Provide Consistent & Loving Care – Page 18

Postpartum

The crazy world of the postpartum body… there is really nothing quite like it.

I didn’t even recognize myself after I had my son and was almost at a loss of where to start getting active again. I had always been an active person, but it was difficult at first to figure out how to incorporate that into my life now that I had a little one. Not only that, but my body was not even capable of doing all the things that it had been before. Not initially anyway.

First off, it is important to realize that “this too shall pass,” and with some work, you can be in better shape than you were before your baby. It will take time, and you just need to take baby steps! That’s what growing in this new life with a child is all about whether this is your first child or your seventh–each new little human is unique and so is the recovery and adjustment period that you and your body goes through.

Of course, this might not be the stage that many of you are in, but you can still take away some valuable information because postpartum care is just another phase of taking care of a woman’s body, and many women could use a little help in the areas that we are going to discuss. Visit Wphealthcarenews.com for the best products to increase testosterone.

After being pregnant, it is usually necessary to strengthen and bring the abdominal muscles back together. Also there is usually a need for strengthening the pelvic floor. Getting your balance back can be tricky, and it is always nice to tone up a bit, drop a few of the extra baby pounds and start feeling energized.

Pеlvіс rehabilitation іѕ a tуре of physical therapy thаt саn be vеrу hеlрful fоr postpartum moms. Pregnancy аnd childbirth саn damage thе muѕсlеѕ аnd соnnесtіvе tissue оf thе реlvіс flооr, саuѕіng all kіndѕ оf inconvenient аnd uncomfortable ѕуmрtоmѕ fоr wоmеn аftеr they gіvе bіrth.

The Weight Loss Belt, a fashionable belt that weighs 5 to 14 pounds depending on its length and classified by the Health Canada as a Medical Device, is now claiming its rightful place and popularity in the global health and weight loss market. Many people claim its healthful benefits in decreasing one’s weight. But is this the only benefit we can get by using this new medical device? Are there any associated problems that can arise with its use? Increase muscle endurance and strength without hurting the joints. Click here if you want to find out more about muffle stoma noise.

If you have arthritis, this is the right exercise device for you. The Weight Loss Belt can be considered as a medical device for isometric exercise, a type of exercise that uses a static contraction of muscles against a fixed object. It is safe to use even with your aching joints because static contraction of muscles cannot cause muscle and joint pains thus it won’t add more discomfort to your already painful joints. It can increase your muscle strength and endurance without the added pain.

Thе реlvіс flооr ѕtrеtсhеѕ between thе рubіс bone and the tаіlbоnе and cradles уоur bladder, bowel, and uterus. The реlvіс flооr muѕсlеѕ еnаblе уоu tо kеер urіnе аnd feces in – аnd rеlеаѕе thеm – whеn уоu need to.

There are a variety of creams that have been developed to help in tightening vaginal muscles. Most of these creams are manufactured by The V Institute that are known to contain skin tightening characteristics. These creams are applied on the vaginal walls and they help to increase a woman’s sensitivity during an intercourse. After being used for some time, the loose vagina will tighten and hence the couple will be able to enjoy sex equally. Vagina tightening creams have no side effects due to the fact that they are manufactured using natural raw materials. They will also help to lubricate the vagina during an intercourse. Therefore if a woman has a dry vagina during sex, applying these creams would help to lubricate and also to prevent odors from the vagina. It is important that you don’t use the creams during menstruation and also if you are suffering from any vaginal infection. Thеу аlѕо hеlр you соntrасt аnd rеlаx your vagina durіng sex. Visit https://dermatologyandlasergroup.com/body-procedures/thermiva-nyc/ to learn more about vaginal rejuvenation.

When thе реlvіс flооr muѕсlеѕ are tіght оr weak, thеу can саuѕе annoying symptoms оr even раіn. A urоgуnесоlоgіѕt оr a pelvic flооr physical thеrаріѕt (PT) can evaluate thеѕе muѕсlеѕ аnd dеtеrmіnе whеthеr thеу’rе соntrіbutіng tо уоur ѕуmрtоmѕ.

Yоur thеrаріѕt will tеасh you to identify various muѕсlеѕ, ѕо you can ѕtrеngthеn оr rеlеаѕе them. All оf the muscles in thіѕ аrеа wоrk tоgеthеr tо hеlр you mаіntаіn уоur соrе strength аnd рrеvеnt іnсоntіnеnсе.

