forward to doing this job, despite knowing how tired and exhausted my wife had often been when she was the main carer.

At the same time my wife was looking for a change. Yes, full time parenting is hard work too. We decided against nursery, childcare and co. as this felt and still feels right to us.

We had lived the life of a classical family: he works full time, she is at home. And even when I reduced hours to have more time for kids and family, I felt that I missed out on so many things. I wasn’t there, when my boys said their first word. I couldn’t watch them doing crafty, messy things in the day time. (Well, I often cleaned up when home in the evening.) And I was longing for those little moments when your children make you smile. When there is a celebration in the family. Cakes are always the important part. You can make your family cakes. It isn’t difficult to do. There are numerous ways you can start this. Wilton makes a lot of cake pan shapes. You can start there. get your Durian cake at Emicakes and just ice it with bought icing. That is easy enough. Try to add details as you see fit. Use your imagination. The latest family cakes craze are silhouettes on cakes. Anyone can do these. Bake your cake a 9 x 12 pan will work. Take the cake out of the pan. Freeze it so it will be easier to work with. Ice the cake after it has been in the freezer a couple hours.

At the beginning I pressured myself a lot, I thrust myself into great outings, craft activities (I hate doing crafts!), even baking with my cake enthusiastic boys. And can you believe it, me, who has always said, cooking yes, but baking no thank you, has actually perfected the best gluten-free muffins in town?

It was fun but incredibly exhausting at the same time. It took me a moment to figure out that this time table which covered more or less each day from 8am until 5pm, was not needed and actually more destructive.

I switched to child-led modus again and see – it was so much easier this way. Most days are filled with activities anyway, but now they come more from my children. And I also like the mornings where I wake up and I know: hey, there is NOTHING planned for today. Awesome.

Many women are still (!) astonished to hear that I do most cooking and household chores. Why? My wife and I have a simple rule. Whoever has the time and motivation will do it. We don’t blame each other for not doing it. We both know when the dirty dishes pile up or the bathroom sink gets scruffy that we have a choice: do it or leave it – but be happy with your decision.

Check back with us here on APtly Said or follow API on Facebook so you don’t miss the rest of Torsten’s story, coming soon!

Torsten is a stay-at-home dad, embracing all the beautiful and difficult things about it. He believes that fathers and men of today want to explore and express their feelings, expectations, worries and emotions. In his blog, Dads Talk, he talks about fatherhood and about the way dads of the 21st century could live a happy, content and relaxed life. He’s a Parenting Coach and he runs groups, workshops and support sessions for Dads and Grandads. And yes, whenever there’s time left he also teaches parents Baby Massage.

There’s a Pause Button, Just in Case

“It’s green. Really green,” said my midwife just after my water broke. The amniotic fluid was meconium-stained, and my mind went to the worst.

“So he’ll end up with some in his lungs?” I asked.

She threw out a percentage of babies who aspirate meconium, and I don’t recall the exact figure, but it was in the 20s. And she said of those, not all babies have problems from meconium aspiration.

That was enough to keep me from worrying. After all, I had work to do.

My midwife told me that she would have the neonatal team at the ready, just in case. Of course, I wasn’t focusing on much of anything at that point, except getting the baby earthside.

When my sweet boy was born, there was no cry. Nobody in the room smiled. Instead, there was a mix of hesitation and silent commotion. Everyone faced the warming table, where the neonatal team was hard at work trying to stabilize him.

The nurse came over to tell me that I could hold him briefly, but that he would need to go to the NICU right away. When she handed him to me, I held him for just a moment, gave him a kiss and willingly handed him back. He was struggling, and I didn’t want to waste another second. I wanted him to go wherever he needed to go to get better.

We later found out that my baby had a collapsed lung and had to stay in the isolette under oxygen therapy. I couldn’t hold him for three days and I couldn’t nurse him for four.

I worried that the separation would tamper with our biological bonding mechanisms. I wondered whether he felt secure and comforted. I wondered how this would affect my hormones and my milk supply. I worried that he felt abandoned.

I wondered if it hurt to have a hole in your lung.

For my baby’s first few days, I would sit near his isolette, occasionally reaching in to trace his little fingers with mine.

On the third day, the nurse told me that the doctor thought that kangaroo care (holding the baby skin-to-skin) would help him make some strides toward recovery. I tried hard to keep it cool, but I failed hard – I burst into tears right then and there. I had waited so long to hold my baby boy.

