Strive for Balance – Page 27

Eggs and Crayons

My son was coloring yesterday. Actually he wasn’t coloring and that was the problem. He had his coloring book out and he had some crayons but he kept asking for help. Now I know that he is completely capable of coloring by himself, I mean what toddler isn’t? I was confused. My mom was the one who discovered what was going on. My little man was busy watching his auntie color and he was asking for help because he couldn’t color as well as his aunt could.

I don’t know where my son got it. OK. So I am lying just a bit. I have that type of personality. If I can’t do something perfectly, the first time, I get frustrated, I don’t want to do it. I don’t like not being good at things. I know that I have not told my son that he needs to do anything better. I always encourage him when he is learning something new. I am always cheering him on. I guess none of that encouragement erases genetics!

My mom did a great job at showing my son that he didn’t need to stay in the lines; a reminder that I could really use on a regular basis – especially as a mom of a toddler. It seems to me like having a toddler would make it so that you would be able to relax a little bit, color outside of the lines; just not true. At least for me anyway. I need almost daily reminders.

Today we went to collect eggs. Not a monumental event but in the light of the coloring book incident it really stuck out to me. We collected the eggs and I let my son carry one. The egg slipped through his little mittened hands as we were standing outside the coop. My son just stared down at the broken egg and then looked up at me with his big eyes “Uh oh! I’m SO sorry!”. I understood that look and that feeling. I completely understood the apology. It struck me as funny. Very funny. Who cares that he broke the egg? I gave him another one and he immediately said in a panicked voice “I need help mommy!” I laughed and told him that he didn’t need my help, he was perfectly capable to carry the egg inside. He didn’t need my help and you know what? He didn’t.

We, together, are capable. It was eye opening to me to realize that some things we are just born with. No one taught my son that he needed to do things perfectly, I have never asked that of him. I have never been taught that I needed to be perfect. My drive for perfection sometimes annoys the people that I love most. We are both imperfect perfectionists and I’m so happy that we are learning to color out of the lines together.

Photos used from: http://www.flickr.com/search/?q=egg&l=4

Looking Ahead: Parenting in 2011

Today we bid farewell to 2010 and welcome 2011 with open arms. While we take the time to reflect on the past 12 months, we also begin to look ahead to the future. One question that I have for everyone is will your parenting landscape be changing in the coming year?

Are you expecting the birth of a new child?
Will you have a child starting school?
Will you have a child going off to college for the first time?
Are you planning on moving to a new home in 2011?

If your parenting landscape is changing in the coming year, how will you manage these changes?

We are planning on moving to a new home in the summertime. We first moved into this home when my son, who is my oldest child, was only four months old. This is the only house that my children have known but we are now ready to move. I know that it will be challenging to maintain balance in both my life and my family’s lives during the upcoming move but we’re already starting to plan for this big change.

Parenting Resolutions?
 If you’re the resolution-making type, I’d love to hear what your parenting resolutions are for the New Year. If you’re already involved in a local API Group, perhaps you think 2011 will be the right time to pursue joint leadership. Maybe you want to start a new API Group in your area to help support other families in their parenting journey.

Photo: ba1969

Holiday Discipline and Family

I live in a community of people. Sometimes I feel that I am raising my son in a fish bowl of sorts. There are some interesting challenges that come up that are particularly relevant during the holiday season. One of the most difficult parts about being around a lot of people, especially family during the holidays, is discipline.

I have a great example from my community that took place the other day in our kitchen. There was a normal (albeit very naughty, which unfortunately is the norm right now) interchange between my son and my sister. The interchange involved my son saying that he didn’t like my sister which of course isn’t true but I could still see her face cloud up with hurt. The reaction from my brother-in-law was what bugged me. My brother in law took it upon himself to tell my son that what he had done was wrong and then told him that he needed to apologize to my sister.

Now, I know since we live in such close contact with other people that they do need to the right to put my son down if he is mean or to walk away. I don’t think that anyone needs to be held captive by my son’s fits. But there is also a line where family or community stops and parenting begins and that is what brings us to the holiday season.

Have you and your partner discussed a plan of action? How are you going to handle family members who step in to parenting territory? How are you going to discipline your child in front of people? Are you going to let them get away with things that you are normally on top of because you don’t want conflict?

I had it easy the other day because my mother stepped in and told my brother-in-law that it was the parents choice as to what kind of discipline my child received. I had some back up. Unfortunately that probably isn’t going to happen during your family holiday so it is important that you and your partner are on the same page and that you stick with your pre-discussed “rules” if you will, no matter how uncomfortable the situation.

It is easy to just shrug off individual moments or to think “it’s just the holidays, after this things will go back to normal.” but life is full of little moments and those little moments are what make all the difference in your life as a parent and the life of your child.

So what is your holiday discipline plan?

Photo used from: http://www.flickr.com/photos/joeshlabotnik/2964752310/

Taking Care of Each Other

I am sitting here blubbering and dabbing my eyes with tissues.

The last few days have been really hard. I went from fine to emergency surgery in 12 hours. As a consequence of that I can’t pick up my son or clean the house. As a consequence of that I have a fussy baby and a filthy house. Levi, soldier that he is, works for us a lot which means Sol and I are home alone a lot. Then Monday night I came down with the flu. I vomited a lot and tore a lot of my stitches. Then Solomon came down with flu and vomited a lot and tore my heartstrings with his helplessness. All day yesterday I was in bed nauseous and dizzy. Sol was crying most of the day. Levi stayed home from work and tried to make sure neither of us wanted for anything.

