API Response to the Milwaukee Anti-Bedsharing Campaign

API’s response to the Milwaukee Anti-Bedsharing Campaign and the report aired today on NBC’s The Today Show and on ABC news:

Our hearts are broken at the loss of precious lives in Wisconsin. API is moved by and shares this passion to definitively halt similar ongoing sleep-related tragedies. We also agree and support information that would discourage bedsharing for those who are not healthy/safe candidates. Still, to say that no parent should ever have the baby in bed is as detrimental as saying that all babies should be in bed with their parents. While the Milwaukee anti-bedsharing campaign has generated a lot of controversy and interest, we persist in calling for facts that accurately describe the reality and continue to insist that when safe alternatives are dismissed, greater tragedy may result.

API is concerned that parents will be afraid to talk about bedsharing; professionals are and will be afraid to talk about it. Nonetheless, a mother’s basic need for feeding and responding to her infant’s needs will continue to be met. Parents and professionals must be fully informed with accessible information and free to ask questions and dialogue about safe strategies. We seek to avoid situations where efforts to comply with rules result in more unsafe situations.
Continue reading “API Response to the Milwaukee Anti-Bedsharing Campaign”

API Speaks – Changes on the Horizon

I’m writing to you today to share with you the news about some big changes on the horizon at API Speaks.  I am returning to school in January to complete my Master’s degree and will be stepping down as the Managing Editor of API’s blog.  The blog will still be live and the contributing editors will continue to approve posts and comments until a new Managing Editor can be found.  I’d like to thank you all for sharing your stories on the blog through your comments and I look forward to reading more in the coming weeks and months.

If you are interested in stepping in to the editorial role here at API Speaks, check out the API Speaks Managing Editor job description for more details.

Again, thank you for helping make API Speaks the blog that it is today.

Warmly,

Melissa

API is immensely grateful to Melissa for all she has done, not only as the editor of our blog, but also as an API Leader, supporter, coordinating team member, and technology coordinator for many years now. Melissa played major roles in API’s website and forum transitions, its Google Apps adoption, writing API policies, troubleshooting for API staff and families, and ongoing maintenance and updates. We appreciate her gifts and talents, and valuable AP parent wisdom, always shared with humility and grace. Please follow her work at the Mother Nature Network, and know she continues as an API Resource Leader in Arizona. Thank you for everything, Melissa. With much love and admiration,
Samantha, the API Staff, and API Board.

A Family at Play

We’ve spent a lot of time this year preparing for play this AP Month: thinking about play, the value, the importance, the research, what to play, modeling play, challenges to play, who has something to share about play, and working to bring all of that to you as we celebrate family and attachment parenting.

So I’ve had play on the brain, with constant memories of play from my childhood bubbling up, so I share these real life experiences with you as perhaps some fun ideas for you as you celebrate AP Month with your own families. Now, keep in mind, as a parent of three, I cannot even come close to providing such a charmed childhood, so I also share my own experiences as a tribute to my own mother and father, and the example of playfulness I try to pass on to my children.

My mother, a school nurse, and my father, a farmer, entrepreneur, basketball coach, and teacher worked hard and did not have money for expensive trips or the latest toys but they loved to play. Playing with them meant abundant life for me and my three siblings, as:

