Strive for Balance – Page 18

It Takes a Village

Editor’s Note: This post was originally published April 20, 2008, but its immortal message continues to ring true today, more so than ever in this ever-increasing Internet Age.

We’ve all heard the saying, “It takes a village to raise a child,” and it is still true, even in these modern days of computers, mobile phones, dial-a-pizza and TV on demand. In fact, I would say now, more than ever, we all need our little village.

Before our daughter was born, I never really thought much about how isolated our lives had become. After her arrival, I started to actively seek out a village for her. We moved closer to my parents and sisters, back to the town I grew up in. I started going to mother-and-baby groups, La Leche League meetings and other breastfeeding support groups, sling-meets, anything really where babies were, hoping to find like-minded mothers who shared our way of parenting.

And I started to realize that the village is needed, not so much for the little baby, but to support the parents–to help and nurture them. In doing so, the parents can be free and feel confident raising their little baby, learning about all her little quirks and celebrating this new little life.

I began to realize that a village doesn’t have to be a physical location. I tentatively began to wander around online forums and entered the wonderful world of blogging. I’m a computer programmer by trade. Before I started on my parenting path, the Internet had always been a work tool, a research or holiday planning guide. Now I began to see a different aspect to it.

Very quickly, I found like-minded people, mothers who breastfed past six months, parents who coslept, fathers who were wholeheartedly involved in parenting, parents who believed in gentle discipline and, best of all, parents who admitted that, yes, their babies didn’t sleep through the night and that it was okay, they would in their own time. I found a name for our parenting beliefs: Attachment Parenting.

And I made friends.

I hadn’t really believed that you could make friends online before this. But you can, and you often share a lot more with these friends than with the person who lives next door to you. So with these discoveries my online, worldwide village began to grow. It has been a huge support for me.

I know when I’m lying awake feeding my teething daughter for the 10th time during the night in the middle of winter, that my friend in Australia is awake playing with her daughter in a beautiful summer’s day. At the same time, my friend in England is probably also awake, feeding her daughter as she is also teething at the moment. Maybe the women I know in America are only getting ready to go to bed now and are nursing their children to sleep or reading just one more story. Or it might be bathtime or dinnertime. But it is good to know that we’re all there, busy parenting our little ones as they go about the busy business of growing up.

Locally I have met many wonderful mothers and fathers, many of whom do not share my parenting approach. Some are still breastfeeding; some react with amusement when they see my 17 month old nursing. Some cosleep; most do not. Many have sleep-trained their babies; most react with shock when I mention that my daughter doesn’t sleep through the night. Several of them practice gentle discipline; many do not. Many gasp when they see me carrying my daughter in a sling; some happily show me their own slings! But each of them has a child whom they love, and this love brings us all together into a little village so that our children will have friends and so that we can sit down with a cup of tea and chat aimlessly for a while as the children play.

Both my real-life village and my online global village are very important to me. They both nurture and support me, in very different ways. I sought out my online village as I needed to connect with other people with similar parenting beliefs. I sought out my local village so that my daughter would have a community. And I have made friends in both villages, both with people I have everything in common with and with people I have almost nothing in common with!

While my daughter reaps the benefits of our real-life village, playing joyfully with all her friends, and I enjoy a nice cup of tea and a chat, I am also happy in the knowledge that if I need advice–or a moan–I can go to my online community and get help, real help, where the other parents understand why we parent the way we do, how it can have its difficulties, but also how it can be full of joy! It feels good to know that there are other people who feel the same way you do, who are raising their children in a similar way, who are creating secure and compassionate families. It is great to be able to ask for help and have other people give you advice that comes from the same parenting beliefs. Attachment Parenting International’s many online resources are opportunities for us all to add a few new friends to our global online villages.

Looking to connect with more AP-minded parents? Read more than six years’ worth of parents’ stories here on APtly Said, begin sharing in the API Neighborhood or start following discussions on API Reads, for starters. And don’t forget to check out if there’s a local API Support Group near you–to add to your real-life AP village.