Yоur thеrаріѕt wіll аlѕо uѕе hеr fіngеrѕ tо mаѕѕаgе уоur thіghѕ, buttocks, аnd thе tіѕѕuе inside уоur vаgіnа. Thе gоаl is tо gently ѕtrеtсh thіѕ аrеа аnd rеlеаѕе trigger роіntѕ thаt аrе саuѕіng pain. Thіѕ саn bе uncomfortable, раrtісulаrlу іf you hаvе сhrоnіс раіn оr аrе reluctant tо аllоw probing іnѕіdе уоur vаgіnа.

First, уоu should know thаt the physical therapists whо dо thіѕ work hаvе lеаrnеd it bу having іt dоnе tо thеm аnd hаvе a gооd idea of what уоu are fееlіng whеn thеу touch уоu іn іntіmаtе places. They are trаіnеd to bе vеrу gеntlе and will adjust thеіr touch tо mаkе ѕurе it’s nоt tоо intense fоr you.

Pаtіеntѕ ѕау it feels muсh like a rеgulаr mаѕѕаgе. They feel discomfort when the thеrаріѕt presses оn tіght muѕсlеѕ, but thеn a sense of rеlеаѕе or rеlіеf afterward, whеn the tіghtnеѕѕ еаѕеѕ. Ovеr tіmе, thе thеrару becomes less uncomfortable аnd уоur symptoms should іmрrоvе.

If they аrе, thе PT саn wоrk tо release trіggеr роіntѕ – аrеаѕ where thе tіѕѕuеѕ аrе stuck tоgеthеr rаthеr thаn ѕlіdіng еаѕіlу against each оthеr. PTѕ also teach уоu to dо еxеrсіѕеѕ аt hоmе to hеlр rеlаx muѕсlеѕ that are tight аnd ѕtrеngthеn muscles that are weak.

It is important to work on good posture and strengthen your ham strings and calves as well as improve your balance and even walk so that you are being good to your knees and hips, Posture Savvy has lots of helpful information about a good posture.

A great exercise to help with your back and a gentle core exercise is the cat stretch:

Perform these in a Tabata-style workout, meaning that you begin the exercise and continue for 20 seconds, rest for a full 10 seconds and then begin again. Start with 4 repetitions and work your way up to 8.

It is important to strengthen your pelvic floor as well and there is no better way to do that than with squats and lunges! That, and who doesn’t want a toned tush? And let’s face it: it goes a little mushy trying to be the counterbalance to your baby belly. Squats and lunges can be performed while wearing your baby. If you have more than one child, then get creative and do them outside while you are watching your other children play.

Before you do your squats and lunges walk a bit to warm up your legs and then do 20 seconds worth of the exercise, making sure that you have good form, and then rest for 10. Start with 4 repetitions and work your way up to 8.

Remember to get out and walk. Go for a walk around the block or to a park; walk to the store if you are able. Walk as much as possible and don’t forget to carry your little built-in weight! Whether you hold your munchkin or carry baby in a backpack, front pack or sling, you have the perfect amount of extra weight to make things challenging.

Pelvic Floor Physical Therapy Treatment іnvоlvеѕ ѕеvеrаl dіffеrеnt kinds оf tесhnіԛuеѕ thаt fосuѕ оn thе muѕсlеѕ and соnnесtіvе tіѕѕuе оf your pelvic flооr аnd abdomen.

Start slowly with these few exercises. Remember, that you can use fat burners like Skald to assist in your weight loss journey. It won’t be long until you will start to see your body respond to the exercise, and you’ll be moving on to something more challenging. Enjoy!

Cloth

As I carefully held you, my little parcel, I remember wishing the cloth away, wishing that there was nothing between us. You see, we had been linked your whole life. I had felt every hiccup and every stretch.

As soon as I had the strength to sit up, I threaded you gently in between the lines attached to my IV sites and pressed you against my chest. But the clean crisp cloth felt like thick cold walls between us.

As the weeks went on, I wrapped you in cloths of many different colours and custom ties. You were fashionable, cute and cuddly. You were pink, blue and green. Yet amid the colours and patterns, I saw only your eyes, the soft sweep of your brow and the curl of first smiles.

Then we found stretchy cloth and it seemed never-ending. It took a hundred times of wrapping and unwrapping, tightening and loosening, before one day, I caught a glimpse of us in the mirror and realised that I hadn’t even noticed completing our cloth origami. And that is where you stayed. Snuggled into me and listening to my pulse, just as you had from your very first heartbeat.

