Mom to Mom: An interview with Jan Hunt

An interview by Wendy Cook. You can read more from Wendy at Mother Rising.

Many of you know that I read Jan Hunt’s book The Natural Child: Parenting From the Heart when I was pregnant with Satch and it changed my life. The child in me felt validated and it helped me trust my gut and feel supported about the way I wanted to mother my son. As some of you know, it’s one of several books that I give as baby shower / blessingway gifts. I believe that it has the power to change the world, one family at a time.

I had the wonderful opportunity to speak with Jan about motherhood; unschooling and her upcoming book for 2009. It is with great joy that I introduce, Jan Hunt.

1. In what ways has becoming a mother changed you?

It changed me in every way. It helped me realize that children are human beings and no different from adults in the ways that really matter. They are no different emotionally and react the same way we do to good or bad treatment; they are doing the best they can.

I learned a lot from my son – he’s been my teacher. Here’s an example that I’m not proud of. One day when Jason was a baby, he threw a spoon down on the floor and I reacted with an automatic response by gently tapping his hand. He gave me a look that I’ve never forgotten, even 27 years later. He gave me a perplexed look, as though to say, “Why would you do such a thing… how could you hurt me?” And right at that moment, I just grew, like the Grinch… my heart grew 100 times bigger. Because up until that point I didn’t totally get it, and from that point on I got it. And any other time when I strayed off the path of respectful parenting, he would give me a look of confusion or bewilderment. He knew from the beginning – like all babies – what he deserved and what I should be doing.
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Shouldn’t We Invest More Thought In Our Parenting Than Planning Our Next Vacation?

The decisions we make for our daughter today may affect her for a lifetime in more ways than one, which, in my opinion, makes them some of the most important and far-reaching we will ever be faced with. And yet, it seems that many people are willing to put more time into researching vacation destinations or what car to buy than into questions like what to feed their children (and why) or whether or not to vaccinate them, and if so how (selectively? delayed? or according to the standard schedule?).

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Food and healthy eating

The common question I hear from moms is how to get their child to eat and eat the right foods. As finding remedies for magnesium deficiencies among many other essential nutrients later in life might not be able to help in the same way they could during the growth. The truth is that, the answer to such situation is complicated and every child is different but after having 2 children, I think I’ve seen a pattern of behavior when it comes to eating, if you are looking to start working on healthy diets for your family check these Nutrisystem vs jenny craig reviews.

The best thing that can help moms give birth to a healthy baby, is that they should be involved to fitness, see appropriate fitness guides for pregnant women. It makes me sad to think that some parents use food as a power struggle. They pick the foods for the children and if the children don’t want to eat it, they are forced to eat it and sit at the table until the food is gone. When I hear stories like this from other moms how they treat their children, it just makes me ill to think that these children have to suffer like that and they might never have a normal relationship with food and proper nutrition. Many times I’ve heard in the same breath a comment about the child not eating any vegetables and forcing/punishing is the only way to get them down. Steroids have been illegal for some time now and everyone knows the potency of the real thing but legal steroids and their alternatives are quickly catching up as a viable alternative to the black market illegal steroids. Over the last few years the serious body builders have been using the alternative legal steroids and achieving amazing results. Legal steroids like Androstenedione ( andro), 1-AD,1-test and 4-Androstenedione are the closest thing to real steroids and these are available legally. These alternative steroids when used correctly are both a safe and effective way to enhance and boost strength, energy and muscle recovery. The best legal steroid in the market today is D-Bal. This supplement is a great legal alternative to the famous but troublesome anabolic steroid called Dianabol. The supplement has done an incredible job in replicating the insane results that Dianabol is so famous for while remaining extremely friendly to the body. The other best legal steroids such as DecaDuro, D-Bal, Clenbuterol, Winsol, Testo-Max, and Anadrol. As bodybuilders, we are always on the lookout for something more, something that will give us that competitive edge over others. Whether that be a hidden new technique, a different way of approaching the rack or imbuing the hottest and newest chemical straight from the lab, we’re there to give it a shot. You can find here the lots of good info about the SARMs reviews.  Enter the world of SARMs, a promising new synthetic drug meant to enhance the performance of athletes all around the world. In this SARMs review, we’ll talk about the most popular SARMs, about the best SARMs stack for bulking, cutting, fat loss and strength. You will also learn about their subtypes and their way of administration.

