Prepare for Pregnancy, Birth, & Parenting – Page 25

Trusting Birth

A few days ago I was putting together a letter for the 2010 Trust Birth Conference and it started me on a train of thought that culminated today as I was sitting having the second pedicure of my life at the local beauty school. Let me take you for a little ride.

Most of us know that your bond with your child starts at a very early age, pre-birth actually. They hear you and are able to sense many of your emotions. They can even detect some of your actions. A baby can sense when they are wanted and loved and when they are not.

From the very first moment I wanted my baby and everything to do with baby making to be healthy and holistic. Several people suggested I drink before my wedding night to make things “easier.” My thought was “Why? I want this to be the night that my husband and I become one, where we attach, where we form our life-long bond, why would I want to be anesthetized for something as amazing as this?”
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Modeling AP Values

I spend a lot of time writing and speaking to people about the values I hold as a person who practices attachment/responsive parenting. I try to use facts and logic to respectfully encourage others to research their parenting decisions and embrace ideas that might have been uncomfortable a generation ago, such as full-term breastfeeding and breastfeeding in public, leaving our sons intact, responding to our children with love and respect, and realizing the detrimental effects of physical discipline.

Looking through some recent pictures of my son (Kieran), I realized that we (as parents who share these values) might be doing more just by modeling these concepts to our children. Of course I will continue to extol the value of full-term breastfeeding, and I will defend every mother’s right to nurse in public when, where and how she wants to. But I take immense comfort in the fact that my son might not need to fight these same battles because we are normalizing it for his generation, simply by living.

Here are some examples of how the Eight API Principles are being normalized for my son every day:

Prepare for Pregnancy, Birth, and Parenting

My sister recently had a baby (this picture is of Kieran with my sister only weeks before she gave birth). Throughout her pregnancy, we talked with Kieran about how babies grow in their mama’s tummies. He loved feeling my sister’s stomach, and he often talked about the baby growing in his own belly.

Someday, I hope that he will experience the pregnancy of his own little brother or sister. I look forward to his thoughts on all of the changes that will occur in my body. We will prepare him for his sibling’s homebirth and allow him to participate as fully as is practical and comfortable for everyone.
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Community Baby

Our community is about to welcome another member in to its midst. One of our couples are expecting their first baby any day; at the moment they are a few days past her EDD. I think babies being “late” is a good introduction to being a parent and how a baby is going to turn your life upside down and how your schedule is about to be arranged, permanently. This baby will be welcomed in to the arms of his/her mom and dad and in to the arms of the whole community in the main community house.

The last baby that was born in that house was my niece. I have been wondering how this baby will be different. Honestly, I have never really liked other people’s kids. Well, it’s not that I don’t like them, it is just that I have never really been one of those types who enjoys everyone’s kids and who can always be found holding or playing with other people’s children. My niece is different. She is just a different kind of mine. My attachment to her is very different from the attachment I have with my son, but it is also very different from any other child I have been around; she is also mine.

This baby that is about to arrive is not mine at all, he/she is not my niece/nephew. I have no relation to this child but at the same time I feel invested in her/his life. I have been at all of the prenatal visits, I will be there when the baby is born, I will hold him/her. and I will watch as the baby grow with my child(ren), my nieces, and my nephews. This baby will be different because I will make a commitment to this child, I will choose to be attached and from the moment that child is born throughout its life I will need to be there.
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Dads Can Help Breastfeed Too

Button your shirt back up – that’s not exactly what we had in mind. But, you’re much more valuable to the breastfeeding experience than you think. Dads can certainly contribute to successful breastfeeding if it’s treated as a team effort. Here’s how to help mom and baby get off to a great start.

Speak up, your lady is listening! Does dad have any influence on mom’s decision to give baby breast milk or formula? To find out, researchers assigned one group of expectant fathers to take an infant care and breastfeeding information class, while another group learned about infant care only. Nearly twice as many mothers whose partners learned about breastfeeding decided to give it a try as did mothers whose partners learned about infant care only. It appears dad does have a say in the matter.

Get her started. Once the decision has been made, dads can help moms get the hang of it. Help your sleepy partner remember what the lactation consultant taught. Fetch her earmarked nursing books and tall glasses of ice-water with a bendy straw. Seek information and assistance before problems become overpowering. Your partner’s experience in the early days often determines whether or not she can happily continue. Do all you can to make breastfeeding convenient, troubleshoot problems, and help your partner embrace the many positive aspects of feeding time.
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Gift-Giving from the Heart and Hands, Not the Wallet

This week on The Attached Family online, Attachment Parenting International members can read the debut of the “Professional Parenting” series, a column written by Judy Arnall, Canadian mother of five and author of the widely acclaimed Discipline without Distress – you should see my well-worn copy of the book that gives parents real tried-and-true discipline techniques without resorting to spanking, yelling, or the infamous timeout.