In time, I could wrap you against me with my eyes closed…with both of our eyes closed.

We would face the winter like this, snuggled together, cosy and warm.

We would breeze through outings, walks and errands in exactly this position. You, me and our cloth.

As you grew, the stretch seemed to shrink and new cotton was bought. This cloth was bright and strong…more supportive for a sleepy head to rest in. This was the first cloth that you asked for, that you spoke about and that you wrapped around your teddies.

What was once a barrier, cold and unknown, has become a link between us. It is handlebars for our journey, a shawl for warmth. It is easy. It is fun. It joins us as one, even though we are now separate, little one.

When you were born, they wrapped you in cloth, but you’ll be wrapped in my love forever.

Staying attached with more than one

As my husband and I prepare for the arrival of our second child (a boy!) this summer, I find myself thinking about how different it will be compared to when our daughter was born.

With my daughter, we came across Attachment Parenting (AP) as we started exploring different ideas around giving birth and caring for newborns. Many of the AP practices were things we already planned on doing — such as natural birth and extended breastfeeding — and others evolved naturally once we became parents, including cosleeping, babywearing and gentle discipline. This time around, we plan on doing things similarly albeit with much more confidence in our decisions after seeing how well it worked last time.

However, I can’t help but wonder how it will work with more than one.

I think it’s extremely important for the initial bonding that we are physically attached to the baby. This part, I’m not worried about. I practically lived in my wrap with my daughter and don’t expect this time to be any different. I am also a stay-at-home mom, which gives me the freedom to feed on demand and hold off on any set schedule.

The part that I worry about is staying attached with my daughter. I think it’s equally important that our daughter not feel slighted by this new little addition. I want her to continue to feel attached to both mommy and daddy. She will have had almost 2 ½ years of undivided attention and will now be sharing the spotlight, so to speak. We have been prepping her for his arrival for a while now and she seems genuinely excited about being a big sister. She can rattle off a list of things she will be in charge of as the big sister – getting diapers and wipes, singing to him, helping with bath.

What I don’t think she is prepared for is sharing my time. She has always been a pretty independent kid but I wonder if that will change when she is not the only one anymore. How will she react to me breastfeeding the baby all the time? If I’m wearing the baby, will she want to be carried?

I know these concerns are not limited to AP parents, I imagine every parent has similar thoughts before welcoming another child into the family. My hope is that AP gives my husband and I the guidance needed to foster a connected and close family, no matter how large it grows.

Yep, I Do the Cooking, the Washing, the Childcare and I am a Man. {Part II}

API is pleased to recognize this blog post for its contribution to AP and to share it with you, our readers. API does not review other content on the author’s blog or website and takes no responsibility for how that information may or may not align with API’s ethos or API’s Eight Principles of Attachment Parenting. We thank you for remaining supportive and encouraging when interacting with the author and with other readers, whether or not the ideas presented work for your family.

Last week, Torsten gave us a peek into the world of the stay-at-home Attachment Father. His perspective, continued…

At the same time I “teach” my children that boys can clean up their mess too, whether it’s the loo or their plate. Or I involve them in cleaning. Yesterday my sons and I had our weekly cleaning party. We took turns in vacuuming, washing up and tidying the house. After the job was done, we sat on the sofa and read a book. So, it turned out to be fun. We just made an effort not to see it as horrible task.

So yes, I would say spending the last one and half years as a full-time dad has been extremely rewarding and the changes I and others can see in me are only of a positive nature.

However, there were times where I did ask myself whether I just had to live with the fact that my “colleagues” were now, almost exclusively women. Don’t get me wrong, I have made many wonderful female friends, but I also did miss male company here and there, especially just sharing my experiences with someone who is in the same boat as me.

Being out and about with my kids on a weekday I still get “the looks”: a mixture of pity and suspicion when dealing with the daily toddler struggles in a public domain or entering a playgroup. So maybe, this is the reason why, why there are not as many men as full time parent? Yes, who would want this to happen to them? The more confident of men don’t blink an eyelid, while others just feel completely out of their comfort zone.

So, more than two years later I’m still a happy stay-at-home dad. And actually we went a step further. My wife and I both work from home now, so that no one has to miss out: neither on the children, nor on the washing up. This has become more enjoyable for both of us.