When the nurse handed him to me for the first time, I felt that rush of love you hear about – that same surge of emotion that I felt right after the birth of my first two babies when the nurses handed them to me.

All this time, I thought I had missed my window. But it was there, waiting for our little reunion.

There was no doubt that that feeling was our bonding hormones at work. I knew because it was familiar. I had felt that before with my first two babies and it is an indescribable feeling that cannot be replicated. As for more concrete evidence that the hormones were in working order, I had been pumping 0.2 or 0.3 mL of colostrum at a time (drops!) and after I held my boy I filled a full 3 mL.

The next day, the doctor suggested I try to nurse him. I expected a learning curve, as he had gone days without learning to breastfeed instead of initiating within minutes of birth. But I was wrong. The little champ latched like a pro right away.

My sweet boy is now off of the growth charts, strong as a bull and he’s the happiest and most loving baby I have ever seen. All you have to do is make eye contact with him and he’ll give you a big cheeky toothless smile that just puts you deeper under his spell. And I have every reason to believe that we have established a secure attachment that we will build upon for a lifetime.

I hope I’m not diminishing the importance of bonding immediately after birth. Mother and baby are primed for bonding during this time and should make the most of those short minutes and hours if they can. Just know that if you have to wait a few hours or days to begin getting to know each other, it will be okay.

What Are the CBD Kief Health Benefits in Treating Cancer?

In the United States, more than 1.7 million individuals are determined to have malignant growth every year. These patients experience the ill effects of a great deal of sorrow, nervousness, and dread. Besides this, their personal satisfaction is additionally contrarily affected. When the treatment is begun, these patients need to manage the symptoms of chemotherapy like weakness and agony.

Specialists from a pain management center have been searching for approaches to diminish these chemotherapy reactions. For this reason, they have discovered that cbd kief is a compelling decision. As a matter of fact, CBD kief contains a non-crazy synthetic exacerbate that offers a scope of advantages for malignant growth patients. You might want to check Ooze, carries the ultimate smoking accessories, click here find Ooze discount code for the best selection of smoking accessories.

Advantages of CBD kief for Cancer

Given underneath is the depiction of probably the most widely recognized advantages of CBD kief for malignant growth patients. Peruse on to know more.

Help with discomfort

Numerous malignancy patients need to endure a great deal of torment all through their treatment. The painkillers endorsed are propensity shaping and accompanied some genuine symptoms, for example, retching, queasiness, stoppage, and tiredness.

In this manner, CBD kief is a superior decision for the treatment of malignancy and mitigate torment. Interestingly, this option is liberated from reactions.

Queasiness and Vomiting

Today, chemotherapy is a more compelling treatment than conventional medicine to dispose of malignant growth cells. Notwithstanding, this treatment causes serious reactions like male pattern baldness, weariness, retching, and sickness.

The utilization of CBD kief can help malignant growth patients diminish heaving. As indicated by an investigation, the side effects of regurgitating can be decreased by half. Likewise, CBD Flower is increasingly successful to decrease the side effects of sickness

Nervousness and Sleep Problems

Malignant growth patients likewise think that it is hard to nod off. Ordinarily, this weariness is brought about by chemotherapy. Therefore, the patient’s intellectual exhibition goes down and he encounters the state of mind changes.

As per numerous investigations, CBD kief can help improve the nature of rest by making it simpler for patients to nod off. As a matter of fact, it is the torment and tension that make it hard for patients to get the perfect measure of rest. As indicated by specialists, 2 out of 10 malignancy patients experience the ill effects of uneasiness and melancholy.

Tumor Growth

With the assistance of CBD kief, it is conceivable to hinder the development of tumor cells, report numerous investigations. As indicated by their examinations, CBD kief can slaughter malignant growth cells or it can in any event hinder the development of disease cells. Similarly, this oil can hamper the development of the tumor on account of liver malignant growth.

As a matter of fact, CBD kief decreases the development of the tumor by expanding the viability of the essential treatment.

Endurance Rates

As indicated by an investigation done in 2018, CBD kief and Hemp Flower can help increment the endurance rates in malignant growth patients. The examination study included two gatherings of mice. One gathering was treated with a customary treatment called chemotherapy. The other gathering was treated with a combo of CBD kief and chemotherapy. The endurance rate in the subsequent gathering was multiple times higher than the other gathering.

Along these lines, these are probably the most widely recognized advantages of CBD kief for the patients of malignancy.

