Nuzzle closer dear…

As my children get older I find myself longing for more attachment, my arms aching for more snuggles, more closeness. When my kids were tiny babies, it was easy to lose my sense of wonder in their overwhelming needs. I often got frustrated that they needed so very much of me, so very much of the time.

Now my son is 15 months, and he is off exploring, crawling down off my lap more often than he is crawling into it, and I am missing the level of closeness he and I shared when he was completely dependent on me for everything.

My daughter, now 7, is even more difficult to catch and cuddle. She is all energy and independence, too busy for long snuggles with mom. If I capture her attention with a movie or a story I can get her to snuggle into me for a few moments before she wiggles free, but otherwise she is simply busy living her own life.

It is the way things are supposed to be. The baby time is gone so quickly. The magic synergistic relationship between mother and child fades as children develop their own identities. The eyes that once gazed at you in complete trust begin to wonder if you know anything at all, because “Seriously Mom, you just don’t get it.”

I am hopeful that the closeness we developed through co-sleeping, nursing, and other AP principles will help us stay connected as the kids continue to grow. I hope that early connection will keep us together when they hit the teen years, and will allow us to maintain our family closeness when they are trying to break out and develop their own peer groups. It’s hard to let go of the little babies I can still see in my ever growing children.

I know I can’t keep them in my arms forever, I get that they have to break free and do their own thing. I just hope they will take me along every now and then, and let me into the new worlds they create along the way. It is my hope that raising them with love and respect, closeness and touch will make it easier for them to include me in their new lives, instead of pushing me out.

Volunteer Spotlight

Each month we like to spotlight one of our fabulous volunteers as a way to recognize their efforts and the contribution they make to API. This month we are spotlighting a volunteer that I’ve grown very fond of over the course of the year. Avril is splendidly witty with many talents and we are fortunate that she shares some of them with us. She adds flair and spunk to each communication she has with me and it’s also evident in Links. Thank you Avril for all that you do to support parents in their journey of attachment parenting, both as the editor of API Links and as a support group leader in New York. I’m sure that the wisdom you share with parents has helped many of them form strong, healthy attachments with their children.

Volunteer Spotlight – Meet Avril

I’ve been with API for the past seven years, first as co-leader and co-founder of API-NYC and now, in addition to my leadership position, as Editor of API Links. When I was offered the spot of Editor a year ago, I was delighted, yet a bit worried. I have a Theatre Arts background along with a writing background, but had never been in an editorial position. It was a clear challenge for my skills, one that I hope I have met. Links is an important publication because it is the “face” of API. It is a way for people new to the organization to get to know us through our stories and information about attachment parenting and it is our way of reaching out to readers to ask them to help us make a change for the better in this world by supporting instinctual parenting.

Parenting in general is a challenge, but API helps give the support we need to meet those challenges. Giving something back to such an important organization may seem daunting at first, but in the end it is the giver who receives the most from the relationship. The experience I have gained from API is solid gold, and I recommend, whatever your talent or skill, to come and join us–You won’t regret it!

Volunteer Position Highlight – Bookkeeper
API is in need of a reliable bookkeeper that will work to keep and record accurate financial records for API. Hours are flexible and minimal and can be done from your own home.

If you believe in the value of our mission to educate and support all parents in raising secure, joyful, and empathic children in order to strengthen families and create a more compassionate world, please join with us today.

Check out API’s other volunteer positions. Please know that this list is not comprehensive. If you have talents and experience that you feel would further our mission, or are interested in the position listed above, please email Brandy so that we can chat about the possibilities!

Warmly,
Brandy Lance
API Volunteer Liaison

Moving House

Over the last few weeks, the Half Pint Pixie household has been busy moving house and settling into our new home, thankfully we’ve had help from the brisbane removalists. During this time, Littlepixie has taken quite a stretch both physically and developmentally. She has so many words now, only yesterday she ran out into the garden, then promptly ran back to the path exclaiming “grass cold”, yes Irish summers are amazing, cold wet grass is quite normal!

I do, however, have a point to my little tale of moving house, and it is this, I really think that out of all of us Littlepixie found the move the easiest as we also went as far as looking solutions online on how to get rid of fleas so the moving will be comfortable and nice. I think our parenting style had a lot to do with that. By listening to her, watching her reactions and respecting her little self, we could see things from her point of view.

