APtly Said – Page 32

Sometimes it is all about me

Editor’s note: Welcome to APtly Said’s celebration of mothers! This year’s theme for Mother’s Day is “Life Lessons” as Attachment Parenting International celebrates with an inspiring series from May 7-11. We hope you are enjoying your Mother’s Day and find time to reflect on what you’ve learned through your motherhood journey.

This year’s theme for Mother’s Day at APtly Said is “Life Lessons.” We were asked to reflect on what we have learned since becoming a mother. Well, I think the easier question to answer would be what haven’t I learned since becoming a mother?

Motherhood changes you so deeply. Every aspect of your life is transformed to reflect your new role — no part of your old life or old self is left untouched. This is simultaneously wildly exciting and unimaginably overwhelming.

If I had to choose the most prominent life lesson, the one that has most profoundly affected my day to day living, it is this: Sometimes it is all about me.

What I mean is this: In order to adequately love my children and my family, I must first love myself. I cannot give from an empty tank. When my personal reserve is depleted, there is nothing left to give to those I love.

As mothers, it is our natural desire to serve, love, and protect our family. We tend to put our needs and our desires on hold in favor of tending to the needs of those in our care.

While this may seem admirable, noble, and selfless, it can also be self-destructive and disadvantageous to our well-being and consequently the well-being of our family. Our children’s need for us is undeniable. But they also need us at our best — they don’t need us stressed, broken, tired, and consumed…although those are sometimes unavoidable.

They simply need us.

We don’t need to be “the best” — we just need to be our best. In order to be our best, we need to take time for ourselves. This can seem like it is easier said than done, but once you commit to taking time for yourself, it becomes a part of your schedule and fits seamlessly with day-to-day living. The Iron Samurai is your solution to all things fitness. More importantly, having been given time to re-fuel and compose our self physically, emotionally, and mentally, we are better prepared to provide for the needs of our children and partner. As counter-intuitive as it sounds, giving ourselves breathing space and time to decompress is one of the most selfless things we can do.

When parenting stops being enjoyable and starts to become a chore, that is a sure sign that you are burnt out and in need of a little “me time.” Whether it is a simple shower in solitude, 15 minutes of meditation, a fitness class on HealthEd Academy, a contemplative walk, or a much-needed nap, taking time for “me” is essential to our personal well-being.

Personally, I love yoga. I love to teach yoga and I love to practice yoga. Several times a week, I make it a point to get this time to myself. Other times, I simply go to the grocery store alone, and while I am fulfilling a task for my family, I am also getting some much-deserved and much-treasured down time.

There is nothing I love more than being a wife and a mother, and there is no one I love more than my children and my husband. But sometimes, just sometimes, it is all about me. And that, my friends, is perfectly okay.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Trusting my intuition

Editor’s note: Welcome to APtly Said’s celebration of mothers! This year’s theme for Mother’s Day is “Life Lessons.” Effie Morchi, Attachment Parenting International‘s Assistant Editor, has put together a truly inspirational series, running May 7-11. We hope you enjoy your Mother’s Day and are able to reflect on what you’ve learned through your motherhood journey.

At the age of 7 years old, I learned a lesson I truly understood and lived by when I became a mom: I learned that trusting my intuition is imperative — it can even be a matter of survival.

I narrowly escaped a dangerous situation I was in, with a man who lured me away from a bus stop to an abandoned building in a field off a main road. I vividly recall the immediate physical reaction and sickening sensation I felt when he approached me. I knew I was making the wrong choice, but I felt compelled to follow his lead as he was the adult — the authority figure — and I was the child, the subordinate. I didn’t listen to the natural feeling that signaled my body to avert the situation. Once I sensed real danger was imminent, I was determined to find a way out and I managed to run away.

Twenty-two years later, my first child was born. I didn’t have a vision in mind as to what type of parent I would like to be. Being career-oriented and driven, I surprised myself when I decided to quit my job and become a stay-at-home mom. I viewed it to be the only suitable choice for me to raise my child.

I didn’t delve into parenting books or seek much advice. I cared for my baby following what made sense to me. I was task-oriented, focusing on taking care of the precious miracle-of-life I carried in me for 9 months. I put my wants on hold to attend to my baby’s needs — every minute of every day.

