Recently I have run in to several circumstances where my son caught the brunt of another child’s anger. He was hit and he was scratched and yet when my son hit this child later he received discipline. Why? Why would I discipline my child when seemingly the other child “deserved” retribution and somewhere in there I wanted my son to “defend” himself.
It was as I was discussing this sticky parenting situation with my husband that I remembered that I was not raising the other child. The other child was not my responsibility. What is my responsibility is my child. I want my child to be kind. No matter what. I want my child to treat other people kindly even though other people may not be kind to him. The fact is that people are not going to be kind to him all of his life, but I don’t want him to be the person who lashes back in anger. I want him to be compassionate and I want him to think about his response.
So we talk. I am so glad that he is old enough now that we can discuss some things. We talk about being nice, about being kind, about not wanting to hurt other people and why. And then, as patiently as possible, I discipline my son every time he lashes out at a child because I want him to be kind.
You cannot understand sexuality without first understanding the attachment dynamic, psychologist Dr. Gordon Neufeld explains. The pursuit of proximity is one of the primary emotions that drive our behavior. The main way that the immature seek proximity and closeness is through the senses – being physically close: the most primitive way of attaching.For having fun, erotic night you can visit this club for sexy male strippers.
Israeli parenting educator Shoshana Hayman continues on The Attached Family online magazine: Teens and Sex from an Attachment Perspective. Male topless waiters have always been a big source of entertainment and excitement for women at hen parties. Since all the stag and hen parties need to be filled with so much fun and fire, MagicMen topless waiters are one of the ways to fulfill this purpose. Hen parties are organized specially for the bride and hosted by either the bride or a friend a few days before the wedding. The purpose of this party is to allow the bride enjoy her last days as single and give her an opportunity to do something that would not prefer to, after her marriage. Before a woman gets married and starts a new life with her partner, hen parties are a great way to enjoy and remember the last day or night of freedom. Like every other party, there is always something special about hen parties. Just as the sexy women strippers are popular elements at the stag parties, handsome male topless waiters are highly in demand at hen dinners and parties. Become a topless waiter are the most important entertaining factors at such parties, where everyone wishes to have a lot of fun, play games, perform novel activities with some fire and make the whole night a very memorable one. One of the most popular ways is to hire male topless waiters who will be serving your guests. The hen party is usually thrown by the bride’s close friends and colleagues the night before the wedding. Hence, the excitement is even more as the bride-to-be looks to enjoy her last night before the wedding with her friends. These parties are becoming more and more common and people have get started here looking at various ways to entertain their guests. Live Jasmin is one of the oldest cam girl websites around. It connects people with models in real-time, allowing you to explore your erotic fantasies with the ladies of your taste. With this platform, you are guaranteed to get something to satisfy even the wildest sexual tastes. It doesn’t matter how crazy you think your fantasies or fetishes are livejasmin will connect you with someone who’ll exceed your expectations. Did you know that sex stories may be the answer to getting a good night’s sleep? Yup, that’s right sex stories. Sounds a heck of a lot better than Valium or elephant sized doses of sleepy time tea, doesn’t it? Sex has been proven to be a great sleep inducer and spicing up your sex life with sex stories can be a big help in getting the sleep you need. There is no argument that the restorative powers of sleep are needed for a healthy and happy lifestyle. Sex stories can help add to your sex life making the sex better as well as your sleep. Not sleeping can be dangerous to your health, but using sex stories as a sex aid can help stem off the negative stimuli that causes us not to be able to sleep. Studies have shown that sleep deprivation can bring on serious disease such as dementia and Parkinson’s disease. Not to mention how it can generally mess up other things in your life like your work, family life relationships, etc. The key is to wind your body and brain down just before bed and sex is the perfect way to do that. Using sex stories can put your in the mood to have sex by exciting your mind and helping to reach a better and more satisfying orgasm. That is what puts you to sleep, the release. Some may argue that reading sex stories would get your brain too excited and may not be the best way to get a good night’s slumber. Not true. As mentioned before, it’s the release in sex that brings the mind and body down into a restful satisfied state more conducive to deep sleep. Excitement before bed such as action movies or going for a jog or other exercise have negative effects on your sleep because the endorphin build up stimulates your brain without the benefit of release. This is what causes your brain to work overtime and diminishes your ability to fall asleep. Sex stories definitely have a nice dual effect don’t they? Spicing up your sex life while enjoying a restful night’s sleep should sound pretty good to just about anyone! Sleep is so important to your health, so is sex, so this sleep remedy is a real winner! Sure is a lot more attractive than trips to the doctor, pharmacy or the health food store.
