Slowing down to smell the stillness, re-energizes

by Martha on October 21, 2009

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I just used up a bag of flour that I’ve had in my pantry for the past couple of years.

I only had it for the occasional sauce thickening agent, or… uh… why did I have that bag of flour? I guess it’s just one those things that is expected. One must have flour or you cannot consider yourself a member of polite society, or something like that.

The point is, I used almost all of it in the last month.

I actually used the flour — to bake.

Since becoming a mother, I have gone through a metamorphosis. Recently, I have emerged with a fresh desire to actually experience such ordinary activities as eating and dressing.

I want to avoid flat, lifeless experiences like shopping in a grocery store with tinny muzak playing in the background, dead air circulating, and food rotting in piles with Sale signs flashing in front of my face.

I want to roll my own flour tortillas from scratch and make fresh pasta.

I want to grow a fall garden and sew my own clothes. I want to keep chickens in the back yard (yes, we can do that in Austin, TX, I think…) so I can eat fresh eggs every morning. I want to avoid buying things that come in packages.

I’ve realized that this all ties into some new changes in Annika. I have been feeling more free than I have in months because I am finally able to get up when Annika falls asleep. She is sleeping a little longer, and a little deeper these days and it has given me a new found sense of freedom.

But the truth is, it has only been recently that I have even wanted to get up again.

For the first months of Annika’s life I sat with her during most naps and held her, breathed in her sweet newborn-ness. I loved snuggling with her and most nights, I couldn’t wait until bedtime when I could snuggle with her tininess. I loved the moment she fell asleep when her solid little legs would stretch out on top of my legs, her soft breath slowing, her little eyes would shut, and I could see her dreaming and happy because she was in the crook of my arms.

Something about becoming a mother has made me stop, take a look around, and really be here, right now, something I have been attempting, and failing miserably at, for several years.

Having a child has breathed new life into this world, into my world.

When I first thought about having a child, I thought I would stay at home with her, for her. Not for me. I looked at it as a sacrifice.

There is a common expression, “gift of life.” I always assumed that meant the parent giving life to the child. And now? I see it the other way around.

Martha Wood is an attached mama who lives in Austin, Tx. You can read more of her blog posts at www.momsoap.blogspot.com

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Martha (8 Posts)

Martha is an attached work-at-home mom in Austin, Tx. She blogs at http://www.momsoap.com.


{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

justine October 21, 2009 at 7:51 am

Yes! It is wonderful when we can really feel the connection and know in our hearts that we have made the right choices…not just the best choices for our children, but the choices that feed our souls as well. I drift in and out of pursuits and interests as my children reach different developmental stages. I always feel like a Phoenix–transforming, growing comfortable, and then making the choice to change once again.

Thanks for sharing the beautiful photo of your sweet little one!

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Desiree Fawn October 21, 2009 at 3:02 pm

Oh I have totally felt these things as well — I would LOVE to have chickens, but they aren’t legal in the part of the city where we live :( Sad, sad.
However, I AM learning how to sew & to make clothing for my little girl (9 months old next week).
There’s something about having a little one that just makes you feel SO connected to the earth & to… well, just CREATING in general!

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Sandra October 21, 2009 at 6:15 pm

Aw so simple and so sweet, a beautiful blog!:)

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Tasha October 21, 2009 at 7:46 pm

I have tried to explain to my friends what you just said, but they just can’t understand. I planted my fall winter/garden last week and last weekend my husband and I designed our chicken coop. we want to live more simple I guess you could say. I now frequent the farmers market at least 2x a week and I have become very aware of the chemicals I bring into my home. Whether it’s from food or cleaning supplies. I am literally a completely different person than I was before my daughter was born, and I couldn’t be more pleased with my life!

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Stephanie October 21, 2009 at 10:05 pm

Oh you brought tears to my eyes! So true. So, so, so, so true.

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Martha October 22, 2009 at 5:29 pm

Thanks for all the wonderful comments ladies! Motherhood truly has changed us all for the better.

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Jasmine October 22, 2009 at 8:14 pm

Very true and beautifully written!

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