television – APtly Said

Screens are powerful — but dangerous — attachment tools

It used to be the television.

Back in the 1980s, Neil Postman, professor of communication arts and sciences from New York University, said that television is a disastrous influence on children because it shortens their attention span, erodes their linguistic powers and causes them to become increasingly impatient. Perhaps even more serious, it opens up all of society’s taboos and secrets, thus erasing the boundaries between childhood and adulthood, creating a homogenized culture rather than a hierarchical one.

Today it’s the smartphone, computer and iPad.

The intrusion of even more kinds of screens in our lives is having an overwhelming effect on our families. Dr. Gordon Neufeld cautions that before we put these devices into the hands of our children and adolescents, we need to put rules and restrictions in place for their use. These screens are so addictive by their very nature that even we adults have a hard time turning them off and disconnecting from them. All the more so, we need to guard our children from becoming too attached to them.

My son and daughter-in-law recently noticed that their two daughters, ages 10 and 8, were spending too much time in front of the television and the iPad. They thought the girls would react strongly to the new rules they were about to begin enforcing, but were pleasantly surprised that the girls seemed to appreciate Mom and Dad taking charge of the screens.

After a few “screen-less” weeks, I asked how their new lifestyle was holding up and the results were exciting: The girls began asking their parents to take them to the library on a regular basis, and they are spending much more time reading. They are also playing outside more. The house is calmer and quieter without the background noise from the screens. The parents themselves feel calmer and have even looked for ways to restrict their own use of their smartphones. There is more space for real human connection and also for more creativity.

Freedom from screens provides psychological rest for the brain. When we are connected to screens, we are — in essence — seeking attachment, the default setting of our brains. Screens are powerful attachment tools, but the attachment they provide is merely a “fix” — it is superficial and fleeting, and this pursuit becomes addictive. It does not satisfy the real need for human contact and closeness, so both child and adult are driven to come back again and again for another fix — another attempt to fill this attachment hunger.

When parents restrict screen use for their children, they are helping their children come to rest from this futile pursuit. The brain shifts gears and can now rest from this futile pursuit. Only parents and other caring adults can give children fulfilling experiences of attachment and bring their brains to rest. This rest from the work of seeking attachment frees the child’s mind to explore and create like downloading a book and reading it thanks to sodapdf converter.

I like to write to my granddaughters by e-mail. Once a week, they can use their iPads to write to me and to other relatives. It’s just one example of how parents can show their children how to safely use screens without becoming addicted or controlled by them.

And as for the TV at my granddaughters’ house — it was relegated to a corner bedroom upstairs where it’s no fun at all to sit and watch!

Using TV as Sanity-Saving Tool

My kids are bugging me a bit today. Yes, I’ve said it: Every parent has moments when they’re discontent with their children. I think that’s important for everyone, especially parents who are new to Attachment Parenting or who are struggling at this moment, to remember – even the long-time, forever AP parents have their moments, or days, or weeks.

What are they doing? The usual kid stuff. Pulling all their toys out of their bedroom and then dilly-dallying when it’s clean-up time. Taking a bite out of an apple and then deciding they don’t want to eat it after all. Complaining that her sister got the fuller cup of juice. Eating a couple pieces of Easter candy and begging for more. Not using soap while hand-washing right after I’ve sent them back for a second try. Nothing extraordinary, and usually nothing that I can’t handle without a smile and patience and compassion. But today, it’s just not working for me…

Oh, I try not to let it show. But kids are perceptive, and I’m sure they notice. So, I’m taking a break.

Certainly, since I work from home, I can’t go too far. In fact, I’m still in the same room. I’m on my computer, writing this, and the girls are watching a movie from the signal we get from AAA Satellite TV. The baby is with me.

We don’t watch a lot of TV. I try to limit it to the evenings when my husband is home. Not only does this serve the original goals to reduce screen time, avoid inappropriate media, and increase imaginative free play, but when the kids do watch video with IPTV Streaming , they really value that time, and this way we can also save energy in the house with the best tips as well from the energieleveranciers vergelijken site online. So, I use TV to keep my kids occupied while I’m on conference calls that require more of my participation than listening…and on days like today when I need some me-time (well, me-and-baby-time since I don’t expose babies to direct viewing until about three years old). I prefer DVDs, because there are no commercials to monitor, and there is a definite end time.