This first column of Judy’s, “Gift-Giving from the Heart and Hands, Not the Wallet,” is so timely as the biggest shopping day of the year arrives the Friday following the American Thanksgiving Day…and another season of holiday gift-giving will soon commence as soon as we’ve all finished our turkey and pumpkin pie. Thing is, well, this recession we’re in…I can tell the economy is better than it was a year ago when announcements of job layoffs and company bankruptcies clogged the television news hours, but you know, it’s not to the point where many of us are willing to spend freely on non-essential living expenses. My family included, certainly.

In her column, Judy gives a long, long list of wonderful ideas for gifts that toddlers, preschoolers, older children, teens, and even parents can make themselves – with more heart than opening up the wallet. Let me tell you of some of my favorites:

For toddlers…plant seeds indoors in clay pots, decorate the clay pots, and the flowers will bloom by spring. What a great idea!
For preschoolers…make a batch of cookie dough and give it with a set of cookie cutters, oven mitts, and a pan. Genius!
For older children and teens…now this list is basically endless but includes a variety of arts and crafts that, with a child’s natural creativity, could turn out just as good as anything you’d find in a store.

Read the whole list: Gift-Giving from the Heart and Hands, Not the Wallet. Access to The Attached Family online – the online extension of API’s quarterly print magazine – is a benefit of membership to API. Find login information on the Table of Contents page of the Summer 2009 “Feeding Our Children” issue of the magazine, or if you’ve joined recently, contact memberships [AT] attachmentparenting [DOT] org for more information. Not yet a member? Take advantage of our current membership special.

What else is being talked about this week’s The Attached Family online articles?

Marian Tompson, co-founder of La Leche League International, discusses breastfeeding and HIV/AIDS in an interview about the AnotherLook nonprofit organization.
Riet van Rooij, author and mother of two in the Netherlands, opens up about her book, Pregnant with Heart and Soul, now translated into English and German.

Birthday Boy

Today is my son’s birthday; he is eight years old and we are going to celebrate at JUMPER’S JUNGLE FAMILY FUN CENTER 9299 W Olive Ave #406, Peoria, AZ 85345 (623) 322-4100, he is my firstborn and deserves the best birthday like this one that we are preparing for him.

This year he asked me I could get him a birthday cake from Birthday Cake Singapore, so I went a ahead and get him a custom cake and a dessert table for the party too!

I have been a parent for eight years. My parenting has evolved during that time.

When I was first pregnant with him, I had visions of a cheery, chubby baby who would enter my life, but wouldn’t alter it significantly. I’d still work, still exercise, still cook elaborate meals, and of course the house would remain clean! I’d still go about my daily business, but accompanied by a baby in a bouncy seat who would nap quite a lot, and giggle and smile the rest of the time.

I have no idea why I had these thoughts. I have a bachelor’s degree in child development; I knew without a doubt that babies are not like this! But yet I remained in my own little pretend world.

In my college years, I had learned the huge benefits of breastfeeding, and knew without a doubt that I would breastfeed my baby. In perusing the internet on breastfeeding information, I came across a term: attachment parenting. Continue reading “Birthday Boy”

The Making of Me

After I had my son I felt lost. I was starting to feel like I had a hang of the whole pregnancy thing. I wasn’t comfortable by any means but, after 9 months and being 2 weeks overdue, I really just thought I would be pregnant forever. At least it was familiar.

Then my son was born. I can’t even describe the wonder and the love and the bond that happens when you first grab up that wet screaming baby that you have just birthed – if you have been there you know what I mean. There is a moment. There is nothing else like it.

And then, the next two nights we spent walking our new little one all night long as he cried, we soothed and he cried, we nursed and he cried, we walked and he cried. I didn’t sleep well again for the next 11 months. He was up 4-6 times a night, every night. I was un-made. Continue reading “The Making of Me”

Natural Birth & Pain Management

ultrasound I never expected to give birth naturally. When my husband and I found out we were expecting our first child’s birth in February 2009, I anticipated being in the hospital, an epidural in my spine.

In January 2009, I wept as we drove to our midwifery practice for a “Home Birth Information Night.” It was my birthday. I would rather have been going out to dinner. I didn’t want to give birth at home, but our finances could not handle the cost of giving birth in a hospital if there were other options. With my hands clenched atop my swollen belly, feeling my daughter stretch within, I stared out of the window for the entire drive, angry at the government of Canada for not processing my residency and hence my free health care faster, angry at my husband for saying we should go to this information session, and most especially angry at the thought of having to deal with the pain of childbirth.

Pain.

It terrified me. Continue reading “Natural Birth & Pain Management”