As the date of our big move from the U.S. to Canada approaches and we shuffle from one generous friend’s abode to another, this pregnancy, the little growing one all snug in my tummy, often seems to take a back seat (not in the back of our Volkswagen Golf, but in the back of a very long bus)–which makes me a little sad. Aside from the slowly, and finally, dissipating constant nausea and fatigue, my little tummy buddy hasn’t gotten much air time in any sense of the word over these last 13 weeks.
I can remember the last time I shared my body. It was a little over two years ago. From the day that joyous pink line appeared across the plastic pee stick, little Noah Finn was all that I could think about despite the fact that I was working everyday. I woke up and thought pregnancy, I peed (a lot) and thought pregnancy, I taught and thought pregnancy, I ate (a lot) and thought pregnancy, I slept (very little) and dreamed pregnancy. My growing abdomen was always on my mind.
This time is definitely different. Running after a bouncing, bounding, boisterous toddler while volleying between temporary living situations has certainly captivated the time that I don’t spend eating and sleeping. The fact of the matter is that constant urges to snack and slumber aside, I often forget that I’m pregnant.
What does all of this mean? Is it normal? I am betting so. But it certainly does recall those initial pangs of subtle trepidation I first experienced when pregnancy test number two revealed yet again that solid pink line: sharing the love. How does a mama who has experienced everything about mommying–pregnancy, birth, mothering–with one child not feel guilt about sharing such sacredness with another? It feels almost like cheating on the first.
Melodramatic? Perhaps. But, these are real anxieties, that while slowly fading as the months tick away, remain present nonetheless.
So, how does a mommy share the love–that smothering, doting, gooey love that’s gushed all over the first with the second and subsequent bundles of joy? Will my little Noah feel shortchanged and left out the decision making process–after all, he had no vote here!? Will he harbor feelings of abandonment and isolation, regress and insist on learning the alphabet Z thru A?
Think I’m being melodramatic, again? Perhaps. But these are tangible fears that I sometimes think about. That is, when I remember I’m pregnant anyway.
Your fears are normal. I assure you though that your love will not be split between the two but it will double. It is hard to believe you can love another little one as much as you love the first but the second that baby is laid in your arms you will be filled with all the love that you had for your first.
As far as your 2yo goes. Include him in everything. Let him know it isn’t just your baby but his baby too. I have 7 children and when each new baby came along the children adored that baby and always talked about their baby. Attachment Parenting I believe has also been the key to the easy transition to a new baby in the family.
Congratulations and get ready for a lot of fun.
So perfectly stated and honest. We are just beginning the journey into trying for #2 and even the waiting to see if I am pregnant is less present in my mind than the obsession it was with Simon. I, too, have thought that a second pregnancy would fade to the background while so fully involved in the day to day of my little man. We shall see!
I wrote a very similar entry in my blog when I was about 13weeks pregnant. The guilt of not being consumed by a second pregnancy is so strong it really shocked me. It’s so nice to hear other mom’s have the same experience.
I’m been thinking about having another one, but am constantly plagued by what you said. Will I be cheating my incredible daughter, should I wait until she is school age, will I have enough love to share with both of them, etc.
I promise that when your little one arrives, it will work out.
As a mom of two, I have found that what my children lack for in undivided attention from me, is more than made up for by having a sibling. Just as I am so glad to have a sister myself, my kids are glad to have each other.
I am 36w along with my second child. My kids will be between 23-24 months apart. I’m nervous about how all of this will go, but I feel better because at least now I have experience with a newborn and birth and breastfeeding! Hopefully things will go smoothly for us all 🙂
I’m waiting on ttc #2. But I’ve already thought about that. But not in the same way. I was a novice before, not fully understanding or reveling in the amazing process.(Think scientific mind) Now hindsight is 20/20.(And the heart speaks more than the brain.) I’m worried I won’t have time to enjoy my next with a toddler, as I didn’t fully appreciate his pregnancy until after.