I’m sure we can all remember some times from our childhood and what it was like when we were told to eat something that we didn’t like. Or we were told to finish our plate because other children in the world are suffering and food was not intended to be wasted. I’m sure everyone who was forced to eat a certain food they didn’t like as a child, will not eat that same food today as an adult. The impact of the forcing food, can be so severe that it carries through adulthood and affects the way we view food in general which can lead to bad nutrition, wrong portion sizes and weight gain. Try using a good supplement, and eating a fresh bread without gluten, also the keto protein powder you will find it and you will feel so much different within the first weeks of usage. One of the best organic protein powders for athletes and active gym-goers organic protein powder  just happens to also be plant-based. In your body, protein is crucial for muscle formation, the health and function of skin and other tissues, digestion, blood clotting, hormone synthesis, bone and ligament strength, and the balance of your blood pH, among other functions.

If you are also thinking to reduce weight which will not effect you and your baby, you can defiantly go for a Keto Diet.

The keto diet. what’s the keto diet and where can I find the best keto diet? In simple terms it’s once you trick your body into using your own BODYFAT as it’s main energy source rather than carbohydrates. The keto diet is extremely popular method of losing fat quickly and efficiently but if you have a proper diet chart from expert as Keto Balanced, it would be beneficial only by then.

The Science Behind It

To get your body into a ketogenic state you want to eat a high fat diet and low protein with NO carbs or hardly any. The ratio should be around 80% fat and 20% protein. this may the rule for the primary 2 days. Once during a ketogenic state you’ll need to increase protein intake and lower fat, ratio are going to be around 65% fat, 30% protein and 5% carbs. Protein is increased to spare muscle tissue. When your body intakes carbohydrates it causes an insulin spike which suggests the pancreas releases insulin ( helps store glycogen, amino acids and excess calories as fat ) so sense tells us that if we eliminate carbs then the insulin won’t store excess calories as fat. Perfect.

A child’s body is naturally made to know when it’s full and what foods to eat to get a balanced nutrition. If the only foods offered at home are nutritious and healthy, then the child naturally gravitates towards those foods especially if he is allowed to listen to his body and its needs by not forcing to finish the plate or a certain food group.

Dr. Williams Sears advises to shoot for a balanced week of nutrition when it comes to toddlers instead of a day. One day a toddler might be extremely picky and only eat a little bit and yet the next day the same child might eat what might seem huge portions for a child. This is all common behavior in children. One reason why toddlers, for example, have a hard time sitting still and eating a plate of food, is because they are too busy to eat. Playing with toys is so much more fun than sitting down at the table and eating. The best way to help with that is to provide a snack tray with healthy foods on it that the toddler can refer to as he is playing without forcing him to sit and eat when he is not ready. Vertigo is one of the most common forms of dizziness The sensation of feeling off balance or feeling like you or the world around you is spinning are common symptoms of vertigo. For some a vertigo may cause spinning and unsteadiness, but for some it can result into nausea, headache, excessive sweating, vomiting, temporary hearing loss, or abnormal rapid eye movements (nystagma) . The symptoms can last a few minutes or take place in regular spells. Vertigo can also range from being objective, subjective or pseudo in nature. Objective vertigo is when a person senses the world moving around him, subjective vertigo can be described as a feeling when the person feels he is spinning, pseudo vertigo is a strong sense of internal rotation inside a person’s head.  Vertigo is mostly induced by problems caused in the inner ear which could probably be due to minute calcium particles fastening in the canals of the inner, causing an internal inflammation hindering the inner ear to send appropriate signals to the brain connected to gravity. These signals are essential to keep your balance. A vertigo can arise out of a stroke, tumour or severe head and neck injuries. bppv vertigo is one of the most common causes of vertigo — the sudden sensation that you’re spinning or that the inside of your head is spinning.Benign paroxysmal positional vertigo causes brief episodes of mild to intense dizziness. Benign paroxysmal positional vertigo is usually triggered by specific changes in the position of your head. This might occur when you tip your head up or down, when you lie down, or when you turn over or sit up in bed.

