7 Ways to Fill Our Mama Cups

My last API Speaks blog post, Running on Empty, about feeling mama burn out was hard to write. I felt ashamed. I felt like a failure. I felt worried that motherhood was going to turn out like so many other jobs I’ve had: fun and interesting at first, then drudgery. It took me two days to write the post because I kept editing my feelings. If I just cut the words, maybe I could delete the feelings too. I wrote while my toddler son napped in the next room. I kept walking in to look at him, so peaceful while he was sleeping. I kept willing him to sleep longer, give me more time. On the second day, right after I’d clicked the button to submit my post, he woke up sad. He clung to me and cried. Maybe he’d had a bad dream. Maybe he’d picked up on all of my conflicted feelings while he slept. I was sure that if he were old enough to read what I’d written, he would  feel betrayed. Maybe all of that was true, or maybe I was just finding one more way to not give myself a break.

I needed a vacation from my mama job, which wasn’t realistic. Getting a vacation from my state of mind, however, was absolutely possible. Just admitting to myself (and those who read the blog post) how burned out I was feeling helped. It helped me to understand what was contributing to my exhaustion. It helped me acknowledge my feelings and give myself some space to actually feel them. The comments on the post offered me some great suggestions to renew balance. I tried those and some more. And I’m really starting to feel good again, having fun with my son, being more creative about how to spend our time so our life together doesn’t feel like the movie Groundhog Day. Maybe some of what has worked with me will work for you. Continue reading “7 Ways to Fill Our Mama Cups”

Stepping Out

My 14 month old kicks her feet against the table and makes a deafening screech while reaching for her Daddy’s beverage at the restaurant. As he allows her to have a sip of his drink, I look around to see how many fellow diners are tsk tsking our choice to allow our baby to drink what they must think is SODA! I have the overwhelming urge to announce “It’s only unsweetened iced tea…really. She never has soda, I swear.” But that would not be entirely true and besides, now our five year old is loudly promising to eat the rest of her pasta and veggies after she eats all of the french fries…she promises. The floor is covered in the crushed remains of the fire roasted zucchini and rice pilaf dish we ordered for the baby…her grinning mouth is dripping and bubbling with ice tea, not one single piece of food has passed her lips. I eat my (now cold) food with one hand (not my dominant one) while liberally applying even more ketchup to my daughters fries. My husband is fishing ice out of his cup with a fork to entice the baby with since the tea is now gone and the she is gearing up for another screech fest. Did I mention that our teenager ordered nothing but appetizers and is sulking in the corner of the booth because I went ahead and surreptitiously ordered her a salad and had the gall to ask her to please put some green food in her body before loading it with junk? The single thought running through my head is: If they eat this junky stuff, then everyone in the restaurant will assume that they eat like this all of the time…and that I let them do it! Continue reading “Stepping Out”

Take It To The Limit

Struggles are part of parenthood.  We all have particular struggles and internal battles.  Unfortunately, something that happens very often is that we parents don’t like to admit our struggles.  Perhaps this is done for self-preservation, and perhaps this is done to avoid making others uncomfortable.  We like to be self-confident, sure, and positive.  But I personally think it can do us a world of good to admit our parenting struggles.  It lets it be known that struggles are universal, and that to have them does not mean we’re bad parents.  We are all just human. Continue reading “Take It To The Limit”

Running on Empty

I want a vacation, even a long weekend, all by myself with no one else to clothe, no one to come to the bathroom with me or to ask to nurse in the middle of the flower store. Maybe it’s the developmentally appropriate but exhausting conflicts that come with having a 2 1/2 year old. Maybe it’s that the last three years have been hard ones full of lay-offs and other money concerns, health challenges and innumerable other setbacks that add up over time. I’m sure there’s not one cause.

Continue reading “Running on Empty”

Super Mom Retires

When I was a younger mommy and parenting my first two children, I worried a lot about whether I was meeting expectations.  Of course, my first priority was my children and their well-being, but right after that was making sure that I gave the impression of being confident, completely competent, and like I was the type of mom who could do it all.  I adhered to the belief that I could have clean, well-dressed, well-behaved children who were a joy, all while being perfectly coiffed, stylishly dressed and madly successful.  All I had to do was work hard enough, put in enough effort, and always be doing something.  I could have it all.

It makes me tired now just to write that. Continue reading “Super Mom Retires”

Doesn’t Attachment Parenting get in the way of your sex life?

No, not if you’re willing to get creative.

