Principles – Page 112

Power No-Struggles

Right on schedule, around his second birthday, my son began practicing the word No. I read that kids use no as a way to individuate and to experiment with their personal power. The more attached they are, the more they need to individuate. Well, we were mighty attached because he started saying No frequently. I wasn’t used to our having such different agendas. If I ever felt myself getting frustrated or impatient, I would play Yes No. He would say, “No” and I would shake my head while also saying “No.” Then I would say, “Yes” and nod vigorously. We’d go back and forth until we were distracted from our original difference of opinion and were just playing a game.

Now, we play Yes No without ever having had a conflict to begin with. Cavanaugh looks at me and starts shaking his head. I shake mine. He starts nodding. I nod too. It’s fun, looking into each others’ eyes to watch for a direction shift, mimicking each other and taking turns leading the nod/shake action. Cavanaugh often initiates the game on days when we’ve been busy with activities and haven’t had a lot of alone quiet time with each other. It allows us to reconnect and having Yes No in reserve for those times when I feel us getting into a power struggle is a nice tool too.

Besides Yes No, we play variations of Kisses. A couple of months ago, Cavanaugh started refusing my kisses or I would give him a kiss and he’d wipe it off his cheek, “No kisses, Mama.” It turned out the kisses weren’t actually a problem for him; he liked getting them. He was just experimenting with body boundaries and whether he could say Stop or Go and have me follow his lead. So, I’d stop kissing his cheek and then he’d say, “More” and I’d kiss him some more. He giggled liked crazy and our original game has turned into Kiss Variations. Eskimo kisses with nose rubs turned to cheeks against each other, or chins. All of it accomplishes the same goal though: much fun and laughter, a lot of nurturing touch, and Cavanaugh getting to set boundaries and experiment with his personal power.

At an age when I was led to believe we’d be fighting or I’d be trying to hide my embarrassment during a two-year-olds tantrum at the store, both of us are experimenting with setting limits. Do you have any suggestions for dealing with the power struggles that inevitably come up between parents and toddlers?

Sonya Feher is a writer and mama living in Austin, Texas. She blogs at http://mamatrue.com .

Sleeping through the night

Back in November I had written about night-time parenting. I had asked how the situation is in other AP homes. Well, things have changed quite a lot since and I thought it would be nice to give feedback. Continue reading “Sleeping through the night”

Doesn’t Attachment Parenting get in the way of your sex life?

No, not if you’re willing to get creative.

I don’t know how often I’ve heard this question in its various forms. A few people come straight out and ask, some people wander around the topic, asking if it “gets in the way of your marriage,” and I’ve even run into a few people who insinuated that I was a bad wife and mother because I was putting my child’s needs before my husband’s needs, which in addition to causing my husband pain, was giving my child a bad example.

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Normally, I would tell people to mind their own business, but this seems like such a common misconception, that I think someone has to talk about it. First, I have to say that my child is a toddler and doesn’t understand waiting, and my husband is an adult and knows how to put his needs on hold, so putting my child first is absolutely not wrong in my eyes. But the very, very important second point is that attachment parenting doesn’t mean that you can’t have sex, and actually you can have a lot of excitement sex if you learn to manage your times, you can even spice it up a litte with sex toys or even a sex doll, since there are top online retailers that sell these silicone sex dolls for all the people that need it, find Kegel balls at Cirilla’s or thothub online

I remember watching an episode of the Tyra Banks show a little while back where a wife and husband were on because the husband with the ED used his Penomet, wanted sex and the wife wanted to co-sleep with their newborn. The audience and Tyra sided with the husband and Tyra gave the couple a sidecar sleeper. What I didn’t understand was why the idea of having sex outside of the family bed was never brought up.

Need some ideas? Why not have sex in the laundry room or the shower? What’s wrong with the sofa or the arm chair? Having a family bed just gives you the opportunity to spice up your love life outside the bedroom. Be creative and do something new. You can try out monster shaped toys during sex if you feel adventurous or any other vibrators you can grab on pluglust.com. Fiona Petree, a sex toy expert, preparation is needed when using sex toys. According to her, “before you actually get into any sort of anal play, you need to be ready and prepared for whatever you’ve got planned.”

Why are so many people stuck thinking that you can only make love in a bed? If that’s the case, what’s wrong with the guest bed, then?