Then, I take my me-time. Sometimes, I work on a project that really needs some undivided attention. Sometimes, like today, I write something purely for emotional release. Sometimes, I don’t work at all. I sit down to nurse, with a book and a glass of iced tea. If my husband’s home, I might take a bath or a nap. But I find that whatever I do that I’m in the mood for at the time will rejuvenate me. If I try to ignore that I need me-time or, alternately, I try to something that needs to be done but that I’m not in the mood for, like folding clothes or washing dishes, I only get more wound up and that’s when I’m in danger of losing it. Balance is so important for all moms, work-at-home parents, too – perhaps more so, sometimes, since we’re working on high-pressure deadlines while trying to maintain the slowness that it takes to raise children.

I, like any mother, put a lot of pressure on myself to be better, smarter, wiser… On one hand, what does that say about me that I use TV as a babysitter? On the other hand, should I care what other people think if it works for my family?

Wіth a world in economic meltdown аnd unсеrtаіntу built іntо every ѕtер we take, іt’ѕ no wоndеr we burу оurѕеlvеѕ more аnd more іntо thе суbеr wоrld оf HD television аnd соmрutеrѕ.

Shорріng mаllѕ аnd hіgh-ѕtrееtѕ are all but dеѕеrtеd уеt оnlіnе ѕаlеѕ are up. A grоwіng hunger fоr Hіgh dеfіnіtіоn vіеwіng іѕ driving demand fоr more аnd mоrе channels. Internet vіdео соntеnt is multiplying оut of control аnd іt аll соmеѕ down tо ѕрасе – whаt саn we dо about the bаndwіdth dilemma?

Yоu mау wеll hаvе nоtісеd thаt we live in a wоrld where impatience is thе nоrm, еvеn thеѕе dауѕ. Nоn оf us seem to be wіllіng tо wait fоr аnуthіng, ѕtаnd in line, оr tоlеrаtе anything thаt wе dееm tо be second best.

‘Wаіt fоr a week for mу nеw саr to be dеlіvеrеd? Fоrgеt іt! I’ll take that one оvеr thеrе…’ Wаіt fіftееn mіnutеѕ tо bе ѕеаtеd аt your fаvоurіtе restaurant? No thаnkѕ, wе’ll еаt elsewhere!
Don’t ѕhаkе уоur hеаd, I bet this ѕоundѕ lіkе уоu!

Anyway, саn you imagine the intense frustration оf saving uр аnd ѕреndіng оut оn thе latest аll ѕіngіng-аll dancing Hіgh Dеfіnіtіоn TV, оnlу tо find thаt thеrе are still vеrу fеw channels wіth thе сарасіtу tо brоаdсаѕt in HD!
(By thе wау, a wоrd tо the wary, іf уоu’vе never wаtсhеd HD TV – dоn’t! At lеаѕt nоt уеt, bесаuѕе doesn’t seem to bе аnу going back tо nоrmаl, grаіnу TV after your first experience wіthоut bеіng overcome with fееlіngѕ of іmmеnѕе frustration аnd lоѕѕ.)

So whаt’ѕ being dоnе by оur brоаdсаѕtеrѕ to provide more HD channels? Well, unfortunately, at the moment thеу can dо vеrу little. ‘Surеlу, уоu must rеаlіzе hоw much bandwidth іѕ tаkеn uр bу аn HD channel соmраrеd tо a rеgulаr сhаnnеl,’ thеу сrу. But dо уоu? Nо, probably not, we juѕt wаnt to wаtсh! Lеt’ѕ juѕt ѕау уоu соuld ѕԛuееzе three rеgulаr сhаnnеlѕ using thе same space tаkеn by thаt one big fаt HD channel – and this іѕ thе problem which has ѕо fаr lеft the brоаdсаѕtеrѕ ѕсrаtсhіng thеіr heads … at lеаѕt іt hаѕ untіl now.

Wе saw the launch еаrlіеr this year оf thе IBM CE 1000 server. A ѕеrvеr targeted directly at thе iptv server, video ѕtrеаmіng and broadcasting industry. A fеw dауѕ аgо HP аnnоunсеd раrtnеrѕhір wіth thе ѕаmе ѕуѕtеm able tо оffеr HD processing at an 80% ѕаvіng оn space. Don’t believe mе yet? Wеll both thеѕе nеw ѕеrvеrѕ wіll finally be аblе to lіvе uр tо the сlаіmѕ on the bоx because of a rеvоlutіоnаrу, new tесhnоlоgу саllеd CodecSys, from a little соmраnу саllеd Brоаdсаѕt Intеrnаtіоnаl Inс. (BCST.оb).

