APtly Said – Page 76

Four Principles To Use In Raising Children and Creating Peace In Your Family

Love. Patience. Presence. Respect.

Our role as Parent is constant…ever-changing and ever-growing. We each have different parenting styles and we each face challenges differently as well.
As an attachment parent, four of my fundamental principles are Love, Patience, Presence and Respect. There are many others but these four will sum up an important message I’d like to share today.

When we operate from Love, I believe our intentions are for Harmony, for Peace, for Happiness. If we Love kindly and gently, we hope that these things will naturally be results of our Love. I have discovered that Love, combined with Patience, Presence and Respect, will not only guide me in the direction in which to handle situations, but will also carry me through the challenging times when I truly don’t have the answers.

Please imagine yourself, as a child or as an adult, experiencing frustration, sadness, anger, or any other emotion or feeling that makes you uncomfortable. When you imagine yourself feeling that discomfort, what do you believe could take that away or at least make it easier in that moment? I ask you to imagine yourself because many times in life, it is important to put the shoes on your own feet to gain the necessary perspective in dealing with others. I find this to be true and probably most importantly, in the way we treat and listen to our children.

So often, parents decide it is their way or no way. It is this way simply because “I say so.” You are the parent, they are the children, and for many, it is thought to be the hierarchy that sets the tone for discipline and commands. I don’t believe in those methods. I believe our children deserve to be heard. I believe they deserve respect. I believe they deserve an answer and an explanation. I believe they deserve our Love. Our Patience. Our Presence. I believe we all deserve this.

No matter what is going on, crying in the middle of the night from your newborn, a screaming tantrum from your two year old, your angry four year old making a demand out of frustration…these need to be met with tenderness, calmness and composure of mind. I’m not saying this is easy. I’m not saying you won’t be challenged and tested beyond belief, because you will. I’m only sharing what works for me. I’m sharing this because the alternatives are not only damaging to your children, but they are damaging to you as well.

When we don’t take the time to truly be present and listen…when we don’t dig deeper than we think is possible for patience in a trying moment…when your love turns to anger and you lash out or lose control with your children, damage will be done. I can assure you of that. The negative feelings and situations will be prolonged, everyone will feel worse than they did initially, and someone, if not everyone, will walk away feeling misunderstood, unheard and alone.

It is my goal to nurture, love, and create harmony in my household. I believe we all want the same. When that isn’t happening, we must have the awareness of these principles at our disposal so we can easily tap into and operate from them at all times.

Love.

There was an unconditional Love that was born in me that I never knew prior to giving birth. That in itself, is the source that guides me in everything I do.

Patience.

The source of Love will give you the Patience you need most of the time but there will be moments when you think you can’t possibly keep it together for one more second. You must remember in these moments that you are capable of endurance. You are capable of self control. You can do it. Just breathe deeply. Close your eyes if you can…just for a few seconds. Stay calm.
The short term and long term effects of losing your patience and lashing out bitterly will hurt your children and you. During conflict or stressful situations, our children simply want to be heard, understood and accepted. They are trying to communicate something. If we are able to remain calm in these moments, not only will it ease their stress sooner, but it will not let the situation turn into something worse because of the anger and negativity added on top of it. You will then be able to communicate and allow for both of you to learn from the conflict. Your patience will comfort them and your empathy will encourage them to resolve the struggles within themselves in just knowing you hear them.

Presence.

Physical closeness, level headedness and a choice to be present with your children will make a difference. Not only in the quality time spent together, but this will also allow the lines of communication to be clear and open.
Whether it’s reading a book together on the couch, or when your child doesn’t want to leave the park when it’s time to go, your presence is always important. They can accept when they are doing their thing and you are doing yours…most of the time. When you are with them though, choose to be with them. It’s so easy these days with our phones and technology to get distracted. We may physically be next to them but mentally, conjuring up our next facebook status update. When you are present, they feel it. They appreciate it. They cherish it. When they don’t want to leave the park, your presence in that moment will help them understand that it’s ok. Talking on the phone while yelling at them to leave won’t have the same outcome.

Respect.

We all want to be respected, valued, recognized, adored, appreciated…
Children deserve this as well as we do as parents. When we experience this respect from others, we are empowered to be our best. We are comforted in expressing our voices. We are strengthened with Love and we are emotionally available. We discover that in times when we don’t feel respected, the walls begin to rise and the willingness to communicate and connect shuts down. This usually then shifts the relationship to “Because I said so” again where the parent believes they are the only one who deserves respect and the child’s feelings are dismissed. This will only leave your child feeling unheard, misunderstood and left without an explanation. Please respect them as human beings and by that respect, it becomes possible for you to earn theirs.

