WBW 2015: Breastmilk and baby’s gut health, the big picture

wbw2015-logo-mEditor’s note: Several scientific studies were published this year on the topic of breastmilk’s effect on the establishment of healthy gut flora. This World Breastfeeding Week, Attachment Parenting International (API) gives a special thank-you to API Editorial Review Board member Linda F. Palmer, DC, for this modified excerpt from her new book, Baby Poop: What Your Pediatrician May Not Tell YouPalmer2008, which gives an overview of how our choice to breastfeed or not — or to provide expressed breastmilk or donor breastmilk if breastfeeding is not an option — can affect our baby’s health not only through childhood but long into adulthood.

Born from an entirely protective environment where mother’s body tends to baby’s every immune and nutritional need, breastfeeding transitions the newborn safely into childhood. Nutrition is truly only a portion of breastfeeding’s role. Along with significant neurological and hormonal provisions, there are multitude immune-protective factors. A major, but seldom considered, portion of baby’s protection from illnesses, and the continued health of the child, comes from the early establishment of optimal gut flora.

Editor’s note: Watch this video from National Public Radio to learn more about what your gut has to do with your health.

In the Beginning

Beginning with the trip through the birth canal, every minute counts in the early effort to launch the healthiest-possible balance of gut microbes. The newborn digestive system is not ready at birth to handle much in the way of food, and the breasts know this. Immune protection is the first order of business and is greatly dependent upon the establishment of healthy flora. When uninhibited by antibiotics, formula supplements or delayed feedings, breastmilk can essentially seal the deal.

from linda 4It’s been shown that the health of the floral environment into which an infant is born can have positive or negative impact on the creation of his long-term microbiome. In turn, the child’s early risks for infectious diseases, and adult risks of non-infectious diseases, are highly dependent upon early gut health. Remember that some hospital germs are much tougher than community germs, and quite antibiotic resistant. Also, if mother has not been in the hospital herself for a few days, her immune system — and hence her breastmilk — will not contain antibodies to many of the threatening microbes floating around the hospital. Infants born into large hospitals are at greatest risk for colonization with unfriendly flora. Those born in a non-sterile home with healthy-gutted inhabitants — and with people or pets who go outside often — are shown to establish the healthiest array of florae.

Editor’s note: API does not take a stance on homebirth, but rather advocates that parents make an informed choice on childbirth decisions. Learn more through API’s First Principle of Parenting: Prepare for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting.

from lindaIf only a magical concoction existed with which a newborn’s digestive membranes could be quickly coated immediately after birth and then, if repeatedly applied, it could possibly head off some less desirable environmental influences. Of course, there is one. A few drops of colostrum from mother’s breast is all it takes — the sooner, the better.

The newborn’s stomach acidity at birth is quite neutral, because it contains amniotic fluid. Acidity does not become higher for about a day, so either good flora provided in colostrum or bad flora from a hospital environment have an exceptionally high opportunity to establish themselves in the first many hours after birth.

The Broncho-Entero-Mammary Pathway

Interestingly, when birth occurs through a planned Cesarean section — meaning no labor has occurred — mother’s milk is found to contain less healthy flora to pass to her newborn. Apparently, labor is not only a signal for mother’s placenta to pump antibodies into the soon-to-be-born child, but also a signal for the conveyance of important flora to mother’s breasts to enhance her colostrum for added newborn protection.

In addition to antibody-producing cells making their way from mom’s lymph centers in her intestines and respiratory tissues to her breasts, flora also travel from these areas to mother’s milk. Clearly, mother’s own gut health will impact what flora are available. These immune system cells and healthy bacteria are found to travel — transported by dendritic cells — chiefly through the lymphatic system as well as through the bloodstream. These roadways — by which mother’s body provides such valuable factors to her milk — are referred to as the broncho-entero-mammary pathway.

Mother’s milk not only provides more than 700 different species of valuable bacteria and fungi to homestead in her infant’s gut, but also plenty of special fiber-like sugars — oligosaccharides — to perfectly feed the flora. Every breastmilk taste provides a nurturing boost to the child’s floral garden.

