General Interest – Page 100

It’s Not Personal

Recently, I was reading a piece in a magazine by a woman whose husband had left her for another woman. She was coping with the betrayal, in part, by repeating the phrase, “There is nothing personal going on here.” It sounds crazy, but realizing that the problem wasn’t her, it was her husband’s own drama, made it easier to accept and easier to deal with fear and anger.

The piece resonated with me, and the words “it’s not personal” kept popping into my head in the following days.

I’ve long held the belief that when people get angry or frustrated, it’s often for the wrong reasons. That person who cut you off in traffic didn’t do it because he picked you out specifically to annoy; he’s just a rotten or a distracted driver. That coworker who slacked on a project didn’t do it to make you look bad and steal your job; she may have been tired or overworked or maybe just is not a team player. Yes, it’s difficult when there aren’t enough checkers at the grocery store and the lines are long and tempers are flaring and the kids are climbing in the cart and squashing the bananas; but management didn’t cut staff with the express intention of making you mad. It’s my opinion that there are very few things worth getting truly angry over.

But somehow, I have had a hard time applying this theory when it comes to parenting. When your children are misbehaving or being defiant or tantruming or just being difficult, it’s really hard to not take it personally. Sometimes it feels oh so personal.

Last week, my husband was out of town for work, and my kids were dragging out bedtime one night. After my 5 year old got out of bed for what seemed like the hundredth time, I got angry and said, “Why are you guys doing this to me?” And then it hit me. They weren’t doing anything to me. Bedtime battles are incredibly normal. Developmentally speaking, 5 and 3 year olds aren’t supposed to want to stop playing and exploring and go to sleep. I have a problem settling down at night too, that’s why I do yoga.

It was not personal. My children had not huddled together in their room and made a pact to stay up half the night and keep me from cleaning and paying bills, and let’s be honest, blogging and updating my Facebook status.

Once I acknowledged that the bedtime struggles were not a personal vendetta against me and my desire for alone time, it was easier to be rational, easier to put the kids back in bed one more time, easier to not blow a gasket when they wanted water, easier to tell them that they needed their rest to be healthy and that I was done answering questions and fetching water and helping in the bathroom.

It worked. My calmer self led to calmer children who stayed in bed and went to sleep.

The next time I’m struggling as a parent, I’m going to remember this. It’s not personal.

Try it. What do you think?

Shifting Your Paradigm (or at least your shower time)

Nothing rocks your world quite like becoming a parent. Many of us had not yet mastered the art of taking care of ourselves when we became responsible for another little being. With the coming of new responsibilities is the “going” of our old way of doing things. Some pieces of our old lives are hard to give up, despite the joy that a new baby brings.

What do you find yourself struggling to get back? I remember feeling so defeated as a first-time parent simply because I could not drag my sleep-deprived self out of bed early enough to take a shower before my baby awakened. I work at night and truly need every minute of morning sleep I can get. I finally realized that the days of greeting the world freshly showered, fashionably dressed and with a current hairstyle were temporarily on hold. I always hated showering at night, but found it was the only way to make this new life work. And, after awhile, I came to enjoy scrubbing off a days worth of baby spit-up or the various messes created by a toddler. I shifted my paradigm and it made a world of difference.

Take the MAMA DARE: This is the week to make a change in your life to incorporate at least one thing you find yourself complaining about or longing for. What is it: exercise, a date with your spouse, the mountain of laundry that children mysteriously create? Shift the pattern you’ve gotten yourself into and make the necessary change to fit in (or remove) the source of stress. Your solution does not need to be permanent, but may help you realize that adaptability will become one of your greatest strengths as a parent. As my mother always recites, “This too shall pass.” So shift your current expectations, and make this week work for you in a whole new way.

Sharron Wright is the work-at-home mother of three girls, ages 2, 5 and 7. Her mission is to help other new parents feel empowered and to instill in them the confidence to care for their babies in a loving, positive way that respects the uniqueness of all children. Visit her at www.babylovecarebook.com.

Hiding my third day without a shower behind a hat and sunglasses. Even after the birth of baby number three, I'm still working out the kinks.