We are all doing our best and I believe these tools will help us do it better.
Let’s all make more of an effort in dealing with our children and one another lovingly, patiently, respectfully… and let’s all make an effort and the choice to be present as often as possible. It will make a difference.

Respectful Discipline

As the mother of a very curious and interactive seven-month-old, I’m constantly having to redirect her correct some of her less-than-desirable behaviors. She’s so interested in her world and eager to interact with anyone and everyone who will give her the time of day. At our last pediatrician’s appointment, we were told that socially, she’s way ahead of their expectations. I’m not really surprised, considering she has highly social parents; she comes by it honestly. She loves talking to people and even gets her feelings hurt when someone enters the room without acknowledging her presence.

DSCN5852 — Arbor socializing with her new friend, Shelby.

We recently went out of town to visit friends and family and introduce her to a few people who still hadn’t had the chance to meet her. Her social nature really shined through while she met all of these new people. She gladly demonstrated her new “tricks” like giving hugs and singing. As she became more comfortable in her temporary environment, she would explore and find things that she could get into. Her favorite things, whether at home or a home away from home, are wires and cords. This means I’m always having to get up, redirect her, and find replacements. I’ve been told time and time again that she’ll stop it if I just swat her hand. While I can appreciate how that would work, I don’t want to start punitive discipline with my child and get in the habit of it all now. I’d much rather physically move her and tell her why she can’t do what it is she’s trying to do. It’s definitely more work than just a quick swat but I’m already seeing the benefits of it.

There’s the obvious benefit of not starting the bad habit of using physical force as a means of discipline. I’m getting myself in the habit of using my words to help teach her what is okay and what is not. This in turn is teaching her to understand words and respond appropriately. Arbor has been great about understanding the good “trigger words” that I’ve been using to help teach her. She doesn’t talk much yet but she really seems to have a great understanding of a lot of these words. Some of the ones I’ve been effectively using are

danger
unh-unh
gentle touch
owie

I’ve been finding that repetitive use of these trigger words usually work a lot better than when I get irritated and begin to raise my voice or simply move her from whatever it is that she’s into. It’s taken consistency, repetition and having my husband on board. It requires regular communication between the two of us about what it is I’m working on teaching her and with his support, we are gently disciplining our infant.

It’s really encouraging as a parent to see that even at this really young age, before she has become verbal, she’s responding well to verbal direction. I don’t have to resort to violent behavior. I don’t have to hit to teach. As a first time mom who has chosen to use AP principles and peaceful parenting techniques, I’ve been a bit skeptical of this whole non-violent parenting technique. Either I won’t be able to stick with it or I’ll have an unruly child who doesn’t listen to me. She’s only seven months old and is already proving me wrong. We’re learning together how to communicate with each other. She’s learned that I will respond to her when she shows me she wants or needs something and it has set the foundation for a trusting relationship between the two of us. Because I listen to her, she also listens to me. I am loving that we have a relationship built on mutual respect. If I didn’t believe it before, I definitely believe you can respect and be respected by an infant. We are establishing the framework for a loving relationship. It won’t be without its struggles but it is definitely reaffirming of the principles I have been learning about developing a healthy attachment with my daughter.

My First API Meeting: Finding My People

Welcome Sign Mosaic in Warm Tones — flickr/Nutmeg Designs

My daughter was weeks old when I realized I needed to get out of the house and find a community. The moment my daughter was born all the systems and strategies I’d read about flew out the window. I realized that I knew what felt right and what my baby needed: closeness, love, attention, and safety. I also realized that I could not sleep unless I could feel her breathing next to me.

I walked into my first API meeting with my baby in arms. Around the room were seated moms chatting, playing with their children, nursing, and laughing. Is this some kind of parenting paradise, I thought. I had never been in a room with mothers nursing toddlers, babies happily asleep in slings amidst the din of happy conversation and so much care for little people. “Welcome to our Attachment Parenting group, we are glad you are here.” said the leader. And so began my first API meeting. I had no idea what Attachment Parenting was when my first child was born. But I knew what felt right and made sense. I had no idea that there was a whole organization filled with people who felt the same and had such riches of experience and knowledge.

The meeting topic was Positive Discipline and I learned about the concept of Time In with a child vs. a Time Out. It made so much sense and yet was so counter to what I had heard my whole life. The idea that a child needs more time, attention, love and special concern when they are out of control made me immediately begin to rethink my preconceptions. Parents shared experiences and difficult situations and I heard over and over the idea that they were looking for what their children needed not how to control them.

