According to the Chinese zodiac, I was born in the year of the rooster, but I prefer to think of myself as a chicken. I couldn’t help musing recently at how I would measure up in the much talked-about book about Chinese parenting, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua. I have not read the book, and while she writes with style and wit, I have no desire to read it. If you have not heard all the hoopla, I encourage you to read the response from her daughter, who admits that her mother is not quite as ferocious as the book implies.
As a mother raising three daughters in the United States, I have no problem being a chicken. Persons born in a rooster year are characterized as sharp, practical and tenacious. We are also hard-working, eccentric, a bit show-offish, loyal, charming and we really hate any viewpoint that disagrees with our own. Hence, many roosters own our own businesses or pursue careers in art or entertainment or you know, blogging. We like to be noticed, and probably care about our hair just a tad too much. I am totally a chicken.
Like the Tiger Mother, this Chicken Mama does not allow TV (on week nights), we do not subscribe to cable television nor do we own video games. Personally, I am not a fan of play dates, but I do give in on a case-by-case basis. (Mostly to moms who are artsy or eccentric like me.)
But a Chicken Mama has a different code of ethics and expectations, especially when it comes to education. When my daughter brings home anything less than an “A”, I simply assume that she has a slight learning disability or was placed on the wrong side of the classroom or simply failed to properly learn the material because of faulty teaching. (I’m kidding, sort of, but the point is that I feel that the love of learning is more important than a grade.)
As for musical prodigies, I have a much different stance. I spent about 5 minutes researching the Suzuki method when my firstborn was in preschool, and nearly fell off my nest when I realized how much of my own time would be spent teaching the piano or violin. Forget about it. Our piano teacher’s primary qualification is that she has a car and comes to our house. My eight-year-old is musically gifted, that’s for sure, but hates to practice. I set a timer when necessary, and we get about 30 good minutes of practice each night, but not because I force her.
Will she ever play Carnegie Hall? I really don’t care, but if it’s important to her she will make it happen on her own and not by my constant pecking. I will completely support and encourage her, but I won’t be the one who pushes her in the direction of my own dreams.
As a Tiger Mother, Amy Chua once (or more often) called her daughter “garbage” when the girl acted disrespectfully. I’m not into shaming or name-calling to get my children to obey. I do not see the value in this. My children are expected to act respectfully and are often complimented on their good behavior. I have many strategies that make this happen; most importantly my children feel loved, respected and confident. We model respect in our actions, as opposed to the ranting, screaming, hair-pulling tactics given by Ms. Chua.
Western Chickens are very proud of our nests. Our homes are fun, organized and filled with laughter. Chores are required, meals are always taken around the dinner table and homework must be completed the moment the kids get home. When my three little chicks get out of line or have trouble controlling their behavior, I resort to a much different sort of Battle Hymn. We crank up Keith Urban and dance it out. Nothing lifts a mood like a guitar-heavy country lick. Give it a try, it will raise your spirits, or at least your heart rate. (And I’m honestly not a big fan of country music!)
I suppose I could crush them into submission by calling them names; but this German/Irish/Native American Chicken Mama would much rather teach my little birds to fly.
Grace, Peace and a bit of humor.
Sharron
Actually, my wife and I just finished Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (in part because we found the excerpts so hilarious and my wife is a 2nd generation Taiwanese-American and we just had our 3rd generation Taiwanese-American son) and we absolutely loved it. You should probably *read it* (borrow it from the library as we did) and *then* weigh in on it.
I did think about reading it after my Korean friend expressed a desire to read it. She had heard that it was funny. That’s when I stumbled upon Chua’s editorial in the Wall Street Journal entitled Why Chinese Mothers are Superior. I found it offensive and not at all funny. I then read the response from Chua’s oldest daughter, which was insightful and the reason I wrote this. It seemed only fair that the *western* moms should have their tongue-in-cheek response. Glad you enjoyed her book. Just not my cup of tea.