Presence – Page 29

Gentle Parenting Ideas Series: Getting Into the Car Seat

This post is the second in a series about gentle parenting through potential power struggles with your toddler or preschooler. Each post will give you ideas and examples for using love, patience, and creativity to work through some fairly common areas of concern: brushing teeth, getting into the car seat, meals/eating, shopping, diaper changes, picking up toys, traveling, transitions, and more. I welcome your gentle/respectful parenting ideas and feedback.

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Ideas to Make Getting Into the Car Seat a Positive Experience

Build Time In: if you know your toddler is always going to ask to “steer” the car for a minute before leaving, build an extra 5 minutes into your getting-ready routine so that you will have time to indulge her. And take heart, it won’t go on forever. They’ll be excited by the idea of steering (or climbing in the back, or honking the horn, etc.) for a few weeks, and then they’ll get over it. Ask yourself this: if all it takes to make your toddler’s face light up is to let her steer the car for two minutes a day, why would you not want to do it? (A story about the picture on the right: when Kieran was about 9 months old, every time we got in the car, he had to play peek-a-boo with papa. Every.Time. If we didn’t do it, he would SCREAM. It got old, but after about 5 weeks, the game lost its allure. That’s happened over and over in various forms, and I’m sure each variation is sparking some new set of neurons in his brain, which is why we play along.)

The most common purpose vehicle wraps serve is definitely advertising. But they’re useful for other applications as well. They’re a great way to personalize a vehicle in a way that is less permanent than paint. For example, in the United Kingdom, trains are often transferred from one company to another. Vinyl wraps are used there as an easily-updated way of applying each company’s livery. Also – cool fact of the day – race cars use vehicle wraps because they’re lighter than paint. Click here if you want to know more about the commercial vehicle wrap new orleans louisiana.

That’s actually one of the major benefits of vehicle wraps: they’re really easy to deal with. Nowadays, they’re made from special types of vinyl with features like air channels to prevent bubbles. They can even come with microscopic glass beads, which block the adhesive and prevent it from taking hold until the decal is in perfect position, at which point it can be squeegeed down. That means the vinyl can be applied and taken back up as many times as needed during the process without ruining the adhesive. Vehicle wraps are the huge graphics decorating the cars, buses and even subways you’ve seen around. Typically used for advertising, they’re everywhere, but not a lot of people know exactly what they are. Here are some things you’ve probably been wondering about vehicle wraps.

Ticket to Ride: have a hard time getting them to move toward the car? Give them a “ticket” for the train (or the boat, airplane, etc.). Make a show of it. Say “all aboard!” as they’re climbing in. In our house, Kieran is the conductor and I am the engineer. Modern used cars also have the benefit of history reports, on used cars Ottawa services can find quality used cars. Are you a car fanatic? Are you obsessed with how your car looks? Then you will hire the best detailing for cars services, this section on finish and damage repair topics is very popular. These reports will show you its ownership history, any accidents, and any title issues. This can help you avoid vehicles that might have some big underlying issues.

Buckle a Baby in: let your toddler buckle his favorite doll or stuffed animal into another seat belt. Sometimes letting the toddler “mother” another baby will help them feel better about things.

Choose a CD: have a CD selection accessible in the car or on the way out the door. Let your toddler pick the drive time music.

Make Her Look Forward to the Drive: try making your car rides fun and something your toddler will look forward to. Play “I Spy” on the way to the grocery store. Sing silly songs in traffic jams. See how far you can count while waiting for a red light to turn green.

Blast-off: buckle your toddler into the “spaceship,” then do a countdown as you blast off (out of the driveway). You could also make a show of putting on your space suits before getting into the car, talking about the planets you are passing, etc.

Musical Car Seats: if you have more than one toddler and they are in the same car seats (both rear/forward facing, straps in the same slots), let them choose what car seat they’d like to sit in.

Snacks: for when things really get tough, keep an arsenal of healthy (and non-messy) snacks handy.

Let Him Buckle Himself In: there will come a point when your toddler wants to do everything by himself. Buckling themselves into their car seats can be a very empowering experience. Just make sure that the straps are fit securely/properly on your toddler after he has buckled them.