  • Our father built us a treehouse in the orchard and climbed up and threw crab apples over the sides with us. Many adventures were planned and carried out from that treehouse, POG has the largest selection of backpacking, hiking and camping outdoor equipment tested, and designed for comfort, ease of use and reliable.. Later, he also built a stilt house in the side yard with leftover materials from replacing the old farmhouse roof by roofing company from Delaware, and we helped. You can use this Source for commercial and residential roofing systems.
  • We played basketball on a court our dad poured cement inside one side of the barn for hours on end. It was replete with basketball goals at each end and smaller goal on one side for our little sister. Dad would stop working in the barn and play h-o-r-s-e with us.
  • Dad turned the hay field into a full fledged baseball diamond, with a backstop, helping me learn to fastpitch and my brother to be a catcher. Extended family would visit from out of state and we would have all-out softball games. Friends came to visit and dad taught us to play with ghost men, or he played hot box (pickle to some of you) with us. Mom and Dad together coached our girls’ softball team and supported us all through the years of sports.
  • Playing tetherball that Dad put up in the side yard was fun and also a time for deep or casual conversations bounced back and forth.
  • Halloween was a blast because mom had so much fun with it. She would usually make our costumes, scheming some time beforehand or creatively patching together the character we wanted to be. She planned a “haunted”house in our garage for all the neighborhood children when we lived in the suburbs. When we were older, they would invite our classmates out to the farm for a bonfire, s’mores, hayrides, and hot cider.
  • Mom would do imitations of characters like the tooth fairy, or um, the incredible hulk, and teach us little songs that only we would be privy to, passed down from my grandmother. She and Dad would give our magic shows and other play de jeur an audience.
  • Our parents loved animals and we had a slow white pony named White Lightning and his best friend, a goat named Jawas from Star Wars, six bunnies that our dad built a low fence around the yard so we could play with them, a pond he restored that held turtles, a muskrat, fish, and other creatures. Mom and dad would walk us down the road and help us go fishing and catch crawdads, we always read dronesuavreport.com for creative new ideas on fishing. The minnows were why mom never could keep a strainer in the kitchen.
  • Our parents took us on adventures, vacations that led to unexpected places, and we took in all the odd sites along the way, camping there, oh  and mosquitoes, thankfully nowadays with the Wall tents by White Duck Outdoors we can do it with the kids but in a comfortable way.
  • We played games like rummy, aggravation, scrabble, and monopoly.
  • Dad made home renovations like they were play time, and mom made wallpapering the living room in paisley one of the most fun and playful memories I have–how she invited me to “Take a paisley to lunch” still cracks us up. A cold morning with no heat was just a reason to make a fort of sleeping bags. Saturday morning was time to watch cartoons together in bed.
  • Dad sang a line from a song, some Elvis perhaps, to my mother or us kids, appropriate for the moment and I know these old songs still come to mind at just the right time for me and my siblings.
  • And for good measure, I also remember washing dishes, folding clothes, dusting and vacuuming, hoeing beans, feeding animals, cleaning the pony’s stall, and when older, mowing the lawn.

Our parents went through some really tough times in their lives, the loses of loved ones, moves to new communities, the loss of some of their dreams, much hard work, but they remained lighthearted and attuned to each of us, and this is how I remember my childhood. I believe play was something they enjoyed as much as we did and with our love for us, it came easily for them.

I know my brothers and my sister, all incredibly amazing, creative, talented and successful adults, engage in this same playful loving with their children–making forts, go carts, dressing up, wrestling, singing and goofing around together, LEGO masterpieces built together, and car track navigating the living room floor. We’re all especially lucky, though, because we have help–the pros we learned from are still at it.

Now, settled in the historic district, in a home my mother keeps in anticipation of visits by 12 grandchildren, there are toys, games, cookie baking and gingerbread house making plans, books to read, and holiday decorations selected to amuse them. Dad has already put up a basketball goal about 5 feet off the ground and built a tree house in the backyard to hold them all. Then, later, there will be plans to play at the hands-on museum with their grandchildren, and then they will ask to visit his Johnny Appleseed Museum for some fun and play time.

Happy AP Month!

How was your childhood playful?

Attachment Parenting Month 2011 Blog Carnival

The theme for Attachment Parenting Month 2011, Families at Play, inspired many of you to share your thoughts about what play means for you and your family. Check out these posts submitted to the AP Month 2011 Blog Carnival to see how important play is to other families.