Microbes — good or bad — will generally enter a child’s system through the mouth, pass through the throat and enter the intestines; thus, the digestive system is a baby’s greatest vulnerability, by far, in terms of infections. Auspiciously, breastmilk travels this same course and has tremendous influence on the development, wellbeing and protective capacities of the digestive tract and its flora — and thus the child. Even microbes that enter through a child’s nose will meet with breastmilk-nurtured floral defenses in the throat. The floral balance, and thus the infection risks for the sinuses and ear canals, depend upon the mouth and throat flora, which are influenced by the gut flora and by the same factors that affect gut flora — mainly breastmilk. Even lung flora and function are strongly influenced by the gut microbiome. Via its passage through the baby, breastmilk powerfully protects against dental, sinus, ear, throat, lung, stomach and intestinal infections.

Lactoferrin, Iron and Infant Protection

from linda 2Lactoferrin is a breastmilk protein that binds with iron. Nutritional iron is provided by mother’s milk in this bound manner. The more challenging bacteria — found in the gut of formula or solid-food-fed infants — require free iron to survive and proliferate. Lactoferrin holds on to the iron in the exclusively breastfed intestine, making the iron unavailable to feed unwanted bacteria and providing safe haven for desirable lactobacilli, bifidobacteria and other friendly microbes to proliferate.

Once free iron is added to a breastfed child’s diet, it will saturate and overwhelm the lactoferrin, feeding the challenging bacteria and allowing them to flourish. Free iron exists in all formulas — even low-iron formulas — and pretty much in any solid food besides pure fats or refined sugars. It doesn’t take very much formula, juice or baby food to overtake the protective lactobacilli and bifidobacteria florae provided by exclusive breastmilk feeding and to allow for the growth of the more challenging types of bacteria, including enterococci, enterobacter, clostridia, streptococci and E. coli. In fact, baby’s flora has been shown to change within 24 hours after just one bottle of formula.

The picture, of course, isn’t quite as simple as this. Various proteins, such as isolated soy or cow milk proteins, are also known to interrupt the virgin flora of a previously exclusively breastfed gut. Once your infant’s stools begin to develop unpleasant odor and darken in color, you can tell that the floral transition from protective breastfed flora to more adult-like bacteria is taking place.

A final loss of the exceptionally protective flora that only exclusive breastmilk provides is inevitable with the eventual introduction of solid foods. The longer this event can be put off, however, the longer the child’s status of lower risk for infections can be maintained and the stronger his future protection becomes. Six or more months before introducing other foods is the recommended goal. Still, after this flora alteration occurs, breastfeeding continues to provide many, many nutritional, hormonal, neurological and immune protective advantages and continues to support the flora.

Final Thoughts

Many mothers have an ideal image of the way they want their baby’s beginnings to be. Often, things don’t go as intended. All is not lost. The good news is that recent studies are revealing that when all doesn’t go as planned, positive impacts can be made on baby’s flora and intestinal health with the use of probiotics and other healing measures, thereby reducing later risks of many chronic diseases.

Editor’s note: Citations and further information, including the impact of antibiotic use among infants, can be found in the book Baby Poop.

WBW 2015: Who is the woman in pink?

martha with viola from LLL and baby stephenWhen this photograph was taken, 26 years ago, there was no such thing as the Internet. Cameras were film only. There were no cell phones or laptops. If you wanted to make a phone call while on the road, you had to first find a pay phone booth. And if you wanted to make a phone call at home, you had to stretch the cord connecting you to the wall around the corner to get any privacy. Mainstream parenting advice wasn’t particularly warm, fueled by a widespread fear of spoiling children, but parents who wanted another perspective could get it through a print subscription of Mothering magazine.

And while more mothers were breastfeeding back then than a couple decades before, lactation consulting was still gaining a foothold in medical practice. The International Board of Lactation Consultant Examiners, which certifies lactation consultants, was still in its infancy, having been founded in 1985. Really, the only reliable source of breastfeeding education and support anywhere was La Leche League (LLL) with its expansive network of mother-to-mother support groups, many in small and rural communities.