Sing Silly Songs or Songs with Hand Motions: sing the Itsy Bitsy Spider, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Head Shoulders Knees & Toes, anything that lets your toddler sing along, move in a silly way, and/or laugh while you get the car seat buckled.

Race: On your mark, get set, go! See who can get to the car the fastest (but be careful of little fingers trying to close doors). See who can buckle their seat belt the fastest (this often works for us when we’re trying to leave and Kieran simply does not want to go). See who can buckle their seat belt and sing the ABC’s the fastest. You get the picture.

What ideas do you have to help make getting into the car seat a good experience?

How to Beat the Dinnertime Disconnect

A few nights ago, my family went to a popular local pizza restaurant. Soon after we were seated, a family of three was seated at the booth next to us. My eight year old son said that he recognized the boy in the other family from school; they were in the same grade. The girl in that family appeared between one and two years younger than my own five-year-old daughter. The only other diner at the table was their mother.

After my family had placed our order and we were all busying ourselves with the puzzles and games on the children’s place mats and talking about our day, I would occasionally take a quick glance at the family at the next table.

I saw the kids involved in their own activities. The mother was absorbed in her Kindle, an e-book reader. There was no conversation. There was no interaction. The sister played by herself, the brother played by himself, and the mother was fully absorbed in her own activity.

Meanwhile at our table a antique one, my family was abuzz; my daughter and I were doing the crossword on her place mat, my husband was playing the dot game with our son on his place mat. We talked about their school day. We told some jokes. We talked about pizza.

When our food arrived, we all dove in. We talked between bites. Sometimes my kids talked during bites. Yeah, we gotta work on that.

When the other table’s food arrived, the mother packed up her Kindle. I was relieved to see that; I love to see other families interact!

While my family was still eating our dinner and the conversation had moved to whether or not we were going to attend the State Fair, I chanced a glance at the other table. The mother’s Kindle was still put away, but in its place was an iPhone that held her complete attention. The kids ate silently. The siblings didn’t talk amongst themselves. As the mother was absorbed in her iPhone, the mother wasn’t engaging them in conversation, either. The family was all together, yet they were all alone.

I don’t begrudge that woman’s use of the Kindle and the iPhone. In fact, I myself own both of those devices and I thoroughly enjoy them! What caught my eye was the lack of interaction. Kids can’t learn the art of conversation unless they are taught. My husband and I believe that one of our roles as parents is to set examples for our children. As such, we have strict rules: there is no reading at the table nor are phones allowed at the table. By asking questions and starting conversations, we are teaching our children how to be conversationalists; we are teaching them how to be with other people in an increasingly solitary world.

It could very well be that the family wanted to engage in conversation at home at our antique furniture livingroom, Large antique inventory of Dining Tables includes 18th, 19th, and 20th century French, English and Italian Antiques. Just didn’t know how to begin. Starting a dinner conversation is very easy! One great way to start is with a round robin. Everyone at the table must supply an answer to questions and directives such as:

What was the best thing that happened to you today?
What was the worst?
What was the nicest thing you did for somebody today?
Use three adjectives to describe your day today.
In 60 seconds, tell as much about your day as your can.
What books did you read today?

Oftentimes, questions like these can open the conversation into more diverse topics.

Dinnertime conversation is a great way for a busy family to connect after a full day, provides ample opportunities to find out what is on each other’s minds, and is a wonderful way for a family to stay connected!

What does your dinner table look and sound like?

Sarah is a mother of two school-aged kids. She dislikes cooking, but immensely enjoys the dinner table.

photo credit: ednl

Where Our Toys Come From

My son and I visited my mom for six weeks this summer. One of the most unlikely adventures Cavanaugh and I had is #81 on the list of 101 Places You Gotta See Before You’re 12!: “A Place Where They Make Cool Stuff.”

We went to North Star Toys, which is our friend Tim and Connie Long’s toy workshop. It’s not a store or a place generally open to the public, which made it even cooler. Then they helped Cavanaugh and his buddy Nico make their own toy cars.