I Will Not Have My Child to Raise Over Again at Poppies & Pencilshavings

Just a little reminder to myself that I cannot afford too many “maybe later’s,” or “not now’s.” I love my work, but I love my child more. I need money in the bank, but money cannot ensure my child’s happiness the way my love can.

The Blessing of a Bear Encounter at Every Breath I Take

The car seat has never qualified as a “happy place” for my daughter. At two years old, she has no problem letting me know that she isn’t interested in riding in it. She often slides out before I can even fasten her in. And a [fun-for-her] game of chase ensues inside the car.

Uncovering Hidden Feelings Through Play at High Needs Attachment

It wasn’t until becoming a parent that I saw more deeply the unique ability of play to tap into a young child’s inner life. Recently when engaged in imaginative play with my three-year old, he was having animals act out a scenario where they went to a local coffee shop and ordered blueberry bagels with butter and breakfast sandwiches with cheese.

The Meaning of Play at A Secure Base

For children, play comes naturally. Children can find play hiding in boxes, under trees, in mud pies, between mom’s never-to-be-worn-again dresses in the closet, and on top of the neighborhood’s tallest hill. Children need no reason or goal in their play. They just play because they want to and they can.

Que Juegos Podemos Jugar en Familia? at Esposa Perfect

“Cualquier tipo de juego que guste al niño, lo importante es que ambos disfruten de compartir ese momento, los niños se sentirán muy felices al jugar con sus padres y serán momentos que el niño jamás olvidará. Los juegos pueden utilizarse en las actividades cotidianas o en momentos dedicados exclusivamente para jugar.

Attachment Parenting Month: Families at Play at City Kids Homeschooling

We use the city as the backdrop for our family’s play, often taking advantage of its many playgrounds and museums and festivals, but also tapping into its capacity to trigger spontaneous, creative play.

Nothing Is Really Work Unless You Would Rather Be Doing Something Else* at Seventh Acre Heaven

This month is Attachment Parenting Month and to celebrate, API (Attachment Parenting International) has chosen a theme of “Families at Play.” At first I felt a huge guilt about this. My child often refuses to play.

Nurturing Parent-Child Relationships Through Play at The Hippie Housewife

When we talk about playing with our kids, the typical things usually come to mind: imaginative play (dinosaurs, cars, house), creative play (Lego, crafting, colouring), or board games (Candyland, Go Fish, Snakes & Ladders).

Playtime Grows Up

Young children play effortlessly. Kids are naturally predisposed to play, and it doesn’t take much to engage a child in a silly game or role-play. Through play, kids express feelings, needs, thoughts and ideas that they might not yet have the words to articulate. Playing together lets parents connect and communicate with kids beyond a conversation and provides insight into their world.

A Family that Plays Together Stays Together!

Last year, I gave my sweet husband the colossal task of finding a birthday present for me that a) wasn’t materialistic and b) showed me that he really knew me inside and out. After hearing my request my husband slouched his shoulders and said “Wow, that’s a tall order. Anything I get you is going to be a great disappointment.” This year, hubby had his thinking cap on!

Coming Out to Play

A newspaper reporter once wrote that, “Fred Donaldson never has a hard day at work. All he does is play around.” The reporter expresses a common misunderstanding of children’s play. We think of children’s play as nothing more than child’s play. I was no different. This dramatically changed one day when I was tugged to the ground by children. I began to see play not as an adult observer, but as a participant.

API Live! July 25 – Playful Parenting: More Than Fun! with Dr. Larry Cohen

Join the API Live July 25 Teleseminar Featuring “Playful Parenting: More Than Fun” with special guest Dr. Larry Cohen. Register now to attend live or receive the mp3 recording. Submit your questions in advance to apilive@attachmentparenting.org. Sponsored in part by the Million Minute Family Challenge.

