If I were asked to define myself in one word, I would respond without hesitation that I am a mother. I am of course so much more. As a woman I fill many simultaneous roles. Each and every one of us lead busy lives and are called to coordinate our schedules to meet and accommodate the needs of the many different roles we fill.
Despite the fact that I would not define myself as only a mother, I certainly do consider my role as a mother to be one of the most important roles I play at this point in my life. My daughter is seventeen months old. She relies on me for everything. When she is hungry I feed her. When she is tired, I sing her to sleep. When she is upset, I cuddle and console her.
I have the great privilege, thanks to my hard working husband, to be a stay at home mom. I am able to be here for my daughter every second of every day.
In addition to being a mother, I am a mother who practices Attachment Parenting. I nursed my daughter until she decided she was ready for more freedom. My husband and I practiced safe co-sleeping while my daughter was an infant. She still ends up in our bed for part of the night.
I still have a hip sling for my daughter has never liked the stroller, always preferring a baby carrier or sling. She has always been a child who craves constant closeness. And who can blame her? It is the most basic of human desires to be close to those you love, and to those who love you. The bond between parent and child is unlike any other. It is concrete, it is solid, it is unending. It is only natural for a child to crave the closeness they experienced while in the womb.
My husband and I have only left our daughter a handful of times since her birth, always with a family member, never for more than a few hours, and usually while she is sleeping. We have been met with both criticism and praise for our parenting choices. Regardless of the opinions of others, whether positive or negative, we feel that our parenting style has enhanced the bond we have with our daughter. She is a happy, loving, confident child.
Recently I was called to testify in a custody hearing for a friend. The courthouse was two hours away and I was not about to leave my daughter. The attorney informed me that children would not be allowed in the courtroom. I responded that should he wish to have me testify, then my daughter would be with me. The attorney informed the judge that I practice “some weird style of parenting.”
Much to the judge’s dismay, I testified while my daughter played quietly at my feet. I was not about to leave her in the hall with a bailiff. She is a child who needs her mother and I am a mother who adores her child.
The bottom line is, we are all entitled to our own style of parenting. One style is no better than another; whatever works for you and your children is what is right. Calling something weird and degrading those who practice something different than you is not okay. Condescending people and making them feel inferior is not okay.
I love my child. My child loves me. I am proud to be an Attachment Parent, criticism and all.
Jillian is an Attachment Parenting advocate. She is also an author, writer, and public speaker. For more information about Jillian and her work visit her website and blog.
Beautifully expressed post. I feel the exact same way. Just lovely.
Thank you! Childhood is so precious and so fleeting, it is a time to be treasured and adored.
Any parenting style done with purpose and love usually has a great outcome, I just happen to really, REALLY love attachment parenting. What a fun, warm and fuzzy time! My three-year-old now throws an elbow in my stomach half the time I try to hug her but when she wants to be comforted, she snuggles right in!
And those snuggled are just the best thing in the world!
I can’t help but be bothered by this post, and for this reason. Where I highly advocate attachment between parents and children, a courtroom is not a place for a baby. There are going to be moments in your life where you cannot have your baby. Like, let’s say, your next mammogram…or, the dentist appointment where you have to get x-rays–are you really going to leave your baby at your feet while you’re safely covered by a lead apron? Are you going to demand another lead apron for your unwanted and pretty demanding child through your hour long dentist visit? What happens when she needs a medical procedure done (God forbid) and refuses to cooperate until you’re cuddling her?I I’ve seen dentists straight jacket children (including my own, for “safety reasons,” and myself, at 17, had to watch my own mother restrained in the corner of a room while I had a biopsy because they were worried about HER interfering and hurting me (hurting them to keep them from hurting me.) I’m not at all disparaging medical practices, but there are times that you can’t avoid things for the sanctity of health. And you’re still going to kick and scream and demand that your daughter play at your feet? I just don’t know how to be comfortable with this.
Sarah while I appreciate your point of view this is an area where we are simply going to have to agree to disagree