Tim cut out the bug car shape so the kids could see a jigsaw work. Then he smoothed the car down and ran it over a huge belt sander. (Can you tell Cavanaugh doesn’t like loud noises?) After that, Tim helped the boys put the wheels on their cars. Finally, the boys dipped their cars in food grad mineral oil to seal the wood.

One of my favorite parts of being a parent is getting to watch as Cavanaugh learns something new. Cavanaugh realized that the toys he plays with are put together somehow, and that not only are there components of the toys themselves but people who make them. We recently bought him from a list of razor powered scooters on TreeHousePuppies, and he asked me who makes the wheels and other parts.
Continue reading “Where Our Toys Come From”

Attraction Rather than Promotion

There is a famous group that takes the attraction rather than promotion approach “in all its affairs.” Now don’t get me wrong I think that getting info out to the masses is very important. If people aren’t able to see it then they are not able to make the choice because they do not know what is available to them. On the other hand in this time of wonderful materials, blogging, online articles and the millions of other ways that we can use promotion to the benefit of AP and all that encompasses there is sometimes the most vital thing missing. Attraction.

I have been known to post many things that “prove” that AP principles are correct and are better for mothers, fathers, babies, other children… etc. I have read articles and books and know about many of the things that promote good attachment in an infant and throughout a child’s life. I lived with the consequences of children not being attached. Somewhere in there I thought that I had every right to let people know and then to be disturbed when they did not make the right choice.

There is nothing wrong about being concerned about the choices others are making but there is something wrong when it starts disturbing your own peace. Why? Because your peace is the balance of a family home. And when we become full-time promoters that are constantly promoting we end up with no time to do the one thing that will actually change the hearts and lives of many. Attraction.

Who would want to be like me when I am run ragged from promoting all the benefits of breastfeeding, babywearing, healthy food, natural childbirth, spending time with your kids… and the list goes on and on. Wouldn’t they rather see it demonstrated in my life? Wouldn’t I rather see it demonstrated in my life?

I don’t know about you but I like seeing other people’s flaws and failures. Not because I want to gloat and say “see I do better than that” but because I want to come in to some sort of human contact with other parents. I want to see their flaws and errors and yet see their children flower into wonderful people because the they, we, are constantly striving for pure attachment to our children and them to us.

Attraction is an intoxicating thing. I am attracted to many things. It is what makes life so enticing. Smells, tastes, sounds and touch. Those are what drive our human bodies. And then there is something deeper. The underlying spiritual life of every human being. Something has to appeal to one or all of these things to make it attractive to someone.

Promotion can convince someone that something is right but they can just as easily be convinced that it isn’t. I knew a family when I was growing up who was constantly changing their mode of discipline and I mean constantly. Every six months it would be something different. This built confused and frustrated parents and children. Each new mode of discipline was promoted so well that the parents were convinced that this was finally the “right” way to do things.

I personally have been convinced of things through promotion. I mean look at commercials. They work! But it does not mean that they product itself will work in actuality in your or your child’s life. Why? Because promotion is all about putting something in the best light possible even when it is reading off a list of sometimes deadly side-effects. Not only that but I have a theory that many of us like to choose the promoted item because if it does not work it is not our own personal failure but the failure of the promoter to inform us fully or the item to work like we were told it would or anything to avoid personal failure.

Attraction comes with all the bumps and bruises of failure. Sometimes I try things and they just don’t work and I have to go back to the parenting drawing board. The difference is I am taking personal responsibility for the action and success, growth and failure of my parenting life. And hopefully as my life is being refined the fragrance from the constant crushing is smelled by those few and many who will smell it and it will attract them in to a fulfilling, ever-changing, attached life.

Jasmine is a co-housing, home birthing, missions minded, community living mama with a passion for fierce writing. She blogs.

Photo used from: http://www.flickr.com/photos/araswami/2247415251/

Take Care of Yourself and Your Kids at the Same Time

I started this year with the intention of learning how to be happy and how to take care of myself. At the time, I didn’t know I was getting a divorce or about to experience all of the changes and challenges that go along with it.

