Feed with Love and Respect – Page 24

Three Year Old Weans Himself

No, child-led weaning is not propaganda spread by La Leche League. It truly exists. I’d begun to wonder, honestly, even though I’d heard stories of friends, and friends of friends, whose children had weaned themselves. But now I’ve experienced natural weaning firsthand and I’m here to tell you it actually happens because my son just weaned himself!

In fact, he stopped nursing on New Year’s Day, but I’ve been waiting to make sure it was real, that I didn’t jinx it by declaring that it was so. Call me superstitious, but I didn’t want the milk gods to revive Cavanaugh’s interest or engorge my breasts.

This weaning has been gradual and I wondered if it would ever happen. What I kept reading and hearing is that children wean themselves when they’ve fulfilled the need to nurse. They won’t need a pacifier or to suck their thumb. They will be able to get food and comfort and whatever else that sucking reflex provided them from something else. Sure, I kept thinking, but when? Continue reading “Three Year Old Weans Himself”

Dads Can Help Breastfeed Too

Button your shirt back up – that’s not exactly what we had in mind. But, you’re much more valuable to the breastfeeding experience than you think. Dads can certainly contribute to successful breastfeeding if it’s treated as a team effort. Here’s how to help mom and baby get off to a great start.

Speak up, your lady is listening! Does dad have any influence on mom’s decision to give baby breast milk or formula? To find out, researchers assigned one group of expectant fathers to take an infant care and breastfeeding information class, while another group learned about infant care only. Nearly twice as many mothers whose partners learned about breastfeeding decided to give it a try as did mothers whose partners learned about infant care only. It appears dad does have a say in the matter.

Get her started. Once the decision has been made, dads can help moms get the hang of it. Help your sleepy partner remember what the lactation consultant taught. Fetch her earmarked nursing books and tall glasses of ice-water with a bendy straw. Seek information and assistance before problems become overpowering. Your partner’s experience in the early days often determines whether or not she can happily continue. Do all you can to make breastfeeding convenient, troubleshoot problems, and help your partner embrace the many positive aspects of feeding time.
Continue reading “Dads Can Help Breastfeed Too”

Healthier Holiday Snacks

Sweet Holiday Traditions from the Past
Many of my holiday memories revolve around food. Aside from my dad’s amazing turkey, stuffing, and gravy, there have always been Christmas cookies, Christmas fudge, stockings filled with candy – it’s no wonder I was a regular at the dentist. And it isn’t just the taste and smell of food that I remember; I reminisce about stirring marshmallow cream into mom’s huge metal pot, licking raw cookie dough off of the beaters, and arranging plates of goodies to deliver to friends.

My food-based memories are not unique. Sugar- and calorie-laden foods are simply a staple of the holiday season. A Google search for “holiday treats” returns thousands of sites dedicated to delivering recipes that will tempt your taste buds and disrupt your healthy habits.

Creating Healthier Holiday Traditions in the Present
Now that we are starting our own family traditions, I am trying to incorporate the fun and pleasure of holiday goodies without the overload of sugar. As a parent, it is my responsibility (and privilege) to nurture a taste for nutritious foods.
Continue reading “Healthier Holiday Snacks”

Attachment Parenting Makes the Holidays Easier

I am now into my fifth holiday season as an attached parent. Over the years my family has changed and grown, but one thing has remained true. Attachment parenting practices, like breastfeeding, babywearing and positive discipline, have made the holidays easier. They have smoothed the rough patches, helped me get things done, and provided everyone with a touchstone in the midst of the craziness that can happen at this time of year.

One of my big challenges over the holidays is my long to-do list. I am baking, crafting, shopping, wrapping gifts and on and on and on. A good baby carrier (or, you know, 14 good baby carriers, as the case may be) really helps me get through that list. When my toddler is on my back he’s happy and I have two free hands. It is much easier to mix up a batch of cookies when I know that my child is safely strapped to me, and not climbing on to the dining room table yet again.

My 10-month-old and I try out our new wrap in 2005
Continue reading “Attachment Parenting Makes the Holidays Easier”

Gift-Giving from the Heart and Hands, Not the Wallet

This week on The Attached Family online, Attachment Parenting International members can read the debut of the “Professional Parenting” series, a column written by Judy Arnall, Canadian mother of five and author of the widely acclaimed Discipline without Distress – you should see my well-worn copy of the book that gives parents real tried-and-true discipline techniques without resorting to spanking, yelling, or the infamous timeout.