This image was captured in 1989 at a LLL conference in Anaheim, California, USA. The young woman in this photograph — do you recognize her? (Keep reading to find out who this mystery mom is!) — was breastfeeding Stephen, the baby in the arms of Viola Lennon, one of LLL’s seven cofounders and coauthor of The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding.

The world said a sad goodbye to Viola in 2010 when she passed away at the age of 86. She was the mother of 10 children and had learned how to breastfeed from her own mother before attending the founding meeting for LLL in 1956. She went on to serve LLL in many ways, including Board chairman and Development Director. LLL quotes Viola saying:

“Breastfeeding…led me to self-discovery and to a greater appreciation of the full humanity of the babies who were entrusted to me. Each woman needs to trust her own instincts, her own feelings and her own sense of what will work for her with each baby. Women in the 1950s had forgotten the wisdom of previous generations in relation to breastfeeding. Mothers who tried to breastfeed on their own were almost always destined to fail. The neighbors sent their children to watch me breastfeed, because they knew the children would not see it anywhere else!”

LLL, from the beginning, nudged parents toward a gentler, more biological way of relating to their children. Breastfeeding itself is rooted in a secure parent-child attachment bond; breastfeeding cannot be successful in any other way. No doubt, the very beginnings of the Attachment Parenting movement are rooted in LLL. Very significantly,  Attachment Parenting International (API) credits LLL as part of our foundation. API’s cofounders Lysa Parker and Barbara Nicholson were LLL Leaders before they conceived the idea of API in 1994, most influenced by a speaker they heard at an LLL conference about the importance of secure attachment on child development: Dr. Elliott Barker of the Canadian Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children explained how every violent criminal he had encountered had a history of extreme separation and insecure attachment as a child. As LLL continued to focus primarily on breastfeeding as its mission, API was able to take up Attachment Parenting as its mission.

LLL influenced others apart from Lysa and Barbara to educate and support parents in Attachment Parenting, many who soon joined in encouraging API’s growth and development. Among them is pediatrician and API Advisory Board member Dr. William Sears and his wife, API Board of Directors member Martha Sears, a nurse and mother to their eight children. Bill and Martha Sears had first published The Baby Book — considered a parenting bible by families around the world — in 1992, and would go on to become two of the most recognized names in parenting.

MSears159Three years before, in 1989, a young Martha was sitting on a couch with Viola as they admired Stephen. I wonder if Martha had any idea at that point what her future would hold?

Thank you, Martha, for breastfeeding your babies…for becoming a LLL Leader…for coauthoring parenting books that questioned the status quo…and for going on to encourage mothers worldwide to reclaim the wisdom of previous generations in both breastfeeding and parenting in a sensitive, wbw2015-logo-mnurturing, gentle, attachment-minded way. You have made a difference in the world! And we recognize you this World Breastfeeding Week!

WBW 2015: The Big Latch On

wbw2015-logo-mWorld Breastfeeding Week is an exciting time for me every year. Not only do I greatly enjoy joining in the annual celebration through Attachment Parenting International‘s week-long observance on the APtly Said blog, but I also get to partake in fun, local events through my job as a WIC Breastfeeding Peer Counselor. Today, I kicked off World Breastfeeding Week by helping with a local Big Latch On event.

The Big Latch On originated in New Zealand, started by the Women’s Health Action as part of the 2005 World Breastfeeding Week. It is an organized opportunity to support breastfeeding families and promote breastfeeding by inviting breastfeeding women from the local community to come together and latch on their babies and toddlers at a set time. It’s similar to the Great Cloth Diaper Change, if you’ve ever been part of that.