When having so many beautiful and young women around, the best possible entertainment can only be men! The fun gets even better if they are going to be serving the guests with their handsome and dashing looks. To make it more exciting, these men waiters serve the guests topless, showing off their strong and attractive physique! The trend of throwing hen parties has grown increasingly popular amongst the younger generation. Their tastes and preferences are also very high and they do not wish to settle for anything below average. They are very specific with their demands and want only attractive men with charming attitude, a pleasant demeanor and a strong physique. These male topless waiters are also highly in demand especially if they are singers, dancers or comedians. People are looking for a complete entertainment package as they spend a sizable amount of money on such events and parties. It is no surprise that male topless waiters are the best source to attract the attention of female guests at a hen party! It is indeed the most thrilling way to fire up a party! Is there anything wrong with women wanting a hens night? Absolutely not! A hens party is considered the last event the women has to really let her hair down and be set free before she ties the knot. There is more and more talk about women wanting to hit the top of Corporate Organizations, sit on Boards or just be seen on the same level as men. A Hens do allows the bride to be number one, bet at the top of her helm and truly bring out her inner self. A hen party can be naughty or nice. The controlling women (or should I say Bridezillas!) will organize the party themselves but really a hens event should be organized by the bridesmaids, the ladies/men (more and more brides are having men in their bridal party these days) the bride has entrusted to help her make it to the big day! Bridesmaids should know the Bride back to front so anything arranged should not leave the bride disgruntled and upset but instead over the moon from having had the night of her life. That’s why women want a hens! They want to remember their last night of freedom! Remember a hens night does not need to be out of control. If the bride would like a subdued last free night then you can give her one.
Also, learn why it’s important to help your kids foster friendships with this article from editor Rita Brhel at Why It’s Important to Help Children Make Friends.
Sex is an important part of being human. It involves more than the physical act of intercourse with another person. It affects how we feel about ourselves as males and females and impacts important choices we make as men and women.What you think about sex may seem clear and straightforward. But when it comes to laying the groundwork to help your kids develop a healthy understanding of sex, having that conversation can feel overwhelming. When your child is in middle school (if not earlier), you’re bound to start getting questions, which they’re probably also discussing with their friends. And since they’re going to be gathering information, it’s best that it’s accurate and that it comes from you.
Why Should I Talk to My Kids About Sex?
The question should be, why shouldn’t you? Talking with your child about sex is important to help him or her develop healthy attitudes toward sex and to learn responsible sexual behavior. Openly discussing sex with your child will enable you to provide accurate information. What they learn elsewhere might not be true and might not reflect the personal and moral values and principles you want your children to follow. You need your preteen or teen to understand the possible consequences of being sexually active — including pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, and all of the emotional trappings that come with being part of a sexual relationship. Teenagers also need to learn that some conditions like erectile dysfunction are also normal, find the better treatments at msinsight.dk
If I Talk to My Kids About Sex, Won’t That Just Make Them Want to Do It?
It’s important for children to understand sexual feelings and relationships before they become sexually active. Studies show that teens who have discussed sex with their parents are more likely to wait longer to begin having sex and more likely to use contraception when they do.