And then there were the kids themselves. Babies and toddlers were playing on the floor in the middle of our discussion circle. Sometimes toys were snatched or thrown but I watched closely how mothers spoke to their children at these moments. Short, gentle sentences. Help for those in tears. Emphasis on empathy. But no forced sharing or robotic apologies. The older children orbited our group. Running, talking, laughing and then settling in to play in a fort they had invented under a table. Who is watching them, I kept thinking at first. But as the meeting progressed I noticed this little group of five to nine year olds was incredibly independent and very very kind to one another. I saw a moment when a little girl was trying to get into the fort and couldn’t fit. “Come on, let’s get another chair and put it here.” said another child. Hmm, I thought, this compassion idea isn’t just theory here.

What struck me most about my first API meeting was that I felt at home. I felt that I had a place where I could be open about my parenting questions without fearing that I would be berated with harsh advice. And just to see other parents in action, caring and being present for their children was priceless. I learned that I was not alone that day. I knew walking out that I now had a community: I had found my people!

Why babies don’t “behave”

Have you ever had someone comment to you how “well-behaved” your baby is? If not, don’t worry, just read on.

This compliment reflects a pervasive Western misconception about how babies function. Have you ever met an under-one-year-old who understood what society expected of him and adjusted his behavior to accomodate those expectations? I haven’t.

I was among the lucky parents who was approached by strangers who commented on my baby’s “good behavior” (as opposed to those parents who received seething glares from fellow diners at a restaurant – although, believe me, we got those, too). But I deflected every compliment with a comment on my baby’s state of mind, like, “her tummy’s full and she’s satisfied” or “she’s well-rested.”

Every parent who’s been there knows that it’s impossible to control your baby’s behavior. The best effort we can make to ensure that our baby reflects the contentment and joy we associate with “good” behavior is to anticipate and meet his needs, as well as we can.

My baby was “well-behaved” because her needs were met. She had trouble sleeping alone, so I cuddled her to sleep. She often wanted to nurse, and I met her requests as quickly as possible. She preferred being held to sitting in a carseat, so we carried her in arms or in an ergo most of her first year and well into her second.

Was my baby responsible for regulating her internal state to please strangers in restaurants and supermarkets? No. Her parents were. And believe me, we weren’t thinking about those strangers when we were doing it.

We didn’t do a perfect job, if such a thing exists, but we did the best we could. And she let us know instantly how well we were doing. And so, I guess, did all those strangers.

My Son’s Wedding

Guest post by Jenn McMillin

I have the somewhat odd habit of daydreaming about my son’s wedding and he using a custom made engagement ring we bought as a gift. Now, my son is only a toddler and is not betrothed to anyone so the exercise is purely hypothetical. I’m not entirely sure why I do this, but since I’ve shared my secret, I’ll elaborate on my current hypothesis.

When I envision my son at his wedding served by Elegant Touch Catering , I am looking at a man who is kind, compassionate, loving, generous, patient, intelligent, ambitious, conscientious, creative, adventurous, honorable, talented, respectful, respectable, thoughtful, confident, eloquent, funny, and of course, handsome. I imagine my husband and I amidst our family and friends swelling with pride at the man we see before us, we even got some solid silver bangles for sale for the bridesmaid. There are speeches and toasts and everyone is looking and feeling their best. Fortunately he is hiring one of the most professional wedding photographic services at United Kingdom, Your Party Booth.

I suspect that the purpose of these daydreams is to give me space to reflect on the journey of motherhood and how my parenting practices affect my child, both in the moment and in the long term. Reflection is an incredibly important tool for analyzing our feelings about various issues, rehashing our responses and imagining how we might do better next time. But for most mothers, there is little time left in any given day for quiet contemplation, If you are ever in London then you can find some amazing engagement rings, easily the best we have found in the UK, and they sell these beautiful engagement rings on their web site too.

They also decided to have a beach wedding, which is highly in trend.More and more couples are planning their wedding day at the beach. Fortunately for you there are many beautiful and unique decorations for you to choose from when a beach wedding is your theme. check out here to book your beach wedding theme ceremony.