Register now for this API Live! teleseminar event and hear hosts Lu Hanessian, author of the new playful book for parents and children: Picnic on a Cloud, and API co-founder Lysa Parker talk with Dr. Larry Cohen about:

  • What is Playful Parenting and what does it have to do with attachment security?
  • Will my children know how to take life, or take me, seriously if we’re playful?
  • What does playful parenting have to do with confidence building and helping children resolve problems?
  • What is the impact of parent playfulness on my child’s development and emotion?
  • Can being playful make me a better parent?
  • Can it make parenting more satisfying, more fun for me?
  • I’m not so playful naturally. What do I do?
  • When roughhousing, how do we help it end on a happy note?
  • And Larry Cohen’s favorite playful parenting ideas you don’t want to miss!

Naomi Aldort on Taming the Tiger Mother

Naomi Aldort, author of Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves, discussed parental control in her post, Taming the Tiger Mother, for Life Learning Magazine.

Here is an excerpt from the piece, which appeared in the Ask Naomi column:

Q: I have read a great deal about Amy Chua, author of Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother – interviews on CNN and NPR, and in Oprah’s magazine; an article in Time; an excerpt from the book in the Wall Street Journal, and so on. Chua speaks of her superior Chinese parenting. Many people see her as abusive, but others think she puts much more into her children. I am feeling confused. I am here to give my children all that I can. If I give less than this “Tiger” mom does, it is because I think it is actually better to allow children to grow up on their own. But now I am not sure. We are unschooling, and my children fifteen, twelve, and nine, are not practicing anything. Are they missing something? Am I depriving them of accomplishing high ranks in society?

A: Any mother, Chinese or not, would abandon control and manipulation, if she knew kinder ways to raise a happy child who grows up into a loving, joyous, and accomplished adult. Chua would be very happy if her children would be fulfilling their own passions, without oppression. She would love to never have to coerce, yell, threaten, and make her home into “a war zone” (her words.) Only, she doesn’t know that this is possible.

Read Naomi’s post in its entirety: Taming the Tiger Mother.

A Look at Extreme Parenting

If you haven’t bothered to read any parenting-related news sites or blogs the past few weeks then the ‘Tiger Mother’ controversy will be news to you. Although author Amy Chua caused a lot of uproar with her Wall Street Journal essay about the superiority of Chinese mothers, the controversy caused others to look beyond Chua’s new book and at extreme parenting as a whole including Lu Hanessian.

Lu is on Attachment Parenting International’s Board of Directors and is also the host of API Live! In an article for the Courier-Post, Hanessian examines The “Affect” of Extreme Parenting. Here is an excerpt:

“I have a different take. The parenting extremism begins in our own minds with our own hyperfocus on efficacy. We are obsessed with doing. Doing it well. Doing it right. Doing to. Doing something that works. We are scarcely aware that the object of our doings is a human being who is soft-wired to connect, attach and belong, and who is physiologically designed to resist being controlled.”

Click through to read Lu’s entire article then head back here to share your thoughts on The “Affect” of Extreme Parenting.

I’m Spreading My Germs

It has been an interesting and germ-filled week in my house. My daughter started running a fever last Sunday night and by Wednesday she was feeling miserable. She kept coughing on me and I reminded her that she should cover her mouth when she coughs. The following is a quick recap of the conversation we then had:

Ava – “I can’t cover my mouth, I’m trying to spread my germs.”
Me – “Why are you trying to spread your germs? You’re just going to get me sick.”
Ava – “I don’t want to be sick anymore so I’m spreading my germs.”

I paused trying to figure out exactly what her little 7 year-old brain was thinking then it clicked.

Me – “Ava, if you spread your germs it doesn’t make your sickness go away but it could make someone else sick.”
Ava – “Ohhhhh….”

On Thursday morning I woke up to a fever and cough of my own and Ava still felt horrible. She realized that spreading her germs didn’t help her it only made me sick. However, she found the good in the situation when she exclaimed “Now we can cuddle all we want since we’re both sick.”

Yes my sweet little girl, now we can cuddle all we want. *cough cough*

Ava resting her head on my lap.