I think to achieve a harmonious home life both partners need to be involved and active in parenting. I find humans are not made for JUST one or the other. There are so many passions, wishes, dreams inside us. So many different things we can and want to do, that just choosing one path makes most of us dissatisfied.

So, equal parenting it is for us and this works best for us AND our children.

Torsten is a stay-at-home dad, embracing all the beautiful and difficult things about it. He believes that fathers and men of today want to explore and express their feelings, expectations, worries and emotions. In his blog, Dads Talk, he talks about fatherhood and about the way dads of the 21st century could live a happy, content and relaxed life. He’s a Parenting Coach and he runs groups, workshops and support sessions for Dads and Grandads. And yes, whenever there’s time left he also teaches parents Baby Massage.

The Hard Heart of Parenting

My body tenses. Teeth clench. Heart hardens.

I don’t hurt him. I don’t yell. Yet, my heart hardens with frustration.

My agenda to clothe my two-year-old collides with his interest in remaining naked. He wants to play with his trucks on the bedroom floor; I have a morning adventure planned. After several attempts to wrestle him into some clothes, he runs out of the room crying “No!”

My son says “Stop!” and “No!” frequently these days. He even asserts his will while mimicking favored construction trucks.

“Beep, beep, beep!” he says. Usually he does this while putting his hands on my legs and pushing me backward.

This morning I miss his “Beep, beep, beep!” which always makes me smile. I imagine it would translate to something like: “Back up Mom. Give me some space. Who needs clothes? Can’t you see I’m really enjoying this moment of being naked? I have no interest in your morning agenda. Let’s play trucks!”

This morning, instead of construction sounds, he shouts and cries. I feel my body tense. I feel my frustration. I remember to breathe. I remember my intention to soften into empathy.

I walk into the front room where my little naked boy cries in anger. My heart’s hardness melts as soon as I kneel down to connect at eye level. His face is blotchy, his eyes red, his nose runny. He is bawling. He is angry. Yet, I stay present. I sit on the floor.

“You are mad at mommy right now. That’s OK. I love you. I’ll be here when you want a hug.”

He yells again and runs into the kitchen.

“Take a deep breath,” I tell myself as tears filled my eyes.

Grief resides in the dark waters of the hardened heart. As I make room for my sadness, a gentle space of compassion opens. This space is wide enough to include all of the feelings swirling around, and through, both of us.

I sit on the floor and patiently remain present for him. I watch strong emotions move through his two-year-old self.

Yes, he will feel angry. He will feel sad. This is part of life’s flow. How do I respond to the energy of his anger and sadness? Will I try to make him laugh and distract him? Will I respond with my own anger? Do I take it personally? Can I breathe and gently hold space for his pain?

I can choose to soften around these hard edges. I can choose to breathe in gentleness. In this choice, I feel the freedom that comes from releasing the patterns of generations.

For certainly, the hard heart is passed on, inherited. Years before I decided to become a mother, I was committed to transform the negative aspects of my childhood. It took a great deal of therapy, meditation, dance, yoga, and travel to soften the scared and angry parts of my heart. Motherhood takes this process to entirely new levels. May I be grateful for this extraordinary opportunity to put into practice all that I’ve worked hard to uncover about the truth of love.

A minute or two pass. My son comes back to me. He reaches for me. I hold him. I feel the tension within — and between — both of us release. He looks at me and I wipe tears from his face.

“Outside?” He points to the door. Can we go outside?

I smile. “Yes, we can go outside. Let’s get dressed and go for a walk.” He nods and hugs me again.

I release my morning agenda as he welcomes my help in getting dressed. I take a deep breath. A few minutes later, we walk hand in hand into the sunlight.

Frozen

I am frozen. Frozen in the moments that are precious and true.

I recently went back to work. It has been a hard adjustment. I started in early November. I had to hit the ground running and it has been a blur since I started. I eventually got used to my new schedule and feelings of mom inadequacy. The thing is, I had to let go of the reins of stay-at-home mom and grab the wild reins of working mom. Both are wild horses, but both ride much differently. As they say, balance is key, but I acknowledge that balance is a bit of a myth. Balance is choices. It’s going to take time and practice to keep all the balls in the air.

I have not been writing (here or on my own blog). This gets to me because I know that writing is my calling. I wish I could say I have been too busy writing to write for APtly Said, but that would be a lie. I am too busy to write and that is no excuse. I just realize that this is not the best time for me to be writing. I just can’t seem to get that ball in the air with the others.