During pregnancy we make sure to eat and live as healthily as possible (with the occasional Ben and Jerrys..okay weekly Ben and Jerrys). For the most part though, we pay more attention to our diet than we otherwise would. We strive to grow big healthy babies and we start eyeing spinach, apples and all things a positive lifestyle inhibits. We follow all of our doctors advice and study the do’s and don’ts of pregnancy. These decisions as new and glowing parents come very easily to us. Rarely does one put up a fight against the efforts to grow a healthy baby in the womb.
After that baby is born however, many parents encounter a very difficult struggle with just this effort. The definition of feeding and raising your baby in the most nutritious manner becomes ambiguous. The battle between formula and breastfeeding rears its ugly head. Sadly, many times the ambitions to breastfeed are tossed aside as life with a newborn becomes just too hectic and exhausting.
From my own personal experience I found feeding time to be quite stressful. Just after giving birth to my daughter I knew I wanted to breastfeed, but I hadn’t read too much up on it. I assumed, like many new mothers assume, that it would come very easily and naturally. My little bundle of joy would latch on and we could bond like all the mommies and daughters in those parenting magazines I had seen in my doctor’s office. What I didn’t realize was that the choice to breasted was a huge decision as a parent. It was the type of decision that I should not have tread over so lightly. As a parent, the decision on what and how to feed our daughter would dominate many of our parenting decisions and new lifestyle. Continue reading “Parents First Decision: Feeding Your Baby”
Heading to Chicago, Summer 2010. (Flying as a lap child - enjoying a few minutes in an empty seat during boarding!)
My 22-month old daughter zooms around the living room like an airplane, making whooshing noises. “Mama!” she says, “Whoosh!”
“That’s right, honey, Mama’s getting on an airplane soon. But I’ll be back in two days, OK?”
“Uh-huh,” she smiles, and hugs my leg tight. She knows I’ll come home, and that I’ll miss her terribly while I’m gone – we’ve done this before.
I think there are sometimes misconceptions about how feasible attachment parenting is for working parents, or in my case, a working and traveling mama. But for my family, AP has been nothing short of essential to maintaining a strong relationship with my daughter and organizing our family’s priorities.
I work from home and travel in the U.S. and abroad to visit clients. In many ways it’s an ideal arrangement – when I’m not on the road, I can be at home with my daughter during the day, every day. But the travel… well, after Ruby was born, I dreaded the day I’d have to get back on the road.
My husband and I talked a lot about how we wanted to handle it. We ultimately felt that our daughter was too young to be away from me that first year. Nursing in particular was non-negotiable for us. I hated pumping (crazy respect for all of you who do!) and worried about my supply dipping during separations. My daughter never took a bottle (we never really tried), so in some ways that was our excuse to haul her along.
So haul we did. When Ruby was six months old, I started traveling again on a limited schedule. Bless his heart, since our daughter was born, my husband has used every minute of his hard-earned vacation to travel with Ruby and me on work trips. None of it was easy, and most of the time, it wasn’t even very fun.
“This is our priority right now,” we’d repeat to each other, when the packing, flying, hotel food, exhaustion and 1 a.m. hotel fire alarms (yes, this has happened more than once…) started to get to us. “Someday it will be different, but this is what we need to do for our family.”
At conferences and client meetings, I would race back and forth to our hotel room every two hours to nurse Ruby before my next event. I was stressed to the max trying simultaneously to be mama-me and professional-me. And though he loved the time with our daughter, trying to maintain sanity in tiny hotel rooms with a baby wasn’t exactly easy for my husband either.
But all the chaos has been worth it. Because we co-sleep, even at conferences and meetings where I hardly saw her during the day, at night my daughter would snuggle up against my side, tucking her fingers and toes under my body, and make up for not nursing during the day as much as she might have at home. Though I do work a full-time job requiring a fair amount of time away, I wasn’t away from my baby overnight until she was 18 months old. Our nursing relationship is STILL going strong as we close in on her second birthday.