One of the major questions in this divorce is that I’m a SAH AP Mama and our son is not ready for preschool. He’s three and a half and a sweet, sensitive boy who has friends and goes to playdates, but doesn’t like big groups or a lot of noise. That means Cavanaugh and I are together most of the time.

My husband being out of the house means that the pretty intensive practice of attachment parenting just got a lot more intense, so the need for self-care is more important than ever.

So, one of my major questions has been how to engage in self care when I’m with my son.

Here are our top ten:

Take deep breaths. When we’ve been running errands, it’s near the end of the day and energy is low, Cavanaugh’s hungry or sleepy, I’m feeling impatient, or any other circumstance you can name where just taking a minute is advisable, sometimes I remember to take deep breaths. Cavanaugh takes them with me. He’ll even suggest we take them occasionally.
Go for a walk with the jogging stroller. I get exercise. He gets adventure. If he doesn’t want to be in the stroller, he can run alongside it. On the way back from the park the other day, he ran along yelling, “Hi grass. Hi roly poly. Hi garden.” Endorphins. Oxygen. Nature.
Vacuum. Cavanaugh gets his popper and I get my vacuum and we have races, bump into each other and get the living room clean.
Create something. It’s so easy to think my creativity has to take a backseat to mothering. Doing beadwork or crochet doesn’t work together right now, but Cavanaugh loves to paint with me. He tells me what shapes to make and then he colors them in. Or he draws things and tells me a story about what they are. Pretty soon, we have characters, a scene, and a whole plot going. It might not be the poem I would have written on my own, but it uses the same part of me.
Chase a ball. Our favorite new game is the basketball hoop for toddlers with a small bouncy ball and throw it to each other than chase it. We get super silly, exercise, time outside, and play time together.
Go out for a treat. Whether it’s the bagel shop for lunch or the coffee shop for a latte and chocolate milk, sitting across the table from each other in the middle of the day somewhere outside our house means we have conversations we don’t have any other time.
Play Online Games. You can play online games like casino, if you love gambling. When your kid asleep or at school spend some quality time with yourself by playing online casino games. If уоu hаvе gambled online thеn уоu know just hоw fun online casino games саn bе, whеthеr уоu win оr lose. Hоwеvеr, winning іn real casino online malaysia іѕ оnе оf thе best feelings іn thе world! If уоu аrе looking tо improve уоur casino game strategy ѕо thаt уоu саn beat thе odds аnd win big іn online casinos thеn уоu wіll need tо learn a fеw tips thаt wіll help уоu tо play уоur best іn уоur favorite online casino games. Mаnу people think thаt thе outcome оf gambling games іѕ based purely оn luck, but thіѕ іѕ nоt thе case. If уоu learn ѕоmе basic strategies уоu wіll ѕее уоu online casino winnings improve іn nо tіmе. Following аrе ѕоmе basic strategies thаt саn help уоu tо win thе popular casino games оf craps, blackjack, poker аnd slots.
Notice nature. We lie in the hammock and Cavanaugh drives his trains up my legs while I look at the trees. Eventually, he checks out the trees too. Or we go outside to say goodnight to the moon. Or we watch butterflies at the park or in our yard. Slowing down to just pay attention and be in nature centers us both.
Sing. Sing a narrative of what you’re doing: “We’re walking up the stairs to look for Pigeon. We hope we can find him there.” Cavanaugh sings too. It’s like a musical with conversation in song.
Drink water. We both get our glasses and drink at the same time, big delicious gulps of icy cold water. We pick up our cups and drink together again. We both drink more this way and it feels like a game.
Read with Cavanaugh before he goes to sleep and then lie in the bed after he’s asleep and read a book for me.

Sonya Fehér blogs about parenting, divorce, self care, and spirituality at mamaTRUE: parenting as practice

Bedtime Conversations

Elia went to a 4-year-old friend’s princess-themed birthday party yesterday. As you can imagine, it was very exciting. The girls were to arrive dressed up in their best princess dress, and at the party would get their hair & make up done, craft fairy wands, make jewelry and have a tea party. Elia was dressed and ready 5 hours before the party.

