Positive Holiday Discipline

Discipline is a hot topic in my house right now.  Since I live in an intentional community and my son is the oldest of the children, it is also something of a fishbowl environment.

My now 18-month-old son is testing the limits in all new ways, challenging, finding his boundaries, and seeing how far he can push me. At the same time he is very mom-centered, demanding, and clingy. We are definitely going through another season where I frequently tell myself “this too shall pass”.

I am all about savoring the moment. To me Christmas is all about flavor. It is the culmination of the flavors of life, food, fun, family, friends, and sometimes even fights (come on it’s like the cayenne of flavors). And gifts! I am not really a huge gift person but when it comes to Christmas, I love giving and receiving gifts.  There is something about it that just makes me want to squeal, which is not really a normal Jasmine-ish response to life in general. Back to flavors. Flavors all come together in the Christmas cookies, candy, traditions, dinner, games, and music.

Christmas can also be a tricky season as far as discipline goes. Come on now, I know that you know what I am talking about. There are presents stacked under the tree, there are cookies and sweets everywhere, there is family, noise, and activity.  It is very hard to stay disciplined during this season and it is the same for our children.
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Yes Annika, there is a Santa Claus

Before I was a mother I always knew that if I had children, I would never lie to them, which included Santa. I always figured that kids needed to know their parents told them the truth.

santaAfter Annika was born, it remained a no-brainer. I always planned to play down the Santa part of Christmas and just tell her that it was a story when she was old enough to start asking questions.

Last year, when Annika was an infant, I had this argument with a friend who couldn’t believe how heartless I would be to deny my daughter the fantasy of Santa.

This year Annika is still not old enough to talk about it but something has changed in my way of thinking. I am now pondering the possibility that maybe she would like that fantasy and if done right, it could really make for some wonderful childhood memories.
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Healthier Holiday Snacks

Sweet Holiday Traditions from the Past
Many of my holiday memories revolve around food. Aside from my dad’s amazing turkey, stuffing, and gravy, there have always been Christmas cookies, Christmas fudge, stockings filled with candy – it’s no wonder I was a regular at the dentist. And it isn’t just the taste and smell of food that I remember; I reminisce about stirring marshmallow cream into mom’s huge metal pot, licking raw cookie dough off of the beaters, and arranging plates of goodies to deliver to friends.

My food-based memories are not unique. Sugar- and calorie-laden foods are simply a staple of the holiday season. A Google search for “holiday treats” returns thousands of sites dedicated to delivering recipes that will tempt your taste buds and disrupt your healthy habits.

Creating Healthier Holiday Traditions in the Present
Now that we are starting our own family traditions, I am trying to incorporate the fun and pleasure of holiday goodies without the overload of sugar. As a parent, it is my responsibility (and privilege) to nurture a taste for nutritious foods.
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6 tips for sleepy safety during your holiday travels

travelsafesleepHoliday season in many of our vocabularies is synonymous with travel, and travel means messing with our child’s normal routine. Not only our child’s routine but also our own as well. This is often most visible in our sleeping patterns.

When I am traveling, I either sleep lighter or heavier. Sometimes I have a very disturbed sleep and sometimes I am so tired I sleep abnormally heavy. I have been prone to wake up in a panic, wondering where I am and whom I am with. This is also true of our children.

So how do we make sure that this holiday travel season remains safe and sane? How do we avoid a sleeping tragedy with our young child or baby? How do we avoid those over-tired meltdowns, or at least keep them to a minimum? How do we make sure that our child continues to feel, and be, safe and secure during this time? Learn how to avoid these pitfalls with the 6 tips for sleep safety during holiday travels.

Traveling can be a very unsettling time in the life of adults and children alike. it is when we need extra security and comfort, especially at night where we are more likely to be sleeping somewhere strange with new sounds, smells, and on an unfamiliar surface.  This is  how do we safely engage in sleep, nighttime and naptime, parenting while traveling.

  1. Since wintertime is prime cold/flu season it is imperative that we do not sleep with our child if we have taken any form of cold/flu medication that may make us drowsy or in any way impair our judgment. The same caution should be applied when taking anti-nausea medication. This is also true of holiday drinking; be cognizant of your intake!

    “While infant suffocation as a result of overlying by the parent in a bed sharing environment is not unheard of, unsafe conditions such as parental intoxication with drugs or alcohol…”
(Bass, Kravath, and Glass, 1986; Gilbert-Barness et al., 1991; see also Carpenter et al., 2004; Gessner, Ives, and Perham-Hester, 2001).

  2. Your baby should not sleep unattended in a place that he/she is unfamiliar with. Young children can become easily frightened when they awake to find themselves in a location that they are not familiar with. This may cause them to panic and possibly fall or become entangled.
  3. Don’t disrupt your normal sleeping arrangements. If you normally cosleep, continue to do so. If you do not co-sleep, this is not the time to start! Your body is also used to its “normal” routine and while you are traveling it is best to stick with it.If you cosleep, remember to follow some of the basic safe sleeping “rules”.