Hanging Up The Sling

When my second child was born, my first was just two years old. Life with a baby and a toddler was a lot busier than life with a singleton, and I didn’t have the luxury of spending hours sitting in the glider rocker nursing or lying on the floor watching my baby wave her arms in the air. Because of that fact, one of the most important pieces of baby gear was my ring sling.

Appearance-wise, it looked so simple. A long piece of olive green fabric attached to two silver rings. The non-ring end had a pocket with a zipper. (People said to stay away from black because it gets hot, and also linty. I thought the green color might be less girly in case my husband ever wanted to use it. He didn’t. I should have gotten the purple one I wanted.) And people were amazed that I paid fifty dollars for it. But I got so much use out of it that fifty dollars was a steal.

With my ring sling, I was able to breastfeed my infant hands-free while making a sandwich for my toddler. With my ring sling, I was able to carry my toddler across my back while pushing the baby in the stroller to get across a busy, dangerous street. With my ring sling, I was able to keep my baby, born during cold and flu season, tucked up against me and away from germy, poking fingers.

The kids are bigger now though. My son is almost 6 and long past the stage of being carried. My daughter is 3 1/2. I’ve used the sling twice in the past year. Once was when I took both kids and a friend of my son to see Disney On Ice by myself. I used the sling to carry my daughter on my hip so I had both hands free to help the boys navigate the parking garage and crowded arena. It worked great.

The second time was this past week. My daughter had been napping and I had to wake her up to go pick up her brother from preschool, but she was still groggy and sleepy. Rather than waste gas to drive the five blocks to school, I used the sling to position her so she could lay her head on my shoulder, draped the long end of the sling over her face to shield her eyes from the sun, put my keys and phone into the pocket and walked.

Some of the other moms were surprised. They thought she might be too heavy, or that my back must be aching. And that really wasn’t it. She is small for her age, but my back felt fine. And while carrying her for five blocks in my arms would have been difficult, the sling was doing most of the work.

On the way home though, I started to feel uncomfortable. Again, not because of her weight, but because it was 80+ degrees and despite my shorts and tank, carrying her was making me hot. Seriously hot. As in glug water and lie on the couch to recover hot.

It may be time to hang up my sling. At almost 6 and almost 4, we’re approaching not having kids small enough to carry. I’m done having babies. I’m done babywearing. I’m done breastfeeding and co-sleeping.

At this point, I’m curious how parents with older children continue to practice attachment parenting. I never thought much beyond the baby and toddler years, but I’m looking at it now. And contemplating how to incorporate the principles into my parenting style as I raise older kids.

Those of you with elementary age children, tweens and teens–how do you continue to use AP practices into those later years?

Spring Mini Series Installment #3 – De-moralizing mom

I will start with a direct quote from Babywise because when I read it I actually had to re-read it several times to make sure that I had read it correctly. I quote from page 150 of Babywise “Mother’s decision without assessment can be dangerous… They should not be driven by their emotions.”

It isn’t only Babywise that erodes the confidence of mothers but culture as a whole. We start as soon as a mother gets pregnant; she must be seen by a birth specialist (OB) so that they can be told what to do and when to do it because mothers can not trust their bodies and they can’t trust their emotions. It just gets worse.

When a mother goes to birth her child she is (normally) told when, many times she is induced, then she is not trusted to be able to “handle” things so she is “assisted.”

Because her confidence has been completely demolished, “good” mothers pick up a book to read to assist us with raising a child, not knowing that we are going to wrap our eager hands around is something that is going to demoralize us even more by telling us, in a nutshell, that we are over-emotional and not trustworthy.

Now I know that many of us learn very helpful things from books and from other people but I do believe that there is no replacement for the mothering mind and there is definitely no replacement for the mothering emotions. The statement that mothers must assess all of their actions because they may be “dangerous” is demoralizing. What is dangerous is demoralizing a mother, eroding her foundations and ignoring her emotions.

The real danger is not the mother. We, as mothers, have housed and protected our children from the beginning and will continue to house, nourish and grow them up throughout childhood. Then, when they’re adults, we’ll be a shelter that continues to be emotional confidence and stability for our children.

Jasmine is a co-housing, home birthing, missions minded, community living mama with a passion for fierce writing. She blogs.

