cosleeping and nap time - Attachment Parenting International Forums

AnnaBanana · #1 09-06-2008, 08:43 PM

I just found this forum and am hoping that some of you may have some insight into the cosleeping and naps. My baby has been cosleeping with us since birth - not intentionally, we actually own 2 cribs - it just sort of happened that way, and we're very happy about it!. However - my daughter doesn't like to sleep without me in the bed with her. She also nurses for a long time - as in 45 mins/ 1 hour, even 2 hours on occasion - she seems like she's asleep, but if I try to remove her from the breast before she's good and ready, she wakes right up again. I'm fine with this at night, but for daytime naps, I would like to be able to leave her alone and get some things done for myself.
Which brings up my cosleeping problem - assuming I can eventually get her to sleep for a little while without nursing at the same time - how is it safe to leave her alone in our bed? We have bed rails, but they don't go all the way round, and besides she can easily climb over them. Even with the baby monitor, she can be up and climbing towards the edge very quickly, too quickly for me to be in another room.
Also, since she is used to going to sleep either in bed nursing with me or occasionally in a sling walking around, its next to impossible to transfer her to a crib where she could sleep on her own safely for a nap.
Anyway, I'm just wondering what other cosleeping parents do about naps? Or in the evenings, when baby is asleep, and you're not ready to go to bed yet?

runrebeccaray · #2 09-06-2008, 09:47 PM

many parents move the matress to the floor until the child can crawl out of the bed. you could also put a small matress on the floor or a fouton and use those for naps. my son wouldn't nap on his own either. In fact, he only started napping on his own for more than 15 minutes around age 2. As hard as it was for me to relax, I had a running tally of stuff i wanted to get done, I finally gave up and used the time to sleep or read while he nursed. Now that i'm pregnant, i happily welcome the naps and use the time to get a little extra sneep and cuddle with DS. Good luck!

naomifrederickmd · #3 09-07-2008, 08:02 AM

We have a futon on the floor next to our low bed and at night and for naps I lay him down in there after I nurse him in another location (our bed computer chair), or just lay with him and nurse him on the futon. I have a monitor very close to where he is sleeping so I can here if he rolls over, gets up, whimpers etc- I hear him and go check. On top of that I have the room generally childproofed so if I don't get up to the room right away for some reason he would be OK.

My son only wants to
A. Be nursed back to sleep or
B. Wake up and go play somewhere else with me or his brother.

My children do not wake up silently and decide to chew on the lamp cord! I guess it is possible but I am hyper aware of his likes and dislikes, tendencies toward behavior, sounds he makes equals this etc.

For helping your little one to learn to sleep more without nipple in the mouth -please check some other threads in this area.
Thanks and welcome to our site!

Mamalexi · #4 09-15-2008, 12:03 PM

i had this situation with my ds when he was younger. this is what i did: i nursed him with sleep with me lying down beside him. when he is sleeping soundly, i quietly unlatch, and roll away.

it took a while, but usually he'll sleep 1 hour or more after i do this. sometimes, he wakes up right away and i have to do this over again, but then he'll have a long stretch without me beside him. other times, he simply refuses to sleep without me.

oh and we also put the mattress down on the floor when ds was little. around 18 months, he learned how to get up and down from a regular bed and now (24 months tomorrow!) we don't even use a bed rail anymore.

let us know how it goes!

BridgetBanana · #5 09-17-2008, 11:42 PM

Wow, we are considering cosleeping our 3 month old and that is the exact question I came on here to ask! Andsimilar screen names, strange! I also wonder, my husband goes to bed long before I do, I don't know that he'd be comfortable with DD in the bed alone. What about starting in the crib and moving her in the bed when I go to sleep. Anyone else do that?

naomifrederickmd · #6 09-18-2008, 07:02 AM

Annabanana,
I know many people are resistant to putting their mattress on the floor from a design perspective or wanting to keep their bedroom looking 'normal'... but its really the best way to deal with this problem.
Another option is laying a single mattress or futon next to your bed. You can sleep with her part of the night and lay down with her at the beginning of nap time, then push it under it when you are not using it for that 'normal' look.

Babygiraffe · #7 10-11-2008, 04:57 PM

Hi new to this site. I had never heard of atachment parenting until I was on the net looking for some info on justifying why I should sleep with my baby. All the mums in my postnatal group think I'm creating a rod for my own back, so would family if they knew, but hubbie very supportive and happy with arrangement. Baby now 6 months, mattress now on floor and still co-sleeping. I do love it but wonder whether I am waking her up in the night. What I am concerned about at times is nursing back to sleep. From the forum it seems okay but recently night waking has been worse. Sometimes baby feeds and at others she just suckles which can make me sore. I always nurse her to sleep after a bath, lying down. I am now able to go downstairs for the evening but baby wakes once or twice early evening. She cries out with eyes closed. Is she asleep? Then I have to nurse her to comfort her. So many questions. I guess what I am looking for is reassurance. Wearing baby in a carrier is becoming cooler over here in the UK, breastfeeding is encouraged by professionals and yet sleeping with your baby is still taboo as is nursing to sleep after a few months as if you are either being a slave to your child or stunting their development. my husband and I know we are doing the right thing deep down but its hard when I as a mum get well meaning advice.

naomifrederickmd · #8 10-11-2008, 05:24 PM

Hi BabyGiraffe!
Welcome to our site.
From a reassuring co-sleeping perspective please check out this-What are the long term effects on my baby of sharing a bed?
and
In fact, although infants can be conditioned to sleep long and hard alone, and without intervention and, hence, fulfill the cultural expectation that the should sleep through the night, the fact remains that they were not designed to do so, and it may not be either in their best biological or psychological interest.

Your nurse back to sleep question is a good one with many different arrangements possible. I choose to gently spot wean for nighttime. Try some of these ideas -NIGHT WEANING: 12 ALTERNATIVES FOR THE ALL-NIGHT NURSER but remember to keep your child's temperament and cues in mind! My first was very easy to night wean, barely a fuss, but my second is more demanding! Now at a year he will -at times- let me just 'spoon' him back to sleep with gentle pats on his chest. He is still requiring a midnight and 3am short nursing!

I am happy to hear how sensitive you are being to your daughter! I am pleased you found us.

Babygiraffe · #9 10-11-2008, 05:38 PM

Your reply made me a bit tearful. I feel so much relief after 6 months to have found a community of like minded parents. There are a few of us around in my area but conversations are always a bit hush hush and self deprecating. Baby has been asleep for 3 hours-should I feel guilty for leaving her alone upstairs? We can't be together 24-7? I will look in to your suggested reading and look forward to sleep with my daughter beside me. At 6 months I know now what my parents meant about time passing.

nemawei · #10 10-30-2008, 09:23 PM

What about when your LO needs to go to bed and you aren't ready? DD is 8 months old and we have been co-sleeping since birth. She always has gone to bed at bedtime in her crib and then when she wakes in the night, she comes into our bed. The problem is just starting now, when she is 8 months old. She is waking earlier and earlier... sometimes an hour after we put her to bed. I (obviously) am not ready to go to bed then, as I work FT and have and infant and there are a ton of things I need to get done ..! She use to sleep until 2 or 3 am. Then she slowly started waking earlier and earlier ... but would allow DH to rock her back to sleep, or me to nurse her back to sleep and put her back in her crib. The past few weeks she is waking so early and will not tolerate anything else besides going to bed with me (in our bed). I've been having to go to bed at 8-9 pm. This does not bode well for the state of our house and laundry and pets and.. the list goes on.

TIA!