children – Page 5 – APtly Said

Motherhood’s Magic Mirror

mommasmile — It starts off simply enough. I smile, you smile. Then it gets more complicated.

My daughters had a hard time using the word “please.” I noticed this several years ago, when I was constantly correcting their demands, making them insert the word before I would honor their request. They always said, “Thank you,” just not the “p” word. I remember the moment when I discovered why this phenomenon was occurring and needless to say, it was a head-slapping revelation. I asked my child (about age 4) to do something and she looked at me while asking, “please?” She was correcting my rudeness.

So, I listened in on all my conversations that day. Do I ever use the word? I frequently use the words “thanks” and, “I’m sorry.” I say “you’re welcome” and I always say “I love you” at least twice a day per family member. Somehow I had gotten into the habit of issuing orders without the basic nicety of “please.” It didn’t matter that I was telling my children to always use this word, they were simply mirroring my own behavior. It was so basic. So many trite sayings have formed out of this one constant of human development. Monkey see, monkey do. Do as I say, not as I do. But there it was staring me in the face without me really seeing it.

There are many times in raising children when you need to stop, examine your world through your child’s eyes and ears, and really think about what they are learning from you. Are you telling them not to hit, but spanking them as a form of punishment? Do you raise your voice when angry, but reprimand your child for yelling? (This is one of my uglier problems that I’m still working on.) Do you wish they would interact more with other children, but spend all your time with them instead of making strong connections with other adults?

It’s not easy realizing that your children are so much like you, yet so different. You assume they will only pick up your strengths and excel at the areas you have mastered. In addition to picking up your bad habits, magnifying them and mirroring them back to you like a carnival fun house; children also pick up on your energy. They know when you are tense, sad, angry with your spouse or worried about life. They know instantly when you don’t like someone. Unfortunately, children assume that they are the cause of your negative emotions, not an outside influence. My oldest daughter has the eerie habit of plucking thoughts right out of my head. It happens so often now that I’ve come to accept her ability as yet another reason to focus my thoughts and energy into positive messages.

MOM DARE: Spend this week listening in on your conversations, really hearing yourself the way your child does. Are they imitating you? Can you see how one of their troublesome behaviors could be related to something you have inadvertently taught them? Are you stressed about something and your child is picking up on your anxiety? Try spending a little more time this week reassuring your children that they are doing a good job, that you love them, and that life is truly beautiful. Please.

Sharron Wright is the work-at-home mother of three girls, ages 2, 5 and 8. Her mission is to help other new parents feel empowered and to instill in them the confidence to care for their babies in a loving, positive way that respects the uniqueness of all children. She blogs at http://momswithgrace.wordpress.com and helps new moms at www.babylovecarebook.com

If You Can Grow Kids, You Can Grow Anything

"So, this is where garlic bread comes from?" — “So, this is where garlic bread comes from?”

I spent this morning digging up garlic bulbs with my delighted 5-year-old daughter. She shouted every time she brought one out of the earth and into the scorching July sun thanks who Olathe pest control who saved the crops earlier. We stopped at 50 bulbs; both of us hot, dirty and reeking of garlic. It was fun for both of us, but also profound. She loves garlic bread, but never would have imagined this delicious treat could come from under the dirt!

Growing vegetables is more than a hobby for me. Oh sure, I’m geeky enough to take pictures of my garden and post them on Facebook. But farming is part of my past, present and future. I’m the granddaughter of farmers on both sides of my family and have always known where food comes from – both animal and vegetable. For me, growing food is an essential life skill for my children – and if my dreams come true someday – for all children. Just as I teach my girls the alphabet, I also show them how to plant seeds, water and mulch them, and most importantly, how to harvest and prepare the food. What they get from the process is part science lesson, part cooking lesson and part spiritual awakening. Children begin to see the cycle of life in gardening, but issues of life and death are a lot less scary when dealing with plants. Farming also raises the consciousness of children about their food supply. At the age of four, our daughter refused to eat pork when she found out it came from pigs, her favorite animal. This lasted for an entire year with our full support.
Continue reading “If You Can Grow Kids, You Can Grow Anything”

Beyond Babyhood: The Joy of Mothering Toddlers to Teens

I’m anxious to see the documentary “Babies” (see clip below), that chronicles the first year in the lives of four babies from across the globe. However, I can’t help but wish that the producers would follow up with a sequel, “Toddlers.” And of course, “Teens” would also be an interesting film.

(In case you haven\’t seen it, here’s the Babies documentary promo.)

I’m still surprised by how frequently new moms express a fear of parenting a toddler; sometimes openly critical of other moms with older children. I see it in the blogosphere over and over. All this judgment coming from parents who are used to observing a contented baby cooing in a baby carrier. I can only smile and nod, while silently praying, “Give strength to this mother, Lord, because she will certainly need it!”

I have definitely struggled to let go of the baby years; I was pregnant with my second child shortly after the first started to walk. And while I will always love being around babies, I’ve also embraced the joy of each passing milestone. This week, my five-year-old daughter lost her first tooth. I shared her pride and happiness, despite my memories of rocking her when she was teething. My seven-year-old girl watched in awe as an older girl got her ears pierced; asking again when she can do this. (Not before age 10, which will be here before I know it.) And I’m not afraid to admit that I will be incredibly grateful to be done with the diaper phase!

