This past Thursday night, I went to hear music at night for the first time in over three years. It wasn’t just going out, or getting to hear music, but going out by myself. It came about because I received a link to a sample class on The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal
8 Tips For Successful Pumping
As a brand new mom to my first child, now 5, I suffered a lot of common breastfeeding ailments. Sore cracked nipples, engorgement, thrush, etc. With the help of a fantastic lactation consultant and plenty of advice from other moms, I was able to overcome those early difficulties and settle into the groove of nursing my newborn.
When it came time to start using a breast pump, however, advice was not as easy to come by. It was crucial that I make it work, though, because I was returning to work part-time and needed to express milk for my husband to feed while I was away. I figured it out eventually, but some help would have been nice.
If you are new to pumping or will eventually be pumping, here are eight pieces of advice to keep in mind.
- Choose the right pump for your needs–This one is probably the most important. You won’t be successful at pumping if your pump is incapable of meeting your needs. I started out pumping just a couple of times per week and the inexpensive single pump I had was fine for that. But when my milk supply suddenly dropped and I was constantly pumping to bring my supply back up, the cheap pump couldn’t keep up. I replaced it with an Ameda Purely Yours, which I bought through my lactation consultant and was very happy with its performance. If you’re returning to work full time, be sure to get the double electric pump to save time. If you’re a stay home mom pumping infrequently, you could probably get by with a cheaper pump or even a good quality manual pump. Earthmoving Brisbane deliver cost effective and versatile solutions for all your concrete pump rental and excavation needs across the north Brisbane area. Contact them today and speak to one of our friendly booking staff to discuss your needs and offer expert advice or request a customised quote.
- Get comfortable–Pumping takes time, so make sure you have a comfortable place to sit that is not too hot and not too cold. If your baby is napping, turn off the monitor so you aren’t distracted. Have a drink or a snack handy if you need one, and make sure you have something to do. I used to catch up on TV or read magazines while I pumped. And be sure to visit the bathroom first!
- Check your pump parts frequently–If you feel like you have milk to express, but nothing is coming out, check the valves and connections on your pump. With repeated use, some parts will wear out and can change the effectiveness of your pump. At one point with my son, I knew I was full but wasn’t able to express much milk. When I changed the valves, suddenly I was able to express milk again. Routinely inspect your pump when cleaning it to to make sure it’s in good working order.
- Consider herbals for increasing your milk supply–If you are a working mom and are pumping to store milk for your childcare provider to feed, consider using herbal supplements to increase your supply. You can find a list and helpful tips at Kellymom.com.
- Check your suction–If the pump isn’t correctly positioned on your breast, you won’t be able to express milk and you can even injure your breast. Read the manual for your pump for suggestions. You should feel a definite suction of the flange to your breast when the pump is turned on, and your nipple should be pulled into the neck of the flange. If you don’t see and feel this, you don’t have enough suction. Turn the pump off and reposition, and if that doesn’t work, check your pump to make sure it is assembled correctly and everything is working.
- Encourage letdown–Pumping is hard if you are stressed or worried about not being able to pump enough. Try to relax and concentrate on your baby and how much you love him. Having a photo or a blanket with his scent on it can help. You could also try a lavender scented neck wrap while pumping.
- Keep in mind the last time you pumped or fed your baby–If it’s only been an hour since you nursed your baby, don’t be surprised if you aren’t able to express a lot. If you are working, try to pump at frequent intervals to avoid engorgement.
- Have reasonable expectations–Even the best pump is not as efficient as a baby. With the right tools, you can be successful at expressing milk, but it takes effort and not every mother is able to pump enough to exclusively feed breastmilk. Whenever possible, feed your baby from the breast.
Pumping moms, do you have any other tips to add?
The Struggles of Being Attached: Is It Worth It?
Is being an attachment parent worth it? Let’s face it, it can be tough.
I co-slept — with kicking kids who woke up repeatedly during the night, all night long. One night my youngest kicked me in the breast so hard that I developed a massive lump and had to get an emergency mammogram to make sure it wasn’t going to explode or fall off. But the worst thing? I was so sleep deprived that I didn’t even wake up when it happened….