Continue reading “My Son’s Wedding”

Parent Support Support

API, along with its partners, Ask Dr. Sears, Attachment Parenting Canada, Lamaze International, Pathways Connect, Infant Massage USA, Holistic Moms Network, Mothering Magazine, Families for Conscious Living, and Family and Home Network, is pleased to bring the theme of “Relax, Relate, Rejuvenate: Renewed with Parenting Support” to AP Month 2012 and we hope you have been enjoying the blog posts, daily calendar tips, research on the topic of support, local events, social media posts, and increased attention on the importance of parenting support..

We celebrate the depth and value of parenting support, urging parents to find or create and appreciate their parenting support system. We particularly show our gratitude to those who make the support happen: volunteer leaders, group volunteers, and the staff teams, advocates, and donors who support them. In 18 years of offering support, API regularly hears firsthand the impact that support has on parents and their children–and it keeps API and our partners going, doing the good work.

What else keeps us going is knowing that, as parenting support organizations, we do not need to provide all the support ourselves. We turn to each other for support and collaboration, such as with this year’s theme. We enjoy a network of approaches that all contribute so much to parenting and provide parents with options that best meet their needs. We can combine our voices and raise awareness and pinpoint focus on an important topic, far exceeding what one organization could do alone. We can share developments, lessons learned, and research and all to better support parents. We think it is good for us to build each other up, to work together, all for the purpose of doing our best for families. The feedback is that you find our collaboration supportive too.

There are a lot of people to thank, including each of the AP Month 2012 partners. We welcome new ones–Pathways Connect, Holistic Moms Network, Family and Home Network, and Families for Conscious Living–for sharing the message, donating to the auction, contributing to the blog, and most of all supporting families. We also thank our long-time partners, now celebrating our 5th AP Month–Ask Dr. Sears, Mothering Magazine, Infant Massage USA, Lamaze International, and AP Canada–for promoting the theme in their communities The theme and logo this year recognize the cycle of support and how it really is a valuable renewable resource we cannot underestimate. We thank Art Yuen, AP Month Coordinator, for our theme and position statement, and bringing together the entire event with support from Kelly Johnson. Thank you to Dawn Washelesky, logo designer, for conceptualizing this year’s theme. Thank you to Angela Adams and Ashlee Gray for their work on the API auction, and to all the donors for their contributions. Thank you to Courtney Sperlazza for organizing the AP Month blog event, and Kelly Bartlett for organizing our social media activities. Thank you to Rita Brhel and her publications team, for our upcoming Attached Family issue of articles on the theme of parent support. Thank you to our featured AP Month support groups and sharing your stories. Thank you to the local API support groups for organizing events and fundraisers in support of their groups and API.

Thank you to Barbara Nicholson and Wendy Goldstein, for bringing us our Papas and Mamas Sing for Healthy Birth 2012 benefit concert. Thank you to all our many volunteers for the silent auction and ticket sales, and to Lamaze International for partnering in this effort. Thank you to our concert sponsors TriStar Health, 12South Yoga, Village Real Estate Services, Delbert McClinton and Wendy Goldstein, Trey and Lisa Calfee, and Phil and Reedy Hickey. For a one-of-a-kind night, thank you to Delbert McClinton and Band, Beth Chapman, Jonnell Mosser, Siobhan Kennedy, and Carmella Ramsey, Kevin and Yates McKendree, The McCrary Sisters, Gary Nicholson, and Doyle and Debbie. Thank you to Third and Lindsley Bar and Grill for hosting the event. Thank you to Dr. William and Martha Sears for presenting the API “Attached at the Heart” 2012 Contributions in Parenting Award to Ina May Gaskin, and recognizing our honorees Ricki Lake and Abby Epstein for their work on the Business of Being Born.

Let’s cap off this year’s celebration by making sure this good work can continue with some support of the AP Month Auction! Make your bids and show your appreciation to our donors and the work of all our volunteers.

Parent support support is a role that all of us can play, helping organizations who are dedicated to equipping and empowering parents through the most important role there is–nurturing our children for healthy lives.

Examples

When I was in college, way back in the day, I stumbled across a teacher who was getting into this ‘new style’ of parenting. I was the only parent in the entire class besides the teacher, even so, by the end of her second class, the majority of the students were like me and totally interested in this ‘natural parenting’. Our first big assignment was to do a short study of a parent and then make a comparison of their parenting to natural parenting. I chose one of my older sisters as my subject, the fact that she lived around the corner and that my niece would play with my 5-month-old for two hours had no bearing on my choice…really.

