Category: APtly Said

Moving On

Sir Hubby’s business is located two hours away from where we have been living. For the most part, he has been able to work remotely from home and that level of flexibility allowed us both to be full time AP’ers to our baby, T-Bird. But recently, he has taken on additional responsibility at work and his presence was required more and more. To conserve time, energy and gas, he began to sleep at the office a few nights a week. It quickly turned into all week.

The first few weeks were a bit novel for us: texting funny stories and pictures back and forth, looking forward to the weekends, helping the kids make art work to surprise Daddy with upon his return. The novelty quickly gave way to resentment, however, when the weekends turned into battles about who “deserved” to sleep in, who had put in a more stressful week, and whose turn it was to deal with kids who were rightly protesting the abrupt change from an Attachment style of parenting to a new-and not-so-improved Frustrated style. Something had to give, and we were not willing to let it be our family or the close relationship we have with our children any longer.

So, we started using the “M” word.

Moving to a new home has never been one of my favorite things to do even more since I count with montrealmovers moving services. Continue reading “Moving On”

When you are feeling overwhelmed by breastfeeding

My daughter has just turned two. Breastfeeding is still going strong here and we have no plans to stop yet. However, when your child turns two, you expect them to be more independent and breastfeed less. At least that was my expectation.

In January we were away visiting my sister. Believe me, my daughter was feeding much more than her 3 month old cousin! I started to feel overwhelmed but thought this was because we were away from home and she is missing daddy.

Once we returned home, to my surprise nothing changed.

I started to question whether this was normal or not. Was it normal to breastfeed so much at this age or was she just trying to get my attention? Continue reading “When you are feeling overwhelmed by breastfeeding”

His Only Spank

When my son was 18 months old, he developed a yeast infection.  His entire diaper area was exceedingly red and angry, and it was obvious it was causing him pain.  Changing his diaper was excruciating; either my husband or I would firmly him, and the other one would very quickly change the diaper.  The pain was so great for him that he’d try to scurry away, and I can’t say I blame him; it had to have been miserable for him!  We were following the pediatrician’s recommendation of applying yeast infection cream to the area, but this treatment had just started the day before, and the healing had a long way to go. Continue reading “His Only Spank”

Gently Weaning From The Pacifier

Last month, my two-year-old daughter had an MRI. She has an eye condition called strabismus, for now she uses the daily disposable lenses, but in the future she will have to undergo surgery to correct the problem. Prior to surgery, she needed the MRI to rule out any neurological causes behind the eye condition, and because she is only two, the procedure required sedation.

In my bag, along with a change of clothes and her special blanket, I also brought her pacifier. She takes it to sleep with, and it’s an instant soother for her when she is upset, so I figured I should have it in case the procedure was frightening.

She did wonderfully, until it was time to take her back for the sedation part. Nurses and doctors bustled about, and there was a lot of equipment and flashing lights and beeping, and she started to look a little nervous, so I gave her the pacifier.

The nurse caring for her made a comment about it and said she could tell from looking at her that she is a pacifier child. “My son took a pacifier and his teeth looked like hers,” she said.

The comment made me think. Is there something wrong with my child’s teeth? They look fine to me. Should I have weaned her from these pacifiers by now? She only takes it at naptime and bedtime, it’s not like it’s in her mouth all day long. We made that decision some time ago. She talks well too, so I hadn’t seriously considered weaning her from the pacifier until now.

Part of the reason for that is because I very strongly believe that you shouldn’t take away a child’s comfort object just because the experts say “it’s time.” How is it beneficial to abruptly remove a child’s bottle because they have turned one, or take away a school age child’s teddy bear because “only babies sleep with stuffed animals?” In my house, transitions are usually done a little later than recommended, but they are done slowly and gently, so the effects are long lasting.

My daughter went down for her nap today as usual, with her pacifier in her mouth. Still though I’m wondering if it’s time to start thinking about the best way to wean her from her pacifier use, and I could use some advice for the gentlest way to do so.

Did your child use a pacifier? How did you wean them from it and at what age?

Attachment Parenting Is Keeping Us Up at Night: Why We Haven’t Gone the Cry-It-Out Route

Our daughter has never been much inclined toward sleep. A standard stretch usually won’t exceed four hours, and more frequent waking (like every hour) is far from unheard of in our house. As a result, my husband and I have yet to get a solid night’s sleep in the last 18 months.

We have marveled at the discovery that our bodies (and our minds – though arguably to a lesser extent) can continue to function on just a few nonconsecutive hours of rest a night, but that doesn’t make it any less painful. And yet, each night, when she cries, we wake to soothe her back to sleep beside us.

Mainstream American parenting culture tells us that she should be sleeping through the night by now. Continue reading “Attachment Parenting Is Keeping Us Up at Night: Why We Haven’t Gone the Cry-It-Out Route”

Sleep Associations: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

picture-072Sleep associations can be extremely powerful for babies, children, and adults. When a baby first comes into the world, he is usually able to sleep just about anywhere but doesn’t sleep for long stretches. Over time, your baby’s ability to sleep anywhere will change and sleep associations will be created.

The good news is that sleep associations can be extremely powerful. Continue reading “Sleep Associations: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly”

A moment of clarity

I often struggle to explain to people how Attachment Parenting differs from other parenting styles. For me, one of the touchstones is trying to meet my children’s needs, but I realize that all conscientious parents are trying to meet their children’s needs, even though we may differ in our understanding of what those needs are.  Then I think of explaining that I try to listen to the needs my children express themselves, but this becomes complicated since I don’t actually believe that my daughter needs ice cream nearly as often as she thinks she does.

It is often easier to give examples, or to talk about the kinds of techniques attachment parents typically use.  To talk about what I don’t do, like letting babies cry it out or using physical punishment and threats to elicit compliant behavior. Continue reading “A moment of clarity”

Weaning in the Context of AP

My son Cavanaugh is a little over two now and we recently embarked on night weaning. Night weaning then researching weaning for our API meeting last month got me thinking about breastfeeding in the Attachment Parenting  community. So many of the AP mamas I know were planning on child-led weaning and many of them are changing their minds as their kids move further into toddlerhood. But a lot of us have mixed feelings about weaning, whether we decide to partially, gradually, or abruptly wean or to nurse as long as our kids feel like they need it.

So here’s how I’ve been thinking about weaning in relation to the Eight Principles of API

Continue reading “Weaning in the Context of AP”