Saying “no” the Attachment Parenting way

by Stephanie Petters on March 2, 2015

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“Many of us were brought up to feel that we were greedy or selfish if we wanted things. Our parents turned our wants into occasions for shame.” ~ Love and Anger: The Parental Dilemma by Nancy Samalin

stephanie peters familyThis quote is completely true for me. Even now as an adult, sometimes I feel ashamed for wanting something I know isn’t possible to have at that moment.

Our children have a right to ask for things that they want. And we have a right to say “no.”

Our child will be unhappy with the “no” and likely feel angry, sad or disappointed. As the parent, our job is to allow them these emotions while setting limits.

350691Editor’s note: Join this and other discussions on Goodreads through the API Reads online book club. You can read along in your own copy of Love and Anger, or even if you don’t have the book, you can follow the discussion and take away bits of parenting ideas to try in your home. Learn more about the API Reads program or join for free directly at Goodreads.


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Stephanie Petters (13 Posts)

Stephanie Petters is an API Leader and the Coordinator of the API Reads program through Attachment Parenting International. She and her husband and their daughter live near Atlanta, Georgia, USA.

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Sharon Ballantine March 5, 2015 at 12:58 pm

It is important for children to experience desiring something and to learn they are powerful and can attract what they want in their lives. It is also important to learn that what they want is not always hand-delivered to them in the instant that they want it. It is not a parent’s job to give their children everything–but we can empower them so they do not feel greedy or selfish for their desires.


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