I don’t know how often I’ve heard this question in its various forms.  A few people come straight out and ask, some people wander around the topic, asking if it “gets in the way of your marriage,” and I’ve even run into a few people who insinuated that I was a bad wife and mother because I was putting my child’s needs before my husband’s needs, which in addition to causing my husband pain, was giving my child a bad example.

it can be fun to watch NAUGHTY movies with your woman on jav uncensored or buying Best Sex Toys for Men Online– but you have to go about it the right way, you can follow them too.

Sometimes it all comes down to ways on how you deal with the new situation. You can ask other close friends or relatives on how they manage to sustain a good sex life after marriage and especially birth, we have some times looked for a third person to help us to keep the fire up at cam girls website. I’ve read from vtightensafely.com a very interesting solution that I might consider but I will have to discuss it with my partner first. No matter what you’re into, we’ve got you covered, from mild to wild, sex toys for her, toys for him, gay Sex Toys, fetish, underwear and games we stock one of the largest range at discounted prices. If you are looking for the sex application then apps for sex in nz provide the sex apps.

Normally, I would tell people to mind their own business, but this seems like such a common misconception, that I think someone has to talk about it. First, I have to say that my child is a toddler and doesn’t understand waiting, and my husband is an adult and knows how to put his needs on hold, so putting my child first is absolutely not wrong in my eyes.  But the very, very important second point is that attachment parenting doesn’t mean that you can’t have sex, and actually you can have a lot of excitement sex if you learn to manage your times, you can even spice it up a litte with sex toys or even a sex doll, since there are  top online retailers that sell these silicone sex dolls for all the people that need it, find Kegel balls at Cirilla’s  or thothub online

I remember watching an episode of the Tyra Banks show a little while back where a wife and husband were on because the husband with the ED used his Penomet, wanted sex and the wife wanted to co-sleep with their newborn.  The audience and Tyra sided with the husband and Tyra gave the couple a sidecar sleeper.  What I didn’t understand was why the idea of having sex outside of the family bed was never brought up.

Need some ideas?  Why not have sex in the laundry room or the shower? What’s wrong with the sofa or the arm chair?  Having a family bed just gives you the opportunity to spice up your love life outside the bedroom. Be creative and do something new. You can try out monster shaped toys during sex if you feel adventurous or any other vibrators you can grab on pluglust.com. Fiona Petree, a sex toy expert, preparation is needed when using sex toys. According to her, “before you actually get into any sort of anal play, you need to be ready and prepared for whatever you’ve got planned.”

Why are so many people stuck thinking that you can only make love in a bed?  If that’s the case, what’s wrong with the guest bed, then?

And what about when you’re travelling?  In a hotel room, there’s no place to “get away.” Well, there’s still always the shower. Another solution we use quite often is to walk our child to sleep in his stroller (it fully reclines), park the stroller in the entry or bathroom, then spend time with each other.  Just before we go to bed, we transfer him from the stroller over to the bed.

Have you ever felt that AP has gotten in the way of your sex life or marital intimacy?  Do you have any tips on how to keep cosleeping from interfering with sex?

Christina blogs about life at An American Expat in Deutschland and about parenting at Mamas Worldwide.

Is Your Spouse A Dumb Daddy?

When it comes to keeping our two children happy and on schedule with their routine, my husband and I tend to use a Divide And Conquer philosophy. We each have our strengths as parents and we each have things that frustrate us. When I’m reaching the limits of my patience, my husband is great about stepping in so I can cool off; when my husband tires of sibling rivalry, I step in to give him a break and chance to regroup.

We also split up the household duties. The faster the work gets done, the more time we have to spend together. For example, after dinner, it’s common practice for one of us to get the children ready for bath and bedtime, while the other tackles the dishes, cleans up the kitchen and puts away leftovers. Continue reading “Is Your Spouse A Dumb Daddy?”

Moving On

Sir Hubby’s business is located two hours away from where we have been living. For the most part, he has been able to work remotely from home and that level of flexibility allowed us both to be full time AP’ers to our baby, T-Bird. But recently, he has taken on additional responsibility at work and his presence was required more and more. To conserve time, energy and gas, he began to sleep at the office a few nights a week. It quickly turned into all week.

The first few weeks were a bit novel for us: texting funny stories and pictures back and forth, looking forward to the weekends, helping the kids make art work to surprise Daddy with upon his return. The novelty quickly gave way to resentment, however, when the weekends turned into battles about who “deserved” to sleep in, who had put in a more stressful week, and whose turn it was to deal with kids who were rightly protesting the abrupt change from an Attachment style of parenting to a new-and not-so-improved Frustrated style. Something had to give, and we were not willing to let it be our family or the close relationship we have with our children any longer.

So, we started using the “M” word.

Moving to a new home has never been one of my favorite things to do even more since I count with montrealmovers moving services. Continue reading “Moving On”

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