Needless to say, you guys, I am near the end of my rope. Physically exhausted. Mentally drained. Did I mention what a disaster my house is?

All of this is not why I am blubbering like a fool. And by that I mean weeping incessantly with that burning “Don’t cry you idiot” feeling in my throat.
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Trying

I used to chuckle just a little bit when people said that they were “trying” to have a baby. I mean, didn’t anyone ever teach them about sex? You do it. You get pregnant. Not always right away, but it does happen unless there is a problem. If there is a problem, then you might need a little help.

Well, that is what I thought.

I came by that thought fairly honestly. My mother never had any trouble getting pregnant; I was a honeymoon baby and so was my son.

I thought that getting pregnant with the second one would be just as “easy.” We didn’t even consider “trying”, we just went about our normal lives and…. nothing. I know that there are those of you who have experienced this; some with your first, some with your second or more. But, I really couldn’t imagine how we could be pregnant immediately with our son but now it has been, well, a while, and nothing!
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Waiting For a Rainbow

It’s 5:00 am…rainy…cold…very blustery outside. Inside there is fire…tea…writing…solitude…ahh. It’s one of my favorite times of day. Made even more cozy than usual this morning by the stark contrast of the icy rain pelting the windows and the quiet warmth in here. I sit here, enjoying my time alone, wondering what kind of day the kids and I will have. Lately, they’ve not been easy. I just wonder if, one of these days, we’ll have a pleasant day from wake-up to bedtime? Is that possible to have a day without conflict and frustration? Would it even be interesting? Right now it sounds pretty welcome.

I took this picture just a few days ago from our front porch. It’s one of Portland’s wintertime perks; we see lots of rainbows. They are the “pleasantness” that appears after a rainstorm (though “storm” is not really the right word, as it’s more like a constant, steady rain for varying periods of time). Always, after we’ve had some rain, I’ll start checking out the windows thinking, “Is it time for a rainbow yet?” I’ve learned what rainbow weather looks like; the rain dwindles, but doesn’t disappear completely, and the sun begins to show itself, though not completely or directly. The sky is a perfect blend of grayness and light. Then there is a stunning display of color…not everlasting but a beautiful, welcome change from the rain.

Is it time for a rainbow in our house yet? Maybe today will be “rainbow weather” for us.

To Detach Him without Detaching

My son has reached 2 1/2. Okay, so we have a few days left but it is almost here. It is scaring me a little. I can’t believe he is growing up so fast. He is making huge leaps in his development lately; his vocabulary is growing by leaps and bounds and he is growing like crazy. He is now looking like a little boy and not the baby that I know so well. He is demanding, creative, tiring and inspiring in all kinds of new ways.

Our most recent dilemma has to do with carrying him everywhere. He now weighs about 30 pounds and I just can’t handle carrying him all of the time anymore. I would like to but my back is starting to protest. I am not talking about just carrying him in to a store or anything like that I mean carrying him while we are in the store and holding him while I am chatting with someone for 20 minutes, things like that. It is killing me. He also wants me to hold him at home a lot of the time. I was in so much pain at bedtime just the other evening and told my husband that I had no idea why, I thought back over my day and realized that I had been carrying my son on and off all day long. I realized that this has got to stop. For the both of us. It is time that I detach him. I do not mean detach from him. He is still my little boy, he needs me, he needs my affection and he needs to be physically close to me multiple times during the day but we are taking some steps to ensure that it is comfortable for the both of us but let me tell you this particular “detachment” process is not easy!

Yesterday we were in town and every time I had my little man walk (holding my hand) he would cry and ask me to carry him. I would smile reassuringly and tell him that he was a big boy and he could hold my hand but he needed to walk on his own. It was not a very relaxing trip to say the least.

All day today my son has wanted me to carry him or stand there holding him for no particular reason. I have had to explain to him that I love him very much and he can feel free to hold on to my leg and I will give him hugs and if he needs to sit with me we can find a place to sit for a while but that he is a big boy now and mommy can’t hold him all of the time. Crying ensues and I take a deep breath as the irritation rises in me and remind myself that this is a whole new step for the both of us, we are having to “detach” in a healthy way without detaching emotionally and without removing the comfort of physical affection, we are just having to move it in to an arena that is comfortable for mom and encourages mini man to grow.

Strive for Balance this Holiday Season

As the holiday season approaches, we all need to make a concentrated effort on maintaining balance in our personal and family lives. To help prepare you for the upcoming busy season, read through some of our most popular posts on striving for balance.

Child’s Hierarchy of Needs – Parents often find it overwhelming trying to meet their children’s needs. With limited time, limited resources, and limited patience meeting all of their needs can seem like an impossible task.

How to Use Family Meetings – No matter if yours is a family of two or ten, taking regular opportunities to get together and talk about “business” helps families connect and communicate.

How to Beat the Dinnertime Disconnect – Meanwhile at our table, my family was abuzz; my daughter and I were doing the crossword on her place mat, my husband was playing the dot game with our son on his place mat.
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