Parenting with Attachment in Mind
My little sister got married this past weekend and she moved to Texas. My brother got dumped by the girlfriend that he was going to ask to marry him. The ring is sitting on his desk. Our little community has been in emotional upheaval, to say the least.
Here are just a few of the emotions that have been flying around: joy, excitement, nerves, jealousy, sadness anger, fear and pain.
This past week I have watched as my son has run through a gamut of emotions himself. Continue reading “Letting Go”
Although I consider myself an AP mom, I had never heard the term before my children were born, and for a long time, I didn’t know that the techniques I employed as a mother were considered Attachment Parenting.
A lot of the principles of AP came to me naturally: I breastfed both kids, practiced infant massage, and wore my babies in slings and carriers. I knew from the very beginning that cutting my work hours and staying home as much as possible was the right choice for my family. And I knew that I never wanted to spank my children.
Other principles came about when facing challenges as a parent. When my son was having some sleeping difficulties, so many people told me to just let him cry it out and he’d be sleeping like an angel within a week. But it didn’t feel right to me. I started to look into other, more gentle ways of sleep training, and that led to part time co-sleeping, and my discovery of the “AP Way.”
Continue reading “The Internal Struggle”
I just used up a bag of flour that I’ve had in my pantry for the past couple of years.
I only had it for the occasional sauce thickening agent, or… uh… why did I have that bag of flour? I guess it’s just one those things that is expected. One must have flour or you cannot consider yourself a member of polite society, or something like that.
The point is, I used almost all of it in the last month.
I actually used the flour — to bake.
Continue reading “Slowing down to smell the stillness, re-energizes”
This past Thursday night, I went to hear music at night for the first time in over three years. It wasn’t just going out, or getting to hear music, but going out by myself. It came about because I received a link to a sample class on The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal
Not to pick on birth boards at all— because I have enjoyed being a part of several— there is a wealth of could-be topics just begging to be written and discussed. Sadly there does not seem to be enough adult etiquette contained in a typical birth board to be able to address touchy issues– to be able to discuss, disagree and learn without injured feelings or just plain anger. I am getting off topic here though…
My most recent adventures in birth-board-land revealed many of the same questions that have been posted over a variety of topics but generally with the same theme, they all go something like this, “is it ok for my LO to have… now?” Now, I am not at all dissing mothers who are asking legit questions about whether or not their little one should be eating/drinking this or that. Us first time moms especially have a plethora of questions about what “should” and “should not” be done. Sometimes I think that I must be a bit odd and a few times I have just been plain nervous that maybe I have missed the mommy boat somewhere and am swimming in some other kind of ocean all together. Why, you may ask, would I ask that? Because I have not asked those questions. I didn’t ask when or if I could feed my child eggs, peanut butter, OJ, milk, yogurt, etc. It honestly did not even cross my mind!
So I come to my topic and how this connects with AP, though this may more be a topic of discussion other than anything else. If you practice AP does your parenting become more instinctual? Continue reading “Instinctual Parenting”
Note: To get the full effect of this blog post, click here for some background music from children’s artist Roger Day to enhance your reading enjoyment.
I miss Music Mondays. In the tiny, farming community of Hartington, Nebraska, where I used to live, when my oldest daughter was just a baby, there was a mother who would reserve the library basement every Monday for what she publicized as “Music Mondays.” There, babies and toddlers and their parents would sing and dance and play musical instruments for an hour – a free-flowing, no-structure exploration of movement and music, I used to take my speakers to listen to music by using just Bluetooth, so you can take look at this page to see if is Bluetooth actually using data and think about if it works for you. I was only able to be a part of this activity for a short time before my family moved across the state, and our new hometown didn’t have a similar activity for families.
This post addresses a sensitive topic, and therefore might generate some strong emotions.
I am a very vocal advocate of attachment parenting and the consequences that impact our lives if we choose not to fully attach to, and be attached to by, our children.
As I sit holding my 14 1/2 month old son, he turns and gives me his slobbery kisses. As I read about ways to guide him, to use discipline gently as he is learning to throw fits, and how he has somehow figured out how to hit (how do they learn that?) I am in continual awe of the attachment between us. It is something tangible. It was forged as we walked through pregnancy together and “talked” to each other. Forged as we birthed together and were carried through the ring of fire, as we slept together, ate together, and continue on this lifelong learning adventure together. We are like stem and leaf, firmly attached and yet at the same time not restricted or restrained by it, but it has made us free to grow. Continue reading “Why AP?”
We have arrived home again. I can’t believe the difference it has made. Allow me to give a little background information.
My son has traveled for 8 of the 15 months of his life. We have just recently come back from a 3 week trip. My community travels very often, the trips anywhere from several days to several months in length. We are a performing arts team, a work crew and an extended family (which includes family +).
My son is constantly surrounded by close people that he knows and trusts. He is not a particularly social child. Even though he is chatting and usually fairly smiley, the smile and conversation are not an invitation to play!
Our most recent trip, the one we just returned to home base from, was to Kansas and then a couple of weeks in Sioux Falls SD for a music festival. My boy is very busy and kept me chasing him all day, every day, with the exception of nap time! Thank goodness for my community at these times as people are happy to give me short breaks when necessary; it sometimes saves my sanity. We had many people in and out of our camp during these couple of weeks, old and new friends. Of course who can resist the crazy smile, dirty hands and face, tousled blond hair and the hearty laugh of a toddler?
When my son is approached by someone he does not know he is shy and hides behind whoever is close to him that he knows well. If the subject is pushed he starts to cry. Sometimes hysterically. I was told many times this week by, I am sure, well-meaning people that he “needs to get over it” or “needs to get out more” (which is an amusing statement considering how we live). I, on the other hand, am not concerned. I am actually happy under our unique circumstances that my son does not go to complete strangers. I do not have to worry that he will be overly friendly or that I will have to warn him about people he does not know. On the other hand I do not want him to be afraid of people, especially friends, I have to calmly reassure him without pressuring him to “get to know” someone. To him it is instinctual to steer clear of people he does not know. It is a healthy fear.
Now, on the other hand I have no idea what happened in the self preservation section of my son’s brain because “healthy fear” did not seem to come installed there. While on this last trip we spent a good amount of time on concrete which those of us who have small children know is not an ideal situation for a toddler. There were also a pair of concrete stairs leading down to our camp, a completely fascinating item for my little guy. The most common response from my son to these falls? “Ops.” That’s it. Now in this area I have had to carefully contain myself. I have to measure my response to these events and wait on how my child is responding to the event before I do. If it is as “ops” situation I have to swallow my initial run and cuddle response and allow him to continue his play, lending him a reassuring smile. I have to put my own reactions and emotions to the situation aside and learn from my son how he needs me to respond.
Sometimes it is necessary for me to take action, then it is comfort and cuddle time and I am rewarded for the newly acquired stress-moment grey hairs by chubby little arms around my neck and his newest response, sopping wet baby lip kisses that he reserves, just for mom.
All in all I am happy to be off the concrete and we are both happy to be surrounded by those we know and love. We are happy to be home.