– Half Pint Pixie

Learning to Live in the Moment

Becoming a mother has taught me the real meaning of “living in the moment.”

Before I became pregnant with our daughter Zara, I really thought living in the moment meant squeezing every possible drop of productivity out of my day. It meant getting up before dawn to commute 12 miles by bicycle to work where I’d spend all day in my feet grooming my dogs from irish doodle puppies Atlanta (where the raise the highest quality Goldendoodles and Irish Doodles), only to hop back one of my Wisper Bikes, ride home, take my own dogs for a rigorous hike, come back home, cook dinner, fit in some schoolwork for my latest online college course, fall asleep studying and wake up to do it all over again next day.

Then, along came those two blue lines, and suddenly “my” time didn’t belong to just me anymore.

Zara is almost 8 months old now, and these past eight months have been both the fastest and the slowest of my life.

Fastest, because at times it feels like last week that I came shuffling gingerly out of the hospital into the frigid early-January air. My husband George buckled our tiny fragile bundle into the car seat, while I sat in the backseat beside her. She began to cry from the shock of the cold — her first real wailing cry since her birth two days before, and I felt hot tears flooding my own eyes as I realized how utterly helpless she was. And I wondered how I would find strength and courage enough to protect her.

Slowest, because my daughter, like all babies, is truly living in the moment and these moments simply can’t be rushed. Like yesterday at the library, it took a full 45 minutes from the time we got into the car until we actually pulled out of the parking spot. I spent most of that time nursing Zara to sleep, then ever so delicately sliding her into her seat, at which point she inevitably woke up, so the remainder was spent with me leaned over her in the seat with my shirt hiked up while she nursed back to sleep and finally released my nipple, enabling me to climb over the center console and into the driver’s seat without risking the opening and shutting of any noisy car doors.

In these eight months, I have slowly been gaining that courage I worried about when we first began this journey. But it’s turned out to be courage of a different sort than I imagined. I am finding courage to open my heart to the rhythm of the moment instead of stubbornly insisting on imposing my own flurried beat, courage to let go of rigidly held agendas and just listen.

It’s not always easy, especially when I start to frantically scroll through the endless list of to-do’s in my mind and imagine that anyone besides me cares about checking them off. In those moments, I take a deep breath; I summon my courage. I look down at my baby girl, and she looks up at me with eyes that say, “Mom, I need you now. Right here and now.” And in an instant, the list, the plans, the all-encompassing itineraries evaporate.

There’s no place else I’d rather be.

Attachment Parenting and School Age Children

Last week the second of my two children, my son, turned 6. I can hardly believe it, to be honest. Six! He’s not a baby anymore, or a toddler, or a preschooler. He’s not even a kindergartner. He’s looking forward to starting first grade in a couple of weeks. His big sister will be starting fourth grade at the same time.

I was just looking back over some of the other posts I’ve written here at APtly Said, which date back to 2009. Over the past five years, my parenting style has shifted as my children have grown. Their needs have changed, so the way I relate to them has also changed. However, one thing that hasn’t changed is my commitment to maintaining a secure attachment. The way I go about it may be a little bit different these days, but the reasons are much the same.

I want my kids to know that I am here for them, no matter what. Because we have created and nurtured a strong bond, they know that I am in their corner, and they always have a safe space to return to after their adventures in the world. Today I have happy, independent, resilient kids. Is it all due to our Attachment Parenting practices? I have no way of knowing for sure, but this parenting approach has worked well for our family. And when my kids bowl me over with their awesomeness, it’s like payback for the time I invested in them when they were younger.