I followed nature’s flow, and without resistance, I swam in the direction the waves took me. Stroke by stroke, I kept on swimming — unaware of the beautiful, enlightening destination the currents of the ocean would lead me to. I was practicing Attachment Parenting, though at the time, I didn’t have a name for it, nor did I need one. It simply felt right in my body, my heart and my soul.

I was confronted by some who suggested I redirect myself and swim in the opposite direction — after all, that was the direction most others were swimming in, struggling and fighting against the waves.

There were times I felt isolated and all alone in the vast ocean, but somehow I managed to see the shoreline. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I was swimming in the right direction — my body told me so. As always, my intuition was on my side — this time, I listened.

As I was in tune with my baby’s needs, I was increasingly becoming more attuned to myself, developing deep personal insight and awareness. In recent years, along with other transforming events in my life, I reflect on how motherhood transformed me, and I recognize I have been guided by my instincts and intuition in the way I have been nurturing and raising my kids. My intuition has been a guiding light — shining the way for me, always leading me on the right path.

The role of a mom has been a pivotal one for me. The importance of trusting my intuition is a life lesson I mastered with this role. My children have been the inspiration — carrying me through the ocean to the intended destination of who I am and where I am today in my life’s journey. Being their mom has taught me that, above all, my intuition is the source of much of the love and light I have been blessed with.

Editor’s pick: Consider a midwife

“Once born, baby’s hormonal control systems and brain synapses begin to permanently organize according to the human interactions she experiences.” ~ Linda Folden Palmer, DC, in “The Chemistry of Attachment“

Attachment Parenting International encourages parents to make informed choices regarding childbirth, and that includes selecting your health care provider. Many Attachment Parenting families choose midwifery.

This week’s featured article is “Midwives are essential to global heath” on TIME, written by Jerker Liljestrand of the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation’s Maternal, Newborn and Child Health program.

“Despite the fact that cesarean section rates higher than 10% are not associated with reductions in maternal and newborn mortality, many countries across the world — including the U.S., Brazil and even parts of India — are seeing rates of cesarean section rise to over 30%,” Jerker writes.

Childbirth has been happening since the beginning of mankind, but it is only in the last century that it has been viewed as a medical event rather than a natural human experience.

It’s true that some childbirth experiences do turn into medical events — that complications do arise that necessitate interventions up to and including cesareans. But as Jerker explains, the vast majority of births are normal, uncomplicated and with no need to become a medical event.

The solution, Jerker proposes, lies in midwifery — a profession that dates back to ancient Egypt when women supported other women in childbirth. Today — and, I’m sure, back then, too — midwives are trained with a focus on natural births, and the way they support birthing women is to facilitate natural births. Jerker refers to research that shows that the use of a midwife leads to fewer preterm births, fewer labor interventions and shorter hospital stays.

In many less-developed countries — like Sri Lanka, Burkina Faso, Indonesia, and Ethiopia — midwives has helped to reduce maternal and newborn mortality drastically. Just in Cambodia, midwife-attended births have slashed maternal mortality by two-thirds since 1990!

From API’s perspective, the less complicated childbirth is, the easier it is to establish that mother-infant bond that eventually blossoms into a secure parent-child attachment. API promotes childbirth experiences with the least interventions possible to allow the natural hormone flow in mothers, infants and even fathers to get bonding off to the best start.

What childbirth experience do you want your baby to have? Consider a midwife to help.

Less screen time…more creative, active playtime

Editor’s note: May 2-8 is Screen-Free Week, an observance created by the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood that encourages children, families and communities to unplug from digital entertainment and spend their free time playing, reading, daydreaming, creating, exploring, connecting, and rediscovering the joys of life beyond the screen. Attachment Parenting International (API) reminds parents to find a balance with screen time in their families and supports a variety of activities — including play — to strengthen and nurture secure parent-child attachment relationships.

Children need to play.

Play is so essential to children’s health and well-being — and so endangered — that the United Nations lists it as a guaranteed right in its Convention on the Rights of the Child. One of the most important reasons to limit children’s screen time is to ensure that they have more time and opportunities for hands-on creative play.

Children play creatively to:

Have fun
Express their fantasies and feelings
Gain a sense of competence
Make meaning of their experience.

Hands-on, creative play promotes:

Intellectual growth
Critical thinking
Constructive problem solving skills through opportunities to explore and experiment
Self-control.

As the amount of time children spend with screens is increasing, the amount of time children spend in hands-on, creative play is decreasing making us want to recommend you to check out SUPER WHEELS SKATING CENTER here. Also, the more time young children spend with screens, the more time they are likely to spend engaging with them as older children and the harder time they have turning screens off. In addition to the time it takes up, screen media is less conducive to creative play than other media such as books or radio.

The best-selling toys, marketed on television and the Internet, often inhibit rather than promote creativity, because they are either linked to media programs, embedded with computer chips, or both. When children play with toys that are based on media products, they play less creatively because they are not spurred to make up their own world. And toys that talk, chirp, beep, and move electronically mean that a child’s involvement is often limited to pushing a button — hardly a creative activity!

Active play is important, too. Kids need at least 60 minutes of active and vigorous play each day, and one of the easiest and most enjoyable ways to meet this goal is by playing outside. Given that childhood obesity is a major public health concern, the amount of sedentary time that children spend with screens is a big problem. Children ages 10-16 now spend, on average, only 12.6 minutes per day in vigorous physical activity, yet they spend an average of 10.4 waking hours each day relatively motionless.

In addition, young children living in inner cities are failing to develop essential large motor skills. One recent study found that 86% of disadvantaged preschoolers in 2 cities lacked basic motor skills like running, jumping, throwing, and catching.

While proponents of screen technology laud gaming systems like the Wii, which promotes movement, a recent study suggests that simulating activities by playing on a Wii does not burn as many calories as actually engaging in those activities.

Screen-Free Week is a chance for children and families to experience the joys of play:

Play with art supplies
Play with words
Play with music
Make up songs
Play with blocks
Play with nothing
Play cards and board games
Play indoors
Play outdoors
Play tag
Play sports
Play together
Play alone

And when Screen-Free Week is over, keep on playing!

Additional API Resources

An exclusive API audio recording with Dr. Jean Illsley Clarke on “How Much Is Enough? Attachment Parenting, permissive parenting and overindulgence” — now only $9

2011 AP Month “Families at Play” research

An interview with Sara Adelman, founder of Screen-Free Week, on API’s online The Attached Family magazine

Personal stories on API’s blog, APtly Said:

“Non-TV ways to connect with your kids”

“Screen time and Attachment Parenting”

“Screen time can be family time”

Editor’s pick: Where punishment, not even timeout, will have no home

“All behavior is communication.” ~ Linda Hatfield, cofounder of Parenting from the Heart

Today, as we celebrate SpankOut Day April 30th — an annual observance founded by the Center for Effective Discipline (now part of the Gundersen National Child Protection Training Center) to bring attention to the need to stop physical punishment of children and promote nonviolent discipline — I want to encourage everyone to take this movement a step further than ending spanking as a discipline method. It’s time to talk about timeout and the detrimental effects this very widespread alternative to spanking has on children, families and society.

This week’s featured article is “Why you should never use timeouts on your kids” from PBS Newshour. It is written by journalist and parenting blogger Wendy Thomas Russell who shares what she’s learned about using timeouts and why they’re really no better than hitting our kids.

“Decades of neuroscience and social research have shown that timeouts and other methods of punishment are not only ineffective in steering the behavior of children but outright damaging,” Wendy writes.

You read that right.

The fact of the matter is all punishments are damaging. It doesn’t matter if its spanking or timeout or taking away privileges or any other punishment. Every form of punishment is harmful, as Wendy reports, because “it takes the core need of the child and uses it as a bargaining chip.”

The core need she points out here is emotional attachment. Timeout separates parents and children, using the child’s emotional needs as a trade — if the child wants that attachment, he or she has to do this certain behavior, even if that behavior compromises another need, such as hunger, tiredness, or acceptance…and even if that behavior is not even developmentally appropriate for that child.

I like how Wendy describes children’s misbehavior — that children simply do not misbehave. All they do is behave, and their behavior — as so many attached parents understand — is a reflection of their needs in combination with their biological development stage. So a 2-year-old child is going to behave differently when hungry or tired or unwell or sad or angry or scared or overstimulated or bored or happy than a 6 year old or an 8 year old or an 11 year old. And it’s our job, as parents, not to punish them for their innate, biologically driven behavior but to guide them toward behaviors that help them cope with the situation.

If we look at spanking, parents who use spanking or hitting or physical punishment are hurting their children in their attempt to teach. If we look at timeout, parents are also hurting their children in their attempt to teach — through isolation and ignoring — and this type of emotional pain is just as damaging to a child as physical pain. What children are learning when they’re in pain or fear of pain is much different than what they are learning when not afraid or in pain.

Think about if you are trying to learn a new skill. Let’s say it’s painting a picture. If your painting instructor yells at you, hits you, or puts you in a corner every time you make a brush stroke she doesn’t like, what are you learning? Anxiety mostly.

If that same instructor guides you on how to hold the brush, how to put the paint on the brush, how to sweep the stroke over the canvas — exercising patience for your skill level, without punishment — what are you learning? How to paint.

Some parents may see this as a long way from trying to teach children not to do certain behaviors, but what all parents are trying to teach are actually skills — life skills. And considering that children learn more from what parents model, the skills that parents are teaching when they spank, issue timeouts, or use other punishments is to feel anxious and afraid, to expect physical or emotional pain when they approach a behavior boundary, and to react to feeling angry by controlling and coercing others.

That is violence.

Let’s promote nonviolence. And we can do it. Many parents when faced with the alternative of not spanking, using timeouts, or punishment assume that there are no ways to discipline their children. But discipline does not equal punishment. There are far more ways to discipline a child without punishment than with, and to be honest, nonviolent discipline is far more effective than punishment in teaching children — every time.

Many, many, many parents who have done both punishment and positive discipline will tell you this. The problem is, many parents who use punishments and who criticize positive discipline have never really tried doing the latter. If they did, they are bound to learn what Sarah Clark at Mothering learned — that positive discipline works and doesn’t turn our children into brats and heathens, but rather into some really amazing kids motivated out of attachment, which is far more powerful than fear.

But it does take a definite learning curve for parents to learn to discipline without punishment. There’s a lot more at stake than simply changing their parenting behaviors regarding discipline. How each of us react when angry or feeling another strong emotion is tied into our own neurobiology shaped by how we ourselves were raised, and even how our parents were raised, as well as the generation we grew up in and the community and society we knew then. Punishment is rooted in a worldview that goes way beyond the moment a parent feels angry and strikes her child or shuts his child, screaming and begging (even if not out loud) to come out, in his room.

All this to say that as we gently push our society toward positive, emotionally healthy relationships, we have to be patient with one another. We have to recognize how far society has come, and while it has a long way to go, we are making progress — bit by bit — through this Attachment Parenting movement. As parents and professionals hear more and more, from mainstream media especially, about the ever-mounting research of the negative effects of spanking, timeouts and other punishments — more parents will be willing to go through the hard work of addressing their often generations-deep perspectives on what it means to have a healthy relationship and to change their hearts toward parenting.

I applaud every parent who is on this journey toward a more trusting, empathic, affectionate, joyful, and peaceful family where punishment will some day have no home.

Even $5 makes a huge difference to furthering the Attachment Parenting movement, which relies exclusively on donations, to continue providing free education and support to parents around the world

Reflecting on Earth Day through my family’s every day green choices

I hope you were able to reflect on ways to make changes in how you live during this year’s Earth Day on April 22. Having a baby has made me so conscious of every day choices I make for myself and my soon-to-be 4-year-old daughter. Parenting is a learning experience, and when I look back, indeed every day has been nothing short of a live classroom.

Before I was expecting, a local Earth Day event had really got me thinking of the power each of us holds to change things.

My family’s health has become my top-most priority, and eating well is a big part of that. We get farm-fresh milk from a local dairy, fresh vegetables from another farm and freshly baked goodies from local bakers. The rest, we cook at home most of the time.

We had always recycled, but we still generated some waste. That waste multiplied manifold when we had our baby and made me look for ways to reduce diaper waste. I found cloth diapers. We also have a compost bin in the backyard that helps us eliminate most of our remaining waste. The compost is used for our fruit trees and vegetable beds.

I love gardening with my kids, we use use grow tents for indoor gardening and they love it. My little daughter even know all the names of each plant we have.

The joy on our little one’s face when she plucks her own fruits and vegetables to eat is so immense that it keeps me going with gardening no matter how busy life may be. Sometimes, she just relaxes under the parasol and I realised how Parasols for your garden can be a boon on a scorching day.