It was a day of friends, activities, sugar, and plenty of stimulation. That night, as I turned out the light after reading a chapter of The Sisters Grimm: Fairy Tale Detectives, and she flopped exhausted onto her pillows, she commented to herself, “Boy, are my eyes tired.” For her to say that meant that her eyes were REALLY tired.

Now those are tired eyes. We always cuddle at night and take the chance to talk about anything that might be on her mind. Last night, there were a few things on her mind…

Elia: “Mom? I really like talking to Will & Zoe because they can talk well and they are easy to understand. Some kids are hard to understand, like Aasha, I have a hard time talking to her because she doesn’t talk very well and I can’t understand her sometimes. Even Will is hard to understand but mostly I can.”

Me: “Yeah, as kids grow, they learn to talk better and better.”

Elia: “Yeah, I can understand Hannah and Haley really well because they’re a lot older than me, so they’ve already learned to talk. They’re big kids, and when you’re a big kid you already know how to talk well. Mom? If Flash and Superman were at our house, at this house, at our house that we live in now, and they raced to Sophia Park, who would win?”

Me: “I don’t know. Who do you think would win?”

Elia: “I think Flash because Dad said that Flash could get from our old house to our new house in 4 seconds. I had a few things that were my favorite things today. First, I really liked playing with Hannah and Will when they came over to play with Brownie [our guinea pig]. And I liked playing Cadoo with you. And I really liked the chocolate cake we had for Dad’s birthday. But what I didn’t like was when I was trying to get that flower to stick to the end of the stick and it wouldn’t stay on.”

Me: “Yeah, that was frustrating, you were trying really hard and it wasn’t working out.”

Elia: “Yeah, and I also didn’t like having to go close all the doors.”

Me: “Yeah, it’s hard when you’re in the middle of doing something and you have to stop to go close all the doors. That’s not what you wanted to do.”

Elia: “No. I wish we could just leave all the doors open so we could just walk right through them all the time and I wouldn’t have to close them later.”

Me: “The only reason we ask you to close the doors after you come in or go out is because we don’t like flies coming in here. They’re annoying. I don’t like them buzzing around my head and around my food.”

Elia: “Maybe we could just hang fly traps in front of all the doors so they could get stuck.”

Me: “Yeah?”

Elia: “Or maybe we could just hang a sheet in front of the doors so we could go right through and air could go through, but flies couldn’t.”

Me: “Yeah, or maybe close the screen door?”

Elia: “Yeah.”

At this point her covers are thrown off, her legs are waving around up in the air, and she is tossing her blanket up & down over her face. It’s a long way from those tired eyes of five minutes ago. But she is sharing so much! She is telling me about who she is, what she thinks of the world, and how she thinks of the world. And I am trying to take this opportunity to show her that I listen. Without judging. Without providing The Answers. I appreciate this moment for what it is…despite the increasingly late hour, I am (hopefully) encouraging my daughter to tell me who she is and paving the way for it to continue.

But the hour is getting later and later, so eventually I have to say, “OK. Now it is time to put your legs down, [check] roll over [check, check], get comfortable [done], and relax [eyes closed]. I’ll lay with you for one more minute, but it has to be quiet and no more talking.”

We are laying nose-to-nose. Everything is quiet for four seconds. Eyes pop open. “Can I just tell you one more thing?”

Yes! Of course! Please always tell me just one more thing! Keep talking to me and never stop. I want to know who you are, and I want it to be you who tells me, not me who decides for you who you should be. So tell me everything! I will always listen, and I will always love you for who you are.

21 Creative Projects with Kids

Getting creative with our kids offers so many benefits: presence with them, a creative outlet for all of us, and fun crafts to play with, wear, or display. So I’ve put together a list of 21 creative projects to do with toddlers on up. I hope you have as much fun with them as we have.