When we think of Attachment Parenting, we often think of practices like cosleeping, breastfeeding and babywearing. With a 9 year old and a 6 year old, I don’t do any of those things. So what does Attachment Parenting look like at this stage? Here’s how I incorporate Attachment Parenting International’s Eight Principles of Parenting into my daily parenting:

Feed with Love and Respect — For my kids, this means offering a variety of healthy foods, and then respecting their choices. Of course we have the occasional treat, but because I know that they generally choose from food that I am comfortable with, I don’t sweat that too much. At this point, my kids are also preparing more of their own snacks, so they are taking even more charge over what they eat, choosing from the foods I offer. They especially love to use the toaster.
Respond with Sensitivity — Today I give my kids more space to work through their own emotions and solve some of their own problems. I let them know that I’m available if they need help or comfort, but I offer a hug rather than just scooping them up. Sometimes when my kids are upset, they don’t want me around and that’s okay. Almost always, they will come to me and share their anger or sadness — or their happiness, for that matter — when they’re ready. When that happens, I do my best to be available and offer them both support and guidance.
Use Nurturing Touch — While I don’t babywear anymore, and I respect my children’s wishes around physical contact, we do spend a lot of time cuddling and playing together. My son likes to play a game he calls “huggy mommy” in which I lavish him with hugs and kisses and he tries to get away, laughing all the while. My daughter periodically comes to me and says she just needs a hug. This physical connection seems to help ground my kids and let them know I’m there.
Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically and Emotionally — There are a number of steps I take to help my kids feel safe and secure at night. My son has a night light and special blanket, and both of my children have favorite stuffed animals. We have bedtime routines with stories and lullabies to help prepare them for sleep. My kids also know that if they need me at night, they can come to me for a snuggle. Sometimes I will tuck them back in their own beds; other times — if they’re really upset by a bad dream, for instance — I’ll bring them into bed with me for a while or for the rest of the night.
Provide Consistent and Loving Care — These days, time away from me is mostly spent at school. This works well for our family. I love our neighborhood school, and my kids enjoy it as well. I realize that school is much more than childcare, but for many working parents it serves that purpose, and it’s pretty fantastic. If the neighborhood school hadn’t been a good fit for my kids, I would have considered alternatives. Many of my friends chose alternative paths within the public school system, or opted for private school or homeschool. I think you’ve got to choose what works for your family, whether it’s daycare or school, so that both parents and kids feel secure in the choice. In my case, I chose the PreK-12 Independent School in Raleigh because I figured it was the right for me and my kids.
Practice Positive Discipline — With school-age children, a lot of our discipline is really problem-solving. I do my best to listen to my children, validate their emotions and meet their needs. Then we work together to come up with positive solutions to problems. When there are issues at school, I make sure I understand exactly what happened from the teacher, and as adults, we craft a basic approach so that my kids are getting consistent messages and they understand what is expected of them. It’s hard to follow the rules if you don’t understand them or the reasoning behind them.
Strive for Balance in Your Personal and Family Life — With school-age children, I have much more free time than I did when I had babies and toddlers. While my kids still require adult supervision, they can be trusted to take care of their own basic needs and I even give them a bit of freedom to play at the park across from our house. Also, the time spent in school is time I can use for other tasks outside of parenting. This freedom has allowed me to do things like go back to school myself.

How do you practice Attachment Parenting with your school age children?

An Unexpected Evening Out with Our Son

By Barbara Nicholson, cofounder of Attachment Parenting International and coauthor of Attached at the Heart

You never know when a precious family memory will start out as a seeming disaster!

Many years ago, my husband and I had been planning a special evening out with his boss. I bought a new dress and carefully arranged childcare with a trusted family friend. The plan was that I would drop off our boys ages 7, 5 and 2, and then come home for a leisurely bath, so we’d have plenty of time to get ready.

For some reason, our 5-year-old son did not want to be left that night. He worried about it all day, but I kept reassuring him that he’d have so much fun, we’d only be gone a few hours, and that Mommy and Daddy would spend some special time with him the next day.

