Spring is finally coming! And with Spring, fresh ideas are flowing again, somewhat slowly like the sap in the trees but flowing none the less. So to kick off this spring I am going to embark on a mini series of the dangers of so called “baby training” and its effect on the parent/child attachment. This has been something that I have pondered for a while now as I consider parenting styles and how they affect the parent/child relationship. So this is my mini series introduction. Attachment is very important to me and I have seen and felt the effects of the lack of attachment in my life. The damage that it caused has been long lasting but the undoubted benefit of the experience has also reverberated through my life. I have also seen how the effects of well meaning but misguided parents who have either over-indulged and caused attachment problems or have read a book and followed some sort of baby training to the letter. I have seen first hand the difference between babies who are have been parented with attachment in mind and those who have been parented with schedule in mind.
It is not my goal to sound like I am anti-discipline. Actually it is far from it. I am all for polite, disciplined children. No one wants to live with a terror and nobody else wants to spend time with children who are undisciplined. I believe it is a disservice to a child to let them run the entire house because that is not how the world functions. But you can not schedule a child’s temperament and forced discipline is not self-discipline.
So here is the toast to a mini-series. Let’s make it a conversations.
Jasmine is a co-housing community living mama with a passion for fierce writing she blogs.
Photo from: http://www.flickr.com/photos/robthurman/4446152353/
Can you elaborate more on what you mean when you say “…and those who have been parented with schedule in mind.” I’m just trying to understand what that means. Attached parenting and parenting on a schedule can go hand in hand. There are a couple different temperament types that need a schedule to feel safe and secure.
I agree that schedules and attachment parenting can go hand in hand. In fact, when done in a caring way and one that listens to the needs of the child, I think it can actually enhance the parent/child relationship. My son is pretty much on a daily schedule but it was one that evolved not in a rigid way but through noting his natural sleep/wake patterns and with some slight tweaking to accomodate some of my needs (mama has to eat too!). It has worked really well and he is happy and well rested. The beauty is that we still keep the flexibility to deviate from the schedule on certain days which allows the whole family to function better. I think it speaks well to the Balance tenet of attachment parenting.
Great topic and I’m looking forward to reading more!
I’m looking forward to it!
I am with you Lissa on some temperaments needing more structure, my son is a lot that way. What I mean is by the time baby is 2 weeks he needs to be sleeping for 4 hours a night and he poops at this time and eats at this time and only this time… etc. In a group I was a part of it was a lot that way and mothers were very frustrated when babies did not conform to the schedules that they were setting. I on the other hand have found I have needed to conform to my son’s schedule in many ways, or we have both had to compromise but now we have to stick with it because that is the way he is.
Hope that makes sense.
Thanks for elaborating on that. It’s was always irritating to me when people would ask if my 6 week old twins were “sleeping through the night” and when I would tell them “no” they would tell me how I have to get those babies on a schedule. Whatever that meant I wasn’t sure! Baby led schedules have worked wonderfully for us however! I have twins and some how the two of them got on the same scheduled and I love it. We have times when it’s bed or nap time but they’re tired and gently held, rocked or nursed to sleep.
I have to say that when my son hit about 6 mo old everyone was telling me that I needed to stop using my co-sleeper and get him on a schedule. I figured he would put himself on his own schedule, in which he did. I was also told that I needed to stop using the co-sleeper or he would never learn to sleep on his own. Now at 20 mo old he has been putting himself to sleep for the last 8 mo for his nap and infact he sleeps longer and is well rested. I do find that my husband and myself tend to do more for him when he is point at what he wants etc. so he isn’t talking as much as others his age. I was really worried for awhile but now he is saying a few more words and I just figure that he will talk when he wants to. He understands everything we tell him, but I can say that being an only child, that we are prob too “Hands on” at the moment.