    “Infants should sleep on firm surfaces, clean surfaces, in the absence of smoke, under light (comfortable) blanketing and their heads should never be covered. The bed should not have any stuffed animals or pillows around the infant and never should an infant be placed to sleep on top of a pillow. Sheepskins or other fluffy material and especially beanbag mattresses should never be used. Waterbeds can be dangerous, too, and always the mattresses should tightly intersect the bed-frame. Infants should never sleep on couches or sofas, with or without adults wherein they can slip down (face first) into the crevice or get wedged against the back of a couch.” Dr. James McKenna

  4. It is very important that if you are traveling by car or in a private jet from Jettly that you are mindful of how your baby is going to sleep. Especially with airline travel make sure that you have a plan! One option – Bassinets

    “Bassinets are provided, free of charge, on all international aircraft (747, 767 and 777). When confirming your reservations, you may request a seat in an appropriate location for bassinet usage. These bassinets are large enough to hold a child up to approximately six months old. They may not be used for takeoff, landing, or any time the fasten seat belt sign is illuminated.”  United Airlines, Infants and Toddlers

  5. A good choice for parents of a newborn or very young child is to be the holiday host home. If you are able to communicate the safety and comfort benefits to your family, they may be happy to acquiesce for a season.
  6. If travel is in your holiday future, it is especially helpful to have another adult along. This can eliminate many travel difficulties, as there is another pair of arms and eyes to care for your child. This allows you to catch up on your sleep and make sure that your needs are met as well during this holiday season.

API’s “Infant Sleep Safety Guidelines” page a great resource, it states as follows: “Be mindful about sharing sleep and settle the baby safely next to mom in a planned environment rather than falling asleep from exhaustion on the couch, a recliner, beanbag chair, or other unsafe place to share sleep.”

This point is driven home to us every time that we read about a new sleeping accident. We must be especially mindful while we are in complicated sleeping situations like cars, airplanes, and other small spaces.

It is easy to forget to take our usual safety precautions while traveling. If you need a refresher course there is some great information available. You may want to consider reading, or re-reading as the case may be, the API “Infant Sleep Safety Guide” or the pamphlets that are available on Dr. James McKenna’s website Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Laboratory. These are just good refreshers on safe sleeping practices as it is easy to get lax while traveling and vacationing; there is no vacation from safe sleep practices!

I thought Dr. James McKenna’s conclusion was quite fitting, “I do not recommend to any parents any particular type of sleeping arrangement since I do not know the circumstances within which particular parents live. What I do recommend is to consider all of the possible choices and to become as informed as is possible matching what you learn with what you think can work the best for you and your family.”

And with that I will wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, safe travels and even safer sleeping!

Jasmine C.

Photo: kennymatic/Flickr

Tough Love? No Way, Baby

This guest post is in response to a recent Time magazine article. For more information on the article and API’s response, please visit the API Advocates page.

“We’re glad to see you . . . We’re sorry you had to come.”

So says Time Magazine to our newborns, who are biologically wired to seek out responsive and caring nighttime parenting. The quote above is actually the welcoming phrase of the Tough Love International program (1); but it is appropriate, because Time Magazine has advised parents to practice “tough love” with their newborns when it comes to infant sleep concerns.

In the December 7, 2009 article “The Year in Health, A to Z,” the section entitled “B is for Babies” recommends:

When a baby has repeated problems falling asleep, Mom and Dad may need to show some tough love. Lingering with cranky babies too long or bringing them into the parents’ bedroom can make them likelier to become poor sleepers, according to psychologist Jodi Mindell, who gathered data on nearly 30,000 kids up to 3 years old in 17 countries. “If you’re rocked to sleep at bedtime, you’re going to need that every time you wake up,” she notes. Her advice: have children fall asleep 3 ft. away. “If they’re slightly separated, they sleep much better,” she says. (2)

Why is it that so many people (experts included) are quick to banish babies to separate sleeping quarters, even if the babies protest? As social creatures, isn’t it natural to want to share space with our loved ones? Unfortunately, where independence is celebrated as it is here in the United States, bed sharing has traditionally been widely practiced, but rarely discussed. (3)

cosleeping1

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Christmas and Crisis

The only Christmas I was pregnant, my second pregnancy, was not one I spent celebrating with carols and singing and anticipation of things to come giving cards to my friends using this Christmas SVG designs which are still trendy. Instead, I spent the time in a cramped van for two days, and laughing for the first time.

When I was 19 weeks pregnant, my father-in-law passed away very suddenly and unexpectedly. We had all been at my niece’s first birthday party the day before, and the next morning he was dead.

At that moment, the entire focus of our family changed. We were no longer a young family expecting a second child; we were a family in mourning. The pregnancy was suddenly so far on the back burner that it wasn’t even cooking!

The next weeks and months were a muddle of relatives and tears and wakes and a funeral. Additionally, my father-in-law owned a business, and it was up to my husband to take it over until it could be sold. This meant that my husband had to work his own job for four 10-hour days, and then work his father’s business the other three days for 10 hours each day. He was working 70-hour work weeks while mourning his father, trying to support his mother, and expecting a second baby.

