General Interest – Page 105

Unconditional Love

When we were moving a few months ago, I stumbled upon an on old journal from my childhood. I sat down, amidst a pile of boxes, and ignored the surrounding mess to go back to a place that I hadn’t visited in a long time. The pages were laden with my 12 year old scribbles. There were entries about my loves , my friends, and trivial problems, but in between those pages were some hauntingly poignant entries about the abuse that filled my childhood. As I read, it wasn’t the entries describing the latest attack, it was a simple statement, ended with a question, that I think I sent out to the universe:

“I feel like I will never be good enough. Like I will never measure up. I feel like unless I do what they want, and only what they want, they will never love me fully. They call me names, they insult me, they punish me when I stray from their beliefs. Is this how a parent is supposed to treat their child? Is this normal?”

As I grew up, I spent a lot of time asking that question over and over again. It wasn’t until I had my own child and pulled out this journal that I recognized the answer to that question was supposed to be a resounding “NO!” I’d like to say this discovery has ended any self-doubts, but daily, I still ask “Is this enough? Am I enough?” The impact of this emotional abuse as a child has left a permanent mark, even so many years later.

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Rest and Sleep the AP Way

I recently came across an ad for a new kind of formula which advertises that it “specially designed to help babies feel full longer and sleep better.”

The ad also states that it “thickens gently in baby’s tummy” and that it is a “natural way to keep your baby feeling satisfied.”

In short, the message is if you feed your baby this new kind of formula, it’ll digest slowly enough that your baby will sleep for a longer period of time, which would presumably let the parents sleep for a longer uninterrupted stretch of time. It implies that the only reason a baby awakens during the night is because of hunger. Therefore, if the baby eats this formula, he won’t get hungry, so he won’t wake up.
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AP Ambassador

Whenever I pack our diaper bag, I include only necessities: two or three diapers, the changing pad, a handful of wipes, and a small notepad and pen. The notepad is a new inclusion, and is totally necessary. Anytime I forget it, I totally regret it. Why? Because every single time I snuggle Sweet Pea into his Moby Wrap at the store, or the park, or the university where Daddy teaches, someone says, “Wow, where’d you get that? My sister/my friend/my daughter could really use one!” This conversation though, is where my dilemma begins, because I am SO SOLD on the benefits of attachment parenting. Continue reading “AP Ambassador”

Adventures in Night Time Parenting

My son doesn’t sleep well. He never has. He doesn’t sleep through the night, as per the textbooks, or sleep experts. He needs to nurse to fall asleep; he will co-sleep when he feels like it, but other night’s requests to be in his own bed, in his own space. He needs to have my shirt in his bed, snuggling up to it if he does sleep in his own bed. Some nights, he needs my husband or I to rub is back or stroke his hair before he finally gives into sleep. And, yes, he wakes up countless times during the night.

This is my life. This is my night time parenting life sans sleep training, sans the societal pressure to have him on a schedule, or allow him to cry it out.

I learned quickly as an attachment parent, that many think that my ideas about his ability to sleep on his own, with my guidance, on his own terms were not nearly as accepted as some of the books that you can find for sale at your local bookstore. I have had to be polite to friends and family as they roll their eyes, mock our belief that cry it out should never be a solution, no matter how sleep deprived you are. I’ve had to refuse advice from strangers, or well meaning relatives, who tell me what they heard a sleep expert for babies say on the latest talk show or even better, what worked for them, and their children turned out “fine”. I mean, at the end of the day, tired, or not, I know my child, and I know what I believe in.
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Reaping the Rewards

There is a popular misconception in the mainstream about attachment parenting; a school of thought that attachment parenting is the same as no parenting.

“If you don’t spank your child, he’ll run all over you!”

“Don’t put your child in your bed! How will she ever learn to sleep on her own?”

“How will your children ever learn to know you’re in charge unless you ignore their cries?”

When I first started down the attachment parenting path almost eight years ago, my husband and I were the only ones in our respective immediate families who had ever heard of it and were doing it. We were met with all kinds of grief, especially from his side of the family.

“Babies don’t need breastmilk after their first birthday.”

“He nurses all night because he’s in your bed!”

My husband was told that our children would be spoiled, disobedient, and impossible. He was condescendingly told, “You’re just new parents. You’ll figure it out soon!”

The kids are older now, and remain the only attachment parented cousins on both sides of the family. To those who said to us that we’ll reap what we sow, I wholeheartedly agree; the proof is in the pudding! Continue reading “Reaping the Rewards”

What’s Wrong With Parenting Books?

Of the many things that changed in my life after my children were born, one of the biggest was my attitude towards food.

Once my son started eating solids, I was careful to avoid artificial sweeteners, food dyes, certain types of fat, etc. One day, while peering into my refrigerator and seeing “his” organic ketchup on the shelf next to the non-organic ketchup I bought for my husband and myself, it struck me how silly it was to buy more than one kind of ketchup. I wondered why I was so careful with what I fed him, but not nearly as careful with myself. If organic ketchup was good enough for him, why wasn’t it good enough for me?

It was like a little cartoon light bulb appeared over my head. That realization, combined with a gift subscription from a friend to Prevention Magazine, and a desire to no longer feel fat and frumpy, changed my life and my outlook when it came to food.

Nutrition became a personal interest, and in addition to starting to exercise, I overhauled the way we eat. Continue reading “What’s Wrong With Parenting Books?”

Attachment Parenting International Celebrates 15 Years

The first weekend in June was a special moment in the history of Attachment Parenting International. API celebrated the 15th Anniversary of the organization. Barbara Nicholson and Lysa Parker co-founded the organization and in the past 15 years, families all over the world have received support by API.

A variety of events are being planned this year to commemorate this special time in API’s history. Beginning on June 15, Barbara Nicholson and Lysa Parker will be participating in a two week interactive forum discussion about their new book, Attached at the Heart.
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Would you? Could you? In a sling?

As a native English speaker living in a non-English-speaking country, finding good English language children’s books is tough. I’ve picked up plenty of German books for my husband to read to our son, but that doesn’t help me (we’re raising him bilingually, Continue reading “Would you? Could you? In a sling?”