Gardening is among the leading hobbies just about everywhere in the world. The popularity of gardening with the aid of home greenhouses online kits has caused an explosion of green house equipment and supplies designed for the hobby gardener. What was used only in commercial or institutional growing houses is now being used in the avid gardener’s own custom built greenhouse as well. Many of these supplies can be costly and it is necessary that you realize what you will need when planning a custom hobby greenhouse.

Growing your own produce, fruit and vegetables all year-round is making the basic gardener consider a hobby greenhouse for low cost sustainability. Hobby greenhouses, whether it is a kit, a lean-to or a stand alone greenhouse, are all great ways to become a part of this vast emergence due to the high costs of living and the concern for organic products and healthy choices.

Besides planning a place in your yard for your hobby greenhouse, the builder will guide your project through a professional and successful construction and installation process. Hobby, school and commercial greenhouses and greenhouse supplies are also items you will want to ask about in your planning stages.

For example, if you live in colder climates, you will want certain types of heating systems and particular materials in the greenhouse to aid your plants in healthy growth year round.

Misting and fog systems are common greenhouse equipment that is used in southern greenhouses and hot climates. Misting systems aid to cool greenhouses with a fine mist that depresses air temperatures when it evaporates. Greenhouse supplies for misting and fogging come in many sizes and costs and your greenhouse builder will also help you decide the proper size and will order it directly through his various sources.

Greenhouses provide a controlled environment for plant life by the common use of venting. This is where the vents are built into the greenhouse roof, and allow the heat to rise, or the mist to ascend. This allows most vegetation or floral to grow at the control of the gardener.

Another utility for healthy agricultural growth is with hydroponics. Hydroponics are usually a steel or plastic piping that allows the root to grow while it feeds on the nutrients in a water solution. No soil is necessary and the beauty of this method is the fact that it rids all plants of soil based disease and is more cost effective in the long run. Hydroponic greenhouses are growing in numbers within southern greenhouse regions. The greenhouse builder or manufacturer can either supply the hydroponics or they will point you in the right direction for setting up your hydroponic greenhouse.

While a custom built greenhouse is a permanent greenhouse due to size and land restrictions, lean-to and stand alone small greenhouses are good solutions.

Lighting for greenhouses are another greenhouse supply that you may wish to also include. Greenhouse lighting artificial lights may be required if your growing area does not provide adequate light. Grow lights are great for helping plants maintain healthy growth. It can also aid the grower in sprouting and germination of the select plant of choice.

There are also other greenhouse supply options that are useful, such as plant hangars, sprinklers, misting wands, extra doors, shelving, and greenhouse shades that roll over the roof of the greenhouse to provide more adequate shade solutions. PVC fittings, even greenhouse insulation and benches are also very popular.

If you live in an region with a short growing season, the cool weather can overtake crops like tomatoes and peppers when these would be at their peak. With greenhouses, you extend your short season so you are able to delight in the ability to have fresh vegetables longer.

Mini greenhouses, or very small greenhouses range in non-enter to small walk in greenhouses the size of a small coat closet. They are a great way to ease into greenhouse gardening. These are also built by the custom greenhouse builder and you can order kits as well. The kits may be simple inferior products due to the materials used, but at least it could be a simple solution to a new beginning in greenhouse gardening.

Anyone can grow plants, but to grow plants well takes a little knowledge, skill and the right equipment. Each city and on line resources offer excellent information on starting a greenhouse garden. A greenhouse creates the perfect atmosphere for plants to flourish; so many people are building greenhouses on their properties, and stocking them with the right greenhouse supplies.

One last type of greenhouse structure to consider is the luxury greenhouse. These are very large solarium’s and greenrooms, some with many stories and swimming pools, water fountains and foliage resembling that of a vacation hideaway. Again, ask your greenhouse builder for more information on building a luxury greenhouse and planning your custom greenhouse.

When we started solids, my daughter started daycare around the same time. I struggled with the reality of balancing life and work with the option of serving prepackaged food versus preparing fresh food. Eventually — between breast milk, some freshly prepared food and some store-bought jars — we found our balance.

Soon after our daughter’s first birthday, we bought our first house. The house came with a yard that was landscaped with native species of shrubs and trees. It attracted some rare species of birds that I have gotten to see thanks to our little one who encourages me to spend time outside with her, rain or shine. The freedom from having to water the yard even in the driest of Oregon summers is such an advantage.