I do travel without her most of the time now, though we try to go together if there are too many trips in close proximity to each other. She’s at an age where she mostly does better with keeping her routine and her surroundings at home, even though she misses nursing and misses me. I just pump for comfort while I’m away, because it doesn’t really matter if my supply dips. She still co-sleeps with my husband when I’m gone, which reinforces their bond and the centrality of his role in her life.
I am also appreciative that all our running around when she was tiny made my daughter a great traveler. She’s been to a dozen states and overseas. She is comfortable in new places. She loves flying. I think what she learned through all our mobility is that home is where the three of us are, not just in our house or our town. Home is the family bed and the comfort of nursing, wherever they might be located.
All this is to say that I am a firm believer in AP even for, and maybe especially for, working parents. While some see AP as a constant physical connection, what AP has helped us create is an unbreakable emotional bond that withstands even physical separations.
What about you? How important do you feel AP is to you as a working parent?
I do not believe in forcing or shaming children into reciting social niceties when they don’t mean them, (1) but I can appreciate that children who practice those niceties can find it easier to function among peers and adults. And while I think that modeling is the most effective (and easiest!) way to impart the importance of “please,” “thank you,” and the like, here are a few more ideas on how to help children learn how to express their appreciation. (2)
Kieran draws thank you pictures for his birthday and Christmas presents.
Turn thank you into artwork: If your little one enjoys arts and crafts, then help her say thank you through artwork. Any kind of craft will do, and you can jot a little note to include with it that explains what the intent is (if it’s not readily apparent).
Say it in a different language: Make saying thank you educational and fun by teaching your little one how to say thank you in different languages. This article gives us “thank you” in 28 languages.
Replace “good job” with “thank you”: Instead of saying “good job” when your little one does something helpful, try “Thank you for _____, it helps me _____.” Saying thank you regularly to your child is one of the best ways to teach him how to thank others – be his role model!
________________ Discover your child’s “love language”: Some people believe that “Every child gives and receives love in their own unique and special way . . . . There are basically five different ways children, and all people, speak and understand emotional love: Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts and Acts of Service.” (3) Here are a few ideas that build on the idea of “love languages”:
Hugs and high fives (“Physical Touch”): I don’t know about you, but a child’s genuine excitement when he opens a gift, plus that impulsive hug (or high five), is enough thank you for me. I don’t need the ritual of a thank you card to reinforce for me that the child enjoyed the gift.
Saying “thank you” in different words (“Words of Affirmation”): Let go of tradition – encourage your child to use whatever words come to mind to express appreciation for a gift. Instead of the bland “thank you for my bike” note, try “We put playing cards on the spokes of my bicycle wheels, now whenever I ride it, you can hear me coming! My friends thought it was so cool, they all put cards on their wheels too. This bike is so fun!” A child’s authentic enthusiasm will shine through so much more in their own words than in any of the more traditional words we could force them to use.
Share the fun (“Quality Time”): If your little one is happy sharing toys and time with others, why not set up a play date with the thank-ee? Playing with a gift with the gift giver might be more appreciated than any thank you note.
Make something to say thank you (“Gifts”): Some little ones love to create – whether it is painting a picture, baking cookies, or putting a collage together, a gift from your child’s heart is an incredible token of thanks.
Do something nice (“Acts of Service”): When I lived at home, one of the ways I would tell my parents “thank you” for all that they did for me was to clean the house. I still occasionally go over and clean while Kieran is playing – simply because I know it will make my parents smile. If your child’s love language is service, find ways that they can lend a hand to someone who has done something nice: decorating for a holiday, weeding the garden, odd (and easy) chores; there are many ways a child can be helpful, and it can turn into a learning experience too!________________
And a couple more ideas, just in case you have a little one who has not yet caught on to this social grace:
Say it yourself: Really, when adults ask children to say “please” or “thank you,” all we’re doing is proving to the other person that we have manners. If you’re that concerned about making a good impression, say thank you yourself: kindly, genuinely, without the tone that you wish your child had done it instead (because all that will do is shame your child, which will not motivate them to say thank you – from their heart – in the future). Your gracious modeling will make a big impression./li>
Don’t force the issue: Finally, relax. Don’t force thank you’s, they’ll come in time. Shaming or forcing a child into saying a grudging thank you may make you feel better in front of others, but it can backfire by making your child feel resentful. Make saying “thank you” a fun learning experience, not an unpleasant task that must be complied with reluctantly.