When my son was seven months old, I quit my job as an elementary teacher in the middle of the school year. I tried being a working mom with a new born, but it just was too much for me. When I quit my job, I thought 40 hours would open up. How wrong I was! But that is a different chapter.

I was a stay-at-home mom for three years. I loved it and I hated it. I could not seem to find balance and eventually found there really is no balance – just choices. So I chose to be happy when I was and I chose to be sad when I was sad. I allowed myself to feel angry and I allowed myself to feel joy. I embraced all the emotions that come on the stay-at-home mom spectrum. I wrote a lot about these feelings, as I was also in graduate school for Creative Writing. I wrote my thesis about my feelings about new motherhood and it eventually turned into a book.

Now as a working mom, I am juggling routine with busy and guilt; they smack each other often, knocking the balls out of the air. Meeting goes late at work — I call my husband to pick up our son from my in-laws. Special Education paperwork to prepare for upcoming meetings — text husband to take care of dinner.

From trial and error, I have learned to just up and leave my classroom to get out the door. The work will be there the next day. My mind scissors the to-do list in a well-needed manner, shredding the ridiculous details that must be accomplished before I go home. But somedays, the list keeps on growing and I’m not the one adding to it. Work. It will always be there, growing. I do love a to-do list slashed though. Oh how I love that sense of accomplishment. The thing about motherhood and parenting is that there is no concrete list — just a liquid that flows into the container available. This container for me is the free time I have with my family after work and I absorb it and let it flow all over me. I saturate myself in it. It is the love of my family. It mends my guilty mom heart and makes me happy.

The alarm on my cell phone goes off at 6 am. I press the snooze alarm three times on days I don’t have to shower, once on days I do. It’s non-stop from there. I put my make-up on at work, sometimes in the car at stoplights. I manage to scramble out the door with my briefcase and purse in hand. To people on the outside of that door of our house, I look polished and poised. Inside I feel frazzled, late, and never enough.

My husband makes our son breakfast and prepares a to-go mug of coffee for me. He hands me my lunch (which he makes) and offers a quick kiss before I head out the door. I am very lucky because my husband is picking up the slack and the role of attached parent. He gets our three and half year old son ready for pre-school and drops him off. They hold hands and kiss each other good bye like I did during drop-off. I miss drop-off. I miss pick-up. Mostly, I miss that initial hug and that smile and holding hands as he tells me about his day. Ben loves pre-school and we are very lucky with the school we chose.

We are also very lucky because our son spends the afternoon with his grandparents after my husband takes his lunch with our son and they play. My in-laws also watch Ben on one of the two days he doesn’t have pre-school. My husband covers the other day as he works from home one day a week.

As a junior high school Special Education teacher, I am constantly on the go. My mind often frazzled, but surprisingly focused. I am busy during the day like I have not been in a very long time. I am on the go almost all day long. My head is one long comma splice of to-do lists and I am constantly overriding the least important of tasks to finish.

This brings me back to the frozen moments – the icicles that freeze joy. I choose to spend time after work with my son. This is a priority. Everything else gets put on the back burner – papers to grade, lesson plans to write, dinner to cook (I am lucky because my husband does most of the cooking), house to clean, books and essays to write, laundry to do, laundry to fold, laundry to put away, the list is endless. I do feel guilty and I often freak out about how messy our house is (I have been struggling with spending the money on a housekeeper).

Back to frozen and true and not writing. Well, I have chosen to spend time with my son and husband after work. Sometimes I don’t get home from work until 6 pm. Those are the days I choose to be frozen – frozen in the precious hour or two that is mine to play with him. We are still co-sleeping and this time is precious as well as we all snuggle together in a cozy bed. Until the alarm goes off at 6 am the next day.

I also have to choose to not feel guilty about not writing and not being there for pick-up and drop-off and all the fluid moments in-between that used to be my life as a stay-at-home mom. I choose to accept and to be present in the moments I do have with my family.

The Struggles We Face Only Make Us Stronger

On this day four years ago, I gave birth to my second child. I witnessed and experienced bringing another precious, miraculous life into this world and into my heart forever. Our gentle, loving and sweet little warrior, Aston.

Our first nine months together were not easy. My lupus decided to painfully challenge us throughout my pregnancy. I spent a lot of time at the doctor and in the hospital as a high-risk patient. All I wanted was to be healthy and to deliver a healthy baby boy. I remember lying on the table at the cardiologist’s office when they found fluid in my heart and around my lungs. I was having difficulty breathing and had alarmingly low blood pressure. I remember that day like it was yesterday.