In our family, we only buy organic and healthy food for home. When we are out and about, we don’t worry about it as much but at home we want to create a safe haven for food so that the children’s growing bodies and our bodies stay healthy and strong.

I pack our son’s lunch for school every day because he has requested me to do so and I’m glad that my years of trying to show him the right way to eat are paying off. Our son is in 2nd grade now and last year he wanted to buy school lunch every now and then. I let him do that because I wanted him to have a variety and I also wanted him to tell me which foods he liked and make his decision on what to eat for lunch each day. This year he told me that he didn’t want to buy and preferred I made his lunch.

I don’t feel like eating the same thing or a certain food for lunch every day so I don’t expect my child to eat whatever I choose for him either because he might not feel like eating a specific food on that day. When he was a toddler and a preschooler, we used to allow him to eat his dessert before eating his main food if dessert was available and he wanted it. After taking few bites of his dessert he came back and ate his main food every time and actually forgot about the dessert. He never learned to be obsessive about desserts or sweets because we never made them a big deal. I learned this trick from Dr. William Sears. I feel fortunate that I’ve listened to his advice and my own heart and my children over the years so that I’ve been able to make better decisions when it comes to food.

Our son’s favorite foods are fruits and vegetables and I contribute that to the fact that we never pushed him to eat them. They were just always offered and available in case he wanted to have them. We also have taught him that we eat until our bellies feel full not until the plate is empty. Our son tells us all the time that so and so of his friends have to eat their whole plate empty or they don’t get a dessert. These are also children who have major sweet tooth and trouble eating fruits and vegetables on their own. I wonder if there is a correlation there.

Our daughter (2-years-old) is now being “taught” the same way about food. We offer her fruits and vegetables and many times she wants them more than any other food group. Some times she hardly eats any and that’s fine too. I don’t worry about it because I know that once the next meal comes around she might want them again. She also nurses and many times she prefers nursing over food. I’ll sometimes nurse her first because she wants to and then offer her food in case she is still hungry.

Our daughter is what someone might consider overweight but she is not considered overweight because of the nursing. Our pediatrician, Dr. William Sears, noted that if she was this weight with getting formula or cows milk and/or bad nutrition (cakes, candy, soda chips etc) perhaps then it would be a concern but because bulk of her nutrition is nursing, her body will use up all the healthy fats stored because they’re from breastmilk which is stored differently than normal fat coming from excessive eating or bad nutrition. I’m fortunate again to have Dr. Sears instead of some mainstream pediatrician who has very little knowledge or information about nursing and its benefits let alone knowledge about extended breastfeeding.

What I’ve learned over the years as a parent is not to obsess about my children and their eating habits as long as I offer them healthy foods to eat most of the time. Our children also get occasionally junk food at other people’s houses and at birthday parties, from grandparents etc and I don’t worry about it because I believe in moderation and not denying yourself or your child of certain foods that can become a huge problem later on. You can eat pretty much anything in moderation as long as bulk of your diet is healthy combined with exercise.

Reija Eden – www.attachedmom.com

Babywearing Ambassador

“Is that a baby in your purse?”

The question startles me as I check out of the grocery store with my newborn daughter tucked close to my body in a baby sling. I glance up at the woman ringing up my purchases, who is looking at me with nothing but friendly interest.

“Well,” I stammer, “Yes, she is my baby, but no, this is not my purse. This is a sling, a baby carrier.”

“Well honey, she looks real happy in there,” she says gently.

“Yes,” I agree. “I never go anywhere without my sling. My baby is so content in the sling that I am able to get out and get things done. She loves the sling and I love that she is peaceful.”

We both seem pleased with the conversation and exchange a smile. She chuckles and adds warmly, “That spoilt little thing. She knows a good thing when she sees it.”

