A mother’s reflections on her decision to honor her child’s spirit

by Effie Morchi on August 31, 2016

Share Button

girl dandelion wishI dropped off my 10-year-old daughter at the art museum for another fun, creative day of summer camp. I hovered by the Admissions Desk, watching the kids get settled in.  As part of their morning warm-up, the kids hang out in the museum’s atrium, and while they wait for their peers to arrive, they engage in free-play and stretching exercises.  Afterwards, they head upstairs to start their day creating beautiful works of art — expressing their artistic, distinctive, creative selves.

My daughter stood out from the rest of the crowd with her signature ears headband she has been sporting since she was 7 years old and bright, mismatching clothes: shorts, knee-high socks and a big, bright green beach bag she had decided was the perfect accessory even though they don’t go to the pool — who am I to argue?

She was sitting on the third step of a four-step staircase. With much enthusiasm and confidence, she pulled out a thick book from her bag and started to read. I felt a sense of profound delight in watching her: She seemed so peaceful and content. Unlike many girls her age, she doesn’t look to her right or her left for directions — she looks within herself and marches to the beat of her own drum…oh, how I love that about her! Countless adults spend their entire lives struggling to reach that place of inner tranquility. I marvel that she is already there.

I looked around and noticed that all the other kids were nearby on the platform at the top of the staircase. They were interacting with one another, playing or chatting. Not my girl — she was reading intently, oblivious to everything around her.

I thought to myself how it is apparent that she didn’t blend in with the crowd, and I felt a little tug in my stomach. Like most other parents, I wish for my kids to fit in and be socially adept. I was thinking that, during our drive back home, I should gently suggest that she socialize during the morning warm-up instead of reading a book.

I then looked to my right where my social butterfly — my 7-year-old son — was standing, and I chuckled. Here was my other child who thrives on being around his peers and playing with them…all day long! As for reading books? You may have guessed it: He is not a fan!

I had recognized that my daughter’s social barometer is different than her brother’s and perhaps most of her peers — to reach her inner balance, she needs a different ratio between “me-time” and “friends-time.” In that moment, I understood that I ought to just let her be, knowing she is a healthy, well-rounded, well-adjusted child.

I needed this reminder, because I wholeheartedly believe that as parents, we ought to honor and respect who our kids are and support the needs of their individual spirits — allowing them to be their authentic selves.

Our children are not blocks designed to fit perfectly into a designated box. They are each unique, with their own shape and characteristics. The most creative, successful people are the ones who exist and think outside of the box — heck, they may not even be aware there is a box! Conforming for the sake of “blending in” or “fitting in” is diminishing their ability to blossom and dimming the light of their soul. 

I am pleased that my daughter chooses not to blend in at times. It fills my heart with bliss to watch her shine as her beautiful soul blossoms.

Share Button
Effie Morchi (117 Posts)

Effie is the Assistant Editor of APtly Said. She is a mother of 2, a girl and a boy. Being a stay-at-home mom after a career in the Information Technology field has paved the path for her transformation and growth. Nowadays, she enjoys practicing Reiki and writing about her reflections in finding the profound in the ordinary and her spiritual path.


{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Beth August 31, 2016 at 8:20 pm

Thanks for sharing! This is so much like my first born. He is rather shy and doesn’t care about “friends.” At tennis, he is the one kid walking his lap instead of running. I’m glad I can love him for who he is and not try to change him or pressure him to be like me or like what “society” considers the “norm.”

Reply

Charlotte Addison September 2, 2016 at 9:47 am

This is lovely 🙂 I believe too much emphasis Is put on children to socialise all the time. How can they be themselves when they have peers? Children can soon become adults with no\or bad sense of self due to being forced to do things with others. Knowing who “you” are is better than thinking you know who your real friends are. In my experience!!

Reply

Molly September 5, 2016 at 11:13 pm

I loved reading this! Having been raised so very differently, I decided I wanted to do my best to respect my daughter FIRST so she learned what respect was, I learned who SHE was, and so we could have a better relationship. She is 14 months and I love seeing her personality unfold. She is so bright, curious, adventurous, active, energetic, and outgoing, and sometimes I have days where I think perhaps I should do things a different way, why she is the only one sticking out like a neon sign at story time in the library, but then I take her out to the woods and the park and let her play among the trees and in the field and I realize THIS is where she shines. It will be interesting and fun to watch her personality unfold as she ages, so this article was very reassuring!

Reply

Effie Morchi September 6, 2016 at 9:24 pm

Thank You Molly. It is wonderful that you let your daughter be her-self! My daughter also often times stood out from her peers as a toddler: when all her friends set down and had their meals at a restaurant she was running around the place – she was very active and refused to sit down. She was the only toddler who didn’t sit for story-time at the library and was super alert when we went to the Children’s Museum – I went around with the stroller in different directions (not the direction my mommy friends were going) because she was so curious about every single thing she saw and wanted to explore! I feel like sometimes as parents we need to take a deep breath and not allow ourselves to get distracted by outside noise. Listening to who your daughter is, I have no doubt that you will instill in her confidence and a healthy sense of self.

Reply

Cancel reply

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: