Reaping the fruits of Attachment Parenting

Effie2 (2)Editor’s note: Attachment Parenting International (API) is excited to announce that Effie Morchi, a blogger with APtly Said, has accepted the volunteer position of Assistant Editor of APtly Said. In addition to continuing to blog about her family life, she will be managing the development of special editorial projects for APtly Said, such as the upcoming observance of Mother’s Day. We have been impressed by her initiative as a writer, her desire to support API with her talents and time, as well as her intuitive understanding of both Attachment Parenting and API’s ethos. Welcome and congratulations, Effie!

Our kids had a week off from school recently, and as the week approached, I realized that our getaway plans would need to be cancelled since my husband and I had some pressing issues to deal with. I informed our 10-year-old Shelly and 8-year-old Ethan that we would stay home most of the week, explaining the situation and asking for their understanding.

I knew the week ahead would be very different than a typical week off school and, I suspected, not in a positive way in the eyes of the kids. We were to stay home most days with very few outings and little external socialization. With Shelly asserting her independence and privacy, and Ethan being a social butterfly, I braced myself for a difficult week.

And what a week it was…

The kids were playing at home together, coming up with new games and making each other laugh. When they took a break from playing, they negotiated peacefully to decide which movie to watch. They also played independently, respecting each other’s space. Shelly helped Ethan with his science project and other school work and Ethan showered us with warm hugs and kisses, occasionally asking how we were doing. It wasn’t perfect — there were occasions when the kids had their difficult moments and so did we, but it was perfectly reasonable.

At the end of the week, my husband and I were pleasantly surprised at how patient and supportive the kids were. Ethan has always been affectionate with us, but he was even more so during that week and it felt even more special. Shelly is a well-adjusted, cooperative child, but I sensed that she made the extra effort to coexist in harmony with her younger brother.

webdesign hot - free graphics - treeIt was an ordinary, uneventful week, yet it was profound — we were reaping the fruits of Attachment Parenting.

I appreciated that our kids have responded to us in a time of need in the same way we have been responding to them: with consideration, empathy, affection and physical contact. They put their needs and wants on hold to support us when we needed them to do so.

I mulled over on the most challenging years of my life — the years I raised my two babies. Being a stay-at-home mom on-call 24/7 with minimal help was tough. Mostly, I felt grateful that I followed my instincts and dodged the sharp criticism from all the naysayers. I was told that my kids would have speech problems, because I taught them sign language. I was told that my kids would be clingy and needy as I consistently soothed them, responded to their cries and maintained close physical contact. When I was breastfeeding my baby frequently, on-demand, I was told that something was wrong with me or my baby, because it was just not “normal!”

It wasn’t easy, but I couldn’t see any other way to care for my kids. It felt right and it made sense to me, so I persevered. As I reflect on the past week as well as the past few years, I am pleased that I trusted that little voice inside me. And by swimming against the stream of mainstream parenting advice, I developed strength and resilience.

So, the next time you feel exhausted and overwhelmed with the stresses of parenting, please remind yourself: “This too shall pass.” And remember, before long, you will be gazing at the thriving tree you have been persistently and tenderly raising through the years, and when you look up, you will be delighted to find the radiant, splendid fruits of Attachment Parenting for you to marvel at. I promise!

*Graphic source: WebDesignHot

Editor’s pick: A kindness movement inspired by a potato

Looking back on the last decade since becoming a parent, I can see how Attachment Parenting International (API) values — trust, empathy, kindness, joy, compassion, peace — have shaped both my personal life and my professional career.

The choices I make have stemmed from these values. Once my first baby was born, I chose to work primarily from home, despite the smaller paycheck, so that I could provide consistent and loving care. Through the years, my career has transformed into one where I only work for organizations with the same values as espoused by API, because those are the values that I want to direct my life and that which I am striving to pass down to my children.

Recently, I read a Forbes interview with Daniel Lubetzky, founder and CEO of the 먹튀검증업체, in which he shared how his overarching value — kindness — has not only inspired his personal worldview but also a professional career of starting companies that embrace this worldview:

“Some people think I am some sort of special human being who is unusually kind. But this isn’t true at all. We all have this capacity, it’s just that we’re governed by the systems and structures in which we live and work, and by incentives and culture.”

free images com - pascal thauvinWhat governs Daniel is his father’s stories. His dad was a Holocaust survivor. He was 9 years old when World War II began and wasn’t liberated from the Dachau concentration camp until he was 15. Daniel’s dad saw many horrors, but he also witnessed amazing kindness. One story that Daniel heard many times, that really had an impact on the direction of his life, was about a German soldier who would regularly throw a potato at his father’s feet. As Daniel shared in the Forbes interview:

“This small act was a kind of lifeblood, because it highlighted a common humanity and hope even in the bleakest circumstances.”

Daniel’s father raised his son with a deep appreciation of the values of kindness, compassion and hope wrapped in a parenting approach of unconditional love and support. Daniel, in turn, has lived out his life guided by those values, both personally and professionally.

When he was 26, Daniel founded PeaceWorks, a food company with the vision of bringing together Israelis, Arabs, Turks and others in conflict regions to make and sell products from the Middle East.

Daniel went on to found 3 more companies, and probably the best known of them all is KIND. I love their snack bars!

The whole cultural foundation of KIND is kindness, but its not at all a marketing ploy, as Daniel shared in the Forbes interview:

“A lot of people see what we’re doing as antithetical to business and the competitive environment. For me, empathy is an existential question – it’s about the survival of the human race.”

free images com - john evansMoreover, Daniel has found empathy and kindness to be imperative to doing business. By understanding the motives of other people, especially during conflict, Daniel is able to reach a peaceful resolution and more productive place quicker — not to mention, that acts of kindness makes you happier.

Daniel and his KIND team make kindness the overarching theme of the workplace, also. Staff members regularly recognize one another, their friends or even strangers for their acts of kindness though email, snack giveaways, supporting various social causes, and cards to pass on to someone else.

His ultimate goal is to create a movement of balancing profit with social benefit, using KIND as a platform. But Daniel recognizes the danger of inadvertently commercializing kindness. We’ve all seen this before, such as when companies began using the word “natural” on their labels when their products weren’t truly what we, as consumers, define as natural. Daniel feels that it comes down to companies intentionally keeping kindness authentic, and that consumers can help keep companies accountable because we instinctively know the difference.

Daniel, and KIND, are continually seeking balance between being a profitable business and a movement leader, where both can reinforce one another without exploiting the other. For a business to be truly successful, it has to be able to be both economically sustainable and socially impactful. Otherwise, going back to Daniel’s view of empathy being existential, what’s the point for humanity?

 

**Potato photo source: FreeImages.com/Pascal Thauvin

**Stick figure photo source: FreeImages.com/John Evans

Editor’s pick: A moment of silence for the “mother” of doula work

free images com - agastechegI hired a doula for my third child’s birth. After an early preterm birth with my first and a medically necessary Cesarean with my second, my third baby was on track to be my first, and only, normal childbirth experience. I was pulling out all the stops, too — aiming for an unmedicated labor and a VBAC (vaginal birth after Cesarean). I knew in my heart of hearts that having a doula was the best chance I had to reach my goals, what with the Cesarean surgical team waiting outside my hospital room’s doors “just in case,” as the VBAC agreement with the hospital read.

When it comes to pregnancy nutrition, mothers-to-be should consider supplementing with whole food vitamins. These types of vitamins are extracted from natural sources rather than chemically engineered, and the result is better pregnancy nutrition before conception, during fetal development and after childbirth.

Why Do Expectant Mothers Need Vitamin Supplements for Pregnancy Nutrition?

The human body is an amazing machine with a remarkable ability to get what it needs from the resources offered by nature. By eating a healthy diet, we are able to extract the necessary balance of vitamins, minerals, fats, and energy sources needed to keep our bodies running the way they were intended to work. Pregnancy nutrition requires us to be even more vigilant in getting the nutrients required so that the fetus is able to develop into a physically and mentally healthy baby.

The unfortunate truth is that many of us don’t eat a properly balanced diet any more, and the need for specialized pregnancy nutrition makes this even more evident. There are numerous factors that play into this change in the way we eat, including the availability, convenience, and low cost of processed foods. Adding supplements like whole food vitamins allows us access to regain some of those essential compounds that are missing from the processed foods we eat on a daily basis.

Why Are Whole Food Vitamins Better?

Whole food vitamins utilize sources found in nature, rather than synthesized compounds. The advantage, whether as a part of pregnancy nutrition or not, is that they are more easily absorbed and utilized by the human body. Most of us know that the best places to find health-sustaining nutrients is through a diet that includes fresh fruits and vegetables, for example, but few of us actually get enough of these foods in our day-to-day regimens. Whole food vitamins are extracted from these fruits and vegetables, as well as a variety of other naturally occurring sources. Because the body recognize these compounds-as opposed to synthetic or isolated vitamins-it knows how to put them to use. In the case of vitamins that have been isolated from their whole food sources or even created in the lab, as much as 90% of them pass directly through our bodies with no actual benefit.

A pregnancy nutrition plan usually includes a need for extra vitamins. It is nearly unreasonable to add these healthy components to a diet only to extract 10% of the actual benefits. Instead, making whole food vitamins a part of an overall pregnancy nutrition regimen helps ensure that the nutrients are actually being absorbed and used for the health of both the baby and the mother.

Where Do Whole Food Vitamins Come From?

The whole food vitamins and Sunergetic Products used for pregnancy nutrition come from a variety of natural sources. Some are extracted from beets, alfalfa, and bee pollen, for example. Rather than simply isolating these nutrients, they remain attached to their whole food ingredients to allow the body to recognize and readily utilize them. Other sources range from herbs like parsley and to less obvious candidates like fossilized coral. Coral provides the calcium that is such an important part of pregnancy nutrition.

Because the whole food vitamins recommended for pregnancy nutrition also include live enzymes, they allow even greater access by the body. These enzymes help to break down the nutrients, which include antioxidants, in order to be absorbed by the cells that use them for proper functioning. By processing the whole food vitamins at low temperatures, manufacturers are able to preserve these live enzymes and create the most powerful supplements that science and nature can team up to make.

My doula made all the difference. Not only did I reach my birthing goals, but I also got to hold the only one of my 3 babies for the first time after birth. He was delivered and placed immediately upon my chest, and I was finally able to call the shots with one of my newborns, such as when he would be removed for weighing and bathing. I had no say with either of my first two babies, and I credit my doula for giving back control of my birth experience to me.

Dana, 90, passed away Feb. 2 at her home in Fairfield, Connecticut, USA. She was a medical anthropologist who studied under cultural anthropologist Margaret Mead. The women cofounded the Human Lactation Center in Westport, Connecticut, USA, in the 1970s.

Dana was more than a student, being among the first scientists to challenge formula companies on the link among formula use and high infant mortality in developing countries. She went on to successfully pressure formula companies to educate women in third-world countries that formula should be used as a supplement to, not a replacement of, breastfeeding.

Dana also promoted breastfeeding here at home in the United States, seeking a way to restore the intuitive breastfeeding support lost to mothers of her generation. She summed it up well in an interview with The New York Times Magazine in 1970:

“When Grandmother walked out of the nursery and took up painting and golf, out with her went the whole cultural tradition of pampering mother along with baby. No one is there to tell her how to hold the nursing infant, how long to keep him suckling or how to care for uncomfortably full breasts or irritated nipples. We prefer to leave the responsibility to medical authorities, usually males who are uninformed about the nonmedical aspects of breastfeeding.”

Perhaps her most pivotal contribution to breastfeeding support came in 1969 when her research gave her the idea of the “doula” — a term that Dana is credited with coining and which is derived from the Greek word for “female servant.” From then on, Dana advocated for the use of doulas to guide mothers during and after childbirth with the goal of more successful breastfeeding.

So it is because of Dana’s efforts half a continent away, 40 years before, that my doula was able to give me a truly healing and transformative birth experience — not to mention, doulas around the world now doing the same for countless other women, giving them and their babies the best start in bonding and breastfeeding and a secure attachment relationship.

We all owe Dana Raphael a moment of gratitude for helping to change the landscape of childbirth and breastfeeding support and continue to push the Attachment Parenting movement forward to where it is today.

 

**Photo source: Free Images.com/agastecheg

Kindness is contagious

graphic 2Editor’s note: This week, Feb. 14-20, is Random Acts of Kindness Week, an observance created by the Random Acts of Kindness Foundation that is right in line with the values espoused by Attachment Parenting International (API) families, local API Leaders and volunteers who practice kindness every day by following the third of API’s Eight Principles of Parenting: Respond with Sensitivity.

Did you know that kindness is teachable?

“It’s kind of like weight training,” said Richard Davidson, PhD, psychology and psychiatry professor at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, director of the Waisman Laboratory for Brain Imaging and Behavior, and founder of the Center for Investigating Healthy Minds. “We found that people can actually build up their compassion ‘muscle’ and respond to others’ suffering with care and a desire to help.”

Kindness is contagious. The positive effects of kindness are experienced in the brain of everyone who witnessed the act, improving their mood and making them significantly more likely to “pay it forward.” This means one good deed in a crowded area can create a domino effect and improve the day of dozens of people! Spending a few hours a week assisting at a food pantry is sure to create a sense of accomplishment in those that do volunteer. Knowing that their labour has benefited their community is not only a positive action for themselves, but for the community itself. Bringing others up out of their predicament and possibly providing the resources to acquire employment. make it happen is a Media on Mars initiative designed to help ensure good projects get off the ground.

RAK_logo_birdKindness increases:

  • The Love Hormone — Witnessing acts of kindness produces oxytocin, occasionally referred to as the “love hormone,” which increases our self-esteem and optimism, which is extra helpful when we’re anxious or shy in a social situation.
  • Energy — According to Christine Carter, PhD, Senior Fellow of the University of California-Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, about half of participants in one study reported that they feel stronger and more energetic after helping others. Many also reported feeling calmer and less depressed, with increased feelings of self-worth.
  • Happiness — A recent Harvard Business School survey of happiness in 136 countries found that people who are altruistic — in this case, people who were generous financially, such as with charitable donations — were happiest overall.
  • Lifespan — Also according to Dr. Carter, people who volunteer tend to experience fewer aches and pains. Giving help to others protects overall health twice as much as aspirin protects against heart disease. People ages 55 and older who volunteer for 2 or more organizations have an impressive 44% lower likelihood of dying early, and that’s after sifting out every other contributing factors, such as physical health, exercise, gender, habits like smoking, and marital status. This is a stronger effect than exercising 4 times a week or going to church.
  • Pleasure — According to research from Emory University, when you are kind to another person, your brain’s pleasure and reward centers light up, as if you were the recipient of the good deed, not the giver. This phenomenon is called the “helper’s high.”
  • Serotonin — Like most medical antidepressants, kindness stimulates the production of serotonin. This feel-good chemical heals your wounds, calms you down and makes you happy.

Kindness decreases:

  • Pain — Engaging in acts of kindness produces endorphins,  the brain’s natural painkiller!
  • Stress — Perpetually kind people have 23% less cortisol, the “stress hormone,” and age slower than the average population.
  • Anxiety — According to a study by the University of British Columbia, a group of highly anxious individuals performed at least 6 acts of kindness a week. After 1 month, there was a significant increase in positive moods, relationship satisfaction and a decrease in social avoidance in socially anxious individuals.
  • Depression — According to Stephen Post, PhD, preventive medicine professor of Stony Brook (NY) University School of Medicine and founder/director of the Center for Medical Humanities, Compassionate Care and Bioethics, when we give of ourselves, everything from life satisfaction to self-realization to physical health is significantly improved. Mortality is delayed, depression is reduced, and well-being and good fortune are increased.
  • Blood pressure — Committing acts of kindness lowers blood pressure. According to David R. Hamilton, PhD, science writer and founder of the Spirit Aid Foundation, acts of kindness create emotional warmth, which releases oxytocin, the “love hormone.” Oxytocin causes the release of a chemical called nitric oxide, which dilates the blood vessels. This reduces blood pressure, and therefore, oxytocin is known as a “cardioprotective” hormone. It protects the heart by lowering blood pressure.

Imagine a world where people look out for each other, where we all pay it forward, where success is measured in selfless acts, where kindness is the philosophy of life.

We are in the love business

graphic 2Valentine’s Day has traditionally been a holiday for couples, an observance set aside for parents to give each other a special token of their love buy why not give you a present for yourself at Gainesville Coins you can have plenty of gold, silver and much more to start a beautiful collection.

Bouquets of flowers, boxes of chocolate, candy hearts and cards with arrow-wielding cupids come to mind. Aside from giving gifts, the thegirlfriendactivationsystem.com discusses more ways to make someone feel special during Valentine’s Day.

What doesn’t readily come to mind, but perhaps should, are neurons deep within the brain branching out between brain cells, cementing memories — both conscious and subconscious — to create a child’s knowing of love.

We ask you to give just $5 for Attachment Parenting International’s “Spread the Love” campaign. Each donor will receive a free API Teleseminar recording as our gift.

We may not think of this when we first discover Attachment Parenting. As parents expecting our first baby, or in the midst of that first year of our child’s life, or in the throes of toddler’s emotions, our understanding of Attachment Parenting is set on a more near-sighted goal: How do I as a parent, in this moment…prepare for pregnancy, birth and parenting…feed with love and respect…respond with sensitivity…use nurturing touch…ensure safe sleep, physically and emotionally…provide consistent, loving care…practice positive discipline…strive for balance in our family and personal lives?

In other words, when we are young in our own parenting journeys — and especially with infants and young children — our focus in Attachment Parenting is in the here and now. Attachment Parenting International’s Eight Principles of Parenting guide us to choose parenting behaviors that lead to more peaceful, compassionate, trusting, empathic and joyful relationships with our children. And in return, while it may be challenging at times to go against the cultural grain, we are ultimately rewarded with secure attachments to our children.

As our children grow older, and especially as we mature in our parenting journey, we begin to see the long-range possibilities of Attachment Parenting. We still enjoy the secure attachments within our families, and we still have challenges to overcome through our child’s development, but it gets easier to see beyond the day-to-day challenges of navigating what was once, to us, a new approach to parenting. We begin to be able to see Attachment Parenting as not only having positive consequences in our families but also our communities. What would it be like if all families practiced Attachment Parenting, if all children were able to grow up with a secure attachment to their parents? What would it be like for our communities if an entire generation grew up in peaceful, compassionate, trusting, empathic and joyful home environments?

I wonder, from time to time, what the dating scene will be like when my children are at the age of searching for a spouse. Who will they marry? What will their spouse’s values be? Will it be in line with what they’ve grown into through our Attachment Parenting home?

My children’s brains are being wired for peace, compassion, trust, empathy and joy. As so many of their peers, they like to play “House,” each taking the role of a family member, sometimes a parent and sometimes a child. Their play reflects how our family works. My 8-year-old daughter recently shared her concern about how other girls in her class play “House” while at school:

“I don’t understand why parents spank or ground their kids,” she said.

“Do you think there’s a better way for them to teach their kids?” I asked.

“Yeah, just talk to them,” she said. After a moment, she added, “And be sure not to do whatever you don’t want your child to do, yourself.”

Of course, positive discipline is more complicated than this. It folds in to the remaining of API’s Eight Principles of Parenting to create a certain home environment for positive discipline to work.

So, it’s not so easy to tell parents to stop spanking their kids or to stop having their babies cry-it-out or to be mindful of what childcare provider they choose or any other parenting behavior that does not closely align with Attachment Parenting. This is why it can be difficult for some parents to fully embrace Attachment Parenting. Attachment Parenting is a lifestyle that encompasses the goals of “raising secure, joyful, and empathic children,” as per API’s mission.

The second half of our mission is to support parents “in order to strengthen families and create a more compassionate world.”

API is in the love business. Volunteers around the world are working everyday on programs, locally and online, to educate and support parents in raising children whose brain neurons are forming each child’s reality of love. We ultimately want to see every child grow with the understanding that love is secure, peaceful, joyful, compassionate, trusting and empathic.

We want to banish parenting practices that raise children who grow up to become adults with an understanding of love as insecure — as a scientifically estimated 40% of the general population does — resulting in future parents who then struggle with trust and commitment, anger and fear, and possibly low self-esteem, poor coping skills, anxiety, depression or an insatiable fear of being abandoned.

Investing in API’s mission is an opportunity to not only ensure that programs and resources are available for you and your family, but also for the families in your community, state, nation and world — with the goal of not only love-centered, peaceful relationships at home but also in your child’s future adult home as well.

Celebrate Valentine’s Day this year by investing in your child’s future through our “Spread the Love” campaign and receive a free API Teleseminar recording in return for your generosity.

Editor’s pick: The 4 parenting styles — and where Attachment Parenting fits in

me and NathanThis week’s pick is an infographic from Mom Junction.

Sometimes parents will refer to Attachment Parenting as a parenting “style.” To be accurate, though, Attachment Parenting International refers to Attachment Parenting as a parenting approach. You may be wondering what the difference is.