For my part, I was trying to make life as normal as possible for my young son, who had so suddenly lost his beloved grandpa and subsequently very rarely saw his father. I never had time to think about the baby on the way. I relied on my friends very much: one would watch my son while I went to my OB appointments, another made him a scrapbook of Grandpa. Our neighbor boy mowed our lawn. I tried my best to think of thoughtful answers to my son’s many questions about Grandpa and death.
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Attachment Parenting and the Holidays

The holiday season is in full swing and as families get together for celebrations, they might find themselves faced with several challenges: co-sleeping while traveling, maintaining balance with so much going on, nurturing a new baby, and much more. There have been several posts here at API Speaks related to the holidays and so today, I thought I’d compile them all in one place – Attachment Parenting and the Holidays.

Thankful – Even young children can learn how to be thankful for what they have this holiday season.

Attached During the Holiday – Learn how one family stays attached during the busy holiday season.

The Giving Tree – One mom shares her family traditions and asks you to share yours.

Creating Holiday Traditions – Every year you have the opportunity to create a new holiday tradition, what do you have planned for this year?

Attachment Parenting Makes the Holidays Easier – Babywearing leaves you with two hands free! What other ways has attachment parenting made your holiday season a little bit easier?

Holiday Expectations Denied – How do you handle it when your holiday plans don’t go as expected?

A Foundation of Trust – Santa or no Santa? Weigh in on this issue.

Guiding Children to Associate the Holiday Season with Giving – The holidays are more about giving than getting; help your children embrace this idea.

AP Picture Books Make Great Holiday Presents – What holiday list would be complete without a gift recommendation?

Ringing in the New Year – A New Year’s Resolution for each of API’s Principles of Parenting.

If you have an attachment parenting-related holiday post that you’d like to submit to API Speaks, please email apispeaks [at] attachmentparenting [dot] org.

Melissa is the mother of two children and has been an API Leader since 2004. Melissa blogs about raising eco-conscious children at Raising Them Green.

AP Picture Books Make Great Holiday Presents 

Wondering what to give your young children this holiday season that’ll be both fun and meaningful? Every kid loves a colorful picture book with a fun narration they can relate to, but so many children’s books depict non-AP scenes and situations – like a baby happily falling asleep in a crib or a four-year-old receiving a punitive timeout at preschool – that leave us parents scratching our heads and trying to explain why our families are different.

Many of you have written in to Attachment Parenting International’s The Attached Family magazine seeking recommendations of a few fabulous children’s books for AP families. Well, we’ve selected some of our favorites this year:

    • warmestplaceThe Warmest Place of All by Licia Rando, illustrated by Anne Jewett – there are a lot of warm places when Sophie comes in from playing outside in the snow, but none gives lasting warmth like a snuggle with her parents in their big bed. API members can check out an interview with Licia on The Attached Family online. Use the username/password sent to you via e-mail recently, or in the table of contents of the Summer 2009 issue of The Attached Family magazine, to access the website.

 

    • booksPlay with Me by Michael Elsohn Ross, illustrated by Julie Downing – All kinds of mommies and daddies play with their babies, from cats and dogs to even humans!

 

    • asi me siento yoAsi Me Siento Yo by Janan Cain, translated by Yanitzia Canetti – the Spanish version of The Way I Feel, you don’t even need to know Spanish to read this book! Illustrations and colors match every emotion so well that even small children can begin to learn how to label what they’re feeling.

 

  • gift_for_baby_150A Gift for Baby/Un Regalo para Bebe by Jan Hunt, illustrated by Sunny Rosanbalm – the bilingual English-Spanish version, this book offers the same support as the original to an expanded audience of conscious parents. In the same vein as Licia’s new-release, Jan’s book follows along as Baby tries to guess what special gift is the big box – and it’s just what he wanted: Mommy!

We would be remiss, though, if we didn’t mention something about all the wonderful books over at Platypus Media – a publishing company started by AP mom Dia Michels, who isn’t shy about distributing books depicting babies breastfeeding and being worn in slings, and children cosleeping. For a limited time, you can Get Your Coupon Codes and all children’s titles are on sale for only $5 a piece (use the coupon code AB5); or $3 a piece for orders of 100 or more copies (use coupon code AB3). Some of their books you might find fun to read to your child are:

  • If My Mom Were a Platypus – available in English and Hebrew, this book explores how 14 different animals eat, sleep, and learn.
  • Come Home Soon, Baby Brother! – a must-read coloring book for siblings of a baby in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.
  • Look What I See! Where Can I Be? In the Neighborhood – see the daily routines of one AP family.
  • I Was Born to be a Brother and I Was Born to be a Sister – with narration and sing-along songs, both CDs are good for siblings anticipating the birth of a new baby in the family.

Of course, there are more AP books available in the publishing world. What books has your family found that are both representative of AP and that your kids love?