Oh little boy.
If I could just pick one day in my life to live over and over again, it may well be today.
Why not? It was a perfect day with you.
We played in the ocean. You “swam” with my hands on your body offering support, guidance, and safety. You loved the waves! You tasted the salt water on your lips with wonder. The sunlight sparkled in your big, blue eyes. May you always nurture your connection to the outdoors and honor the mother ocean, a vital source of life on this earth.
When we got home, you laughed with me as you played tag around the brown arm-chair in the front room. Deep, full, belly laughs emerged and your new teeth sparkled. You ducked behind the chair and popped out with a “Boo!” as if it was the most amazing thing in the world. I bow in gratitude to this miracle of loving you play and find magic in the common place. That chair will never the same in my memory. A door outside of time opened up as we played. Our laughter built a bridge unifying and connecting us to all mothers and children across the generations. May you always relish the deep, life-affirming laughter found in the most simple of games.
After lunch, we went outside and you chased the cat clicking your tongue as you hear me do that when I call her. This reminds me to be ever mindful that you watch me with care. May I always speak, walk, act, and love with a gracious respect for all life.
As the sun set, we played in the back of your dad’s blue Ford pick-up truck. I drummed out a song on the steel bed. You spun around and around a few times dancing. A vast, immense sky of stars emerged above you. You are my star. My child of wonder.
Later, cuddled next to me, I surrendered to the beyond-this-world-tenderness of you snuggling into my arms and nursing to sleep.
If I could live any day in my life over again, it would certainly be a day when you breastfed. I love the holy kindness that comes from the way you suckle milk from my body. It nourishes your every cell. It’s completeness incarnate. Joy incarnate.
I just love you little one. My sweet boy. My courageous, funny, go-down-the-slide-yourself little guy. May you always know how precious you are to me. May you always trust that I’ve got your back. May you know how much your mother loves you, all the way through the marrow of her bones. Because I do.
No matter what happens in this world. No matter what happens at all. These days are holy and precious beyond money, beyond gold, beyond anything. I love offering you the best of my time and energy. I honor each stage of your early development. How blessed we are to spend these days together. It’s perfection through and through. My heart fills with gratitude to your daddy who works long hours in the week to make this possible. We want to give you the best. We choose a life of simple things on the material level and offer you the deepest grace we can muster in the realm of what matters most.
If I could live one day again in my life—this precious, fleeting mysterious, challenging, and holy life— it would be a day like today with you.
Sleep well angel.
Mom
You said it better than I ever have been able to. Thank you for putting my thoughts into words. It brings tears to my eyes to read this because I feel so similarly.
Dearest Amy, you continue to inspire, comfort, heal and bring to awareness the awesome connectedness in the world and what lies at the heart of that connection is love. I thank you for the smile on my face and in my heart as I read of your perfect day with your wonderful son. I miss you all. Kevin
GORGEOUS!!! such magical words and so true!
cuddle, snuggle, giggle and wonder….what a treasured time!
I breastfed both my son and my daughter well past the ages of “acceptable” in our culture, and don’t regret a single day of it! I am so thankful I was able to go with what I knew was best for both me and for them, rather than being concerned with what everyone else seemed to think was best! My oldest, my daughter, graduated from high school last week, and is one of the most independent, confident, compassionate, amazing young people I know. And my son, who is now 13, is also just an incredible person. I am absolutely sure without a doubt that our “extended” nursing time and attachment parenting have shaped them to be the people they are now and the adults they will become! Thank you for sharing about your sweet time w/ your little one. It does go by so quickly and is something we can always cherish!
Inspirational and oh so touching. I am going to cuddle my little bug up and sleep through the night breathing in his milky mouth smell and holding his little hand as he sees sweet sweet dreams.
http://www.mybestways.com