… Our friends who Ferberized their kids boasted about what great sleepers their kids were. “Little Johnny sleeps through the night and doesn’t wake until 8:00. Sometimes I have to wake him up for breakfast!”
I nursed — when my breasts were so sore that I’d have cut them off and hung them on the wall if I’d had the option. Breastfeeding hurt so bad with my middle child that I would start crying as soon as she woke up hungry, even before she latched on…
… My friends would pull out a little bottle, shake some sticky powder into it, and pop a plastic nipple into Little Suzy’s mouth, who happily gulped it down. I even had a friend who had one of those bottles with the long tube attached to the nipple, since she couldn’t even be bothered with holding her baby to eat.
I carried them — my newborns, my toddlers, and my preschoolers for a thousand miles, sometimes more than one kid at a time (thank goodness they were small!). Sometimes one would be in a backpack, one would be in a sling, and one would be on my hip or holding my hand….
… My friends would be (choose one) dragging their kids along by the hand because they didn’t want to cooperate, lugging immensely heavy carseats, or pushing them apathetically along in a stroller.
I responded with sensitivity — well, that is, pretended to be patient, endlessly giving words of reassurance or encouraging mediation, while my inner voice was screaming behind my ears, “Just stop it, already!”…
… My friends would pull their kids behind a fence and give them a swat or two, or maybe put them in time out. Problem solved.
My friends — wonderful, loving, committed, but decidedly non-AP friends — would look at me with a sorry mixture of pity, confusion, and something bordering embarrassment as I stuck to my guns, refusing to spank my kids, punish them, or demean them.
Clearly, some of my friends thought that I was coddling my children, perhaps even dooming them to a life of feeling entitled and being unfulfilled.
But I tried my best to treat my kids with the same respect that I would want. They had just as much value and deserved just as much respect as I did. Why would I want to teach them that the world doesn’t respond to their needs (that is, CIO)? What would be the point of saving myself some discomfort now (okay, let’s admit it, a lot of discomfort) by bottle-feeding when I was perfectly capable of breastfeeding, especially at the expense of their health? How could I tell them to stand up for themselves and not let the world take advantage of them if I treated them like “less than” or if I demeaned or humiliated them? And did I really want my kids to think that I was the absolute authority on everything, so much so that they needed to jump to my every command, lest they be punished?
Nope. I wanted my kids to think for themselves; to know that their parents always had their best interests at heart, even when it wasn’t convenient; to be able to count on their parents to be there when they needed us; and to know without a doubt that their thoughts and opinions were just as valid as mine or their dad’s – or any adult’s.
Was it easy? No, not always, especially at the beginning, especially when what I was doing was so different from my mainstream friends’ strategies.
Now, though, I must say that it’s the easiest and most natural thing imaginable. Today my children know that they’re valued and worthwhile and that they’re the equal of every person on the planet, no matter their age. They’re secure, they enjoy spending time with my husband and me, they enjoy each other, and they’re just plain fun to be around.
And what about my friends’ children? Are they easy? Well adjusted? Self-confident? Still connected to their parents? Some certainly seem to be. But, well … not all of them are. I see many (most?) of them turn to their peers for validation. Some put up a good front at being cooperative and “good” while investing a lot of effort in “getting away” with things behind their parents’ backs. And others bow to authority simply because of the authority’s age or position.
That’s not what I want for my kids. I like to think that the “work” I put into being an attachment parent in the early years is paying off now. After the thousands of hours and hours of effort I spent cosleeping, nursing, playing, talking, listening, comforting, mediating, and just being, I’m seeing the rewards.
And those rewards will last a lifetime.
Camille is an attached mom of a teen, a preteen, and a tween and writes about parenting, homeschooling, and chaotic living at TheEclecticMom.blogspot.com.
The “I” in AP
I like that I have a constant reminder with API of the “I” in AP. Let me explain.
I have a hard time slowing down. There are so many things that “need” to be done and I am constantly wondering if I am doing the best for my child, if we are spending enough time together (pretty silly for a SAHM don’t you think? But you are getting an inside look at my crazy mind). I have even wondered if I wasn’t doing a good enough job because I don’t have scheduled play times. There always seems to be something that I can beat myself up about or worry that I am not doing well enough or something else that needs to be done. There is a never ending supply of things to clean, organize, pick up. etc. And then since we have made the choice to AP, my son’s needs and even many of his wants come before chores. We have set it up that way.