Photos used from: http://www.flickr.com/photos/proimos/3524157411/

Outdoor Families, Part 1: Hiking with Children

Summer is upon us, folks! Summer in our house is… well, not really spent in the house. We are outside as much as possible and have already gone on several hikes and camping trips. We love reading the posts on campingfunzone.com and try to use what we read on almost every summer trip that we take. This is the first installment in a series of informative posts to help you and your families enjoy the great outdoors safely and stress-free.

Hiking is a great way to get your family outside and enjoying nature (and each other’s company). There isn’t a lot of special equipment involved, and a hike can really be tailored to suit your family’s needs. If you are a novice hiker, plan a short half-mile or mile hike. A shorter hike means you don’t need to carry much with you, and can also help everyone get accustomed to the outdoors. In no time, you’ll be looking for longer hikes and feeling more and more confident in your outdoor abilities.

Something about the fresh air, the lack of distractions, and the exercise just makes hiking a perfect family activity. By taking our kids hiking we are modeling the importance of a healthy body to them. We are telling them that we would rather be in the middle of nowhere with them than at home working on our to-do lists. Kids love hikes, and the memories made on hikes can last a lifetime. There is no reason to sit on a rock or hard wood while you are supposed to be enjoying your life in the outdoors. Camping chairs are now a mainstay in the list of camping equipment you ought to be bringing. Though not a compulsory equipment, camping chairs are a great addition in the name of comfort. Camping chairs should always be found in the campsite as they make things more comfortable, especially when you know that camping should be all about relaxing and forgetting all the stress in the world. You will get know everything about day hiking with camp chair here, do visit. While in night to site around on camping chairs, camp fire adds an extra excitement of the camping. While burning camp fire it is suggested to use the 6mm træpiller, easily available at https://www.xn--dkbrnde-pxa.dk/traepiller/traepiller-6-mm for camping, which is highly recommended for the biofuel as well.

Sol and I on a recent Rocky Mountain hike.

Something so simple can bring siblings closer together, and give parents a much-needed break from the day-to-day. Hiking is very conducive to conversation. Whether you are hiking with a baby and enjoying the time to connect with your partner, or hiking with kids and enjoying the extra opportunity to focus on them, a good hike will foster love and communication. Really take the time on your hike to try to see the world through your child’s eyes.

General tips:

At least in the beginning, hike popular trails. There are definite perks to hiking more solitary places, but until you and your family are comfortable hiking, popular trails are the way to go. Trails that see a lot of traffic are generally nicer. The paths are wider and very easy to follow. If you run into a situation that you are not prepared for you can just stop and wait for another hiker to catch up with you. Popular trails often have dedicated parking, and some even have restrooms nearby.
Take a cell phone. We hike all over the Rocky Mountains in Colorado and have been in very few situations where we did not have cell phone service or could not find service by hiking a little further or backtracking. Just having a phone will give you some peace of mind and let you enjoy your outing.
Take food. Even if you’re only expecting to be gone for an hour, throw a couple protein bars or some nuts in your backpack. Nothing ruins a hike like a hungry kid, and we have never been in a situation where we though “Man, I really wish we hadn’t packed that power bar!”
Hydration is key. Take a little more water than you think you’ll need. Depending on the difficulty of the terrain, the temperature, and the exposure to sunlight adults need to drink around a liter of water an hour or more. Don’t wait until you’re thirsty to drink.
Layers. Unless you are hiking at low elevation and have a lot of faith in the forecast, dress in layers. We’ve been on hikes where we start out in 80-degree sunny weather and then a mountain storm kicks up and we get higher up in elevation and end up hiking in 40-degree rain. You can always take clothes off, but you can’t always add clothes.

Kids:

Whether your kids are walking the whole way or you’re bringing a stroller, go at your child’s pace. If you have to turn around a mile in, don’t worry about it. The point is to enjoy being outside and being together. Be flexible. Make the only definite goal coming home happy and healthy.
Sunscreen: wear it. Make your kids wear it. Reapply halfway. You won’t regret putting on sunscreen, but you may regret not wearing it. Hats and sunglasses are also a good idea.
Snacks: Make sure you pack high protein, high carb snacks for your little ones, and take a break before they start complaining of hunger. Hiking is hard work!
Notice nature: This is a great opportunity for your kids to explore nature. See how many kinds of flowers you can find. Stop to examine any tracks you see. Encourage rock collecting. Answer their questions.
Throw some toilet paper in your backpack along with a plastic bag to keep used toilet paper in. Trust me.
Have a destination. Kids love to hike TO something. So find a good hike to a waterfall, or a cool cave, or a lake.