Indeed.

I love hearing people’s feedback when I am out and about with my little ones in tow. Over the past eight years, I have worn each of our four children in a soft baby carrier as I go about the business of life, a practice coined “babywearing” by Dr. William Sears. I do not “wear” my babies on principle, even though as an MD I do know of the benefits of wearing a baby in a soft carrier (for example: reduced crying, improved breastfeeding rates, improved sleep, better attachment and improved parental responsiveness).

No, I wear my baby because it makes her happy like nothing else in the world (except maybe nursing) and when baby is happy, I can feel that she is sorted out and I can focus on other things. This is a sanity saver.

Inadvertently, I have become an unofficial ambassador for babywearing. By merely appearing in public with my baby contentedly riding in a sling, I have received many curious stares and many generous comments. Mostly, people notice first how happy my baby seems and how she never cries. Sometimes they wonder aloud if I am spoiling her.

Comments from folks who are either expecting or juggling small babies of their own are often frankly envious. “Wow,” they say, “your baby is so happy. You are so lucky. Did you make that? Where can I get one?” I am always happy to take a moment and talk shop. Yes, she is happy. Yes, I am lucky. But you can be, too. I tell them how having a sling has made my life easier and I show them how to use it and where to get one.

But I also value the interactions with folks who are not necessarily currently tending an infant of their own. They often sigh wistfully and say “I wish they had those around when I had my own babies.” Or a favorite of grown men, “I wish someone would carry me around like that!” Um. OK. The comments are always positive, they notice how happy and easy my baby is and they remark on it. But they also usually want to know: Why use a sling instead of a car seat? (simple, she hates the car seat) and Gosh, isn’t she squashed? (Well, not as much as she was in her previous living situation) and Gee, aren’t you worried about spoiling her? (see below).

As it turns out, babies are some kind of clever creatures. Yes, babies want to be held, but it goes deeper than that. Studies show that biologically, babies need to be held in order to thrive. A review of current randomized controlled trials suggest that the benefits of holding for preterm babies include shortened hospital stay, decreased illness, higher exclusive breastfeeding rates/longer breastfeeding duration, increased weight gain, improved temperature regulation, and improved maternal sense of competence. Evidence-based benefits for full term babies include improved state organization and motor system modulation; improved temperature regulation; and an analgesic effect, reduced crying, improved maternal responsiveness, and babies who were more securely attached.

In our arrogance, we assume that we have created the need to be held by holding our babies, when in fact babies are born hardwired to seek out that which they need to thrive: food, warmth and human touch. We cannot spoil a baby by meeting their basic needs.

So the next time you see a “lady with a baby in her purse,” smile at her and know that she is doing what she can to keep her baby happy, meet her baby’s needs and tend to her own in the process. She is busy mothering in the best way she knows how. She is the next babywearing ambassador.

This article was written to encourage community support for babywearing in preparation for International Babywearing Week this November 12-18.

In Defense of Being Present

Oftentimes during my parenting journey, I’ve had to defend several of my choices.

“Yes, he’s still breastfeeding. He’s growing and happy, so it must be all he needs.”

“No, we believe it’s better if he sleeps with us.”

“Oh, the sling is easier for me than a stroller would be.”

Most of these statements and defenses had to be made to my husband’s family.  My family has either had the good sense to let me do what I want concerning these issues, or was blissfully ignorant.

The one issue of which my family has stressed their opinion is my choice to be present for my children.  

When I was pregnant with my first and announced that I was going to be quitting my job to be with my newborn, I was surprised to meet resistance from my family.

My mother said it’s boring, and I’ll need fulfillment in my life.

My sister pointed out how lucky she was to be able to work, and that her infant daughter and toddler son loved their daycare.  “It’s good for us to be apart.”

My brother was just puzzled.  Afterall, we were raised by a working mom.  We were shuttled off to babysitters and daycares.  That’s just the way life is.  And besides, I’m his little sister and he knows I worked hard for my education, and he just wants me to be happy.

They had so convinced me that it was wrong to want to be with my child that I told them that it was just for a year.  “When he’s a year old, I’ll go back to work.”