PrintThe Big Latch On event I helped with was in Kearney, Nebraska, USA, and hosted by the Kearney Community Breastfeeding Initiative, Breastfeeding USA of Kearney, Community Action Partnership of Mid-Nebraska and Nebraska WIC Nutrition Program. Breastfeeding moms and their children began coming in to get signed up, settled in and comfortable at 10 a.m. Then, at 10:20 a.m., we announced that it was time to prepare to latch. At 10:30 a.m., every mom was supposed to latch and stay latched until at least 10:31 a.m. Accountability was provided by witnesses, like me, who assured the count was accurate. After 10:31 a.m., participants could leave whenever they wanted. We did have a drawing for breastfeeding T-shirts and a chance for moms to share why they chose breastfeeding, and most moms stayed to chat for an hour, as their babies finished breastfeeding. Then, the coordinator of the program tallied the number of attendees and number of moms who latched and submitted these statistics to the Global Big Latch On.

Big Latch On events have been going on July 31 and August 1 globally, and there is also a count through August 2 of selfies of moms with their babies and children latched on. So the total isn’t in yet, but as of 9 pm Central Time, there have been 13,000 latches. That’s a lot of moms and babies!

The count isn’t a Guinness Record Attempt, but rather a comparison to past years. The idea is beat last year’s record. Here are the records for the past five years:

  • 2010 – 2 countries – 147 local events – 2,045 latches
  • 2011 – 5 countries – 412 local events – 5,687 latches
  • 2012 – 22 countries – 626 local events – 8,862 latches
  • 2013 – 28 countries – 845 local events – 14,536 latches
  • 2014 – 31 countries – 826 local events – 13,798 latches

If you have participated in the Great Cloth Diaper Change, you know that this event is a Guinness Record Attempt. And Guinness World Records can certainly increase awareness, both during the attempt as well as in total numbers. So why is the Big Latch On different?

According to the organizers, the Big Latch On is designed to reflect reality in order to show how culture is changing. This means including communities where there aren’t large groups of breastfeeding women. To be a Guinness Record Attempt, each local event would have to have a minimum of 25 participants to be counted. Many of the Big Latch On events are in smaller communities where there aren’t 25 or more mother-child pairs to be had. At the Kearney event I helped with, we didn’t have 25 breastfeeding mothers. But the moms who came did — and should — count!

By the way, the Guinness World Record for simultaneous breastfeeding is 3,738 mothers at one location, and for multiple locations: 15,128 mothers across 295 sites. Both are held by the Philippines, and both are great awareness tools for breastfeeding. But this just isn’t the Big Latch On style.

Another not-so-obvious, but very good, reason why the Big Latch On is not a Guinness Record Attempt is that what the Big Latch On counts as a latch happens not only during the act of breastfeeding — of both singletons and multiples and tandem-nursings (each baby’s latch counts separately!) — but also active pumping by an exclusively pumping mom.

As I like to say when working with WIC clients, any amount of breastmilk is good. So moms don’t have to be exclusively breastfeeding to be included. One mom who attended the Big Latch On event at Kearney had 2-month-old twins, whom she breastfeeds but also gives pump-expressed milk and supplements with formula. Breastfeeding multiples is hard work, and kudos to her for sticking with it and continuing to work on boosting her milk supply.

Another mom is pump-dependent and actively working on latching her baby, but wasn’t successful at latching that day at 10:30 a.m. No problem, because breastfeeding mothers who are unable to latch are now recognized in their own count. It can be hard to hold off a feeding for a newborn baby who would otherwise be breastfeed on demand, whether at 10:30 a.m. or not.

161052_1659Probably the most impressionable conversation of the event was one I had with a grandmother who came to the Kearney event in support of breastfeeding. She was a breastfeeding mom 30 years ago and talked about how fortunate women today when there are so many opportunities for qualified support, whether from an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) or another breastfeeding specialist, La Leche League or another local support group, or the Big Latch On or another awareness-raising activity.

This grandmother, who had been formula-fed only herself like so many others in her generation, decided to breastfeed her own children with literally no local breastfeeding support and of course the Internet didn’t exist back then. She remembered going to her doctor for a diagnosis of mastitis and even her doctor didn’t know what to say or how to help. All she could do was continue breastfeeding, despite severe pain, and hope it would get better. What a strong woman! She now has a daughter who is breastfeeding her third time and is an active breastfeeding advocate.