It comes down to the scientific definition. Researchers identify 4 parenting styles — broad categories under which are various approaches, or ways of relating to our children. Attachment Parenting is a specific approach that falls under the broader Authoritative parenting style. Read about the 4 parenting styles in this The Attached Family article.

There is some discussion about whether the Authoritative parenting style gives justice in categorizing Attachment Parenting. In question specifically is the non-punishment aspect of positive discipline. Often, other approaches that fall under Authoritative parenting may include logical consequences or other forms of discipline that have a punishment element. Judy Arnall, author of Parenting With Patience, proposes the addition of a 5th parenting style — Collaborative — in this The Attached Family article.

For now, with the current 4 established parenting styles, Attachment Parenting most closely identifies with the Authoritative parenting style, particularly regarding child outcomes.

Parenting-Styles-You-Should-Be-Aware-Of

*Courtesy of: MomJunction

Editor’s pick: To promote breastfeeding is to promote Attachment Parenting

This week’s article is a new breastfeeding report published Jan. 28 in The Lancet.

FreeImages.com - agastechegThis medical journal feature has already received a lot of attention in the media, and rightfully so. According to the report, universal breastfeeding has the potential to save the lives of 823,000 children and 20,000 mothers each year through fewer infections, and protection against obesity, diabetes and cancer. For those who see the world through dollar signs, that’s an annual economic savings of $300 billion — not a minor amount.

But this is nothing new. The Lancet‘s report is just another in a long list of scientific and editorial articles that underscore the overwhelming evidence in favor of breastfeeding, both in terms of public health and economic gains.

Breastfeeding is one of those relatively few social changes that can provide huge benefits for a lot less money than other interventions — just like Attachment Parenting.

Interestingly, as The Lancet reminds us, breastfeeding is one of the few positive health behaviors more common in poor countries than in wealthy nations. In poor countries, most infants are breastfeeding at 1 year. In most high-income countries, less than 20% of infants are still breastfed at 1 year. In the United Kingdom, that rate is less than 1%!

What is evident looking at the breastfeeding rates per geographic region is that culture matters — as does access to formula.

“The reasons why women avoid or stop breastfeeding range from the medical, cultural and psychological to physical discomfort and inconvenience,” according to The Lancet. “These matters are not trivial, and many mothers without support turn to a bottle of formula. Multiplied across populations and involving multinational commercial interests, this situation has catastrophic consequences on breastfeeding rates and the health of subsequent generations.”

Just looking at these statistics from The Lancet, I conclude that a mother in a poor nation is more likely to live in a culture that expects breastfeeding to 1 year or beyond. She is less likely to have access to formula if she has breastfeeding challenges. And she is much more likely to either have knowledgeable breastfeeding support in her social circles or, if the breastfeeding specialist-to-mother ratio is similar to that of a wealthy nation, those breastfeeding supports are not having to compete with rampant cultural influence from formula companies and other cultural breastfeeding hurdles, such as unpaid maternity leave.

I only need to look around, living in the United States and working as a WIC breastfeeding counselor, to know the reality here. Our Western society does not expect breastfeeding for 1 year or beyond. Breastfeeding rates quickly drop off after 6 weeks, when many mothers return to work — including a huge portion of low-income mothers who cannot afford to take off work for even the medically recommended minimum 6 weeks. Breastfeeding longer is seen more as a privilege of those fortunate to be able to stay at home with their children or have flexible jobs. Alternatively, breastfeeding to 1 year — especially beyond 1 year — is viewed as unneeded and perhaps even inappropriate to toddler development.

(Don’t believe it, moms! The research is clear: Breastfeeding continues to provide great benefits to babies and toddlers as long as they breastfeed, even if they are eating solid food well. And where there’s a will, there’s a way: Not in every case, but in most, if you want to continue breastfeeding once you return to work, the laws can make it happen. And if you’re employed by a business or organization not covered by breastfeeding laws, even these small employers are growing more understanding of breastfeeding benefits and family-work balance. Talk to your local IBCLC, La Leche League Leader, WIC Breastfeeding Peer Counselor, or other breastfeeding specialist for more information.)

Likewise, a mother here has plenty of access to formula. There are programs to provide formula to those who income-qualify, and for those who do not, formula companies have no qualms about providing free formula in hospital “new baby” bags or sending free samples to your doorstep. After a long night of a seemingly never-satisfied baby on a growth spurt, that formula can start looking more appealing, especially with advertising claiming formula to be just as good as breastfeeding or at least a good alternative.