I even halfway convinced myself.  

As I currently say, hopefully humorously, in my previous life I had been a counselor/therapist.  I worked both in schools and in a private practice.  I quit a month before my son was born.

It was hard.  I had spent years waking up to an alarm clock, getting dressed in professional clothes and spending the day with clients and peers to being home with a baby who, in all honesty, wasn’t a terrific conversationalist.

It was boring as heck.  It was lonely.  But I never doubted my decision to be with my son.   I wanted to be with my son in a way I had never experienced wanting to be with anyone.  

And yet I defended. 

“He’s breastfeeding.  When he weans at a year, I’ll go back to work.”  

“There just aren’t any good daycares around me, so there’s no place to leave him.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll go back!”

But truth be known, by the time my son was one week old, I knew I wouldn’t be going back for a long time.  My child needed me.

When I was pregnant with my second child, my daughter, my family once again let me know it’s time to separate.

“Will you be putting your son in daycare now?”

“You know, your sister really enjoyed having her son in daycare so she could spend time with the new baby.”

But time and confidence can be a wonderful thing.

“No, my son will not be going into daycare.”

“I enjoy being with my son, I enjoy staying home, and we’re extremely fortunate that we can afford it.  I’m looking forward to being with two children.”

Five months later, my mother came for a visit.  During which she said to me,

“It’s always so sad when a woman revolves her life around her small kids.”

I said nothing.  There was nothing to say.  I smiled to myself, confident that I was doing the very best I could to be present for my children.  My children were happy, I was happy.  

I no longer felt the need to defend.

The Carnival of Presence Wrap-up

We had many wonderful participants in the first-ever Carnival of Presence here on API Speaks. And that doesn’t include the guest posters and regular contributors who have shared their stories about giving their children presence all month long!

First, I’d like to take a moment to announce the wonderful Attachment Parenting Month prizes we have available here on API Speaks. Those who participated in the carnival, linked to the carnival on their blog, and those who go out and read one of the entries below and comment on this post with their thoughts on the carnival entry they read will all get a chance to win one of the following prizes:

Second, I’d like to announce the topic for next month Attachment Parenting Carnival: Nighttime Parenting. How do you respond with sensitivity to your child’s nighttime needs?

And finally, I’d like to tell you about another fun AP Month activity: <strong>The AP Month Photo & Essay Contests!</strong> All parents love to talk about their children and who doesn’t like to show off their adorable pictures? Now’s your chance: There’s no fee to participate, and you don’t have to be a member to enter. Not only could you see your photo or essay published on our website or in one of our publications, but there are a number of other prizes available, too. For more information, including where to email your photo or essay, check out the essay contest guidelines and the photo contest rules.

And now for the entries!

Something to bump up against

Today, API Speaks is proud to feature a guest post by Dr. Lawrence J. Cohen, Ph.D., author of Playful Parenting. Dr. Cohen is a licensed psychologist specializing in children’s play and play therapy. Find out more at PlayfulParenting.com.

Some parents are intuitively attachment-oriented; some seek out an alternative to their childhood; and some stumble onto it. Whichever way they find attachment parenting, it can seem to many parents like the solution to every parenting situation. As the saying goes, give a child a hammer and everything suddenly looks like a nail.

But life isn’t that straightforward, is it? Just about anything in life powerful enough to provide significant solutions is also likely to create some new difficulties along the way. As a child and family therapist, I frequently recommend more attention to attachment in non-AP families.

However, when I work with attachment-oriented parents, they are typically puzzled by the problems they are facing, because they are “doing everything right” in terms of fostering attachment. I explain that they have indeed prevented many common problems, but in the process they have opened themselves up to some new and different challenges that “come with the territory.” This does not undermine the choices they have made. It’s like choosing not to vaccinate against chicken pox; it would be naïve to make that decision and not be prepared for spots, itching, and missed school days.