Every new parent knows the amount of stuff we accumulate when babies arrive in our lives. Trying to fit all the stuff in an apartment when we had our baby made me very conscious of how much “baby stuff” I was going to get, either as gifts or buy on my own. I did not stop myself from buying something if I really liked it, but I had to make a conscious effort to say “no” to a lot of gifts. Moving into a house hasn’t changed much in terms of lack of storage space, and I continue to use stuff from close friends and pass down stuff to new families as soon as I get the opportunity.

Celebrating birthdays has been another occasion where I have put my green choices to great use. I call these “gift exchange” parties and encourage friends to bring used or recycled toys. I send home potted seedlings as return gifts that our friends’ children can plant to enjoy their fruits.

As a mother wanting to raise a like-minded daughter, I am already starting to reap the benefits of sowing these “seeds” of conscious living. My daughter saves her toys to give away to other little ones, and whenever the kitchen tap or shower faucet has running water flowing with full force, my little one reminds me to use it just as much as I need and to not waste too much water in the shower.

I hope you have been inspired to make some small every day changes in how you live to benefit the health of our Earth.

“Simplicity Parenting” with Kim John Payne

Purchase this one-of-a-kind API audio recording for only $9 and learn how to:
– Define family values for our children
– Put limits in place to guide our children to our family values
– Develop a multi-faceted foundation of connection with your children, being careful that connection isn’t based on a sole factor
– Understand the power of simplicity in reducing stress and boosting connection, creativity and relaxation among both parents and children within a family
– And so much more!

Editor’s pick: Reconnecting our kids with nature for healthy development

“It seems to me that the natural world is the greatest source of excitement, the greatest source of visual beauty, the greatest source of intellectual interest. It is the greatest source of so much in life that makes life worth living.” ~ David Attenborough, English broadcaster and naturalist

Today is Earth Day. We are reminded of the need to protect our Earth with all its wonders and beautiful resources: the majestic glaciers, magnificent oceans, captivating tall trees, vast grasslands, and all precious life forms. Today, Attachment Parenting International (API) observes the significance of our Earth and nature as a valuable resource for our children’s well-being.

Connecting with nature — spending time outdoors — provides children with the opportunity to freely engage in exploration, observation, creativity, and physical activity. It promotes the development of physical, emotional, and spiritual balance children need to flourish.

With the prevalence of electronic devices, overscheduling and the increasingly limited availability of natural settings, children nowadays have little opportunities to spend time outdoors and in nature. Television, the internet and social media are at their fingertips: They spend many hours being connected, but yet disconnected — from their natural environment.

In his 2005 book, Last Child in the Woods, journalist Richard Louv coined the term “Nature Deficit Disorder,” referring to the negative effects resulting from children spending less time outdoors. In his groundbreaking work, Louv sheds light on this important issue that deeply affects our children.

In this Parent & Child magazine article, Louv explains why nature is vital for children: As human beings, our connection to nature is biologically innate. Nature deficit disorder is not a medical condition but a description of the human costs of alienation from nature. This alienation damages children, and some of the consequent problems are depression, obesity, and attention problems.

In his Orion magazine article, “Leave No Child Inside,” Louv discusses the need behind the movement to reconnect kids with nature: “As one suburban fifth grader put it to me, in what has become the signature epigram of the children-and-nature movement: ‘I like to play indoors better ’cause that’s where all the electrical outlets are.’”

Due to the movement, there is growing dialogue on the subject of children and nature among educators, health care providers, recreation companies, residential developers, urban planners, conservation agencies, academics, and others.

There is also a growing body of research on the problem of children’s disconnection from the natural environment, and the benefits of increased connection. Some of the benefits discussed in this Natural Learning Initiative piece are:

Supports creativity and problem solving
Enhances cognitive abilities
Improves social relations
Improves self-discipline
Reduces stress
Reduces Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) symptoms
Increases physical activity.

Children’s immersion and connection with nature also has profound implications on future conservation and the direction of the environmental movement. If, as a society, we would truly understand the benefits nature has to offer to our children, we would be more inclined to re-evaluate our relationship with nature and the urgency to protect our beautiful Earth.

Additional API Resources for Earth Day

“Playful Parenting with Larry Cohen,” author of Playful Parenting, The Art of Roughhousing, and Picnic on a Cloud, in this API Teleseminar — now just $9 for your audio recording!