And where does this leave the “I”? I have noticed that if I do not take the time for the “I” that the AP does not happen very well. If I don’t take time to do some things for me, if I don’t take the time to “take care of myself” then very quickly AP becomes a difficulty instead of a joy.
SO, I have made a short list today of “I” things that need to happen for me to be “OK”, now these don’t have to happen every day, though I do better if some of them happen either every day or every few days. These things vary for every one of us this is just my “I” list, it is in no particular order.
1. I need a date with hubby alone once a month.
2. I need to exercise.
3. I need to write.
4. I need to read.
5. I need to have sex.
6. I need to eat (healthy).
7. I need some me alone time.
8. I need a clean house.
These are some of the more important things that I could come up with. Now these do not involve my mini man, not because he is not important but because these things need to happen so that I can be fully present and enjoy the togetherness that we get to share every day.
Now I know that it might be daunting to try to find time for any of this. But I have found out a few things that work for me to ensure that I get some of this time.
- Do not use nap time to run around doing a bunch of different things. Pick a cleaning or organizing or laundry project, get it started or finish it up, make sure it isn’t a huge job, and then spend some time doing on of the “I” items.
- Stay up later. My hubby has a very early morning job so he ends up going to bed early, I spend some time with him before he goes to sleep and then I stay up for an hour or to doing the “I” items.
- Have hubby put the little one to bed. This works out great for us so that I can make sure and get some exercise time.
- We set a date night and stick with it.
These are just a few things, mostly to be able to spark some of your own creativity. I know that it can be difficult, I am sure even more so with more children! But it is essential that as we read the articles at API that we remember that without an “I” there is no AP.
Getting Out with a Baby
Having your first baby is a huge adjustment. In a very short time period you go from a young child-free working woman to being alone at home with only an infant for company. For many of us it’s the first time we’ve even held a baby this small, and now we’re solely responsible for keeping the wee bundle alive. It’s sort of mind-blowing if you think about it.
I spent most of my early days with my firstborn Hannah breastfeeding. She would sometimes nurse for 45 minutes or more, so I fed her on the couch while I watched TV. A high point of my day was visiting the bathroom by myself or having two free hands to eat. It was amazing to be totally at the mercy of my baby. I lived and died by her whims (or my best guess as to her whims) in spite of how completely defenseless she was.
I realized very early on in parenting that I had two choices. I could spend my days at home alone watching reruns and feeling sorry for myself. Or I could get out of the house and find someone, anyone, to talk to. Someone who could understand how my world had been totally upended and why I sometimes secretly wondered if was even cut out for motherhood. Given those two options, I chose to get out of the house.
I went online and searched out activities. Pretty soon I set up an informal routine that had me doing something almost every day of the week. We went to library baby time, mom and baby yoga, strollerobics, swimming lessons, church, La Leche League, and community mom-and-baby groups. We went on playdates with much older kids, and visited friends almost any time we were asked. I seized almost any reason to get out of the house and interact with others.
It saved my sanity, it really did. I was still sleep-deprived and unkempt, but I was no longer alone. It wasn’t always easy for me to get myself out the door, and it didn’t come all that naturally to cultivate new relationships. New moms are sort of like 13-year-olds at a school dance. We all want to get out on the floor, but no one really wants to make the first move, so we end up stuck on the sidelines looking at each other. Which is why I think playgroups help, because they provide a low-risk way to interact and meet people.
I still feel like playgroups are saving my sanity 4 1/2 years later. I’ve made some really great friends and cultivated a fabulous support network. I feel like I have more balance in my life – that I’m meeting my own needs along with my children’s needs. I believe we are all the happier for it.
Amber’s daughter Hannah is now 4 1/2 and joined by her 13-month-old brother, Jacob. You can read more of their adventures at Strocel.com.