Donna was in her late 20s, married and had two children, a daughter and a son, a little over five years apart. Her daughter was Little Miss Happy Pants, always eager to help (and play with babies) and her son was an impish explorer (read: cute troublemaker-he once walked past mama on the phone, smiling as he pulled a loaded-with-dark-paint paintbrush along the newly white wall). She took care of several kids during the day for extra money. We didn’t have the best example of parenting growing up, something that greatly affected all of us, but especially Donna. Our two older sisters were good moms, but Donna just had this connection to kids. This soft-spoken empathy that we all seemed to lack. Where we would nod in a rushed agreement and then move along with a child showing us a prized possession, Donna would get down to their level, ask questions and really listen to their response. In her eyes, children really were people, too.

I wish I could remember all of my observations from that day…find the paper I wrote. Thankfully, I can easily recall most of my conclusions. In class, we had watched segments of an ABC show, ‘The Home Show‘, with a doctor who was talking about this little practiced parenting style, Dr. Jay Gordon. We read articles from a ‘extreme’ parenting magazine called ‘Mothering‘ and listened to our teacher talk about parenting in other parts of the world. In the couple of weeks we had to work on our papers, I started to realize that this stuff wasn’t so foreign to me after all. I saw it in practice nearly everyday, in my sister. I slowly realized that it was pretty obvious what I had personally lived, with my parents, wasn’t ‘right’. It didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel like home should feel. I wanted more for my son and my future kids. I evolved, over time and certainly never to what I thought was ideal. But messy house be dammed, all eight kids knew to their very soul that they could crawl up on mama, anytime, anywhere and be home.

Years later, Donna’s life changed drastically. She was divorced, had hard times and luckily, ended up marrying her true love. They tried so hard for a baby of their own. She desperately wanted a child with her husband, so much so that she asked me if I would be a surrogate. Soon after asking, she got pregnant with her miracle baby and she couldn’t have been happier. Oh, how she loved that baby boy! They went through some tragic times, the demons of her childhood just wouldn’t leave her. She had rough times with her older kids and just her life in general. But that little boy…I would hear family members say things…”Can you believe he still crawls in bed with her and sleeps? He’s 10-years-old!” I would just smile and nod cause my own little ones and teens would ‘still’ crawl into bed with me!

Our parents died, we all moved apart and Donna made her own world with her husband and son, nearly isolating herself from everyone. When we came together for her funeral a few weeks ago, everyone was stunned at the quiet strength of her ‘baby boy’, 17-year-old Seann. He lost his best friend, the person he could confide in, trust and crawl into bed with if things got tough…for him or her. I sat on the ground outside of Burger King with him at 2:00 AM the night before the service and told him the story of why I was ‘just like’ his mom. How I didn’t realize just how important it was to pick up a crying baby, to kneel down and listen, to nurture and respect and to let the people you love more than anything in the world crawl into bed with you. We have all cried a lot since then, about a woman who gave so much of herself while suffering so badly. I was blessed to have thanked her many times, the last time just minutes before we had to let her go. Blessed to tell her that people do learn from your example. In our case, solely because of her, eight lives attached to a mom who almost didn’t know better. Thank you, Donna.

AP Month Blog Event – Featured Posts on Growing into Motherhood

We conclude our AP Month Blog Event with two posts from Anita and Bonnie, who explore the change in mindset that happens when you become a parent.

Anita writes about her shift from striving in her career to thriving as a mother. http://singaporemotherhood.com/articles/2012/10/finding-my-balance-as-a-mother/

Below, Bonnie Coffa writes about how API changed her approach to motherhood.

API-Induced Rewiring of One Mama’s Brain

by Bonnie Coffa

Although at times we feel alienated when caring for a young child, we do not parent in a vacuum. How we parent is shaped by how we were parented, family, friends, pediatricians, books and prenatal classes, to name a few. I voraciously read every parenting book I could get my hands on. This is how I fortuitously stumbled upon the books and inspirational blog pages that introduced me to the world of natural childbirth and attachment parenting (AP) that would forever change my parenting style. Books such as Birthing from Within, Pushed, Spiritual Midwifery, Raising Your Spirited Child, Last Child in the Woods, Peaceful Parenting, The No Cry Sleep Solution and countless others (recalled from memory, so my apologies for title butchering).

While, helping out Samantha Gray on an API grant application, I started thinking about how my parenting strategies have evolved. Specifically how API and the Nashville attachment parenting group have changed my mindset about how children should behave, and how I react to my son, Michael. Prior to learning about AP and attending meetings, I often felt resentful of my son’s frequent night waking and always wanting to be held. I kept wondering what I was or had done wrong. I kept trying to “fix” my son, and in my attempt, I kept a meticulous diary of daily events (what he ate, what I ate (since he was avidly nursing), bathing, sunshine exposure, and other obscure items (and the order which they were performed), and how they had impacted his night-time sleeping, which bordered OCD and makes me chuckle now. I was convinced that I would find the culprit and solve the frequent night waking, without using cry-it-out (CIO) methodology.