Thirty years can seem like eons ago, but at the same time, it really wasn’t that long ago when women who chose to breastfeed didn’t have any real options if they came upon a challenge, like poor latch, engorgement or low milk supply. Some communities had La Leche League groups, but the organization was still growing then. So many breastfeeding moms 30 years ago, especially in rural areas, who encountered a problem had only one option fully supported by the medical community and culture at the time: to wean to formula. And so many did.

For all the breastfeeding challenges we still have to face and overcome in our culture, we are very fortunate to be mothers at this time in history.

Ready for World Breastfeeding Week 2015?

wbw2015-logo-mAttachment Parenting International (API) is pleased to announce that we are taking part in World Breastfeeding Week, Aug. 1-7. Check daily for posts about how women are making breastfeeding work for them and supporting others in their motherhood journeys.

The 2015 theme of World Breastfeeding Week is “Breastfeeding and Work: Let’s Make It Work!” This annual observance is coordinated by the World Alliance for Breastfeeding Action (WABA), which has issued this statement:

This World Breastfeeding Week, WABA calls for concerted global action to support women to combine breastfeeding and work. Whether a woman is working in the formal, non-formal or home setting, it is necessary that she is empowered in claiming her and her baby’s right to breastfeed.

wbw2015-elementThe WBW 2015 theme on working women and breastfeeding revisits the 1993 World Breastfeeding Week campaign on the Mother-Friendly Workplace Initiative. Much has been achieved in 22 years of global action supporting women in combining breastfeeding and work, particularly the adoption of the revised International Labour Organization Convention 183 on Maternity Protection with much stronger maternity entitlements, and more country actions on improving national laws and practices. At the workplace level, we have also seen more actions taken to set up breastfeeding- or mother-friendly workplaces including awards for breastfeeding-friendly employers, as well as greater mass awareness on working women’s rights to breastfeed.

The Innocenti Declaration (1990) recognized that breastfeeding provides ideal nutrition for infants and contributes to their healthy growth and development. There is much that remains to be done despite 25 years of hard work, particularly on the fourth Innocenti target that calls on governments to ‘…enact imaginative legislation protecting the breastfeeding rights of working women and establish means for its enforcement.’

WABA calls for:

  1. Concerted global action to support women to combine breastfeeding and work, whether in the formal sector, non-formal sector, or at home
  2. Ratification and implementation of maternity protection laws and regulations by governments, in line with the ILO Maternity Protection Convention
  3. Inclusion of breastfeeding target indicators in the Sustainable Development Goals (SDGs)

wbw2015-objWith the World Breastfeeding Week 2015 campaign, WABA and its partners at global, regional and national levels aim to empower and support all women, working in both the formal and informal sectors, to adequately combine work with childrearing, particularly breastfeeding. We define work in its broadest form from paid employment, self-employment, seasonal and contract work to unpaid home and care work.

Various strategies exist to support women working in your country or community from long-term actions to short-term actions. Together, we can make it work!

This week, API’s celebration of World Breastfeeding Week will honor a collection of inspiring mothers who are dedicated to supporting mothers in breastfeeding no matter their lifestyle choices. A few of the upcoming posts to look forward to:

  • A tribute to Martha Sears, coauthor of many of the Sears parenting books
  • The role breastfeeding plays in baby’s gut health and what that means for overall health not only in childhood but adulthood
  • The role of historical trauma in breastfeeding rates among tribal women.

Check in tomorrow, Aug. 1, for our first installment of 2015 World Breastfeeding Week!

How else does Attachment Parenting look like in your home?

Editor’s note: Attachment Parenting International (API) advocates for a parenting approach rooted solidly in research, and continuing research further validates and builds upon API’s foundation.