We are continuing our interview series with API Contributing Bloggers with Martha Wood. Read on to hear more about her thoughts regarding weaning, co-parenting, and how she peacefully deals with breastfeeding criticism.
Tell us about your family.
I am a single mom, co-parenting with my daughter’s father. She is 2.5. She is my only child. We live in Austin, Tx. We are a biracial family. I am white and my daughter’s father is black. I grew up in Abilene, Tx. Annika’s dad is Nigerian born and immigrated to the United States when he was 8 years old. He grew up in Ann Arbor, MI. Annika’s dad and I were never married. We met in Detroit, MI, while attending Wayne State University. We worked together at the school newspaper, The South End. I was the news editor and he was the graphic designer.
Martha and Annika
What led you to Attachment Parenting?
I was drawn to attachment parenting through a series of random events and a background of being raised by a mother who was involved with La Leche League. I was nursed until I was 3, and slept with my parents until I was 4. I would not characterize my parents as “AP” but there were some similarities in their early parenting style, such as extended breastfeeding and co-sleeping.
I began being interested in the AP world when a friend gave me a copy of The Baby Book by William Sears. I liked what he had to say about co-sleeping, breastfeeding, babywearing and positive discipline. During my pregnancy I met a neighbor of my mom’s who had given birth to her first child just six months before me. She told me about the local API meetings at the library and I began attending mostly because I wanted to get out of the house and I thought I would meet some other moms to hang out with. After the first meeting I was hooked! I loved the speaker, although, I don’t even remember who it was. I was blown away by all the wonderful and alternative parenting methods I had discovered.
When I was pregnant I knew that I wanted to breastfeed and use a sling. I knew that I wanted to avoid spanking as a method of discipline. I knew that I wanted to have a better and closer relationship with my daughter than I had with my own parents. After this meeting, I knew that I had found the answers to my questions. Luckily for me, the first meeting I attended was when my daughter was about four weeks old.
I had begun co-sleeping about two weeks after she was born, after realizing how frustrating and tiring it was getting up to nurse twice a night. (I was lucky, in that my daughter slept really well as a newborn, believe me, that changed after a few months. 🙂 )
How do you deal with friends/family/strangers who don’t understand or who disagree with AP practices?
My parents are very supportive about the way I parent. My daughter’s father and I have disagreed on some of it, but overall he is a really good dad and often more patient than I am! He wishes that I had weaned her at a year, and doesn’t like the co-sleeping, but he hasn’t fought me on it.
It depends on the situation whether I just smile and nod, or try to educate. If I think someone is open to hearing about my views, I definitely try to educate and give supporting information about my parenting practices.
My daughter’s paternal grandmother has been very vocal about disagreeing with my parenting style, and for the sake of familial harmony, I usually don’t say anything. They live in another state though, so it has not been a real issue. When she was 18 months, and I nursed my daughter in front of her grandmother, she commented, “Are you STILL nursing????” I just said yes and looked away. Then her sister, who was visiting from Nigeria, leaned over and whispered that she had nursed her babies until they were 2.
After that, I just avoided nursing Annika in front of her grandmother. My mother told me that when I was that age, if she needed to nurse me, she would just take me in the other room. So that’s what I did on our next visit. I am normally not the type of person to avoid confrontation, but in this case, I felt like it was the easiest and most harmonious route.
Have you ever had an affirming moment in your AP journey?