MOM DARE: For moms who are still at the beginning of this journey, your challenge this week is to imagine your baby as a toddler, a preschooler and beyond (as far as you can fathom). What will you miss and what will you be happy to put behind you? Conjure up that first moment when your child hugs your neck and proclaims, “I wub you.” And most of all, I urge you to practice patience and tolerance of moms who are mothering children at different stages than your own. If you’re a mom who has moved beyond the baby years, take some time this week to look back on that first magical year with each of your children. Look through some old photos or baby books. Sometimes during a rough phase in parenting, it helps to remember your child as that toothless, cooing bundle of love.

Sharron Wright is the work-at-home mother of three girls, ages 2, 5 and 7. Her mission is to help other new parents feel empowered and to instill in them the confidence to care for their babies in a loving, positive way that respects the uniqueness of all children. Visit her at www.babylovecarebook.com.

Outdoor Families, Part 1: Hiking with Children

Summer is upon us, folks! Summer in our house is… well, not really spent in the house. We are outside as much as possible and have already gone on several hikes and camping trips. We love reading the posts on campingfunzone.com and try to use what we read on almost every summer trip that we take. This is the first installment in a series of informative posts to help you and your families enjoy the great outdoors safely and stress-free.

Hiking is a great way to get your family outside and enjoying nature (and each other’s company). There isn’t a lot of special equipment involved, and a hike can really be tailored to suit your family’s needs. If you are a novice hiker, plan a short half-mile or mile hike. A shorter hike means you don’t need to carry much with you, and can also help everyone get accustomed to the outdoors. In no time, you’ll be looking for longer hikes and feeling more and more confident in your outdoor abilities.

Something about the fresh air, the lack of distractions, and the exercise just makes hiking a perfect family activity. By taking our kids hiking we are modeling the importance of a healthy body to them. We are telling them that we would rather be in the middle of nowhere with them than at home working on our to-do lists. Kids love hikes, and the memories made on hikes can last a lifetime. There is no reason to sit on a rock or hard wood while you are supposed to be enjoying your life in the outdoors. Camping chairs are now a mainstay in the list of camping equipment you ought to be bringing. Though not a compulsory equipment, camping chairs are a great addition in the name of comfort. Camping chairs should always be found in the campsite as they make things more comfortable, especially when you know that camping should be all about relaxing and forgetting all the stress in the world. You will get know everything about day hiking with camp chair here, do visit. While in night to site around on camping chairs, camp fire adds an extra excitement of the camping. While burning camp fire it is suggested to use the 6mm træpiller, easily available at https://www.xn--dkbrnde-pxa.dk/traepiller/traepiller-6-mm for camping, which is highly recommended for the biofuel as well.

Sol and I on a recent Rocky Mountain hike.

Something so simple can bring siblings closer together, and give parents a much-needed break from the day-to-day. Hiking is very conducive to conversation. Whether you are hiking with a baby and enjoying the time to connect with your partner, or hiking with kids and enjoying the extra opportunity to focus on them, a good hike will foster love and communication. Really take the time on your hike to try to see the world through your child’s eyes.

General tips:

At least in the beginning, hike popular trails. There are definite perks to hiking more solitary places, but until you and your family are comfortable hiking, popular trails are the way to go. Trails that see a lot of traffic are generally nicer. The paths are wider and very easy to follow. If you run into a situation that you are not prepared for you can just stop and wait for another hiker to catch up with you. Popular trails often have dedicated parking, and some even have restrooms nearby.
Take a cell phone. We hike all over the Rocky Mountains in Colorado and have been in very few situations where we did not have cell phone service or could not find service by hiking a little further or backtracking. Just having a phone will give you some peace of mind and let you enjoy your outing.
Take food. Even if you’re only expecting to be gone for an hour, throw a couple protein bars or some nuts in your backpack. Nothing ruins a hike like a hungry kid, and we have never been in a situation where we though “Man, I really wish we hadn’t packed that power bar!”
Hydration is key. Take a little more water than you think you’ll need. Depending on the difficulty of the terrain, the temperature, and the exposure to sunlight adults need to drink around a liter of water an hour or more. Don’t wait until you’re thirsty to drink.
Layers. Unless you are hiking at low elevation and have a lot of faith in the forecast, dress in layers. We’ve been on hikes where we start out in 80-degree sunny weather and then a mountain storm kicks up and we get higher up in elevation and end up hiking in 40-degree rain. You can always take clothes off, but you can’t always add clothes.