Debbie Vinall of Upland, CA - hi rezIn June, you were asked to help tell your story through a survey created by Southern Methodist University (SMU) researchers in collaboration with API. We are thrilled to report that more than 1,200 parents participated in this first-ever survey on what Attachment Parenting (AP) actually looks like in the home! THANK YOU! This essential data will help expand our objective understanding of Attachment Parenting. Parents from 49 states and 37 countries responded, and we can’t wait to share preliminary data in early 2016.

Have more to say? Many of you told us that the multiple choice was too limiting, so we’ve created a short, open-ended set of questions designed to hear everything you want to tell us about the first survey and your AP experience. As always, responses are anonymous.

Thanks again for helping us tell the AP story!

Artimesia Yuen, API Leader
Editor, Journal of Attachment Parenting
API KnowledgeBase Coordinator

Making a difference one leader at a time

“Reedy Hickey is one of those people who lives her beliefs and commitments in many profound ways. Her belief in the dignity and humanity of all babies inspired her and her husband to be foster parents to more than 30 newborn infants — not only nurturing them, but teaching the adoptive parents about API’s Eight Principles of Parenting and related practices that gave the new family an incredible beginning in their parenting journey. This same commitment is what we’ve experienced in her loving support to API. We have been friends since all of our children were babies, and we couldn’t imagine our journey without her!” ~ Barbara and Lysa, API’s cofounders and coauthors of Attached at the Heart

It was 21 years ago on June 6, 1994, when mothers, La Leche League (LLL) Leaders and special education teachers Barbara Nicholson and Lysa Parker would make a decision that would go on to influence families worldwide in raising their children more compassionately by founding the nonprofit organization Attachment Parenting International (API).

One of the major influences of API has been providing local support to parents through in-person API Support Groups. Today, there are API groups located in Argentina, Brazil, Canada, India, Norway, Portugal, the United Kingdom and the United States. These groups regularly serve a few to more than 100 families per month in their local communities at no cost to parents, through in-person meetings and classes, online support and one-on-one sessions with the group leader.

All API Support Groups are led by accredited API Leaders, trained by API in theory, research and application of Attachment Parenting as well as compassionate peer counseling techniques and Nonviolent Communication. The entire API Leadership training process takes on average 6 months to 1 year and is coordinated through volunteers, to keep the cost to API Leader Applicants as low as possible.

Still, for some potential API Leader Applicants, the small fee for the training process is prohibitive. That’s why API established the Reedy Hickey Scholarship Fund during API’s 20th Anniversary Celebration — to support parent applicants dedicating themselves to voluntarily lead groups who cannot afford to pay application fees, leader dues or support group dues. Please consider contributing by designating your API donation to the “Reedy Hickey Scholarship Fund.” To apply for a Reedy Hickey Scholarship, contact API’s Leader Applicant Liaison Lisa Feiertag for more information.

reedyhickeyIn celebrating API’s 21st Anniversary, we want to honor the Fund’s namesake: Reedy Hickey.

Reedy is the mother of a son and a daughter and son-in-law, and the grandmother of two grandchildren, as well as the foster mother to 32 babies as they awaited adoption, one at a time. She practiced Attachment Parenting with all of her children and now grandchildren.

API is grateful to Reedy and her 20 years of guidance and service, and her contributions to establish this Fund will continue the work of API to make a difference in families worldwide by supporting future generations of leaders.

“Over the years, she has helped us not only financially but as a member of API’s Board of Directors. Her insights as an a foster mom, LLL Leader including serving as Area Professional Liaison for LLL of Georgia, IBCLC and grandmother have been invaluable! We are thrilled to honor her in this way, as she is a treasure to API, and of course a treasure to us as a true soul sister.” ~ Barbara and Lysa

Reedy is an inspiration to us all, as a tireless advocate for Attachment Parenting, and we are privileged to be able to honor her in this lasting way.

The marvel of motherhood

me and pThe Friday just before Mother’s Day, I was going about my daily business and realized I hadn’t looked at my phone for awhile. As I went to grab it, I saw a screen filled with missed calls and text messages. I scanned it for any pertinent information, and my heart dropped as I saw the words: Your Mom is in the Emergency Room. Please call.