Babies:

Babies’ needs on a hike are very similar to kids, except that they can’t talk to you. Stop often to check on baby. Check to see if he’s hot or cold and adjust his clothing as necessary.
Breastfeed him or offer him a drink more often than you would at home.
Find a comfortable carrier. While an older infant might walk around and explore a bit, you are going to carry her most of the way. There are many hikes with wide paved trails where you can just bring along the stroller, but for more remote hikes we have found a backpack-type carrier to be indispensable!

Get out there and try a hike with the best hiking boots from Live Your Aloha. Just commit a Saturday morning, do a little research, and go! Happy trails!

Take Care of Yourself and Your Kids at the Same Time

I started this year with the intention of learning how to be happy and how to take care of myself. At the time, I didn’t know I was getting a divorce or about to experience all of the changes and challenges that go along with it.

One of the major questions in this divorce is that I’m a SAH AP Mama and our son is not ready for preschool. He’s three and a half and a sweet, sensitive boy who has friends and goes to playdates, but doesn’t like big groups or a lot of noise. That means Cavanaugh and I are together most of the time.

My husband being out of the house means that the pretty intensive practice of attachment parenting just got a lot more intense, so the need for self-care is more important than ever.

So, one of my major questions has been how to engage in self care when I’m with my son.

Here are our top ten:

Take deep breaths. When we’ve been running errands, it’s near the end of the day and energy is low, Cavanaugh’s hungry or sleepy, I’m feeling impatient, or any other circumstance you can name where just taking a minute is advisable, sometimes I remember to take deep breaths. Cavanaugh takes them with me. He’ll even suggest we take them occasionally.
Go for a walk with the jogging stroller. I get exercise. He gets adventure. If he doesn’t want to be in the stroller, he can run alongside it. On the way back from the park the other day, he ran along yelling, “Hi grass. Hi roly poly. Hi garden.” Endorphins. Oxygen. Nature.
Vacuum. Cavanaugh gets his popper and I get my vacuum and we have races, bump into each other and get the living room clean.
Create something. It’s so easy to think my creativity has to take a backseat to mothering. Doing beadwork or crochet doesn’t work together right now, but Cavanaugh loves to paint with me. He tells me what shapes to make and then he colors them in. Or he draws things and tells me a story about what they are. Pretty soon, we have characters, a scene, and a whole plot going. It might not be the poem I would have written on my own, but it uses the same part of me.
Chase a ball. Our favorite new game is the basketball hoop for toddlers with a small bouncy ball and throw it to each other than chase it. We get super silly, exercise, time outside, and play time together.
Go out for a treat. Whether it’s the bagel shop for lunch or the coffee shop for a latte and chocolate milk, sitting across the table from each other in the middle of the day somewhere outside our house means we have conversations we don’t have any other time.
Play Online Games. You can play online games like casino, if you love gambling. When your kid asleep or at school spend some quality time with yourself by playing online casino games. If уоu hаvе gambled online thеn уоu know just hоw fun online casino games саn bе, whеthеr уоu win оr lose. Hоwеvеr, winning іn real casino online malaysia іѕ оnе оf thе best feelings іn thе world! If уоu аrе looking tо improve уоur casino game strategy ѕо thаt уоu саn beat thе odds аnd win big іn online casinos thеn уоu wіll need tо learn a fеw tips thаt wіll help уоu tо play уоur best іn уоur favorite online casino games. Mаnу people think thаt thе outcome оf gambling games іѕ based purely оn luck, but thіѕ іѕ nоt thе case. If уоu learn ѕоmе basic strategies уоu wіll ѕее уоu online casino winnings improve іn nо tіmе. Following аrе ѕоmе basic strategies thаt саn help уоu tо win thе popular casino games оf craps, blackjack, poker аnd slots.
Notice nature. We lie in the hammock and Cavanaugh drives his trains up my legs while I look at the trees. Eventually, he checks out the trees too. Or we go outside to say goodnight to the moon. Or we watch butterflies at the park or in our yard. Slowing down to just pay attention and be in nature centers us both.
Sing. Sing a narrative of what you’re doing: “We’re walking up the stairs to look for Pigeon. We hope we can find him there.” Cavanaugh sings too. It’s like a musical with conversation in song.
Drink water. We both get our glasses and drink at the same time, big delicious gulps of icy cold water. We pick up our cups and drink together again. We both drink more this way and it feels like a game.
Read with Cavanaugh before he goes to sleep and then lie in the bed after he’s asleep and read a book for me.

