Someday you will miss this

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kelly shealer 2It’s 4 a.m. My baby is awake again. She has nursed and fallen asleep…and then woke up again the second I tried to move her. Now she is wide awake, eyes open and smiling at me. I am exhausted — beyond exhausted. And I have to be up in a few hours to take my son to school.

I really feel like I can’t handle this much longer. I just want to sleep.

Then suddenly a thought pops into my mind: Someday you will miss this.

I know that it’s true. Someday I will sleep again — full nights without interruption — and in a strange way, I will miss this moment.

I won’t miss this feeling of being so, so tired, but I will miss the feeling of my baby’s small body snuggling up against my chest and how soft and chubby and warm she is. I will miss how, once she finally falls asleep on my chest, it feels so comfortable and perfect.

Someday I will no longer nurse her and cosleep with her, she will be too big to lay down my body, and she will not need me to put her to sleep at all. And I will miss having this sweet, warm baby who loves me more than anything.

I try to remember that, in the middle of the night when I feel like I simply do not want to be doing this anymore. I try to use it as an opportunity to enjoy her and to let her know how much I love her by hugging her, covering her fat cheeks with kisses and meeting her needs.

It’s easier said than done, especially when I’m half-asleep, but it definitely helps to change my attitude: Instead of thinking about how much I hate being awake, I make an effort to focus on how much I love this time with just my daughter and me.

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Author: Kelly Shealer

Kelly Shealer is the mom of 2 active boys and 1 adventurous girl, all born almost exactly 2 years apart. Kelly encourages imaginative play and messy art projects and sees everything as a learning opportunity. She also enjoys the library, relaxing at the beach and cooking Italian food. Kelly is a postpartum doula and API Leader in Frederick, Maryland, USA.

6 thoughts on “Someday you will miss this”

  1. That’s exactly how I get through my nights. It’s so easy to get frustrated and loose your s#%+ because you’re so freakin tired. But ‘this will not last forever’ and I take a deep breath and give a little tighter squeeze!

  2. Its so true, and on the days where my exhaustion brings me to tears I try to remind myself that I won’t be home with my little girl much longer. My maternity leave is coming to an end so fast. I’m trying to hug and kiss and snuggle her as much as I can while she will still allow it!

  3. When my son was born until he was about 2 years, I very rarely get two hours of straight sleep in tending for his needs. I often dozed off on my 15-minute ride to work. Not to mention the times when he was sick and I had to carry him all night because he did not want to be laid down to bed.but then I survived all that. Now four and he would still ask.sometimes to sleep in my chest or make my tummy his pillow and he calls it “loving mommy”! 🙂

  4. Hello Kelly, I pray all is well with you and your family. What a lovely post I stumbled upon…I am umm hajar (means ‘Hajar’s mum). Its funny you eloquently portray the beauty in changing your perception of what could easily be a cranky situation… see in Islam we are most highly advised to do the same…not because one day we will miss the act but purely because the mother has a much higher status due to such situations…we believe that heaven lies under the mothers every hardship a mother goes thru it’s just easing her entrance to heaven. So now as a Muslim mother I feel the need to happily be awake with my little angels when they screech at 4am. Take care, Umm Hajar 🙂

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