This first column of Judy’s, “Gift-Giving from the Heart and Hands, Not the Wallet,” is so timely as the biggest shopping day of the year arrives the Friday following the American Thanksgiving Day…and another season of holiday gift-giving will soon commence as soon as we’ve all finished our turkey and pumpkin pie. Thing is, well, this recession we’re in…I can tell the economy is better than it was a year ago when announcements of job layoffs and company bankruptcies clogged the television news hours, but you know, it’s not to the point where many of us are willing to spend freely on non-essential living expenses. My family included, certainly.

In her column, Judy gives a long, long list of wonderful ideas for gifts that toddlers, preschoolers, older children, teens, and even parents can make themselves – with more heart than opening up the wallet. Let me tell you of some of my favorites:

For toddlers…plant seeds indoors in clay pots, decorate the clay pots, and the flowers will bloom by spring. What a great idea!
For preschoolers…make a batch of cookie dough and give it with a set of cookie cutters, oven mitts, and a pan. Genius!
For older children and teens…now this list is basically endless but includes a variety of arts and crafts that, with a child’s natural creativity, could turn out just as good as anything you’d find in a store.

Read the whole list: Gift-Giving from the Heart and Hands, Not the Wallet. Access to The Attached Family online – the online extension of API’s quarterly print magazine – is a benefit of membership to API. Find login information on the Table of Contents page of the Summer 2009 “Feeding Our Children” issue of the magazine, or if you’ve joined recently, contact memberships [AT] attachmentparenting [DOT] org for more information. Not yet a member? Take advantage of our current membership special.

What else is being talked about this week’s The Attached Family online articles?

Marian Tompson, co-founder of La Leche League International, discusses breastfeeding and HIV/AIDS in an interview about the AnotherLook nonprofit organization.
Riet van Rooij, author and mother of two in the Netherlands, opens up about her book, Pregnant with Heart and Soul, now translated into English and German.

If You Love Somebody, Set Them Free.

Originally published on July 30, 2009 at m a m a :: m i l i e u.

Okay, yes those are lyrics to a 1985 Sting song, but they rang oh-so-true today when I came across a quote on my igoogle page. I have a daily literary quote rss feed on my google homepage. Yesterday, it featured a quote from American Poet, Mary Oliver, and all I could think about after reading it was “that lady must have kids.”

The quote went something like this:

“To live in this world, you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go.”

I hate to reveal that it was only after watching “Benjamin Button” recently that I first had a paralyzing realization that I was indeed mortal. No, I didn’t think that I was a superhero or a downy white unicorn bathed in light before watching the film, I just hadn’t really given the dreary subject much thought.

It wasn’t until seeing poor ol’ Benji aging in reverse–from a wrinkled and crippled infant to a wrinkled and crippled old man–that I truly came face-to-face with the fact that I am nurturing the next generation–someone who will only be budding into puberty just as I will be waning into the second half of life. I will be grey and he will be pimply. I will be mom and he will be my rebellious teen. I will be Grandma and he will be Dad. I will be a memory and he will be Grandpa.

Your 20’s aren’t really a time when you waste much energy thinking about your inevitable and eventual end–you are just beginning what will hopefully be a long and successful life as an adult. Not even turning 30 this year changed all of that.

Having a baby did, however. Now, several times a day, I am saddened by the reality of time’s quick passing. At nights when I am rocking my sweet suckling baby as he drinks and sniffles at my breast, I already envision the time, not very far off from now, when those gentle quiet moments of pure raw love and mutual dependence will come to an end.

And my breast will eventually return to me. And from my breast, I will have to let him go. On to a sippy cup. On to a big boy cup. On to a fork and spoon.

While my eye is pressed to the camera’s viewfinder, I can feel time ticking each minute into the past and imagine my husband, myself and our son years from now watching what I am recording at that moment–laughing at our “dated” hair styles, cars, furniture, clothes–things which are for us now new and modern.

And, our home will return to us. And from our home, we will have to let him go. On to college. On to his own home. On to his own life.

There will come a time that I will have to let him go–let him flutter on without my constant guidance, nurturing, or intervention. And the time is coming sooner rather than later. The independence has already begun. I am preparing now for the”letting go”.

——-

Joni is a first time mommy, former teacher and lover of all things writing and cooking. She enthusiastically blogs about the pleasures and perils of natural mommying and wholesome organic cooking for your little foodie over at: www.mamamilieu.blogspot.com and www.feedinglittlefoodies.blogspot.com.