So far I haven’t seen a lot of payoff. But there have been some brief moments. My daughter is unusually compassionate with other children. I’ve been told by other parents that they are surprised by how sweet she is with other children. Once she was staying with a small group of children at a Buddhist meeting that we attend sometimes. When one of the other babies was crying for her mom, I was told that Annika went over to her and put her arm around her and told her that it would be okay. (She’s 2.)
She also loves to “wear” her babies, and she nurses them.
What does 2011 hold for your family? What goals do you have for your kids/ family in the coming year?
2011 holds for us, more time away from mama, and possibly weaning. I always wanted to let Annika wean on her own, but I am really ready for it. I am thinking that we will give up nursing around her third birthday in May. We have started talking about it and are down to three times a day. We are also forming a Montessori co-op with a group of AP mamas from our playgroups. I am looking forward to keeping her world small for a few more years while giving both of us a little more freedom.
When to stop breastfeeding is such a hard choice to make. What factors are you considering in your decision? How are you going about weaning?
The idea of making any final decision on when to stop breastfeeding stresses me out, so I haven’t made any hard and fast rules about when we will stop. I keep thinking that I’d like to be done by the time she’s 3 (this May). Sometimes I tell myself that I will definitely do that, (I may have even told you that in my last e-mail, now I don’t remember) and sometimes I start to think maybe I will just keep nursing her for a while longer if she really needs it.
Another AP mom here in Austin, gave me some advice. You may know her — or of her. Her name is Camille North (she edits one of the API newsletters). She said that when her youngest was around 2, she was so ready to be done. He was her third child and she had been nursing pretty much solidly for several years. She began *offering* the breast when he was busy with other things.
I started doing that recently and it really helps a lot! It gives me the feeling that I have some control over the situation, which I think breastfeeding moms often lack, therefore making it more frustrating.
Sometimes she even says no, which I think it huge for her, because it is giving her the feeling that it is available all the time, so she can afford to turn it down.
Basically I think it gives both of us a feeling of control. It releases her overwhelming desire from it, by worrying that it won’t be available if I do the opposite and limit her based on my needs.
It helps a lot. And she is recently down to nursing two or sometimes three times a day. And the best part, she doesn’t ask for it constantly like she was before, so I don’t feel like a jerk for saying no, or feeling resentful sitting there with my 2.5 year-old’s long legs dangling off my lap and wondering why she can’t just eat some cheese. LOL
Actually, I only had to do the offering thing for a couple of months and now she only asks to nurse once during the day, most of the time, so I almost always say yes. We also bargain. Sometimes, we’ll agree that she can nurse, but only for five minutes. Sometimes, she’ll even say it, “Mama, can I nurse for five minutes?” I think that’s her way of saying she just wants a little and it’s really important to her.
I guess, basically, these are the steps I’m taking toward weaning. Trying to give her control over it without feeling like I’m trapped. I have read How Weaning Happens, by Diane Bengson, a couple of times. I like the idea presented in the book that, weaning, is just like any other developmental stage. Just like we help our kids learn to walk and talk, we help our kids learn how to stop nursing. We don’t expect them to just wake up one day and be walking. So we can’t expect that they will just up and wean all by themselves. Some children do that. But I think that most of the time, moms prod them in that direction, even if they don’t realize they are doing it.
Can you talk some more about the Montessori co-op? That sounds like a beautiful thing. Is it an informal kind of thing? Do you anticipate sending Annika to a Montessori school? What about that kind of learning style appeals to you?
The Montessori co-op is very new and relatively informal. I foresee that we will stick with Montessori for pre-school. What I like about Montessori is that the style is very much child-led, but it’s not a free for all. I like that the stages of learning are developmentally appropriate. The theory behind it is that you teach observation skills, and engage the children in their personal interests. Then they learn because they know how, and they are intrigued by the topic. I think learning is, in itself, a skill.