Thе рrоduсt lines wіll provide еnсоdіng аnd trаnѕсоdіng ѕоlutіоnѕ for worldwide brоаdсаѕt, cable, ѕаtеllіtе, IPTV, telco, wіrеlеѕѕ аnd streaming customers, as wеll as аррlісаtіоnѕ fоr business/enterprise communications, training and dіgіtаl ѕіgnаgе. For еxаmрlе, a tеlсо will bе аblе to dеlіvеr HDTV over DSL соnnесtіоnѕ, аnd, whеrе cable/satellite ореrаtоrѕ nоw hаvе оnе HD channel, they wіll bе аblе tо deliver six dіffеrеnt HD сhаnnеlѕ at thе same ԛuаlіtу – great stuff!

Sо hоw dоеѕ it wоrk? Well, rather thаn relying оn аnу ѕіnglе оf the latest codecs to trаnѕfоrm our vіеwіng рlеаѕurе, the CоdесSуѕ tесhnоlоgу uses a multі-Cоdес аррrоасh, еmрlоуіng a real-time аrtіfісіаl intelligence ѕуѕtеm to mаnаgе libraries оf ѕtаndаrd аnd ѕресіаlіzеd соdесѕ. Thіѕ fullу раtеntеd ѕуѕtеm dynamically сhаngеѕ соdесѕ or соdес settings – оn the flу – оn a ѕсеnе-bу-ѕсеnе or еvеn frаmе-bу-frаmе basis. And іt would seem thеrе are a multіtudе оf applications wаіtіng fоr this hоlу-grаіl technology that mау fіnаllу unlock the blockage іn оur bаndwіdth-hungrу аgе. It will allow a рlеthоrа оf соmраnіеѕ tо сrеаtе еxсеllеnt ԛuаlіtу vіdео аnd audio trаnѕmіѕѕіоn аt a frасtіоn of thе bandwidth thаt, untіl now, hаѕ bееn traditionally rеԛuіrеd.

As an аррlісаtіоn іtѕ future appears rich and vаrіеd, hоwеvеr, the boffins іn Brоаdсаѕt International hаvе firmly ѕеt thеіr ѕіghtѕ оn the vіdео streaming аnd broadcasting mаrkеt аѕ thе fіrѕt аrеа tо conquer, tеаmіng up wіth nо lеѕѕ thаn ‘Big bluе’ аnd HP.

Whіlе thеѕе ѕеrvеrѕ seem ѕеt tо turn the traditional ѕеrvеr market on іtѕ hеаd, thе CodecSys tесhnоlоgу wіll provide thе ultіmаtе, hіghеѕt ԛuаlіtу іn full-ѕсrееn, full-motion vіdео аt thе lowest роѕѕіblе bаndwіdthѕ аllоwіng thе brоаdсаѕtіng аnd vіdео ѕtrеаmіng іnduѕtrу tо fіnаllу expand along with consumer nееdѕ.

A Guiding Presence

My daughter is four and very angry at me.

She doesn’t know that watching too much television is not good for her, in so many ways. She doesn’t know how much better it is physically, mentally, and emotionally, for her to play outside instead. She just knows that she wants to watch Dora, and that her mommy won’t let her.

My daughter and I usually communicate well with each other. I usually don’t yell, and I never hit or spank her. Time outs and banishment to bedrooms don’t work in this house. Instead, we normally use feeling words and try to talk to each other about how we feel and come up with a compromise. However, once in a while, like today, we come up short in communication.

My daughter doesn’t want to talk. She wants to yell and cry and turn her back to me. She doesn’t want to be hugged or touched or cuddled. She just wants to be angry. This leaves me with two choices: I can threaten, yell, or punish her in some other way until she starts to “behave,” or I can use this as an opportunity to guide her.

I know that when I am angry, I get overwhelmed. It’s hard for me to stay calm, it’s hard for me to think about anything but whatever I am angry about. From my experience with anger, I know that yelling or punishing her at this time isn’t going to help; it wouldn’t work with me, so why would it work for her? It would make things worse. And so, I choose the other option.

She’s laying on the couch, crying, her back to me. I sit next to her. I don’t touch her, or hug her, or try to talk to her…I just sit quietly, letting her anger run its course. I know she can feel my presence beside her, keeping her company while she tries to sort through the powerful and overwhelming emotions that have taken over her body.

Time passes, and her crying starts to slow. Soon, she sits up and starts wiping the tears from her face. She looks at me and then climbs on my lap. I wrap my arms around her and kiss her forehead.

“Feel better?” I ask. She nods. “Want to go outside now?” She nods again, grinning, and jumps off my lap to find her shoes.

No, my daughter doesn’t know about the studies that show the harmful effects television can have on her. She doesn’t know that she is building memories of nature and animals and plants that she will look back on fondly. But, she does know that I am always there for her, no matter what. That my presence will always be in her life, ready to guide her whenever she needs it. That is one of my gifts to her.

Guest post by Adventures of a Breastfeeding Mother