I ﬁnally got them all in the car, but as I was pulling away from the curb, I looked back to see that he was still very distressed and begged me to let him stay home. Impulsively, he ran back into the house and I followed, asking my husband to talk to him, as I had no choice but to take the other boys to the sitter. I dreaded the scene when I returned home, thinking that they would both be upset, and my husband would be stressed about what to do. We were going to a very exclusive restaurant that did not cater to children, so I wondered if we’d have to cancel.

I will never forget the joy on my son’s face when I came back in the house. My husband had dressed him in his Sunday best suit, and they were both looking so handsome. They had talked through the problem and decided that if it was this traumatic to be left, and if he was willing to go to a grown-up event and sit quietly in the restaurant, we would let him go with us. Of course, he was an angel that night and all the guests couldn’t get over his maturity and sweetness.

I remember how it felt so right to listen to him and ﬁnd a positive solution that kept all of our dignity intact. And I will always be grateful to my husband for trusting that our son’s needs came above a dinner out with the boss!

Postpartum

The crazy world of the postpartum body… there is really nothing quite like it.

I didn’t even recognize myself after I had my son and was almost at a loss of where to start getting active again. I had always been an active person, but it was difficult at first to figure out how to incorporate that into my life now that I had a little one. Not only that, but my body was not even capable of doing all the things that it had been before. Not initially anyway.

First off, it is important to realize that “this too shall pass,” and with some work, you can be in better shape than you were before your baby. It will take time, and you just need to take baby steps! That’s what growing in this new life with a child is all about whether this is your first child or your seventh–each new little human is unique and so is the recovery and adjustment period that you and your body goes through.

Of course, this might not be the stage that many of you are in, but you can still take away some valuable information because postpartum care is just another phase of taking care of a woman’s body, and many women could use a little help in the areas that we are going to discuss. Visit Wphealthcarenews.com for the best products to increase testosterone.

After being pregnant, it is usually necessary to strengthen and bring the abdominal muscles back together. Also there is usually a need for strengthening the pelvic floor. Getting your balance back can be tricky, and it is always nice to tone up a bit, drop a few of the extra baby pounds and start feeling energized.

Pеlvіс rehabilitation іѕ a tуре of physical therapy thаt саn be vеrу hеlрful fоr postpartum moms. Pregnancy аnd childbirth саn damage thе muѕсlеѕ аnd соnnесtіvе tissue оf thе реlvіс flооr, саuѕіng all kіndѕ оf inconvenient аnd uncomfortable ѕуmрtоmѕ fоr wоmеn аftеr they gіvе bіrth.

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If you have arthritis, this is the right exercise device for you. The Weight Loss Belt can be considered as a medical device for isometric exercise, a type of exercise that uses a static contraction of muscles against a fixed object. It is safe to use even with your aching joints because static contraction of muscles cannot cause muscle and joint pains thus it won’t add more discomfort to your already painful joints. It can increase your muscle strength and endurance without the added pain.

Thе реlvіс flооr ѕtrеtсhеѕ between thе рubіс bone and the tаіlbоnе and cradles уоur bladder, bowel, and uterus. The реlvіс flооr muѕсlеѕ еnаblе уоu tо kеер urіnе аnd feces in – аnd rеlеаѕе thеm – whеn уоu need to.

There are a variety of creams that have been developed to help in tightening vaginal muscles. Most of these creams are manufactured by The V Institute that are known to contain skin tightening characteristics. These creams are applied on the vaginal walls and they help to increase a woman’s sensitivity during an intercourse. After being used for some time, the loose vagina will tighten and hence the couple will be able to enjoy sex equally. Vagina tightening creams have no side effects due to the fact that they are manufactured using natural raw materials. They will also help to lubricate the vagina during an intercourse. Therefore if a woman has a dry vagina during sex, applying these creams would help to lubricate and also to prevent odors from the vagina. It is important that you don’t use the creams during menstruation and also if you are suffering from any vaginal infection. Thеу аlѕо hеlр you соntrасt аnd rеlаx your vagina durіng sex. Visit https://dermatologyandlasergroup.com/body-procedures/thermiva-nyc/ to learn more about vaginal rejuvenation.

