Spring Mini Series Installment #3 – De-moralizing mom

by Jasmine Carlson on May 31, 2010

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I will start with a direct quote from Babywise because when I read it I actually had to re-read it several times to make sure that I had read it correctly. I quote from page 150 of Babywise “Mother’s decision without assessment can be dangerous… They should not be driven by their emotions.” DSC05843

It isn’t only Babywise that erodes the confidence of mothers but culture as a whole. We start as soon as a mother gets pregnant; she must be seen by a birth specialist (OB) so that they can be told what to do and when to do it because mothers can not trust their bodies and they can’t trust their emotions. It just gets worse.

When a mother goes to birth her child she is (normally) told when, many times she is induced, then she is not trusted to be able to “handle” things so she is “assisted.”

Because her confidence has been completely demolished, “good” mothers pick up a book to read to assist us with raising a child, not knowing that we are going to wrap our eager hands around is something that is going to demoralize us even more by telling us, in a nutshell, that we are over-emotional and not trustworthy.

Now I know that many of us learn very helpful things from books and from other people but I do believe that there is no replacement for the mothering mind and there is definitely no replacement for the mothering emotions. The statement that mothers must assess all of their actions because they may be “dangerous” is demoralizing. What is dangerous is demoralizing a mother, eroding her foundations and ignoring her emotions.

The real danger is not the mother. We, as mothers, have housed and protected our children from the beginning and will continue to house, nourish and grow them up throughout childhood. Then, when they’re adults, we’ll be a shelter that continues to be emotional confidence and stability for our children.

Jasmine is a co-housing, home birthing, missions minded, community living mama with a passion for fierce writing. She blogs.

Photos used from: http://www.flickr.com/photos/proimos/3524157411/

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Jasmine Carlson (50 Posts)

Jasmine is a community living mama with a passion for fierce writing and fitness. She her way on Team USA by fitness coaching. Shaping Her. (www.shapingher.com) Join the conversation at (www.facebook.com/ShapingHer)


{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Tania May 31, 2010 at 3:09 pm

Totally agree! Not only mothers should be allowed to trust their instincts, but also also respected and mothers intuition knows what’s best for her child and her family and, therefore, not to be judged by others!

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Tameka September 21, 2010 at 12:31 am

Yes!!! These emotions are given to us during pregnancy to ensure that our baby not only survives but thrives. Blame the pituitary (sp?) gland. It becomes swollen with hormones in late pregnancy so when our baby is born us mums can’t help but pick up our baby and shower it with love and affection.

My well meaning sister-in-law gave me On Becoming Babywise. I politely read it and it is now sitting on my bookshelf happily collecting dust. There was something about that book that put me off. My sister-in-law swears by the Babywise series but I just can’t do it. Her youngest was 8 weeks old when she came to visit. Her baby wasn’t sleeping and it annoyed her so she put it in the laundry and shut the door. I’ll never forget that. That is another reason why I won’t “sleep train” my children.

My 8 month old just woke up from a 3 1/2hr nap. I nursed her to sleep and will do it again in a heart beat. :) :) :)

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