“Nature’s toys” from AP Month 2011

More professional insight from The Attached Family online magazine:

“Conscious Living with Lisa Reagan,” executive editor of Kindred Media & Community, cofounder of Families for Conscious Living, and member of API’s Resource Advisory Council

“Parenting for a Sustainable World: Cultivating a Reverence for Life” by Lysa Parker, cofounder of API and coauthor of Attached at the Heart

And personal stories from other APtly Said blog posts:

“Teaching environmental responsibility“

“Nature therapy“

“Fall party“

“Hiking with children“

Embracing persistence in children

When my son was younger, I wondered why he had to be so determined? Why couldn’t he be easygoing like most other kids I know? And why did he have to challenge me nearly all the time?

I vividly recall an incident when Ethan was about 2 years old. It made me realize how strong-willed and spirited he was.

He wanted to open a kitchen cabinet that was locked. I explained that it was unsafe and that he can play with all the other cabinets I kept unlocked. He wouldn’t have it. He sat next to the cabinet door sobbing and pleading for about an hour and a half. Nothing I said or did distracted him or changed his mind.

I understood I needed to meet his persistence with an abundance of love and patience as well as consistency to set limits and develop healthy boundaries.

With time, I have learned to gain an appreciation for his temperament, develop more patience, take a deep breath before responding, and try the best I can to see situations from his perspective.

A few months ago, at the age of 7, Ethan reminded me how his determination was effective and how important it was for me to learn from it.

We arrived at the playground with Ethan riding his scooter, scouring to see if any of his friends were around. He spotted a boy about his age, also scootering. He didn’t know him, but nonetheless, his eyes lit up — he wanted to play!

He zoomed in the boy’s direction and shouted, “Hey, do you want to race with our scooters?” The boy didn’t respond and scootered in the opposite direction. As Ethan followed him, the boy kept riding away. So they went, Ethan trying to get his attention and the boy ignoring him and scootering away from him — it was clear that he was avoiding Ethan.

I called Ethan over and explained to him that the boy didn’t seem interested in playing, and I asked that he respect his space. He protested, saying he just wants to race their scooters together. I stressed that we need to respect the boy’s wishes.

For the next 30 minutes, the boys played away from each other. Then the boy was playing with a soccer ball, and when he threw the ball, it landed in Ethan’s hands. Without any verbal exchange, they started to play ball together.

I shook my head and chuckled. I thought, he sure found a way to get to this boy.

They continued to play for the next 30 minutes. They came over to me for a short break, and after they took a few sips of water, Ethan casually asked the boy, “Hey, do you want to race with our scooters?” “Sure!” the boy, said.

Ethan turned over to face me and with his victorious, glowing smile said, “See? Now he listens!” And with that, they went and joyfully raced on their scooters.

Game over. Persistence paid off!

Through my son, I have learned about the value of persistence and it has benefited me personally and professionally. Persistence is an important component in pushing through and achieving goals. Recent studies point out that perseverance and persistence in children are better predictors of success than IQ scores. I particularly like this 2013 article on the value of persistence.

Rather than wondering why or how our children have certain characteristics, we ought to wonder how we can best approach them and how we can nurture who they are.

I no longer view my son’s persistence as a shortcoming, but rather a strength. It presents a constant challenge for me, but it’s one I wholeheartedly embrace.

Additional API Resources on Embracing Our Child’s Temperament

API Teleseminar: “How to Get Kids Cooperating Without Yelling, Bribes, Threats or Punishments” with Dr. Laura Markham — audio recording now only $9!

API Publications: Attached Family special edition, “Loving Uniquely“

Personal stories on APtly Said, API’s blog:

— “Liking my spirited child“

— “Average big”

— “He just wants to be held“

— “Was Attachment Parenting worth it?”

— “Nurturing touch restores security in adoptive families“

— “Is he a good baby?“

— “The clown is sometimes serious“

— “Want your child to learn self-control? First, teach self-validation“

Professional insight on The Attached Family, API’s online magazine:

— “Different, Not Disordered”

— “Emotions, Limits and Spirited Kids”

— “Parenting Without Punishment in a Punishing World”

— “Creative Learning“

— “When ‘D’ Meets ‘S,’ The Role of Personality in Parenting”

— “Quiz: Are You a ‘Problem Parent?’”

— “Diverting Anger in Toddlers“