Sounds like a very stressful holiday encounter, and aftermath. When you talked with your daughter about the experience, did she tell you her reaction to all of it? It sounds like she's trying out some new behavior she saw, my daughter came home with all sorts of lovely (not really) new behaviors right after she started school, I ended up going into the director and asking her what was going on, because I felt like they had taken my very happy well behaved daughter and sent home a monster. We talked a little about how kids develop social skills. My daughter is a very rule abiding, by the book kind of kid. She's not very outgoing, and doesn't make friends very easily. She was trying on some of these out of bounds behaviors she was seeing other kids at school exhibiting. She was noticing that they were making friends easier than she could, so she was trying out their behaviors at home.

When I realized this was her attempt to gain and learn social skills, and blossom and grow it was a lot easier to accept the out of bound behaviors. When she would hit, kick, yell at us, throw her dinner across the room because she didn't like it (seriously where did that come from???) I would just calmly respond with how we don't do XYZ, but she could do ABC. So when she threw her dinner I would say in our house we don't throw dinner because we don't like it, you may either 1. pick up your dinner and take it to the kitchen, or 2. you may excuse yourself from the table and go put on your pj's.

I wasn't punishing the behavior, but being firm about what the expectations at our house are, and giving her some options for how she could contribute in our home. What would be a social win in our household. This seems to be working very well.

The latest thing she's picked up is if you don't do what I want you to, give me that toy, a piece of candy etc. then I will lock you in your room. She has never been locked in her room, or even given a time out. She's picking it up from school. So we talked about that I just stopped her one day and said Woah! in our house we don't lock people in their room, we can ask for what we want but we have to accept the other person's answer. If you are so angry that you can't keep your hands to yourself then you need to take a break.

Kids learn from one another, and I'm quickly realizing that they pick up behaviors from other kids, and they will try those behaviors on, accepting this as normal and part of the growing process I think helps us stay calm when responding.

very tired/any advice

What I am hearing from you is that you are not only distressed by the behaviors that your daughter learned and brought home from your holidays, but that you were already feeling a bit stretched and the holiday added to that feeling. Is there anyone that you can trust well enough to lean on for a mommy break of some sort? A few hours off to just BE and collect yourself? Short of that, you could rent a few attachment friendly kiddie movies or read a few books and relax with your daughter a few afternoons in a row. It might help your frame of mind to look in to the Four Agreements. 1. Be impeccable with your word - esp for your case, this means you must be honest about your needs with your partner. 2. Don't take anything personally - especially your daughter's acting out. 3. Don't Assume - this covers many things! and 4. Always do your best!

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Remember to respond to your own faults and failings with compassion!