Kids:

Whether your kids are walking the whole way or you’re bringing a stroller, go at your child’s pace. If you have to turn around a mile in, don’t worry about it. The point is to enjoy being outside and being together. Be flexible. Make the only definite goal coming home happy and healthy.
Sunscreen: wear it. Make your kids wear it. Reapply halfway. You won’t regret putting on sunscreen, but you may regret not wearing it. Hats and sunglasses are also a good idea.
Snacks: Make sure you pack high protein, high carb snacks for your little ones, and take a break before they start complaining of hunger. Hiking is hard work!
Notice nature: This is a great opportunity for your kids to explore nature. See how many kinds of flowers you can find. Stop to examine any tracks you see. Encourage rock collecting. Answer their questions.
Throw some toilet paper in your backpack along with a plastic bag to keep used toilet paper in. Trust me.
Have a destination. Kids love to hike TO something. So find a good hike to a waterfall, or a cool cave, or a lake.

Babies:

Babies’ needs on a hike are very similar to kids, except that they can’t talk to you. Stop often to check on baby. Check to see if he’s hot or cold and adjust his clothing as necessary.
Breastfeed him or offer him a drink more often than you would at home.
Find a comfortable carrier. While an older infant might walk around and explore a bit, you are going to carry her most of the way. There are many hikes with wide paved trails where you can just bring along the stroller, but for more remote hikes we have found a backpack-type carrier to be indispensable!

Get out there and try a hike with the best hiking boots from Live Your Aloha. Just commit a Saturday morning, do a little research, and go! Happy trails!

Sticking Up for Your Child

I am going to take a little Babywise vs AP blogging break and talk a bit about something that touched very close to home this past weekend though the incident(s) were not a one time thing but something that seems to happen fairly often in my new parenting life.

People seem to think that children are property of some sort that are just up for grabs or up to the discipline of anyone that randomly feels like stepping in and “parenting” for a moment. As you can tell I can be a little bitter about this topic. Maybe bitter isn’t the word for it. I am not bitter I just believe very firmly that the only people that should discipline a child is someone who is invested in that child’s life. When you are invested in a child’s life, when you love them, then you will discipline accordingly.

I have been in several frustrating situations regarding this issue. Just this past weekend it was actually a young girl who followed my son around and told him no or re-directed him every time he did anything for a while. I just remained silent and kept removing my son from the situation but it finally became apparent that I needed to do more. I calmly turned to the girl and told her that I appreciated her attempt to help but I that I was his mother and was watching him carefully and would be the one to discipline him if need be. Believe it or not my heart was pounding and I was nervous to say anything!
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Would you? Could you? In a sling?

As a native English speaker living in a non-English-speaking country, finding good English language children’s books is tough. I’ve picked up plenty of German books for my husband to read to our son, but that doesn’t help me (we’re raising him bilingually, Continue reading “Would you? Could you? In a sling?”

Shouldn’t We Invest More Thought In Our Parenting Than Planning Our Next Vacation?

The decisions we make for our daughter today may affect her for a lifetime in more ways than one, which, in my opinion, makes them some of the most important and far-reaching we will ever be faced with. And yet, it seems that many people are willing to put more time into researching vacation destinations or what car to buy than into questions like what to feed their children (and why) or whether or not to vaccinate them, and if so how (selectively? delayed? or according to the standard schedule?).

Continue reading “Shouldn’t We Invest More Thought In Our Parenting Than Planning Our Next Vacation?”

A Guiding Presence

My daughter is four and very angry at me.

She doesn’t know that watching too much television is not good for her, in so many ways. She doesn’t know how much better it is physically, mentally, and emotionally, for her to play outside instead. She just knows that she wants to watch Dora, and that her mommy won’t let her.

My daughter and I usually communicate well with each other. I usually don’t yell, and I never hit or spank her. Time outs and banishment to bedrooms don’t work in this house. Instead, we normally use feeling words and try to talk to each other about how we feel and come up with a compromise. However, once in a while, like today, we come up short in communication.

My daughter doesn’t want to talk. She wants to yell and cry and turn her back to me. She doesn’t want to be hugged or touched or cuddled. She just wants to be angry. This leaves me with two choices: I can threaten, yell, or punish her in some other way until she starts to “behave,” or I can use this as an opportunity to guide her.

I know that when I am angry, I get overwhelmed. It’s hard for me to stay calm, it’s hard for me to think about anything but whatever I am angry about. From my experience with anger, I know that yelling or punishing her at this time isn’t going to help; it wouldn’t work with me, so why would it work for her? It would make things worse. And so, I choose the other option.

She’s laying on the couch, crying, her back to me. I sit next to her. I don’t touch her, or hug her, or try to talk to her…I just sit quietly, letting her anger run its course. I know she can feel my presence beside her, keeping her company while she tries to sort through the powerful and overwhelming emotions that have taken over her body.

Time passes, and her crying starts to slow. Soon, she sits up and starts wiping the tears from her face. She looks at me and then climbs on my lap. I wrap my arms around her and kiss her forehead.

“Feel better?” I ask. She nods. “Want to go outside now?” She nods again, grinning, and jumps off my lap to find her shoes.

No, my daughter doesn’t know about the studies that show the harmful effects television can have on her. She doesn’t know that she is building memories of nature and animals and plants that she will look back on fondly. But, she does know that I am always there for her, no matter what. That my presence will always be in her life, ready to guide her whenever she needs it. That is one of my gifts to her.

Guest post by Adventures of a Breastfeeding Mother