In my attempts to find an answer, I found a group of API mothers in Nashville, TN. API rotated my parenting style 180 degrees. I threw out the daily journal and stopped trying to “fix” Michael. I started to see him in a new light. He didn’t have a problem, he was just acting like a little boy and was only asking to have his basic needs met. It turned out that I was looking for the answer to the wrong question. The answer to my problem (emphasis on my) was acceptance of Michael’s personality and a revamping of my parenting ideals. Some infants adjust better to life outside the womb, than others and I realized Michael was having a tough time.

I remember having conversations with the pediatrician regarding letting him cry himself to sleep in his crib (and other self-soothing techniques) and reducing the night feedings, so he would sleep longer and gain weight (by drinking more cow’s milk and less breast milk, which is so backwards). After learning from the API group that breast milk contains higher fat content during the night, why on earth would I try and limit those feedings, especially when he needed that extra caloric content. I remember one mama’s advice about not counting the night feedings and the moral support “that this too will pass” and “they are only little for such a short time”. My favorite quote was “no mother has ever regretted hugging and holding her child too much”. I was fortunate to find out about my local API group and have their support and the knowledge that I am not alone, which in itself was very helpful. After a while, I adopted the mindset of “don’t ask, don’t tell” when it came to areas such as sleeping through the night and weaning. Most mom’s feel they are doing something wrong, if their baby isn’t sleeping through the night and needs to be nursed, or rocked to fall asleep.

Having been a part of the Nashville AP group was especially important for me, since I had been lacking support and encouraging in my attempts at peaceful parenting. Going to the pediatrician’s office was like preparing for war. I needed to make sure I was armed with data and information; to rebuttal the American Academy of Pediatrics recommendations (more like restrictions). I don’t want to condemn all pediatricians that are simply trying to care for our children as they were taught in medical school and from textbooks. But, I wish more pediatricians would question information and research their stance, prior to adopting the American Association of Pediatricians stance. For example, the recent article claiming no long term damage associated with letting infants cry it out. This article was taken at face value, instead of weighing the strength of the scientific evidence prior to AAP running with it. Just because this publication provided data indicating that CIO appears to produce no long-term damage to children, did they perform a true scientific assessment of the study? Did they conduct the study appropriately, were the endpoints appropriate for their conclusions, what were the limitations and did they interpret the study findings appropriately. Moral of the story, we tend to get caught up in what pediatricians and people around us tell us regarding babies. That they will be spoiled if we do this and that. That they need to fall on a growth chart in terms of height and weight (aren’t those growth chart data points from formula fed infants). That infants should cry it out, or they’ll never learn to sleep on their own. It’s infuriating that the wellbeing of our children is being compromised. What price are we paying by forcing and molding a child into adapting to our needs, especially in the cases where the mothers are uneasy about doing such things, but everyone around them is reinforcing the concepts that your child needs to sleep through the night, eat more solids, and yada-yada. I won’t say that I don’t get stressed out, but on average, I try to see his point of view. He’s only acting like a child, and it is me that is being a baby. The closeness and warmth children receive is important for proper brain development and maturation into emotionally and psychologically balanced individuals. This is where AP groups are invaluable. They can be a resource, particularly for parents that are surrounded by anti-AP philosophies. Many parents aren’t familiar with attachment parenting and tend to parent their children similarly to how they grew up or take for fact statements made by pediatricians. I think it is critical that API gains greater exposure.

Despite having moved from Nashville, TN to Richmond, VA, I am grateful to still remain a part of the Nashville Attachment Parenting group via the yahoo group.

I cannot emphasize enough how important support groups like API are in providing a support system that helps fill this void many families encounter when raising a child. As the Canadian psychologist, Bruce Alexander stated, we live in a dislocated society (free market economies promote the dislocation from family and community). After all, it does take a village to raise a child, and in today’s society, those villages are scant and this puts a strain on the parents. I often wonder how the lack of support systems contributes to the rise in the number of bullies and drug and non-substance addictions, but that is a separate blog.

I hope that many other families too will be privileged to learn and reap the benefits of attachment parenting, and dispel the myths that negatively tinge AP.

Happy parenting!