Sometimes that meant one of us taking her off to play elsewhere, other times it was an acrobatic nursing session on the floor surrounded by bubblewrap and newspaper and frequently it was as simple as popping her up into a sling to watch all the action.

She was a little distressed to see all the boxes getting packed, so we made her an area where she could safely climb on the packed boxes, et voila, an instant adventure play centre!

The day of the move, Mr. HPP went ahead with the movers to take out his pool table, actually he found a great Pool Table Removals that did all the work for him, and then  set up our bed in our new bedroom. But before that, the wise thing he did was to apply for a u.s. mail address change, because he knew that the process was lengthy. When myself and LP followed later we showed her our big family bed with the familiar blankets and we all sat on it and played games for a while. Then she was happy to see the rest of her new house.

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After a full day of exploring and moving houses with the house movers, LP slept soundly that night, and why wouldn’t she? New house, but mama and dada were still there beside her at bedtime. Even though so much was different, she knew the important things were still the same.

Since we’ve moved there are days when LP goes through little periods of needing to be held more. I’m sure many people would dismiss this as a clingy phase, but I think she just likes to know that all is still safe in her little world even though the wider world around her looks all different. f you are looking for a cheap man and van company in London to help collect, deliver or move items in and around London then look no further! We have a fleet of man with a van drivers waiting for your call. We have a range of different size vans and a fleet of van drivers to give you the right solution for your needs. We can supply helpers as well as the van and driver and we can load and unload your belongings. We are happy to move single items or complete home / office moves and are thankful to the LA Movers  who helped us alot in moving, we are really grateful we hire them.

So we hold her more, we leave the buggy at home and I take her to the shops on my back. We hang out the laundry while she sits in the ring sling. We walk around the house and back garden while she sits in a hip carry, latched on and drinking her milkies.

She’s only small and she derives so much security from being close to us, I know that while she’s snuggled close to me or Mr. HPP she can observe the world and formulate her plans for exploring it in a few minutes time, but for a few moments she can just snuggle there in the sling, all cosy and safe.

So what I’m trying to say is that while moving house is supposedly one of the most stressful life events ever, it’s a lot easier if you’re a cosleeping, nursing, slinging toddler, even if your new garden has cold wet grass in the middle of summer!

Now would anyone like to call around and unpack some boxes for us?

Progress!

In my last post here, I wrote about my son’s extreme pickiness with many, many foods. It has been a real challenge for my husband and I over these past 4 years but I can now say that there is no greater joy than witnessing when big a payoff happens.

We had that moment last week when my Mother In-Law was visiting us for the week. We decided to do what we always do in the summer on Wednesday nights – go to the farmer’s market, have a picnic and watch a free outdoor concert.

What is my son Leif’s favorite food at the market? Fresh baked bread. We get him a whole wheat sourdough baguette every week and he happily munches on it as we buy our fruits and veggies. Since he hasn’t ever eaten a sandwich, I’ve given up on asking or making suggestions about it.

When we were done shopping, we laid out our picnic blanket, started eating all of our different items we brought with us as well as some of what we purchased there and then we see a little boy next to us with what looked like a cold grilled cheese sandwich in his hand. The boy looked to be about 18 months old and was eating his quarter of a sandwich near Leif. My husband says, “Look at that little boy eating a sandwich, wouldn’t you like to eat a sandwich, too?” Leif by then was eating his all time favorite protein food – organic, uncured turkey bologna, rolled up. To our surprise Leif said, “Sure.”

“What?!” We all looked at each other in amazement and I said, “Ok, I am going to put your turkey bologna inside this chunk of bread and showed him what I did and he took the sandwich from me with two hands and took a big bite. We three cheered and clapped and high five’d him. He was giggling over the big production we were making out of this momentous moment. My Mother In-Law even took a photo of this (which sadly I don’t have yet).

When he was done with that one little mini sandwich, he wanted another. We sat there until he was done eating a second and much bigger sandwich and then we went over to the concert where he and I danced a lot to a great band and I told him several times how proud I was of him for trying the sandwich and how happy Daddy and I were that he likes sandwiches now. So much joy we all felt that night!