Beyond that, I don’t know. The public school situation is very tenuous right now here in Austin. They’ve just announced the potential closing of several schools. Aside from that, the options here in Austin vary greatly. There are a wide array of private schools, with all sorts of methodology. The homeschooling network is pretty big from what I hear. I recently joined the Yahoo group, but I haven’t participated much at all. And the public school system has some dual language programs, with some new ones starting up in the next couple of years.
I think we will just keep examining our options and then see what fits best with her learning style.
Thank you Martha! Everyone please stop by her blog to learn more about her and her attachment parenting journey!
I like this principle, because it recognizes that everyone’s needs matter in a family, including the parents. Obviously, at certain times one person’s needs will be more urgent than others, like a newborn’s need to breastfeed. You just can’t tell a 3-day-old baby that you’ll be with him or her in 10 minutes. But all the same, whatever your life looks like right now, you can strive to recognize your needs and find ways to meet them.
This all sounds very warm and fuzzy, but I’ll admit I often find the word “balance” somewhat loaded. When I already have too much on my plate, striving for balance can feel like just one more obligation on my to-do list. It’s right up there with “file my taxes” and “take my cat to the vet”. These things are important, but so is everything else on my list. Adding another item to the pile is the last thing I need.
And yet, I am not the best mom I can be when I don’t strive for balance. I become short-tempered and irate. I don’t have the mental or physical energy to really get down on my kids’ level and engage with them in the way I would like to. As difficult as striving for balance can feel, it’s also clearly necessary to my well-being. I need to take my own needs into account, enlist some help, and get out and do something just for myself. And then I need to come back home and figure out how things ended up so out-of-balance in the first place.
That last bit – figuring out the source of the imbalance – is the hard part for me. But I think it may be the most important part. If I don’t correct those underlying issues that are making my life unmanageable, then anything else that I do will be a band-aid solution.
So how do I deal with those underlying issues? Lately, I’ve been comparing my personal priorities with the way that I actually spend my time. I’ve found the two don’t always agree. I may say, for example, that writing and spending time with my family are important to me. But in practice, I spend more time playing around on the internet than I spend talking to my husband. When I look at my life that way, it’s no wonder it feels out-of-balance. I’m not doing the things that really matter to me. By making small, gradual adjustments here and there, I can bring my daily existence more in line with the life I actually want to live.
No matter what I do, though, striving for balance is an ongoing process. Just as the name suggests, equilibrium is something to seek after, it is not something to attain. Just as soon as you think you have attained it, things change. That is the nature of parenting, after all – children grow and families re-balance. I just want to make sure that I’m able to reasonably meet my own needs in the process.
What about you? How do you strive after balance in your life? And what does “balance” mean to you? Please share!
If you haven’t bothered to read any parenting-related news sites or blogs the past few weeks then the ‘Tiger Mother’ controversy will be news to you. Although author Amy Chua caused a lot of uproar with her Wall Street Journal essay about the superiority of Chinese mothers, the controversy caused others to look beyond Chua’s new book and at extreme parenting as a whole including Lu Hanessian.
Lu is on Attachment Parenting International’s Board of Directors and is also the host of API Live! In an article for the Courier-Post, Hanessian examines The “Affect” of Extreme Parenting. Here is an excerpt:
“I have a different take. The parenting extremism begins in our own minds with our own hyperfocus on efficacy. We are obsessed with doing. Doing it well. Doing it right. Doing to. Doing something that works. We are scarcely aware that the object of our doings is a human being who is soft-wired to connect, attach and belong, and who is physiologically designed to resist being controlled.”
Click through to read Lu’s entire article then head back here to share your thoughts on The “Affect” of Extreme Parenting.
It was as I was discussing this sticky parenting situation with my husband that I remembered that I was not raising the other child. The other child was not my responsibility. What is my responsibility is my child. I want my child to be kind. No matter what. I want my child to treat other people kindly even though other people may not be kind to him. The fact is that people are not going to be kind to him all of his life, but I don’t want him to be the person who lashes back in anger. I want him to be compassionate and I want him to think about his response.