Editor’s note: As part of Attachment Parenting International‘s celebration of Mother’s Day, APtly Said published a special “Inspired Mothers” series May 11-17. Sandy was so excited to join in the project when she had a family emergency, as she explains in her post today. API is grateful for her belated contribution, and we hope you find it inspiring, too.

In that moment, every memory of my mom shuffled through my brain — everything she ever sacrificed for us, everything she never experienced, everything she justified living without to be our mom. In that moment, I realized once again how powerful and important the role of a Mother is in each of our lives.

My heart expands each day as I look around and witness the miraculous power of men and women raising little human beings. I consciously breathe in the significance of each person I pass by. I observe the Mothers, the Fathers, the Children.

I feel tenderness and empathy as I contemplate each of you. I thoughtfully consider the whole family cycle and everything in between: the extraordinary, undeniable love that either existed as we were created, or did not…the feelings each person had in making the decision to create another life or living with the fact that the decision wasn’t yours.

We are each the product of a mother and a father. We were born. We may be raised by a mother and a father, a mother and a mother, or a father and a father. However we came to be, however we were brought up and nurtured, we are here.

The process of conception to birth is unlike any miracle I’ve ever witnessed or experienced. Although we may not quite comprehend the marvel that a precious life is growing within our bodies, everything changes the moment we first see the eyes of our child. Everything changed for me. In that moment, I knew my purpose was much bigger than what I had ever known it to be. I knew this new role I was being given would fulfill me in ways no one could have prepared me for.

As I walk around and continue to ponder your depth — your soul — I question if you ever lost a life growing inside of you, at birth, soon after or ever. I am crying as I write this, because I have dear friends in my life who have. I cannot write about the beautiful, precious gift of motherhood and exclude the dear, courageous women who have lost a child. I know there are no words I can offer. I can only tell you that I’m sorry. I am so, so sorry. I truly embrace and cherish each and every moment I am given, and I know you do, too.

Although I may be emotionally and intellectually aware of how invaluable these moments are, this doesn’t mean I don’t question if I am doing all I can to live my true happiness, my true purpose. I am trying to find my way each day. I feel everything. I let the joy, the pain, the fear, the love, all of it, become a part of me…and I allow it to guide me as I continue to take each new step forward.

Within it all, we find ourselves. We lose ourselves. We grow. We change. We live. We love. We know the answers, yet we question so much. We want to do our best, be our best. We don’t want to make the same mistakes others did before us.

My mom is much better today. The emergency thankfully has passed. She has endured more than I can explain, and she is still here. As I spend time in hospitals and share my love with those who continue to suffer, I will continue to treasure every moment I have with her…with the ones I love deeply…with myself. Many lose the battle. Many are given more time. This is our time. I know this, and I want to live it.

I know loss. I know you do, too. My heart and love are with you. May the things that have caused us pain give us strength. This is my wish for each of us.

Wishing you a belated and Happy Mother’s Day, every day.

sandy-signature

Transformed by their love

1386612_mom_and_kidEditor’s note: Attachment Parenting International (API) hopes every mom enjoyed her Mother’s Day on May 10 and every dad is looking forward to Father’s Day on June 21. This week, in honor of all mothers, API gives you a special “Inspired Mothers” celebration. We hope these posts inspire you in your parenting journey.

I am humbled by the love I see in my children’s eyes, by their desire to show me who they are again and again. “Look, Mom, look at me!” they say with their words and with their bright faces turned to catch my eyes.

I have been transformed by their love.

I have been softened by their unwavering sureness of our bond. I have learned to forgive myself so that I can be forgiving. I have learned to be patient with myself so that I can be patient with them. I have learned to value the process over the product because of them. I have learned to live in this moment right now — full of joy or tears or peals of laughter — because of them.

I have been transformed by their love.

I have worked to let go of old fears because of them. I have worked to resolve my anger because of them. I have learned to communicate my feelings because of them. I have delved into my creativity because of them. I have let myself be loved truly, deeply and without measure.

I have been transformed by their love.