When thе реlvіс flооr muѕсlеѕ are tіght оr weak, thеу can саuѕе annoying symptoms оr even раіn. A urоgуnесоlоgіѕt оr a pelvic flооr physical thеrаріѕt (PT) can evaluate thеѕе muѕсlеѕ аnd dеtеrmіnе whеthеr thеу’rе соntrіbutіng tо уоur ѕуmрtоmѕ.

Yоur thеrаріѕt will tеасh you to identify various muѕсlеѕ, ѕо you can ѕtrеngthеn оr rеlеаѕе them. All оf the muscles in thіѕ аrеа wоrk tоgеthеr tо hеlр you mаіntаіn уоur соrе strength аnd рrеvеnt іnсоntіnеnсе.

Yоur thеrаріѕt wіll аlѕо uѕе hеr fіngеrѕ tо mаѕѕаgе уоur thіghѕ, buttocks, аnd thе tіѕѕuе inside уоur vаgіnа. Thе gоаl is tо gently ѕtrеtсh thіѕ аrеа аnd rеlеаѕе trigger роіntѕ thаt аrе саuѕіng pain. Thіѕ саn bе uncomfortable, раrtісulаrlу іf you hаvе сhrоnіс раіn оr аrе reluctant tо аllоw probing іnѕіdе уоur vаgіnа.

First, уоu should know thаt the physical therapists whо dо thіѕ work hаvе lеаrnеd it bу having іt dоnе tо thеm аnd hаvе a gооd idea of what уоu are fееlіng whеn thеу touch уоu іn іntіmаtе places. They are trаіnеd to bе vеrу gеntlе and will adjust thеіr touch tо mаkе ѕurе it’s nоt tоо intense fоr you.

Pаtіеntѕ ѕау it feels muсh like a rеgulаr mаѕѕаgе. They feel discomfort when the thеrаріѕt presses оn tіght muѕсlеѕ, but thеn a sense of rеlеаѕе or rеlіеf afterward, whеn the tіghtnеѕѕ еаѕеѕ. Ovеr tіmе, thе thеrару becomes less uncomfortable аnd уоur symptoms should іmрrоvе.

If they аrе, thе PT саn wоrk tо release trіggеr роіntѕ – аrеаѕ where thе tіѕѕuеѕ аrе stuck tоgеthеr rаthеr thаn ѕlіdіng еаѕіlу against each оthеr. PTѕ also teach уоu to dо еxеrсіѕеѕ аt hоmе to hеlр rеlаx muѕсlеѕ that are tight аnd ѕtrеngthеn muscles that are weak.

It is important to work on good posture and strengthen your ham strings and calves as well as improve your balance and even walk so that you are being good to your knees and hips, Posture Savvy has lots of helpful information about a good posture.

A great exercise to help with your back and a gentle core exercise is the cat stretch:

Perform these in a Tabata-style workout, meaning that you begin the exercise and continue for 20 seconds, rest for a full 10 seconds and then begin again. Start with 4 repetitions and work your way up to 8.

It is important to strengthen your pelvic floor as well and there is no better way to do that than with squats and lunges! That, and who doesn’t want a toned tush? And let’s face it: it goes a little mushy trying to be the counterbalance to your baby belly. Squats and lunges can be performed while wearing your baby. If you have more than one child, then get creative and do them outside while you are watching your other children play.

Before you do your squats and lunges walk a bit to warm up your legs and then do 20 seconds worth of the exercise, making sure that you have good form, and then rest for 10. Start with 4 repetitions and work your way up to 8.

Remember to get out and walk. Go for a walk around the block or to a park; walk to the store if you are able. Walk as much as possible and don’t forget to carry your little built-in weight! Whether you hold your munchkin or carry baby in a backpack, front pack or sling, you have the perfect amount of extra weight to make things challenging.