I was hoping this wasn’t just a fluke so the next day I offered to make him a sandwich on the bread we had at home and he agreed to it – even with some lettuce on it (but nothing else). Wow. Eating three different items altogether – unheard of. He eats half of a whole sandwich now every day since that night. All week for camp this is what he’s wanted for lunch and eats all of it. I’m still amazed watching him eat a sandwich. I can’t wait until he says “sure” about eating a nut butter and jam sandwich or even wanting to sleep in his own room finally. Now I really know it will be coming and maybe sooner than I think.

This really proves to us that once again, our gentle, AP techniques we’ve been using really pay off well. For a child that says, “I don’t like it” for so many foods even if he’s never tasted it to all of a sudden say “sure” instead is amazing. When they are ready, they embrace it and make it their own with ease.

Written by Melissa from Nature Deva.

Babies in the Workplace

One of the first questions expecting mothers get when sharing their good news (after “Is it a boy or a girl?”) is, in my experience, are you going back to work? It’s a tough question. It’s a loaded question. And now, thanks to Carla Moquin of the Parenting in the Workplace Institute, it’s a question that can be rephrased:

Are you taking baby to work with you?

Out of financial necessity, Carla had to make the unexpected choice to return to the workforce four weeks after the birth of her second daughter. Years later, she runs the Parenting in the Workplace Institute, has written both an ebook titled Babies at Work: Bringing New Life to the Workplace, and just released a how-to guide for parents and companies interested in implementing a babies in the workplace program.

I spoke with Carla last week about the great potential these types of programs have for fostering community and providing parents who choose to return to work with options beyond traditional daycare.
Continue reading “Babies in the Workplace”

Parenting Courage

Becoming a parent makes us part of one of the world’s largest fraternities. Suddenly, we have something in common with most of the adults we ever meet, which can be a wonderful way to establish bonds with a wide range of people.

The potential down side is that since so many people have experience as parents, they often also have advice and opinions for us. Of course, many times more experienced parents may have valuable insights, reassurance, and support to offer. But we are often also faced with suggestions that aren’t in line with our values and beliefs.

It is especially difficult to maintain the courage of our convictions when something we are doing as parents doesn’t appear to be working. Perhaps the early days of nursing have been painful and frustrating, or we are exhausted because our baby is waking up every hour during the night. When someone suggests giving the baby a bottle, or letting him cry for a while to see if he’ll settle down, it can be harder to stick with our personal ideal of exclusive nursing or being responsive to our baby’s cries because the course we’ve laid out for ourselves isn’t going as smoothly as we’d like.

In cases like this, we need to remember that parenting is really about long-term goals. It’s about who our children turn out to be when they’re 30, not about how easy they make our lives today. As attachment parents, we believe that the relationship we have with our children is critical to this objective, and we choose not to use parenting techniques that might damage that relationship — even when it might be more convenient, easier, or more in line with the views of others.

One of the big challenges I’ve been facing in my own parenting is dealing with my 18-month-old son’s hair pulling, biting, shoving, and hitting. He’s been a hair puller for about a year. I’ve intervened every single time. I’ve told him at least a thousand times that hair pulling hurts, and that it’s not OK to hurt people. I’ve tried everything I could think of to change the behavior.

I’m pretty sure my mother-in-law thinks I should spank him, though she has too strong a sense of boundaries about what it’s appropriate to say to her daughter-in-law to actually say so. This idea, and other parenting techniques I wouldn’t normally engage in, are a lot more tempting precisely because what I’m doing now doesn’t appear to be working.

In the end, I have realized that this is a behavior I cannot change. My son can change it — when he acquires enough impulse control. But right now, I know he doesn’t have it. If there’s something he wants to do badly enough, he’ll do it even though he got hurt the last time he tried it, and the time before, and the time before that…

And so, I know that my job right now is to respond to this situation in a way that minimizes his ability to hurt other people, makes clear that the behavior is not acceptable, and teaches him skills he will some day (soon, I hope!) be able to use instead of hurting people. In the mean time, I need to maintain my commitment to positive discipline, irrespective of conflicting advice I may receive from the vast fraternity of parents.