(When counseling moms, I like to say that it’s good we have formula when its needed, but it’s important to remember that formula is a breastmilk substitute. It is not anywhere the equivalent of breastmilk, especially when combined with the act of breastfeeding. As a mom who had to supplement at times while breastfeeding my first two babies, I’m glad that I had formula when I needed it, but it did not and could not — scientifically nor anecdotally — take the place of breastfeeding. Again, for moms with breastfeeding questions, contact your local IBCLC, La Leche League Leader, WIC Breastfeeding Peer Counselor or other breastfeeding specialist. They are a wealth of knowledge and, as moms themselves, have been there, done that. Those growth spurts — at about 7-10 days, 3 weeks, 6 weeks, 3 months, 6 months, 9 months — can trick even experienced mothers, especially that sneaky 3-week growth spurt…from personal experience!)

And, while breastfeeding support is ever-widening in the United States, there is still more support needed to combat the cultural leanings toward formula. A good start here would be the U.S. fully embracing the WHO Code, which restricts the marketing of formula.

I realize this is a tall order for a capitalist economy. But, as The Lancet reports, it is despite — or perhaps because of — the lack of paid maternity leave in the U.S. that the Affordable Care Act provides protected nursing and pumping breaks and insurance coverage of breast pumps, which The Lancet predicts could increase breastfeeding rates by 25%.

Little by little, with every completed nursing session — as moms work through both the innate challenges of getting a good latch, establishing an abundant milk supply and any other technicalities of breastfeeding as well as the cultural challenges of returning to work, striving toward that 1-year breastfeeding goal and not giving in to the temptation of formula — breastfeeding rates will continue to climb.

me and NathanAnd with every mom-and-baby pair that successfully works through breastfeeding challenges and reaches their goals, Attachment Parenting is getting that much more of a foothold in our culture. Successful breastfeeding embodies a mother-child relationship built on the framework of a secure attachment. Breastfeeding is the ultimate teacher in what a secure attachment relationship looks like — the give and take of a healthy relationship — to a new mother. To promote breastfeeding, which is included in Attachment Parenting International‘s Second Principle of Parenting: Feed with Love and Respect, is to promote Attachment Parenting.

 

** Photo source: FreeImages.com/agastecheg

Being present for another

dandelionEditor’s note: This post was originally published on Oct. 26, 2008, and it continues to inspire parents to give presence to their children.

I find the whole concept of “being present” for another person so relevant to our world. How many of us have not really been given sufficient presence by our parents while we were growing up or even by other influential adults that helped to shape our lives?

There really is so much to be said for looking another person in the eye and just listening to what they are saying no matter what their age.I hear you,” “I hold this safe space for you,” and “You matter” are the subliminal messages of this action, and it feeds a person’s soul on a deep level.

When we do this with our children, we are teaching them that they are important and deserve to be heard. They then can learn from a very early age that the most important people in their life — their parents, who hold so much power in influencing their self esteem — really do care about how they feel about things and what they have to say. We just have to hold the space for them to do that.

Since my son is a preschooler, this skill is becoming ever increasingly more valuable to our family. He wants to talk to us more often now about many different thoughts he has, and both my husband and I try to always look him in the eye and either hold him or sit next to him or play toys with him while he is speaking, or if he was off in another room, making sure to enter into that same room with him.

Giving him direct attention while he is speaking about something really makes him feel so validated, and it boosts his confidence in himself. I try to recap what he has said each time to let him know that Mommy understood his thoughts and ideas. He then usually goes on into greater detail on the topic, because he knows that I listened to him and he feels so happy about it and wants to share more with me.

We have started teaching him about how when another person is talking, we all need to pay attention to that person just like we paid attention to him when he was speaking. It seems to be getting through to him as I’ve seen him give this kind of presence and respect to both of us and even to some friends lately.

To me, this is one of the most important life skills a person needs to develop to live in harmony with the world around them.  Not only do our children need to be given presence, but we all must give presence and respect to each other and be the example of this for the younger generations to emulate.

Editor’s note: Melissa formerly wrote about sustainability, green living, alternative health, nutrition, parenting and life in general at Nature Deva.net