Hi there

I am a firm believer that potty training is something they are either ready for or not. And if they are not ready then there is no point at all in even trying to train, whether they want to or not! Also - traning at night is a totally different thing from training during the day, and there is no reason at all that both should come at the same time. It sounds to me like she really wants to be like her friend and wear undies, but really isn't ready to fully train.

If it were me, I think I would insist on pullups when going out, and for night time and naps, at least for a while. She's quite able to understand that its inconvenient and embarrasing for both of you to have accidents at these times, and that she can try again with the undies when she has shown you that she can keep the pull up dry [x] number of times. If she wants to wear undies during the day at home then fine - keep going with the encouragement and the reminders and maybe she'll get it soon. But getting up to change wet beds in the night when you're pregnant is not OK!!

By way of background - I have 2 boys. The first was "trained" at 22 months. He just got up one day and refused to wear a nappy. We had been sitting him on a potty occaisionally since he was tiny though (EC very lite!) - so he already knew what the potty was for and what it felt like to use it. However he has always been very unreliable, and even now at age 6 still wets regularly at night time (he is a VERY heavy sleeper) and still often has damp underwear during the day. We had a pretty long period of using pull-ups for trips (especially long ones in the car) and sleeping. And it was a really long time before he was able to actually tell us when he wanted to go. We would just have to make sure we took him at regular intervals - before we left home - immediately on getting out of a car - after eating - every time we passed a convenient place when out.... Setting him up for success!

His brother on the other hand was slightly later training (about 2.5 I think) but was virtually instantly completely reliable both day and night. He has the world's largest bladder and can apparently hold it indefinitely!

I think I'm trying to say that its OK to set some boundaries around this - and to set her up for success rather than expecting her to "get it" by herself - avoiding the accidents rather than dealing with them. I've heard of people setting timers for regular intervals at home, and when the timer beeps its time to go potty. Start with 15 mins, then work up to longer periods. As much as she wants to wear undies, its no fun for her either to have constant accidents, and even if you never get upset with her about it or show any disappointment (which makes you a better mom than me!) she will have an expectation of herself and will not like getting those lovely pink undies wet. SHe may actually be relieved in some way to have this decision taken away - at least in part. And she could still wear the pink undies on top of a pull-up...

Thank you, I think I needed to hear that I wouldn't undo everything by putting pull-ups on at night and naps and to go out. We are 100% successful at home today, so I am feeling good and sane again, I am getting enough warning that I don't have to run like a crazy woman at every grunt, or thing that sounds like hurry. She still tells me when she has her pull-ups on too and I think I am going to go get some cloth training pants for night, naps, and going out, instead of pull-ups for cost efficiency and so she can feel the wet. As she stays dry or tells me efficiently in those situations we can get rid of them. Feeling like I have accomplished a lot in the span of a weekend.

Yeay - well done to both of you!

For cloth training pants, it depends on the level of the accident iykwim. The training pants, that look more or less like underwear, really don't hold a full wee at all. Handy if you're just not quite getting there in time perhaps. But when we had accidents they were of the full wee kind (especially at night/naps), for which training pants were worse than useless... So for this you need something a bit more heavy duty. The best we found were Happy Heinys (sp?). They were the only "one-piece" I found that pulled up and down like underwear and could be stuffed to adjust absorbancy as required. Not cheap though, so probably only cost effective if you are expecting to need them for some time. Check freecycle and second hand sites though for a bargain! It is a few years since I used them though so there could be loads more on the market now :-) Oh - I do miss shopping for cloth nappies!!