The Messages We Send Our Children

I am currently at the end of nursing my two youngest children through a bout of Influenza. This year’s strain of influenza, the Influenza A H1N1 is spreading rapidly and bringing with it messages of fear even for the most positive thinking parents. When children are sick it is natural for them to be afraid. I have put a lot of thought into the messages that I want my children to hear about their bodies, illness and their body’s ability to heal itself. This carries over into the way I want them to view issues of weight as they enter their teen and adult years and is a long term way of giving them the tools they need to avoid falling into the trap of eating disorders either on the under-eating or over-eating end of that spectrum.

While they were sick I kept repeating the message to them “Your body is strong, it will heal itself” and “yes you have a fever, the fever is a sign your body is working to fight off the virus,” “throwing up is a way for your body to get rid of the germs in your stomach and is a good thing” and “coughing is a way for your body to get germs out so it’s important to not take anything to stop the coughing.”

I believe the body wants to be well and is a self-healing entity and when we are fighting off the inevitable viruses that attack our bodies as important as a strong immune system is a strong belief in the body’s desire for balance and wellness. These are the messages I want my children to hear while they are sipping water, lying on the couch watching cartoons and fighting off whatever bug has bit them.

I am very careful not to jump for the pill bottle for them or myself and even do not jump to the herbal or natural remedies too quickly either and when I do I describe them as support for the body rather than a cure.

And as important as what I say is what I do. My children watch me and know what I am putting into my body, they know if I’m fearful when I get sick. They worry about mommy when she’s not well and I repeat the same messages to them. And they are always true. I rarely get sick but when I do I get better quickly.
They see it happen and they know it to be true.

I apply this same approach in the matter of discipline.

I believe that children want to behave in ways that avoids hurting others, that they want to be kind and gentle and do the right thing for others. I’ve seen very natural and spontaneous acts of kindness from very small children and believe that they naturally want to follow that course. They are just in need of guidance as to how their actions affect others. I don’t believe being fearful of a parent is conducive to imparting that message which is why I avoid punitive discipline.

The messages I try to relay in all those situations are ones of emotion. “That made your friend very happy when you gave her that toy, you must be very proud of yourself,” or “you didn’t mean to hurt your friend, you seem very sorry,” and “I am very proud of you.” The last one I say a lot and is not dependent upon their behaviour. It is important that they know how I feel about them outside of their behaviour and I tell them how proud I am of them at random moments.

Another message that I try to impart to them regularly is that I am absolutely thrilled to be their mom. I tell them that I am the luckiest mom because they are my children and that being their mom is my greatest joy.

This message is the most important one because it counterbalances those very human moments when I am not the most patient mom, they know how I really feel so that when I apologise for being angry or disappointing them or for making very human mistakes they believe it because they have seen through my words and most of my actions that I mean it.

From the very beginning, from the moment we respond to their first cry, to that toddler moment when we return a snatched toy to impress upon them that others have needs as well as theirs, while consoling them during illness and while tucking them in on a regular old night, the messages we give our children, spoken as well as acted, are soaked sponge-like into their brains.

And because of this the messages we send through our words and actions are probably our number one tool in shaping the adults they become and increases the likelihood that they will become emotionally strong, healthy, capable and truly happy adults.

Birthday Boy

Today is my son’s birthday; he is eight years old and we are going to celebrate at JUMPER’S JUNGLE FAMILY FUN CENTER 9299 W Olive Ave #406, Peoria, AZ 85345 (623) 322-4100, he is my firstborn and deserves the best birthday like this one that we are preparing for him.

This year he asked me I could get him a birthday cake from Birthday Cake Singapore, so I went a ahead and get him a custom cake and a dessert table for the party too!

I have been a parent for eight years. My parenting has evolved during that time.

When I was first pregnant with him, I had visions of a cheery, chubby baby who would enter my life, but wouldn’t alter it significantly. I’d still work, still exercise, still cook elaborate meals, and of course the house would remain clean! I’d still go about my daily business, but accompanied by a baby in a bouncy seat who would nap quite a lot, and giggle and smile the rest of the time.

I have no idea why I had these thoughts. I have a bachelor’s degree in child development; I knew without a doubt that babies are not like this! But yet I remained in my own little pretend world.

In my college years, I had learned the huge benefits of breastfeeding, and knew without a doubt that I would breastfeed my baby. In perusing the internet on breastfeeding information, I came across a term: attachment parenting. Continue reading “Birthday Boy”