Something very powerful happened. A calmness took over and replaced my fear. I trusted that I was meant to be a healthy mother to our two boys. I trusted that everything was going to be OK. One of the specialists said something after witnessing all of the drama Aston and I endured together. He told me that all of this suffering and all of these challenges would make Aston a stronger boy. He would get through anything, just as I would get through this.

A strong boy. That is an understatement.

Aston spent much of his first two years of life in and out of hospitals and doctor’s offices. His big brother never wanted to leave his side and was with us at every visit. He stood by him and comforted him through every test and felt his pain when he felt pain. He would put a Band-Aid on to make Aston feel better about wearing one. Their bond only strengthens with time.

I won’t go into all of the hardships he’s courageously faced up until now. I just wanted to share how brave and happy he is, despite the many struggles he’s faced. He is a survivor. He is a gentle ox, and it’s so appropriate that his Chinese birth sign is just that.

He is such a wondrous and magical spirit. He melts our hearts with his loving and kind nature. He is self assured yet open to the world and all there is to learn around him. He is so in touch with his surroundings and with humanity. His love exudes in every breath, action and word he utters. He is glorious light in our lives each day.

Aston is a wise and old soul. He teaches and leads by example. He is a loyal and one-of-a-kind friend and brother to Pierce.

He wakes up every single day with a huge and grateful smile on his face. He appreciates the very simple things in life and fundamentally gets what those things are. He warms my heart and touches my soul deeply … every moment. He amazes and inspires me every day.

Our adventure continues, and he now gets to experience the world as a proud and healthy 4-year-old. Two years ago, he was on a breathing machine daily. Witnessing him climbing the Great Wall of China, running along the beach and actively enjoying each moment of his life is a wonderful miracle every day. He is up for anything and gives everything his all, with the purest heart and uninhibited passion. I am more grateful than I can express for his presence and love in our lives.

I am so grateful that my instinct as a mother led me to the Attachment Parenting way of life from the moment our first son was born. I was living the principles of Attachment Parenting, as well as babywearing, breastfeeding and cosleeping, before I knew the term Attachment Parenting existed. I often felt alone in my way of parenting because everyone I was surrounded by was doing it differently and questioned me. I never questioned myself or doubted my ways for a second. It was very comforting, however, when I found API and discovered I wasn’t alone, had support and could communicate and connect with like-minded parents.

Today and always, I am so grateful for the closeness we all share as a family, and I can’t imagine parenting any other way. In the hospitals, they would always have a crib set up, but as you can see, I requested a bed every time. I held him every second and we got through it all together.

Thank you for celebrating with us today.

Happy Birthday, Baby Aston.

When Your Partner Wants You to Wean: Heart Advice for Nursing Mothers

*The terms “husband” and “partner” are used interchangeably throughout this post.

“She’s too old to nurse. You need to stop.”

“There’s no way my son is nursing when he’s three years old!”

“You are being selfish. Breastfeeding past one year is unnecessary. You only do this because it gives you pleasure.”

“I should have a say in this situation. Why do you get to decide how long he nurses?”

“What if I took her away from you and made you stop nursing?”

Perhaps you have heard these very words. Perhaps you have heard variations on the theme. If so, you understand the instinctive fear and sadness that can rise up in a breastfeeding mother’s body when a demand for premature weaning is given–especially when this comes from her husband or partner.

Breastfeeding is one of the most beautiful and gentle expressions of human love on the planet. Tragically, it can become a subject of discord between you and your husband. Harsh words, demands or threats about breastfeeding can tarnish your memories of nursing. The added tension in your home is unhealthy for all members of the family.

According to the World Health Organization, La Leche League International, The American Pediatric Association and Attachment Parenting International, a breastfeeding mother should continue to nurse–once the minimum recommended length of breastfeeding is met–as long as it is “mutually desired” by herself and her child. All of these organizations acknowledge the important role a father plays in offering support to the breastfeeding mother.

Knowing that you have the backing of such institutions may be helpful. But it probably doesn’t ease the emotional anguish of feeling the pressure to wean before you and your child are ready. In fact, such official statements may be a source of frustration for your husband, who wants or demands to play a role in determining how long his child will nurse.

The questions remain: What should you do when the vital support of your partner is withdrawn? Should you wean on demand?