Pelvic Floor Physical Therapy Treatment іnvоlvеѕ ѕеvеrаl dіffеrеnt kinds оf tесhnіԛuеѕ thаt fосuѕ оn thе muѕсlеѕ and соnnесtіvе tіѕѕuе оf your pelvic flооr аnd abdomen.

Start slowly with these few exercises. Remember, that you can use fat burners like Skald to assist in your weight loss journey. It won’t be long until you will start to see your body respond to the exercise, and you’ll be moving on to something more challenging. Enjoy!

Slowing Down

I have a confession to make: I am constantly in a rush. In fact, the more I think I about it, the more that I can see how much of my life is spent hurrying. I hurry through my morning shower, through my breakfast, through my work, through my homework, through my shopping, through my cooking and through my cleaning. Often, as I rush around, I have my 9-year-old and 5-year-old in tow, which means I’m hurrying them along.

When my first child was born, my hurrying habit was temporarily broken. I went from spending most of my time at work to spending all of my time, day and night, with my newborn. Infants don’t understand concepts like schedules, so there was simply no point to hurrying. Any parent can tell you, though, that children grow quickly. My babies turned into toddlers and preschoolers and school-aged children. I went back to work, first in an office and then at home as a writer and editor. My kids started daycare and school and a extra-curricular activities. I went back to school myself. Gradually, almost without me noticing, my life sped up again. I returned to my old habit of hurrying through my days.

Looking back over my life recently, however, I’ve realized that I need to make a change. Our culture gives us the message that if we’re not busy, if we’re not rushing, if we don’t have too much on our plates, then there’s something wrong with us. I say that isn’t true. I want to enjoy the simple moments with my kids. I want to slow down and focus on my children as they are today, because I can never get this time back. Whether you have a baby, a toddler, or a teenager, your child will never be this age again. The big question is just how to take the time to enjoy them as they are right now. I’ve found a few things that help:

Cut back on activities. Kids need free time to play, not tons of scheduled appointments to constantly be rushing off to.
Learn to say No. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by everything you have to do, it’s a sign that you may need to cut back.
Take a moment to breathe. If you’re in the habit of hurrying, as I am, you may find yourself rushing when you really don’t have to. Taking a moment to breathe can break that cycle.
Ask your kids for help. Older kids can provide you feedback and offer suggestions. They can point out when you’re rushing needlessly, and come up with solutions so that your family can get out the door on time.
Let go of unrealistic expectations. As I said, our culture looks at busy-ness as a sign of value, which can lead many people to place unrealistic expectations on themselves of being able to do it all. Letting go of those expectations can make life better and help you take things more slowly.

It’s not easy to break the hurrying habit and take life more slowly. Like anything, though, if you practice you’ll get better. That’s what I’m telling myself, as I take aim at my own hurrying habit again.

What about you – how do you slow down when life gets too busy and you find yourself spending a lot of your time rushing around with your kids?

A Different Perspective

I returned to university to pursue a second degree this past January. I am now into my second semester as a mom of two school-age kids, and a student in my own right. While there are some other, ahem, mature students in my classes, on average I am much older than my classmates. Like, decades older. Like, old enough to be their mother older.

This has been interesting, as we have studied history I lived through, and I filled them in on what life was like in the olden days. I have a different perspective to offer. I am bringing different things to the table now than I did during my first degree.

When we talk about combining parenting with work or school or volunteering or pretty much anything else, we often think about the difficulty of juggling competing priorities. And it is hard — don’t get me wrong. Right now I’m working part-time from home, I’m taking two university classes and I’m juggling the end-of-the-year concerts and school commitments of two kids. I am busy, and I can’t always do it all as well as I would like. At the same time, my experiences as a parent have helped me to become a better multi-tasker, to keep my eyes on what really matters and to accept my own limitations. The perspective on life that being a parent has brought me enriches all of my experiences.