And what about when you’re travelling? In a hotel room, there’s no place to “get away.” Well, there’s still always the shower. Another solution we use quite often is to walk our child to sleep in his stroller (it fully reclines), park the stroller in the entry or bathroom, then spend time with each other. Just before we go to bed, we transfer him from the stroller over to the bed.

Have you ever felt that AP has gotten in the way of your sex life or marital intimacy? Do you have any tips on how to keep cosleeping from interfering with sex?

Christina blogs about life at An American Expat in Deutschland and about parenting at Mamas Worldwide.

Baby Led Sleep

I have two children right now. The Bean is almost three years and the Chickpea is almost eight months. Last night, and the night before that, and the night before that, I parented my three year old to sleep until he was soundly, deeply, out. On those same nights I nursed my eight month old in the rocker in her room, rocked her with her pacifier, and put her in her crib from Treasure Rooms sleepy but awake. Then I left her alone and walked out. Within a few minutes, a few quiet minutes with a little tossing and maybe a sigh she was asleep. Continue reading “Baby Led Sleep”

“Holiday” Wean: I Almost Fell Into That Trap

It’s something that every nursing mother experiences at least once. It’s mostly known as “The Holiday Wean”, but really it can happen during any major transition or stressful period.

Like moving.

Because my husband and I were in a hurry to get our new house painted and us moved in, my girls, ages 2 and 4, spent a lot of time over other people’s houses while we packed, painted, and unpacked. In fact, the night before the move, my 2 yeard old and I spent our very first night apart: she slept over her Grandmother’s while my husband and I stayed up until midnight to finish the painting. I figured she would be okay with it.

The next afternoon, after the move, when my MIL brought her home, I thought she would want to nurse immediately. Imagine my surprise when she wanted nothing to do with me. She was angry.

It took about four hours before she would finally come over and give me a hug and kiss. And it wasn’t until the next day that she decided she would nurse again (to the relief of my sore and engorged breasts).

You would think that I would’ve been more aware of what was happening. I did mention to my husband once or twice that she wasn’t nursing as often during the packing phase, but didn’t really think much of it. I got too wrapped up in other things in life, and forgot the important lesson that my daughter teaches me every day: sit down and rest, slow down, take care of yourself.

Thankfully, my daughter is now back to her regular nursing schedule. She and her sister love their new room and the house. We are all grinning ear to ear over here.

Have you ever experienced the Holiday Wean? How do you remind yourself to take time to make sure your nursling is getting his or her “na nas” during stressful and busy times?

Listening to Her Protest (very loudly)

My little T-Bird has just turned a whole big year old! She now has the ability to run around the house grabbing stuff, she turns the pages of books all by herself, and has developed some very well-honed pointing-at-everything-she-sees skills. She also does some super-adorable things like kissing all of the kitties she sees in her picture books, rocking her baby doll, and saying Mmmmm whenever she gets near my breasts, which she calls “Na-Nas”. Her hair is long enough now that I can put two little piggy tails on top of her head (which look more like little horns than piggy tails). She giggles manically at her own private little jokes and loves trying to walk backwards.
Continue reading “Listening to Her Protest (very loudly)”

Is Your Spouse A Dumb Daddy?

When it comes to keeping our two children happy and on schedule with their routine, my husband and I tend to use a Divide And Conquer philosophy. We each have our strengths as parents and we each have things that frustrate us. When I’m reaching the limits of my patience, my husband is great about stepping in so I can cool off; when my husband tires of sibling rivalry, I step in to give him a break and chance to regroup.

We also split up the household duties. The faster the work gets done, the more time we have to spend together. For example, after dinner, it’s common practice for one of us to get the children ready for bath and bedtime, while the other tackles the dishes, cleans up the kitchen and puts away leftovers. Continue reading “Is Your Spouse A Dumb Daddy?”

Breastfeeding Is Not Just For Babies! The Benefits of Breastfeeding a Toddler

I loved breastfeeding my daughter when she was a newborn. Her tiny body fit within the crook of my arm, and I treasured the feeling of cradling her there as she nursed. I loved seeing her take such immense comfort from me and my milk; nursing both soothed and sustained her. It was so peaceful . . . slow summer afternoons spent with her gazing softly up at me, hands clasped at her chest as though she was holding on to the most important thing in the world.

Nineteen months later, she’s as likely to be nursing standing on her head as in any other position. Continue reading “Breastfeeding Is Not Just For Babies! The Benefits of Breastfeeding a Toddler”