Dance party with kids’ music or adult songs. Do this with your family in your living room or as a playgroup and have other parents bring two of their favorite songs.
Glue stuff. Get construction paper and glue sticks. You can make piles of yarn, metal confetti, tissue paper, glitter, construction paper shapes, or anything else you can think of.
Make maracas out of coffee cans or yogurt containers. Have child fill with pinto beans or lentils. Duct tape top on. Glue or tape construction paper on the outside. Kids can decorate with markers or crayons.
Learn how to make new colors. Get tempera paint and let child tell you what colors to mix to see what yellow and red make or blue and white.
Marker faux tie dye. Let child draw on t-shirt with sharpie markers. When child is done, spray rubbing alcohol onto marker decorations. After alcohol dries, put shirt into hot dryer to set marker. Then you can run t-shirt through washer and dryer.
Bake. Your child can pour in ingredients after you measure them. S/he can tell you what ingredient to put in next, stir, and put muffin cups into tins.
Make your own playdoh. Check out recipes here.
Cut. Hold construction paper up and let child use scissors two-handed and cut. Scissors that make patterns and cut with special edging are a real treat.
Stamp. Using stamps with stamp pads is fun because it makes pictures toddlers don’t have the skills to draw themselves yet. Be sure to get washable ink pads.
Gloop. Mix 1 cup cornstarch with small amount of water. If it’s too runny then add more cornstarch. Use a shower curtain liner, do it outside, or give kids gloop in a dry bathtub. The gloop is liquid or solid depending upon whether you let it run or squish it. It’s great for tactile exploration.
Have an instrument parade. Put all your instruments out and march around the house playing different instruments. Trade to new instruments on each round or periodically.
Popsicle stick puppets. Cut out animals or people or other shapes and glue to popsicle sticks. Then have puppets talk to each other.
Play dress up. Wear hats or outfits then pretend to be someone else or that you are yourself being a firefighter, princess, builder, drummer, etc.
Easel painting. You and your child can both have brushes. S/he may ask you to draw shapes, building, animals, etc. Then s/he can color it in.
Play with shaving cream. Spray shaving cream on a cookie sheet with a rim or a nonstick 9 x 13 pan and give to child to spread around.
Cardboard box vehicles or buildings. Take a big cardboard box and cut out windows or paint the outside. You can make a house, a train, a firetruck, a cave.
Lunch bag puppets. Paint or draw on outside of lunch bags and make into puppets.
Homemade cards using construction or card stock paper. You can write the quote or message and have your child draw or glue to decorate.
Play with felt. Make a felt board by gluing a big piece of felt onto cardboard or other stiffer surface. Cut out felt shapes and then child can stick felt shapes onto felt board.
Bubble bath dress up. Child can put on bubble beards or put bubbles in hair to make mohawks or anything else. Hold up mirror for child to see him/herself.
Make up stories. You can start it or let your child start the story. Ask, “And then what happened?” to keep the story going.

What are some of your favorite ways to get creative with your kids? Many added in their comments that having a fish tank helps to do the learn responsibility if you want to try this check out this live rock for sale online

Sonya Fehér blogs at mamaTRUE: parenting as practice about parenting, spirituality, and divorce.

Fehér

Spring Mini Series Installment #2 – Baby Training and Sleep

My dad always used to say “dead man don’t need no sleep” and we would all laugh. We would laugh because we did not yet understand the depth of those words. Parenting is not a literal death but it is definitely dying to oneself in a whole new way and in hardly any other way is this more evident or more felt than in the sleep arena.

Sleep is a very hotly debated topic among parents and understandably so since of all the things in life after baby sleep is in short supply and emotions and exhaustion are running high. There is a line of thought that babies need to be trained to sleep that they are born with messed up sleep patterns that must be set straight by their parents so that they learn “healthy” sleeping habits. To sleep-deprived parental minds and bodies, nothing makes more sense than that. I mean how can it possibly be that waking every few hours is healthy? How can it be that someone can’t wait to eat until later? How can it be that day is a better time to sleep than night? And doesn’t it make sense that a baby must learn what is healthy and right? How else do they know to sleep when it is dark? Plus every other internal signal doesn’t seem to line up with ours and it has to some time, right? Continue reading “Spring Mini Series Installment #2 – Baby Training and Sleep”