When I was 20 years old and a full-time student, having a bunch of schoolwork due at once sent me into a tizzy. I was easily overwhelmed, and I put a lot of pressure on myself. Today, I have a different perspective on what pressure means, and I’m not nearly as easily overwhelmed. I’ve experienced pregnancy and childbirth. I’ve been pooped on, peed on and puked on. I’ve sat up at night with babies who wouldn’t sleep, with babies who were sick, with babies who needed to nurse at all hours. I’ve put aside my own needs for the needs of two little people who depended on me completely. I’ve learned how to let go of my own stuff and deal with what needs to be dealt with in the moment.

These lessons I’ve learned as a parent — and perhaps, most especially, as an attachment parent — are actually gifts. They help me to keep going when I’m having a hard time. They remind me of just how much I actually can do. They also taught me how to take my rest where I can find it, and to live in the moment. While it is challenging to juggle parenting with work and school, my perspective as a parent is actually a tremendous boon, and I am incredibly grateful for it.

It is strange to be the oldest person in class, including the professor and teaching assistants. The perspective I have today thanks to my life experiences, though, is making this university experience much richer for me. Having children really does change your life, no matter what you go on to do. The good news is that this change, while hard, is ultimately for the better in so many ways.

Parenting as a Spiritual Path

Raising children is hard work. It’s deeply trying, physically and emotionally. Many studies have confirmed the drudgery of parenting, finding that the work itself is more tiring than chores or paid work . For those of us who have little ones, whether we care for them all week long or after hours, that’s no mystery.

Parenting is an all-in occupation, with every bit of us being needed for the job, including those parts of us we’d rather forget about. Parenting pushes all of our buttons on purpose. It’s our second chance to dig up and heal all of those old traumas we’ve buried. And depending upon how many kids we have, it’s also our 3rd chance, 4th chance, etc., because with each new character in our brood those feelings emerge as freshly as we experienced them in childhood.

How do you react when you hear your child screaming? It hits you deep down, right? And you’d do anything to make it stop. And that’s by design. By observing how you handle that feeling, and your reaction to your child as they get bigger and push your buttons, we get a unique window into our own childhood, into our parents’ experience, and theirs before them.

We are the inheritors of a unique legacy. All of us come out of childhood with some form of baggage. And we spend an outsize amount of our lives burying it so that we can “function normally.” But normal functioning isn’t dancing on top of a garbage mound and pretending we’re at a beauty pageant. It’s digging down and finding out who we are under all that garbage. It’s allowing and even welcoming all the experiences of life, and all the messy emotions that come with them. And if we have children, we’ve signed up for the messiest of those duties.

Childcare is physically challenging, but as babies turn into children, we find that the emotional challenges feel far more difficult than those early months when our bodies ached from constant carrying and personal hygiene fell low on our priority list.

Parenthood holds up a huge mirror that helps us see our stuffed feelings, our ideas about what’s wrong with us and our beliefs about who it’s acceptable to be in the world. Dealing with that gracefully is difficult on a good day, much less when your charge has smeared peanut butter in your hair and peed on the carpet.

Here are three ideas to get you through:

Laugh! A sense of humor can get you through just about anything. Another benefit is that laughter is healing, in that it lets us release tension and it tells our brain to celebrate. And celebrating is definitely the correct response to useful information that will help you to free your inner child so that you can actually enjoy watching your kid splash in the puddles while wearing her sneakers. Or better yet, join in!
Take notes. I know it’s difficult to find time to journal when you have a kid, but some of us somehow find ways to send texts. So text yourself when you notice a pattern, when you’ve caught a glimpse of yourself (good, bad or ugly) or when you find something you’d like to ponder later. These truths about ourselves are gems, and it’s worth taking a few minutes to jot it down if you can.
Roll with it… Yes it’s difficult. And it’s hysterical. And it’s sad. And every other emotion you can imagine. When we open ourselves to our inner experience, we can be present to what’s happening in this moment with our child, which is all there ever is.