Mama, that’s my spot: A co-sleeping metaphor for Motherhood

by Martha on January 5, 2011

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Annika has been noticing her “spot” in bed as of late. If I happen to roll over there, or if god forbid, we happen to switch sides and she is lying in “my spot,” she screams, “Mama! That’s MY spot! You can’t lay in my spot!”

A few mornings ago, as we were lying in bed, thinking about getting up, and she said it again, I thought to myself what a great metaphor for motherhood this was.


Not just my bed, she’s taken over my gadgets too.

Here she was, sleeping in my bed, which I have owned for years before she was even thought of. Hell, I owned this bed before I even met her father. And here she was, taking up way more than half the bed, and her “spot” is a spot that I used to regularly enjoy and roll around in for years before she was born.

Now, here she is, a part of my life, taking over her own areas of it and feeling totally secure that she is taking something that is rightfully hers.

And it is.

I think that she has all the right in the world to take over this chunk of my life. Some parents might not see it that way, but I think this is a big part of what Attachment Parenting advocates try to teach. Parenting is not about enforcing your will, or making your child bend to your ways, but accepting that they are separate people with full human rights.

They just happen to be taking over your spot, and your life.

The funny thing is, even though she has taken over parts of my life that I used to fully enjoy without her, when she’s gone, it feels like something is missing.

I complain all the time about how she is a bed hog and I can’t sleep without her sprawling on top of me, and pushing me up against the edge of the bed. For two years now, I’ve gotten used to sleeping, frozen, literally hanging on to the edge of the bed.

But when she’s gone. I can’t sleep. It just feels like something is missing. I guess it really is her spot now.

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Martha (8 Posts)

Martha is an attached work-at-home mom in Austin, Tx. She blogs at http://www.momsoap.com.


{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Corinne Grimes January 5, 2011 at 6:32 am

I love this! And I can so relate! In the past month, my little one has been very clear about “my pillow” and makes no bones about not wanting us to be on it. I have had similar thoughts as you and how this relates to AP, so it was nice to read it from someone else’s eyes. Thanks for this post. It will keep me smiling all day long.

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Martha January 5, 2011 at 11:45 am

Thanks Corinne. It’s funny, because she is very possessive of her pillow too! It makes me happy to hear that you are smiling all day because of my post. Yeah!

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Krys January 5, 2011 at 12:03 pm

This is great. I love it and it is so true. Boogie has fallen asleep every night since birth holding my hand with the exception of two nights. The two I was in the hospital giving birth to little brother. I am so used being sandwiched between my two little bed hogs, being kicked in the middle of the night, smacked in the face or smushed. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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Andria Stanley January 5, 2011 at 12:41 pm

Great post! I think it’s important for a parent to bridge from being “selfish”, to “selfless”. So many parents are unable to do that, and as you say, try to bend their child’s will to their own. And society has accepted that– hence CION parent’s putting rice cereal in their 3 wk old’s bottle so they’ll sleep longer, etc. You are a great mama!

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Carolyn January 6, 2011 at 1:53 pm

I have been sharing my 3 year-old’s twin bed with her, and I have to say that I relate so much to this post. The only catch is that, whether she is there or not, I’m not really sleeping. I’m listening to her and her older brother breathe. I’m looking at her peaceful face, and I’m wishing my husband was in there with me to enjoy the moments! Of course, he really needs his sleep, and I get that!

I fought this arrangement for awhile, but recently realized that it’s going to end soon. She has started preK and is showing many signs of her independence, etc. And I think that one day, instead of playing and pretending it, she’ll actually tell me to stay in my grown-up bed while she sleeps in her big girl bed. So for now, I relish the moments and the sleepless nights as time together with my children that I won’t have forever!

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becky January 6, 2011 at 4:35 pm

I also love this – its nice to remember there are other mamas out there who have the same parenting philosophies and I get annoyed when people imply that by letting my son share my bed I am somehow spoiling him. I think people who don’t co-sleep are missing out on something special!

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Sharon Gordon January 6, 2011 at 7:16 pm

Love this! “Parenting is not about enforcing your will, or making your child bend to your ways, but accepting that they are separate people with full human rights” I need to stick this somewhere to remind myself of throughout the day. Thank you!

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