Sonya Fehér blogs about parenting, divorce, self care, and spirituality at mamaTRUE: parenting as practice

Spring Mini Series Installment #2 – Baby Training and Sleep

My dad always used to say “dead man don’t need no sleep” and we would all laugh. We would laugh because we did not yet understand the depth of those words. Parenting is not a literal death but it is definitely dying to oneself in a whole new way and in hardly any other way is this more evident or more felt than in the sleep arena.

Sleep is a very hotly debated topic among parents and understandably so since of all the things in life after baby sleep is in short supply and emotions and exhaustion are running high. There is a line of thought that babies need to be trained to sleep that they are born with messed up sleep patterns that must be set straight by their parents so that they learn “healthy” sleeping habits. To sleep-deprived parental minds and bodies, nothing makes more sense than that. I mean how can it possibly be that waking every few hours is healthy? How can it be that someone can’t wait to eat until later? How can it be that day is a better time to sleep than night? And doesn’t it make sense that a baby must learn what is healthy and right? How else do they know to sleep when it is dark? Plus every other internal signal doesn’t seem to line up with ours and it has to some time, right? Continue reading “Spring Mini Series Installment #2 – Baby Training and Sleep”

How To Make The Most Of Your Time – Lockdown Or Otherwise

Arguably one of the most sought after pursuits of man is the pleasure of lovemaking. The best part about sex is not just the actual act, but the buildup to the heights of passion. This involves multiple stimuli, the sense of touch, smell and for most individuals it is the sense of visual imagery. Regardless of the times that one lives in, lockdown or no lockdown, this can be one of the most fulfilling and interesting activities of all time. Here are some ways that hentai femdom can spice up your life and your passion with imagination.

Fantasy Is The Trigger That Creates Greater Desire

Without the element of fantasy there is no passion. The act of lovemaking comes with desires and a fantasy of something that makes it more appealing. This is where hentai femdom has a big impact. You get to relive your fantasies from a collection of Valm lubricants, visual imagery and storylines. For instance, you may have deeply desired to have a fantasy nigh with muscular men. Hard-working women need to be entertained by hard-bodied men. This is often one among the motivating ideas behind a male strip club: to offer you a fun and unique experience for your lockdown. Here, you get to enjoy yourself with as male strippers lockdown offer you a show you’re not soon to forget. While it is possible that you can have the chance to have one yourself by contacting male strippers melbourne, you can enjoy the pleasure of a wild, no-holds barred session in your mind.

Visuals Are Powerful And Relate Easily

Having to interpret content can be a bit of a bore, when it comes to fantasy and passion. The best way is to see powerful, rich renditions that awaken your senses and bring your dreams to life. Visuals relate easily to individuals and help give a form and shape to the deepest desires. Many individuals have secret desires that they are unwilling to share openly. These desires are expressed only when like-minded individuals get together. It is a personal decision, an option to exercise one’s mind and desires in the pursuit of imagination. Make yourself comfortable in the privacy of your home and indulge in your passions through the fantasy of the website.

Choices Galore That Do Not Leave You Disappointed

One of the biggest problems faced by most individuals is the lack of choice. For instance, an individual may prefer to be in the company of a partner with a specific body type or facial features/expressions. However, most individuals end up with a partner who does not have the perfect combination of all desires. Either the body type may be perfect, while the facial features/expressions may not be as per choice. This creates disappointment. This is the same when it comes to visual imagery depicting favorite acts. The site has a wonderful collection, designed to give individuals the widest possible choice of fantasized partners.

If you find yourself in the mood for something that is kinky, with an element of fantasy in it, then the best way is to get on the site and pursue your passion. Choose from a wide variety of characters with the perfect assets of your choice to take you to the heights of passion. Go ahead and relive your fantasy in complete privacy, with total discretion and make the most of your time, lockdown or otherwise.