So what are the “itchy spots” of attachment parenting? The ones I tend to see most frequently involve some or all of these: aggressiveness, defiance, frequent meltdowns, emotional oversensitivity; sensory oversensitivity, and inflexibility. Paradoxically, there are also sometimes problems with separation and insecurity. Often these issues arise rather suddenly, most typically between age 2.5 and 3.5. The parents, meanwhile, are often at the end of their rope, begin to have conflicts over parenting style, and may wonder if they have created a monster.

But these problems are not the result of too much attachment or of not being good enough at attachment parenting. They are simply some of the predictable challenges of this approach.

Fortunately, these issues are generally easier to resolve than the ones caused by not enough attachment. A little playful parenting goes a long way towards bringing things back into balance and harmony.

Children thrive when they have manageable challenges. Insurmountable obstacles make them shut down, but sometimes the commitment to secure attachment can mean that a child does not have enough obstacles to “bump up against.” Part of the problem is that some parents only say “no” when they really really really mean it, or when they have flipped from their usual calm state to their rare–but intense–“losing it” state. The result is that “no” gets filled with tension, and there are no good ways for the child to release that tension. So play with the word no: “Nobody better touch these pillows or else they are in BIG TROUBLE!” Make sure to smile a goofy grin when you say this, and make sure the “trouble” is funny and fun. If a child is using potty talk or obscenities, you can try saying, “Oh, that’s OK to say, but you better not say kumquat.” Again, remember to ham up the silly-fake-mad reaction when they do say the pretend-bad word.

One reason this set of problems often arises around age 2-4, is that kids this age really need something to fight against, so that they can know where they stop and the world starts, and so they can know how strong they are. So roughhousing and playful rough and tumble play are perfect games for them. Wrestle, chase, pillow fight–but keep it light and fun. Go for the giggles, which are the sign of a release of the tension and a return to their sunny (safely secure) selves.

I hope you can see that I am not suggesting “toughening up” or (heaven forbid) letting children cry themselves to sleep. I’m suggesting a playful approach that helps to balance the wonderful strengths of attachment parenting. Try it out and let me know how it works at larry@playfulparenting.com.

A Guiding Presence

My daughter is four and very angry at me.

She doesn’t know that watching too much television is not good for her, in so many ways. She doesn’t know how much better it is physically, mentally, and emotionally, for her to play outside instead. She just knows that she wants to watch Dora, and that her mommy won’t let her.

My daughter and I usually communicate well with each other. I usually don’t yell, and I never hit or spank her. Time outs and banishment to bedrooms don’t work in this house. Instead, we normally use feeling words and try to talk to each other about how we feel and come up with a compromise. However, once in a while, like today, we come up short in communication.

My daughter doesn’t want to talk. She wants to yell and cry and turn her back to me. She doesn’t want to be hugged or touched or cuddled. She just wants to be angry. This leaves me with two choices: I can threaten, yell, or punish her in some other way until she starts to “behave,” or I can use this as an opportunity to guide her.

I know that when I am angry, I get overwhelmed. It’s hard for me to stay calm, it’s hard for me to think about anything but whatever I am angry about. From my experience with anger, I know that yelling or punishing her at this time isn’t going to help; it wouldn’t work with me, so why would it work for her? It would make things worse. And so, I choose the other option.

She’s laying on the couch, crying, her back to me. I sit next to her. I don’t touch her, or hug her, or try to talk to her…I just sit quietly, letting her anger run its course. I know she can feel my presence beside her, keeping her company while she tries to sort through the powerful and overwhelming emotions that have taken over her body.

Time passes, and her crying starts to slow. Soon, she sits up and starts wiping the tears from her face. She looks at me and then climbs on my lap. I wrap my arms around her and kiss her forehead.

“Feel better?” I ask. She nods. “Want to go outside now?” She nods again, grinning, and jumps off my lap to find her shoes.

No, my daughter doesn’t know about the studies that show the harmful effects television can have on her. She doesn’t know that she is building memories of nature and animals and plants that she will look back on fondly. But, she does know that I am always there for her, no matter what. That my presence will always be in her life, ready to guide her whenever she needs it. That is one of my gifts to her.

Guest post by Adventures of a Breastfeeding Mother