AP Month 2009 Blog Carnival of Growth
Happy Attachment Parenting Month! “Attached at the Heart Through the Years” is the theme for AP Month 2009 and a statement that healthy, secure attachments between parents and children is a dynamic process that extends throughout childhood that extends beyond infancy. During AP Month 2009, parents are challenged to re-examine their daily activities and traditions and learn new ways to grow with each other and remain close and supportive.
API Speaks would like to reflect on, and demonstrate how, we (as parents) remained and will remain “Attached at the Heart Through the Years” and one way we’re going to do that is with an Attachment Parenting Month blog carnival.
To participate in the carnival, submit a post on one or more of the following topics as we celebrate growth:
- Ways in which you’ve flexed through tough transition periods
- Ways in which your routines and traditions have subtly or dramatically changed to accommodate your child’s growth and maturity
- Challenges you’ve faced as your child grew that you never expected and how you resolved them
- Ways in which you’ve grown as a parent
To participate, simply publish a post on one of the previous topics to your blog with the following text:
This post is part of the Attachment Parenting Month blog carnival, hosted by Attachment Parenting International. Learn more about how you can stay “Attached at the Heart Through the Years” by visiting API Speaks, the blog of Attachment Parenting International.
Once your post is completed, please send an email with a link to your AP Month post to moderator AT attachmentparenting DOT org. Submissions will be accepted until Wednesday, October 14 at noon PDT. API Speaks will then link to your post on Monday, October 19. We may publish multiple posts, depending on how many submissions are received.
If you do not have a blog, but would like to submit a guest post for AP Month, please contact me at the email address above.
Instinctual Parenting
Not to pick on birth boards at all— because I have enjoyed being a part of several— there is a wealth of could-be topics just begging to be written and discussed. Sadly there does not seem to be enough adult etiquette contained in a typical birth board to be able to address touchy issues– to be able to discuss, disagree and learn without injured feelings or just plain anger. I am getting off topic here though…
My most recent adventures in birth-board-land revealed many of the same questions that have been posted over a variety of topics but generally with the same theme, they all go something like this, “is it ok for my LO to have… now?” Now, I am not at all dissing mothers who are asking legit questions about whether or not their little one should be eating/drinking this or that. Us first time moms especially have a plethora of questions about what “should” and “should not” be done. Sometimes I think that I must be a bit odd and a few times I have just been plain nervous that maybe I have missed the mommy boat somewhere and am swimming in some other kind of ocean all together. Why, you may ask, would I ask that? Because I have not asked those questions. I didn’t ask when or if I could feed my child eggs, peanut butter, OJ, milk, yogurt, etc. It honestly did not even cross my mind!
So I come to my topic and how this connects with AP, though this may more be a topic of discussion other than anything else. If you practice AP does your parenting become more instinctual? Continue reading “Instinctual Parenting”
Following the Principles: Use Nurturing Touch
Part 4 of a series of 8: Carrying our little LF#5 (Loin Fruit Number Five) in my body is the ultimate in nurturing touch. A tiny body wrapped up inside of mine. Bouncing. Rolling. Rocking. Swaying. Swirling. Surrounded by warmth. We are hoping to have another gentle homebirth for our new little one . We will enjoy our Babymoon as long as we can, remaining in bed and nursing for 2-3 weeks while my body heals. Of course we have made preparations (as much as anyone can prepare for the unknown at any rate) in case of an emergency need to transfer our care to a hospital and are prepared to do whatever it takes to make even the most medicalized situation a high-touch, high-compassion one. No matter what happens with our pregnancy and birth, we know that we are committed to our attached and connected parenting principles. We trust that our new baby will be lovingly connected to our family even if that means finding new ways to apply the attachment parenting principles to whatever circumstances LF#5 is welcomed into the world under.
But what about the rest of us? We are already dealing with situations which are challenging our ability to stay connected. It seems as if the past few months could be defined by one word: Distance. Distance keeps our family apart while Sir Hubby attempts to balance his business, his father’s health, and our family. Distance has my son several hours away at college. Our older girls are both at ages where they are pulling away (in healthy ways) to explore independence, self-directed learning, and social pursuits without holding our hands. But the biggest distance I feel is the one between my little T-Bird and I. Continue reading “Following the Principles: Use Nurturing Touch”