Just recently my husband and I decided to change things up a little bit. We live by the principle that if you want to see something different you have to do something different. Meaning that if I don’t like what I see in society as a whole or I don’t like how families are falling apart on a regular basis or I don’t like how children are turning out then I can’t expect to do the exact same thing as everyone else is doing but expect that somehow it will be different for me.
I think that can be one of the most dangerous traps for us as parents, and as people, to fall in to. We tend to look at the way other people’s lives are and say, “Well that isn’t me,” or “That won’t be me! I’m different…” and yet all the time we are saying/thinking that we are living the same way as “those people” are living and our goals are the same goals. Do you think that people with kids that shoot people wanted that for their children? Do you think that the mom who is worn out because her kids run over the top of her wanted that? Do you think that families fall apart because the parents wanted that to happen? Did they take their vows knowing that someone would break them? I don’t think so.
If you want to see something different you have to do something different.
So what does that mean practically? It means that you will have to make decisions based on your family first. Very first. What is good for you all and the surprising thing is for the most part what is good for a family is not what is traditionally touted as good in our culture. We think that it is good that you slave away so that you can buy big toys and a good house and to pay for a good eduction so that your kids can get a good job so that they can buy a big house and the toys that they want and save for their kids education… not that there is anything really wrong with this but doesn’t that seem like a mundane existence? It certainly isn’t what most of us say that we want.
If you want to see something different you have to do something different.
We say that we want genuine relationships with our children. We say we want them to grow up to be curious and creative adults with a hunger for learning. We say that we want to be able to enjoy our teenagers not dread them. We say we want to experience life with our children.
So what are you doing differently so that you can see that come about?
Photo used from: http://www.flickr.com/photos/qubodup/2950583553/
I’m with you on this one. My husband and I have been striving to live by what brings us the most joy, regardless of how strange it looks or seems. Since my son was born 8 months ago, we’ve made the decision to bring in less financial income in favor of getting to spend more time together. I’m now working part-time, and being a full-time mom and wife. Although sometimes I catch myself wondering if I’m “doing enough,” falling back into the pattern of “achieve achieve achieve”, when I stop to take a breath and really *see* the world I’m creating, I’m so grateful for the family I live in. My son is healthy and happy. My relationship with my husband is thriving. We live in a beautiful home, and have the time, space, and emotional wherewithal to do things like play hooky and go to the beach on the first sunny day in 3 weeks.
*thank you* for this reminder that we are not alone in having the creation of a loving family as our #1 goal.
My what a loaded question. What are we doing different. Well to start with I quit my job 1 year ago this month to stay home with our two children. We wills start homeschooling this year our oldest. We hunt, plant a fairly large garden, can what we don’t eat, I tell my children every day how proud I am of them, how much I love them, we cuddle we hug, we co-sleep (so not what my family or their dad’s family agree with) Our children know that they are loved that if they cry I will run to them and hold them. My gosh my 21 month old son already knows that if he gets a booboo all he as to do is come to mommy for a kiss and its all better. I just love that. I love that when my Daughter wanted to know what was inside a golf ball we did not run to the computer to find out my husband got a ball and a saw and they found out together what was inside. We are working on being hands on and let the natural couriosity of a child bloom.
I couldn’t agree more. My partner and I have always done things differently and care more about spending time together and enjoying day-to-day life rather than having a big house or whatever. We have an 8 month old daughter who we’ve attachment patented from day one, before we’d even heard of it. It just came naturally to us. We co-sleep – our bedroom is shared with our baby and two dogs who baby just adores! I breastfeed, which in itself is odd among my family and friends! And we hope to home-school our daughter. The neighbourhood we live in isn’t great, and the schools are poor, so as intelligent people with plenty of time I would rather educate our daughter at home ourselves. I have to return to work soon but I’m only going back part-time. We’ll have less money, but that doesn’t matter. We’ll manage and being with my daughter is much more important!
Thanks for the great article!