May the following four points embolden, strengthen and encourage you as you navigate your way to answering to these painful questions.

Learn and Share

Take the time to thoroughly research the benefits of breastfeeding and the importance of nurturing a secure attachment. Perhaps, like many breastfeeding mothers, you are fully committed to child-led weaning. As one mother stated, “Only one person gets to decide when my son is ready to wean, and that is my son.”

Or perhaps, like many breastfeeding mothers, you acknowledge that a shift in the mother-child nursing dynamic can occur on either side of the equation. You may be open to a gentle approach to weaning that is mother-initiated if your feelings towards nursing change. Many thoughtful and gentle approaches to weaning described by attachment-minded leaders such as Dr. William Sears exist. By researching, you will clarify why breastfeeding is important to you and be able to articulate your vision of weaning.

Most importantly, invite your husband into this experience. While it’s important to share what you have learned through your research, it’s even more important to ask him to research the topic on his own. We all learn best when our inquiry is self-initiated. Perhaps his lack of support may simply come from ignorance. He may not know that the World Health Organization recommends that children breastfeed until they are at least two years old as a minimum standard for health. He may not understand that the health and emotional benefits of nursing continue through the toddler years. As you both do your research, you can each learn, clarify and share your insights–ideally with compassion.

Identify Underlying Issues

Can the issues fueling your partner’s demand to wean be identified? Explore the possible causes of the negativity associated with your nursing. Is your husband jealous? Is your partner feeling left out of the parenting experience? Does he have his own special “Daddy Time” to nurture important memories of fatherhood? What unconscious memories does your husband carry about his own weaning? Is your partner embarrassed by your breastfeeding? Does he want exclusive access to your body?

We live in a culture full of explicit material featuring the female body as a source of male pleasure, yet mothers who nurse in public face scorn. We live in a culture in which many of us were weaned before our natural time, perhaps due to pressure from our own fathers. We live in a culture in which only a minority of children experience the benefits of breastfeeding as nature intended. Both underlying personal issues within the relationship and underlying patterns that come from social dynamics can fuel a husband’s demand for his wife to stop nursing. See if you can identify what the core issues are. Breastfeeding can be a symbol for deeper discord that is being projected upon the mother-child relationship.

Find Support

Breastfeeding without the support of your partner is not an easy road to traverse. It’s also not easy to wish for something to change and meet resistance. I’ve spent hours in conversation with women who deeply regret giving into the pressure that led to an early weaning of their children. I’ve also spent hours in conversation with men who struggle with supporting their wives or partners in breastfeeding. They feel left out, angry and sometimes disgusted by the continued nursing relationship. Offering loving support to both individuals in this situation is vital if a healthy resolution is to unfold.

As you both seek support, consider meeting with other breastfeeding-friendly families. Let the men speak together about their fears, hopes and struggles when it comes to supporting their partners in breastfeeding. For yourself, speak candidly and openly with other nursing mothers. Join online breastfeeding support forums and reach out to trusted friends. The pressure to stop nursing before you or your child are ready can feel overwhelming. Do not keep this stress private. Have the courage to share your story with other mothers; you will find it is far more common than not.

Certainly, if your husband’s demands feel relentless or turn into threats, seek professional support. A trained marriage counselor who understands the importance of breastfeeding is invaluable here. Not only will this person offer encouragement for breastfeeding and a healthy approach to weaning, but a skilled mediator can also help your partner identify underlying issues that fuel his current demands, as well as supporting both of you in open and honest communication.

Nourish Yourself

There is a deep wisdom found in the natural dynamic between a nursing mother and child. Breastfeeding eases transitions into and out of sleep, helps calm stressed nervous systems and provides nutritive wonders that science still cannot decode. The season of breastfeeding is short-lived, even if it extends through the toddler years. Ideally, as long as both the mother and child are in harmony, the bond found in breastfeeding should be supported. Remember, you cannot turn back the clock. Once a child is weaned, the nursing stage of life for that child is over. Your pain in having this bond threatened mirrors a greater pain present in our society.

As you navigate this difficulty, you need to nourish yourself. It’s imperative. Be sure to continue eating well and exercising. If you have a spiritual or religious practice, you may wish to dive deeply into the wisdom of silence and/or prayer. Find a source of strength that is greater than your own understanding to uplift you. Take refuge in the beauty of breastfeeding. Take refuge in the wisdom in nature. Find strength in the support of women. May these gifts nourish you at this time.