Choose Compassion

It’s likely, as a reader of the APtly Said blog, you’ve done it. You looked at the world, at families, at children, and said, “I choose compassion.”

In choosing compassion, you really have made so many choices. A choice to become educated about parenting and prepare to welcome your child into the world; a choice to try to respond with sensitivity to your child and others; a choice to be present with your child and nurture your child’s health and emotional well-being; and a choice to live out compassion in many other ways that are intentional and meaningful to you. You practice compassion. Now here is a chance to wear it.

Selfless apparel approached API to say they have a mission to help nonprofits, and they want to support our mission. As their charity beneficiary, we are excited to have teamed up with them to bring you the “Choose Compassion” campaign.

Beautifully designed by their talented team, a Choose Compassion shirt represents so much opportunity!

Wearing your Choose Compassion shirt means you helped to financially sustain and develop parenting support networks benefiting caregivers and children.
It represents a chance to create awareness about Attachment Parenting every time someone compliments you, asks what it means to you, or asks where you purchased it.
It encourages the volunteer Leaders, staff, donors, and all those freely giving their time on behalf of others.
It generates a connection and supports a movement as together we take this one week to visibly Choose Compassion in unison.

Already we have reached our initial goal, and we are thrilled! We thank those who have made purchases and who’ve been so complimentary about the campaign.

But let’s do something extraordinary. Just visit the site and check out the shirts–see if you can help us push beyond to a new goal. Each shirt represents so much more than clothing each time you wear it–together we are all choosing compassion.

There are two more days to purchase your shirt or purchase gifts before the campaign is over. We hope you will seize the moment and show your support. After that? Wear your shirt, continue to support the movement for compassionate parenting and raising children with healthy, secure attachment, and make a difference in your home and in the world.

Thank you for your support!

Purchased your shirt? Remember the API 2013 Annual Appeal, vital for meeting its 2014 budget, and consider your donation today.

The Gift Is You

This post was written by TheAttachedFamily.com contributor Stacy Jagger, MMFT, owner of Sunnybrook Counseling, www.sunnybrookcounseling.com.

Many parents I see in my counseling office are spending thousands of dollars on a variety of technological devices for their children each year–gaming systems, digital cameras, cell phones, etc.–while the children, who are displaying maladaptive behaviors and internal turmoil, are truly missing the parents themselves. Kidnapped by technology and the busyness of life, these parents and children often do not even realize what is happening to them until an outside source brings the truth to their attention.

The best gift you can give your child is yourself. Living in a split-attention society, many children have rarely experienced the full, uninterrupted attention of a parent. We are so wrapped up in culture, jobs and keeping up with the Joneses that we have forgotten that the true meaning of life is connection. What we all want and need is true connection: connection with life, nature, our neighbors, our loved ones and ourselves. If you want best gift shop contact to Shield Republic Co-founder.

Whether married or co-parenting, single parenting or fostering, mothers and fathers have the choice to model healthy, forgiving, mutually respectful relationships full of unconditional positive regard to enhance their family life. This creates an atmosphere where the children feel safe to receive the attention and care they need. True lasting security and positive relational skills are given parent to child, not Xbox to child.

Give your child the gifts of security and well-being that come from your time and undivided attention. Turn off the phone, television and computer. Go for a walk. Play with Play-Doh. Cook a meal. Play a round of Crazy Eights. Camp in the backyard. Have 5 minutes of special playtime where you paint fingernails, throw a football or teach a hand-clap game like “Say Say, Little Playmate.” Laugh. Play in the leaves. Smartphones can also make excellent holiday gifts, but purchasing one for someone other than yourself is more complicated than shopping for other gadgets. Unlike a tablet or a new camera, a smartphone requires a service plan to use any voice or data features — otherwise you wind up with a very expensive paperweight. In some cases, you won’t even be able to leave the store or complete your online order until you get that angle set up. And beyond just being an additional expense, that service may require a long-term commitment. There’s no reason to stress, though because there are many online mobile store here to help you.

Get in touch with the child within you. Let it be OK–because it is OK. You are connecting with the child Love placed in your care, and there is no richness greater than that. You are their leader. They are following you, watching you, learning from you. It is worth the time, the frustrations, the joys and the sorrows. Feel the fullness of your feelings and, at the end of the day, fall in your bed exhausted with a heart full of gratitude for the richness of life, as you live in the blend of the beautiful and the challenging.

Children are truly a treasure and the greatest gift you can give them is you.

Click here to read API’s white paper on giving children presence.